now what do i do?

[monica]

well he called this morning, said he wants to see me, he wants to talk to me, he loves me and he misses me. today would of been the forth day. we have been talkig via voice mail but nothing's been resolved, until now, he says he wants to work it out.

 

i told him, no, that he hurt me too much already and that i don't know who he's been with, what he has been doing, or who he's been talking to, or if he's been unfaithful to me.

 

he said, that i am so selfish, that after four days i should of learned something, that everything is always about me, me, me! i told him, when your suffering how can you think about anything else.

 

i told him he don't seem to of been suffering or hurting, he has been going out doing his drinking thing and karaoke thing, how can i even begin to think that he has been hurting? i've heard very little regret or remorse in his voice all the time's i talked to him.

 

am i being selfish? i know the reason we have problems is my jealousy and mostly i have a very major control problem. i think alot of our problems are cause of my hangups and my problems, i.e. jealousy, control, lack of trust.

 

i think if i never had these problems we would of been great together. i am thinking of trying the counseling thing with him, since he is willing to try now and before he wasn't. i'm still unsure though, i don't know what to do! any advise, again!?

[Tony T]

Your post has stood alone, unanswered for about five hours, with many being responded to that came long after. I think that's because you assume in writing your post that everyone knows the background and details of your situation and that's not correct. Many people just pop in here on infrequently. So when you post, always give a brief capsule background of your situation so everyone can understand enough to help.

 

I praise you for making you current post brief. Those get a lot more attention than the very long ones.

 

Yes, if the two of you can get into counselling. that would be great. However, counselling is not magic. If two people do not have the mutual and burning desire for a relationship to work over the long haul, all the counselling and gold in Fort Knox will be to no avail.

 

Make sure before you get back into this nightmare that you both have this absolute committment to learning the behaviors, strategies and tools to get along. Some of the things the two of you have argued about have been pretty lame.

 

You both have got to make some major changes. Are you willing to do that???