Guys: Can you detect when a woman is sexually frustrated? If so, is it unattractive?

[Feelsgoodman]

Compatibility is harder and harder to find these days. Especially with so many guys deciding they don't want serious relationships, they just want casual sex. So when a girl finally does find a guy she really likes, he doesn't want the kind of relationship that she wants. There's nothing more disappointing than that.

You can thank feminism and the womyn's movement for that. When you put in so much effort into destroying traditional gender roles, don't be surprised that guys don't want to play hubby anymore. You ladies will just have to adjust to this new reality where long-term relationships are the exception rather than the norm. You reap what you sow.

[mesmerized]

The OP...er, I mean the OP's friend has standards that are completely unrealistic compared to what she herself has to offer. That's the only reasonable explanation for her prolonged involuntary abstinence.

 

If an average, nothing special guy said that he would settle for nothing less than a supermodel, people would laugh and say that he needs to be realistic. But if an average, nothing special girl demands Prince Charming, it's called "having standards". Funny how it works.

 

This is certainly not the only explanation. As another poster said, most (young) men are only after casual sex and not relationships. If as a woman you are opposed to casual sex you will have much less opportunities to get sex or should lower your standards to be with a guy who has no option for casual sex and thus wants a relationship.

[snug.bunny]

You reap what you sow.

 

You're right. Women should have never been allowed to vote.

 

Not......

[FrustratedStandards]

The problem I can see is that some of the dudes who could possibly be compatible, don't really put the work into their character, they could be the best version of themselves but they turn into a shadow of that. That's something I personally believe. This applies to the dudes who get some and the dudes who don't.

 

I think casual sex is hard to pass up but maybe don't know what their missing with regards to more passionate enounters? Possibly....

 

That's the thing. It's a lot easier for a guy to have casual sex than it is for a woman (at least for some).

 

The OP...er, I mean the OP's friend has standards that are completely unrealistic compared to what she herself has to offer. That's the only reasonable explanation for her prolonged involuntary abstinence.

 

If an average, nothing special guy said that he would settle for nothing less than a supermodel, people would laugh and say that he needs to be realistic. But if an average, nothing special girl demands Prince Charming, it's called "having standards". Funny how it works.

 

It's funny how you think this is about me lol but it isn't. If you know me at all, you could easily assume my friends are a lot like myself as well.

 

And like mentioned by some very smart ladies on here, it's not just sexual attractiveness or Prince Charming. He has to have other qualities other than just looks to get her into bed. Like I said, she doesn't do one night stands, so obviously she needs more than looks otherwise she would have had sex by now.

 

Yea and there is a difference between sexually frustrated and not wanting to engage in casual sex. If I left it up to finding a relationship to have sex - I Woild never get laid.

 

That would explain why I can count all my sexual partners on one hand. I genuinely think it's much different for guys than gals. Although most women want no strings attached sex, when it comes down to it, it's very difficult to just open your legs for a stranger (well for some women anyway).

[ThaWholigan]

That's the thing. It's a lot easier for a guy to have casual sex than it is for a woman (at least for some).

 

Well that's a highly subjective argument really.....

 

Unless you meant that it's easier for men to handle having casual sex, it's a hell of a lot easier for a woman to have casual sex - if she wants it of course. Her only problem would be finding someone she actually is attracted to enough to have casual sex with. A man probably won't really care about such things. If he is anything around average he's likely to bang the first woman who offers, in many cases obesity is not a factor they will still bang. Such is the scarcity of offers in the casual sex department for a significant number of guys. Unless they are good with women of course, or at the very least good looking.

 

Me personally, and other dudes I know, are a little bit more discriminating. In fact, I'd prefer that any "casual" sex I do have would be a more passionate encounter than a mechanical one. I guess it's pretty good that most girls feel the same, which is a plus.

[Feelsgoodman]

This is certainly not the only explanation. As another poster said, most (young) men are only after casual sex and not relationships.

Did you ever stop to consider why that is the case? Why were young men living 100 years ago, almost without exception, interested in long-term relationships while young men today avoid them like fire? It's because feminists built a society where there is no benefit to being in a long-term relationship, while the downsides (epically in the case of marriage) are potentially massive.

 

Long-term relationships have been the backbone of human societies for thousands of years. Yet, just a few decades after feminism became mainstream, such relationships are well on their way to extinction, being replaced with ambiguous modes of interaction, such as FWB and multidating. You don't seriously think it's just a coincidence, do you?

[Anela]

In response to Cypress:

 

I wont have sex with any attractive woman. My number is lowish average for a guy my age too.

 

But for a gal to go 2 years without getting any or even having a boyfriend to fool around with? It just makes me wonder is all

 

* Shyness

* Wanting to sort one's self out if she has any issues

* Getting over a heartbreak, which would count as one of the above

* Meeting men that she's strongly attracted to, that end up flaking on her because of the above attitude (mentioned by kaylan), which then helps to perpetuate the cycle.

Edited April 28, 2012 by Anela

[Feelsgoodman]

And like mentioned by some very smart ladies on here, it's not just sexual attractiveness or Prince Charming. He has to have other qualities other than just looks to get her into bed.

Qualities such as spending a lot of money on you, as I recall from your other thread?

 

Think of dating as a free market, barter-based economy. You have a product (YOU) and you want to exchange it for another product (BF). If no one's making an offer, it means the product is sh*t. If people are making offers and you are rejecting them all, it means that you are overestimating the product's market value.

[mesmerized]

Did you ever stop to consider why that is the case? Why were young men living 100 years ago, almost without exception, interested in long-term relationships while young men today avoid them like fire? It's because feminists built a society where there is no benefit to being in a long-term relationship, while the downsides (epically in the case of marriage) are potentially massive.

 

Long-term relationships have been the backbone of human societies for thousands of years. Yet, just a few decades after feminism became mainstream, such relationships are well on their way to extinction, being replaced with ambiguous modes of interaction, such as FWB and multidating. You don't seriously think it's just a coincidence, do you?

 

hahaha, so you were around 100 years ago?? How do you know so for sure?

 

Men have always been the same way...it's not that now they are less interested in relationships, it's just that now they have more options to get sex, plain and simple and that our society glorifies casual sex.

[Feelsgoodman]

hahaha, so you were around 100 years ago?? How do you know so for sure?

What kind of logic is that? Are you going to say there's no way to know for sure that WWII took place because we weren't around back then? I guess you don't have much faith in recorded history, do you?

 

100 years ago, people were getting married straight out of high school. The average age of newlyweds was 18-19 years old. There are statistics that prove this. If men living 100 years ago were not interested in relationships and family, you wouldn't even be around today.

[mesmerized]

What kind of logic is that? Are you going to say there's no way to know for sure that WWII took place because we weren't around back then? I guess you don't have much faith in recorded history, do you?

 

100 years ago, people were getting married straight out of high school. The average age of newlyweds was 18-19 years old. There are statistics that prove this. If men living 100 years ago were not interested in relationships and family, you wouldn't even be around today.

 

Again, that does NOT mean that men were so interested in relationships, but rather it was culture and the only way for them to get sex. A lot of us work 9 to 5 jobs that we hate, does it mean we're so interested in these jobs if we do them? Absolutely not.

[white]

Her problem has nothing to do with men detecting sexual frustration. Not only is that not possible but it wouldn't matter a damn anyway. "Oh no this woman is intensely unattractive to me because she hasn't been laid for a while". Right.

 

Her problem is more closely related to why she apparently hasn't had a man around for 2 years while desiring one and chooses to complain about that to friends. She's obviously not shy. Considering her attitude toward men "not being good enough" I'd suggest she has a problem with her standards and expectations. You need to compare notes with her and find out exactly why no men are good enough for her where they are for you and your other friends. Who knows, maybe she'll have non-stop horror stories about how literally every man she's met has been a turd and she's been hugely unlucky, but I suspect in fact she'll just have some stupid ideas about men. Has she even been on a bona fide date in this time? I mean what, did he fail to hold her seat out for her and she just wrote him off in her head and sent him home? There's nothing wrong with a 2 year dry spell, but to blame it on all the men for being lousy is a major dick move.

[FrustratedStandards]

Qualities such as spending a lot of money on you, as I recall from your other thread?

 

Think of dating as a free market, barter-based economy. You have a product (YOU) and you want to exchange it for another product (BF). If no one's making an offer, it means the product is sh*t. If people are making offers and you are rejecting them all, it means that you are overestimating the product's market value.

 

You're right, i'm expecting too much. After all, apparently paying for a date, holding a door and going to the gym (on top of not being a psycho) is just far too much to ask for.

 

*sigh*

[Bob_Funk]

hahaha, so you were around 100 years ago?? How do you know so for sure?

 

Men have always been the same way...it's not that now they are less interested in relationships, it's just that now they have more options to get sex, plain and simple and that our society glorifies casual sex.

 

Any guy who's not in the top 20% has NO sexual options nowadays. At least 100 years ago he could've paid for pussy.

[mesmerized]

Any guy who's not in the top 20% has NO sexual options nowadays. At least 100 years ago he could've paid for pussy.

 

pfff, I've known pretty average looking guys that have had more sex than a hot girl could ever have. I'm not sure how but apparently it's not that hard for men to get sex or I wouldn't have heard all these stories lol

[FrustratedStandards]

That's true. I think that's why men don't bother doing all the things I expect from a man (pay for dates, be a gentleman, be old fashioned). Why do all these things when the sex is free anyway? You can wrap a girl around your finger and you can keep being an assh*le.

 

That's probably why when they have to put a little bit of effort, they're so used to being lazy about girls that they don't bother. We become "hard to get".

 

Pfft.

[Bob_Funk]

pfff, I've known pretty average looking guys that have had more sex than a hot girl could ever have. I'm not sure how but apparently it's not that hard for men to get sex or I wouldn't have heard all these stories lol

 

I suspect these stories were mostly fabricated. Even if they were true, it doesn't take away from what I said. A guy can be among the chosen few without being great looking, as long as he has some hidden advantage like a ton of social status (e.g. high school quarterback, lead singer) or money.

 

But make no mistake, these guys are incredibly rare. For every alpha enjoying the spoils of the sexual revolution there's 10 guys who are sexually starved. You just don't see them, because they're invisible to you, as they are to all women.

Edited April 28, 2012 by Bob_Funk

[mesmerized]

I suspect these stories were mostly fabricated. Even if they were true, it doesn't take away from what I said. A guy can be among the chosen few who has a lot of sex without being great looking, as long as he has some hidden advantage like social status (e.g. high school quarterback, in a band) or money. But make no mistake, these guys are incredibly rare. For every alpha enjoying the spoils of the sexual revolution there's 10 guys who are sexually starved. You just don't see them, because they're invisible to you, as they are to all women.

 

I don't know about that. Most men that are not shy seem to be able to get girls easily enough. It actually shocks me too, considering what I've been reading on this forum! The only guy I know who complains, complains because he is shy and even he has had close to 10 sexual partners.

 

I'm serious when I say this that I know more sexually starved women than men, shocking I know lol

[kaylan]

That's true. I think that's why men don't bother doing all the things I expect from a man (pay for dates, be a gentleman, be old fashioned). Why do all these things when the sex is free anyway? You can wrap a girl around your finger and you can keep being an assh*le.

 

That's probably why when they have to put a little bit of effort, they're so used to being lazy about girls that they don't bother. We become "hard to get".

 

Pfft.

Actually, guys nowadays are used to women who meet them half way. Women who like a modern way of dating. A woman who can pay her own way and knows a guy can be a gentleman without his wallet or kissing her behind.

 

Sex should always be free. It should never be something thats seen as something you get in a sort of transaction. No give and take, but something me and a girl both do together.

 

Based on your past threads you are the type of woman with the mentality that you give men sex or let them have it with you. What guys wants to put in effort for that sort of thinking?

 

Dudes only want to put in effort with women who are worth it. Maybe the key here is some of you ladies need to figure out how to make yourselves seem worth it to guys...ya know?

Edited April 28, 2012 by kaylan

[mesmerized]

 

Dudes only want to put in effort with women who are worth it. Maybe the key hear is some of you ladies need to figure out how to make yourselves seem worth it to guys...ya know?

 

:rolleyes:

 

The majority (if not all) woman you meet will tell you that a high number of guys they meet are only after sex. So none of these women are "worth it"?

 

Stupid statement is stupid. Women are not responsible for what a guy has decided in his head to look for/care about.

[FrustratedStandards]

Actually, guys nowadays are used to women who meet them half way. Women who like a modern way of dating. A woman who can pay her own way and knows a guy can be a gentleman without his wallet or kissing her behind.

 

Sex should always be free. It should never be something thats seen as something you get in a sort of transaction. No give and take, but something me and a girl both do together.

 

Based on your past threads you are the type of woman with the mentality that you give men sex or let them have it with you. What guys wants to put in effort for that sort of thinking?

 

Dudes only want to put in effort with women who are worth it. Maybe the key hear is some of you ladies need to figure out how to make yourselves seem worth it to guys...ya know?

 

Bolded 1: Exactly, and this is the problem (for me).

 

Bolded 2: There's an alternative way to thinking about sex? It's always give and take. What's your point?

 

Bolded 3: Seriously? It's not a woman's job to go around proving to every guy she is "worth it". He has to find out on his own if she is worth it (by approaching her, seeing her reaction, taking her out on a date to get to know her a bit better if he is interested). If he doesn't do this, then he will never know and that's his problem.

[kaylan]

Bolded 1: Exactly, and this is the problem (for me).

 

Bolded 2: There's an alternative way to thinking about sex? It's always give and take. What's your point?

 

Bolded 3: Seriously? It's not a woman's job to go around proving to every guy she is "worth it". He has to find out on his own if she is worth it (by approaching her, seeing her reaction, taking her out on a date to get to know her a bit better if he is interested). If he doesn't do this, then he will never know and that's his problem.

1. All I can tell you is that maybe you should get with the times if you want more success in dating.

 

2. Whats my point? My point is that sex isnt always about give and take and many people seek a partner who treats sex as something to be shared. Most men are turned off by a give and take attitude and you put yourself behind a lot of women if you have the give and take attitude.

 

3. Yes seriously. Its a man and womans job to put their best foot forward and show potential partners their worth. If you do things that turn people off and cant show your worth dating then you lose out. Simple. Both sides need to do what they need to do to secure a mate. Its not just the guys job to approach and gauge reactions. Women need to do their share to.

 

Trust me, many guys nowadays arent caring if they miss out on women who expect men to take them out especially if she cant show her worth. Theres plenty of women who wanna meet us halfway...women who will show their worth just like we we show ours. Its not just up to the guy to win the girl over....shes gota win us over too.

[kaylan]

:rolleyes:

 

The majority (if not all) woman you meet will tell you that a high number of guys they meet are only after sex. So none of these women are "worth it"?

 

Stupid statement is stupid. Women are not responsible for what a guy has decided in his head to look for/care about.

Plenty of women arent worth it for a variety of reasons. Some guys arent worth dating and these guys may know it. Compatibility for an LTR is pretty rare and that could make plenty of women not worth it to a guy. Also, a guy like me will rightfully admit Im not worth dating long term at the moment because im not in the right place in my life yet. It is what it is...I do know the rig.ht girl can flip me around and wed both have to show each other were worth it. No biggie.

 

So basically...in regards to your post...whiny post is whiny

 

And yes, plenty of people are responsible for what potential partners are looking for at times. If a girl presents herself the wrong way to me and cant make me thin shes worth my investment, then she relegates herself to the hookup or friend zone. Theres a slew of things a man or woman can do that would sway what someone is looking for in them.

[mesmerized]

Plenty of women arent worth it for a variety of reasons. Some guys arent worth dating and these guys may know it. Compatibility for an LTR is pretty rare and that could make plenty of women not worth it to a guy. Also, a guy like me will rightfully admit Im not worth dating long term at the moment because im not in the right place in my life yet. It is what it is...I do know the rig.ht girl can flip me around and wed both have to show each other were worth it. No biggie.

 

So basically...in regards to your post...whiny post is whiny

 

And yes, plenty of people are responsible for what potential partners are looking for at times. If a girl presents herself the wrong way to me and cant make me thin shes worth my investment, then she relegates herself to the hookup or friend zone. Theres a slew of things a man or woman can do that would sway what someone is looking for in them.

 

So, plenty of women and some guys?? You gotta be kidding me! You're pretty insulting and frankly, you don't have a clue what you are talking about. But being the kaylan you are, you need to act like you know everything.

 

A lot of men just have this idea that they just want to have fun, they pass over woman after woman, some of whom are great woman and they would even admit it. Their goal is NOT relationship, as simple as that. Women are not responsible for this. Women have and will continue to meet guys like this all the time. It's not always "compatibility". Compatibility comes into play when the guy even tries to get to know a girl. A lot of North American mens approach is more like : nice shoes, wanna ****?

 

Now go ahead and come up with some twisted logic to negate me just so your internet ego doesn't get hurt.

[kaylan]

So, plenty of women and some guys??

You are reading way to much into a couple of words. My last post applies to men and women across the board. Quit being so defensive.

 

You gotta be kidding me! You're pretty insulting and frankly, you don't have a clue what you are talking about. But being the kaylan you are, you need to act like you know everything.

To quote a iconic movie character; Frankly my dear, I dont give a damn. If you find my post insulting, then tough cookies. You only tell me I dont have a clue because you disagree with what I said. But what I said is not far off the mark. A lot of men and women arent worth dating...and who is and isnt worth dating varies from person to person.

 

A lot of men just have this idea that they just want to have fun, they pass over woman after woman, some of whom are great woman and they would even admit it. Their goal is NOT relationship, as simple as that. Women are not responsible for this. Women have and will continue to meet guys like this all the time. It's not always "compatibility". Compatibility comes into play when the guy even tries to get to know a girl. A lot of North American mens approach is more like : nice shoes, wanna ****?

Cry sum moar? And women dont go out trying to have fun, while passing over guy after guy? My whole point was that instead of asking "whats wrong with the guys" OPs friend encounters, maybe theres something up with her friend that could be making the right guys avoid her.

 

Did you not read my last two posts clearly? I clearly stated that sometimes its on the guy and where he is in life that makes him not worth dating. Or did you skip over that part because you wanted to whine about the parts of my post you disagree with? Either way, this doesnt mean the person having trouble dating is not at any fault for their trouble.

 

And you missed my other point entirely. Some guys just dont want a relationship with the wrong woman, so even if they are in "having fun mode" they will settle down with the right girl...the right woman who shows shes worth it. And sometimes men and women screw up their status as a potential partner by doing something that makes someone deem them as not worth it. Thats a reality sister.

 

If a woman or man presented themselves as positive and attractive at most times, theyd easily find someone who sees them as worth it. If someone is having trouble dating, its stupid to make blanket assumptions about all North American men or women sucking. Really? Millions of men suck? but this one girl has nothing wrong with her that may be making some men write her off?

Now go ahead and come up with some twisted logic to negate me just so your internet ego doesn't get hurt.

Oh give me a break chick. You mad? You must be. You cant handle the truth that some people need to stop blaming others for their circumstances. People who have trouble dating need to reflect on themselves and do what they need to do to find a suitable mate instead of painting all men or women as sucky people.

 

Youre the one with the internet ego it seems. Because you got so butt-hurt by a few things I said that you missed the main and largest point. Oh wells.

Edited April 28, 2012 by kaylan