Guys: Can you detect when a woman is sexually frustrated? If so, is it unattractive?

[kaylan]

Well, here's a quick example. I was hit on about two days ago at a coffee shop. The guy was what most would call "a catch." He was a professional, nice-looking, fit, good conversationalist, educated, etc. I sat and talked to him for a good twenty minutes, which is how I got a sense of him. Yet I wasn't attracted to him. People don't just like opposite sex people because they have all this "good on paper" stuff going for them. At least I don't.

When did I say attraction and dating was just about being good on paper? All I said is a chick going through a super long drought raises eyebrows. Theres no many people out there in the world....Ive met a ton of people myself...life experience has taught me that those who complain about the dating people without reflecting on themselves, usually are overlooking part of the problem.

 

As I said before...theres something wrong with this large group of different people, but nothing wrong with the person looking for a mate? Really?

 

I might be out in public places a reasonable amount for a period of two years and, let's say, I get hit on by a man every month or so, and he's often a pretty good catch (just like the guy I described above), yet the guy somehow just doesn't do it for me, as that guy didn't. I would still be single at the end of two years with no involvements, yet it wasn't because good men were avoiding me.

How would you know guys were not avoiding you? I write off women I meet all the the time and they wouldnt know it.

 

In those two years you could also be proactive and go find the man you want instead of waiting for him to find you himself. We control our own destiny.

To boot, I've already had two or three other interests this year from men who were educated, professional, physically fit, and nice. Looks (faces) were okay / mildly cute / nothing hot but far from ugly in both cases. Assuming you don't think looks is what makes a person "a good suitor," but rather other characteristics as an amalgamation, like good steady job, education, niceness, social skills, hobbies/interests, etc, these guys had them and at least average looks as well. Good men aren't avoiding me, but I still might be single for two years 'cause I'm not feeling these individuals.

 

I think this applies to other women and men as well.

Again, take life into your own hands and go out and find someone. I start wondering about the singular dater if they have years long drought, not the large group of potentials.

Also, people do withdraw. I might be withdrawing now. I was driving home from work earlier and thinking, "I think I might just let myself be completely alone for two years and then re-emerge in 2014" (no kidding).

 

I was also thinking about how I've had sex and/or a boyfriend every year for the past ten years (from 2001 to 2011). There's nothing dreadfully un-wantable about me, if the past ten years is any indication. I can get a guy. I just might want to withdraw anyway, and someone who thinks men were avoiding me because I withdrew for two years would be wrong.

Your a woman, youll always be able to find someone who wants to date or screw you. Thats the reality, since men generally do the chasing. Because of this its much easier for a guy to have self induced droughts to enjoy his time alone without being bothered.

 

Im just saying some of you need to stop labeling the dating population as flawed without doing some reflection. Im supposed to think somethings wrong with all of those people and nothing with the singular dater. Also, people write off and avoid other people all the time. So dont be so sure a potential man of your dreams hasnt written you off for whatever reason. Im sure its happened to me as well.

Edited April 28, 2012 by kaylan

[Jane2011]

When did I say attraction and dating was just about being good on paper? All I said is a chick going through a super long drought raises eyebrows. Theres no many people out there in the world....Ive met a ton of people myself...life experience has taught me that those who complain about the dating people without reflecting on themselves, usually are overlooking part of the problem.

 

As I said before...theres something wrong with this large group of different people, but nothing wrong with the person looking for a mate? Really?

 

How would you know guys were not avoiding you? I write off women I meet all the the time and they wouldnt know it.

 

In those two years you could also be proactive and go find the man you want instead of waiting for him to find you himself. We control our own destiny.

 

Again, take life into your own hands and go out and find someone. I start wondering about the singular dater if they have years long drought, not the large group of potentials.

 

I don't even know why you're getting into the whole "be proactive" thing. I'm not arguing against being proactive at all. I think that's a good thing for people to be. I'm just saying the assumption that someone who's been on their own for a while (2 years or so, whether they were proactive or passive in that time doesn't matter) is a "red flag"....is a little off.

 

And I didn't say that you SAID anything about attraction being all about "good on paper." I'm just pointing out that it isn't. That a woman can get plenty of good suitors but not "feel it" for any of them because attraction is about more than a checklist, and that she could be alone despite getting some pretty good suitors.

 

About good men avoiding a person. Sure, you never know who's avoiding you. For any guy or girl not avoiding you, there may be one who is. But what you said was "I wonder why men are avoiding her," and my point was...they aren't necessarily. Not all men who are good are going to want her (of course, that's a given) but that doesn't mean no men who are good are going to want her. The way you phrased your statement "I'm wondering why good men are avoiding her" -- suggests the woman who's been single for a while (2 years or so) can't attract any good men at all.

[fortyninethousand322]

When did I say attraction and dating was just about being good on paper? All I said is a chick going through a super long drought raises eyebrows. Theres no many people out there in the world....Ive met a ton of people myself...life experience has taught me that those who complain about the dating people without reflecting on themselves, usually are overlooking part of the problem.

 

Agree with this completely. Although, same goes for men too. Unless someone is busy curing cancer. Or was raised by wolves.

[make me believe]

IReally? My sexual frustration never turned men off, it only made them want to be the guy who ends the dry spell lol. Like a friend of mine said, the best way to get a guy into bed is to tell him "I haven't had sex in 6 months". He will want to get with you asap.

 

Yeah, he'll want to get with you because you come off as desperate and easy... but ew. Who would actually say something like that to get a guy into bed? If that's what it takes, you're better off finding someone who wants to sleep with you because he's attracted to you, not just because he knows you'll do it.

 

To answer the OP, I guess guys can detect sexual frustration if the girl is making it obvious by saying things like above... but in general, no I don't think guys can "just tell" you haven't been laid in x amount of time.

 

And honestly, I agree with kaylan that an allegedly attractive, well-adjusted girl with a good personality who hasn't been able to get a guy in 2 yrs and is constantly bitching about it to her friends would be a red flag. (same if we were talking about a guy like that.)

[Jane2011]

Also, people write off and avoid other people all the time. So dont be so sure a potential man of your dreams hasnt written you off for whatever reason. Im sure its happened to me as well.

 

Acknowledged that earlier, but to add.

 

Yes, I have no doubt that men I have wanted have written me off. What I'm saying is that this does not mean I (or other women, or men when it's their situations) cannot get or are unable to attract good men (or women).

 

Good Man A could write me off. I'm sure he has. Good Man B is interested in me and wants me.

 

Result: I can attract good men.

[mesmerized]

There is a classy way to be sexually suggestive, and there are are ways that make a girl seem "sketchy."

 

If a girl said this to me, I probably wouldn't find it all too exciting. It isn't raunchy at all, but it isn't something I'm willing to "resolve." I would probably just say, "Oh."

 

Saying something like that screams desperation, which just isn't cool.

 

I tend to really enjoy the women that don't need to say anything, but show sexual interest through action. Going from light general touching, to simple kissing, to prolonged kissing, to maybe a few pecs around the ears (nothing gets me going like that)... All when I meet them. Nothing in private. After that, it is more or less "game on."

 

Well, I think it depends how they say it. I've never literally said it before having sex actually but I said other things that made it obvious I'm horny lol. But a few times after having sex I told them that it's been a while for me. The last guy and I were having some intimate time when I said that I hadn't had sex for a month or two before him. He for some reason felt shy, looked at me up and down and said why? You have a sexy body!! Then I felt compelled to explain that it's not because nobody wants to screw me lol

[kaylan]

Acknowledged that earlier, but to add.

 

Yes, I have no doubt that men I have wanted have written me off. What I'm saying is that this does not mean I (or other women, or men when it's their situations) cannot get or are unable to attract good men (or women).

 

Good Man A could write me off. I'm sure he has. Good Man B is interested in me and wants me.

 

Result: I can attract good men.

My point from the beginning is that if someone is so down on the opposite sex, is going without love, or demonizes them for their own dating woes, maybe they should grow up and recognize the fact that they are the common denominator in their failures.

 

Why arent you attracting any of these "right for you" guys and girls that you are looking for? Thats what people need to ask themselves.

lol, I did not miss your point AT ALL and in fact I responded to it. Unlike what you think your point isn't that hard to understand.

Yet you keep crying and missing the boat

I just disagree with your point and even believe agreeing with it is trouble for women. Sure in SOME cases it might be true, but in a lot of cases this does NOT hold true.

Tell me where I said its always true? I simply said its a very real possibility and people need to be self reflective and stop blaming the entire population of daters. Whos the only constant in their failed dating life? THEM. Why blame the various different people they (the singular dater) are the common denominator?

 

And this stupid thinking is the reason a lot of women try to tame a player and make him fall in love because they think oh he will settle for the "right" woman.

Jesus fvking christ woman. You arent a man....I know men, and have plenty of male friends who are real with me. Plenty of us have seen guys settle down with the right chick. It happens all the time. A lot of women have had a guy tell them he wasnt ready to settle down, only to settle down with the next girl he dated.

 

So its not that guys wont fall in love with the right woman (because they will a lot of the time), its just that in many of those situations where a chick tries to tame a player, shes simply ignoring the fact that he never saw her as gf material to begin with. Guys peg a chicks potential as a girlfriend when they meet and get to know her. Generally if shes pegged as just a hookup that rarely changes. These women just sometimes dont realize the truth.

 

A player cannot see the "rightness" in a woman most of the time even if it does exist because settling down and looking for a right woman is not his mindset, period. I've even known men who have told me that, last one was a hot 25 year old about a month ago. We were talking as friends and he told me a lot about his life and his current mindset and how he feels the pressure to have tons of sex with different women and how he passed up on a great girl because of it.

Wow....how do you know what a player sees? Ive known players. One of my good friends was one until one chick made him fall hard and he became disinterested in other women. So a lot of the time players will notice the right woman if she presents herself to him. The thing is, the "right" woman is rare for all men. So, player or not, a lot of guys arent going to date most women they meet seriously. Finding the right person for you, man or woman, is rare.

 

Some guys may pass up a good girl, some wont. But if a guy passes her up, she wasnt really the "right" woman was she? Or hed be with her. Ending up with the right man or woman is about finding the right person for you and also being in the right place in life. Understand this. Women need to stop getting butt-hurt when some guys dont see them as LTR potential. Why cry about it? Would they want the wrong guy for them to waste their times dating them?

Heck I was and still am a bit in that mood. I wanted to be single no matter what and even if a right guy came along, I'm sure I'd find some fault with him to not have to commit.

If you didnt choose that person, nor ended up with them, what was so "right" about them.

 

I dont believe in a singular "the one". Theres soooooo many people out there in the world we can meet, and even though finding a compatible partner can take work at times, theres def a lot of people out there in the world that can provide us with good relationships. So I believe theres a number of "right" partners and "the ones" out there for all of us.

Edited April 28, 2012 by kaylan

[mesmerized]

Honestly kaylan, I'm not gonna argue with you more since I made myself very clear. Yet you give me childish responses as if we live in an ideal world. You are the one who simply doesn't get my point and I've got better things to do, so peace.

[Jane2011]

Im just saying some of you need to stop labeling the dating population as flawed without doing some reflection. Im supposed to think somethings wrong with all of those people and nothing with the singular dater.

 

I see what you're saying there. But you don't need to take someone "withdrawing" so personally. I bet a lot of people withdraw because they are just tired. Not because they blame others or themselves or anybody.

 

No one's asking you or anyone else to blame the population of men and women in the dating world -- or to find them flawed -- and think there's nothing wrong with the singular dater who's withdrawn or just doesn't like anybody (in that two years).

 

Maybe that came up somewhere earlier in the thread that I didn't read. But...whatever.

 

I think you're assuming that any woman who's taken herself out of the game or hasn't liked anyone in two years is somehow a snob or her standards are too high. That may be (from the perspective of people observing her and thinking she needs to just get with one of the guys who likes her and quit being so choosy). But I wouldn't assume she's "blaming" other people.

[kaylan]

Really? My sexual frustration never turned men off, it only made them want to be the guy who ends the dry spell lol. Like a friend of mine said, the best way to get a guy into bed is to tell him "I haven't had sex in 6 months". He will want to get with you asap.

Lucky you...those dudes are desperate for a shag and arent worth much. Why? Because they assume you are desperate yourself.

 

Personally I find sexual frustration a turn off. Ive seen how people behave, male or female, when they are. No thanks. Like Fondue said, theres a right way to go about showing your desire.

Honestly kaylan, I'm not gonna argue with you more since I made myself very clear. Yet you give me childish responses as if we live in an ideal world. You are the one who simply doesn't get my point and I've got better things to do, so peace.

What you said equates to:

 

"Ive made my point and refuse to acknowledge anything youve said as having any good points in them. Instead I choose to dismiss you and make a character attack by calling you childish in an attempt to bolster my views and discredit yours.

 

Lastly I am leaving the debate because I have no proper rebuttal to offer up and am sliding into the realm of ad homniem. Thus a hasty retreat is necessary."

Edited April 28, 2012 by kaylan

[Jane2011]

My point from the beginning is that if someone is so down on the opposite sex, is going without love, or demonizes them for their own dating woes, maybe they should grow up and recognize the fact that they are the common denominator in their failures.

 

Why arent you attracting any of these "right for you" guys and girls that you are looking for? Thats what people need to ask themselves.

 

And my point is...maybe the withdrawers are doing just that. Maybe they are withdrawing and blaming themselves and reflecting on their mistakes. Maybe they are trying to re-group emotionally.

[mesmerized]

Lucky you...those dudes are desperate for a shag and arent worth much. Why? Because they assume you are desperate yourself.

 

Personally I find sexual frustration a turn off. Ive seen how people behave, male or female, when they are. No thanks. Like Fondue said, theres a right way to go about showing your desire.

 

Well, considering how I'm very picky on who I have sex with, I assure you none of those guys were desperate.

 

"Ive made my point and refuse to acknowledge anything youve said as having any good points in them. Instead I choose to dismiss you and make a character attack by calling you childish in an attempt to bolster my views and discredit yours.

 

Lastly I am leaving the debate because I have no proper rebuttal to offer up and am sliding into the realm of ad homniem. Thus a hasty retreat is necessary."

 

No your response is childish as in disney movies happily ever after way. "If one was the right guy, you would be with him" lol Sorry, real life isn't like this, is not 0 and 1. Sometimes you feel like someone is "right" right away. Sometimes it takes actually getting to know someone to realize that whereas beforehand you wouldn't feel it. Now if you give up on knowing her does it mean she is not "right" for you??? No. Sometimes a simple incident or luck makes you realize someone is "right" for you. And sometimes no matter how "right" a guy or a girl is for you, you are at a stage that you don't want to settle down and prefer to follow your other dreams. Your disney logic however sees it another way. I can't really argue with that.

[kaylan]

I see what you're saying there. But you don't need to take someone "withdrawing" so personally. I bet a lot of people withdraw because they are just tired. Not because they blame others or themselves or anybody.

Who said I was taking it personally? Get real here. I simply offered a small opinion, and people got butt-hurt by it. If someone withdraws from dating, Ill make an assessment and react in a way I feel is according. No fuss, no muss. It doesnt bother me.

 

Sure some people dont blame others for their withdrawing, but maybe we are not reading the same threads. Because the responses earlier in the thread were blaming and shaming men for why OPs friend went through a drought. Hence why I said people need to be self reflective.

No one's asking you or anyone else to blame the population of men and women in the dating world -- or to find them flawed -- and think there's nothing wrong with the singular dater who's withdrawn or just doesn't like anybody (in that two years).

 

Maybe that came up somewhere earlier in the thread that I didn't read. But...whatever.

Again...read the responses directed at men in this thread. The tone is obvious....hell read a bunch of threads on this forum and its usually a man or woman blaming the entirety of the opposite sex for their dating troubles.

I think you're assuming that any woman who's taken herself out of the game or hasn't liked anyone in two years is somehow a snob or her standards are too high. That may be (from the perspective of people observing her and thinking she needs to just get with one of the guys who likes her and quit being so choosy). But I wouldn't assume she's "blaming" other people.

Im saying the chick would raise eyebrows and Im within my right to be suspicious of why a perfectly good and dateable woman would be completely without a man for so long. I understand taking a break...Ive been single for 2+ years myself....but I havent gone 2 years without any sort of heavy romantic or dating interaction with women.

 

All Im saying is Id raise my eyebrow and wonder about such a girl. And dont act like you and other women here wouldnt be curious about a guy who didnt interact with women for that long. Lets be real. I think the main issue here is that you dislike me criticizing a woman in this way, because when the shoes on a male foot, I dont see you females protesting so hard.

 

Then again, LS was never without much gender bias in terms of the responses.

[RedRobin]

Personally I find sexual frustration a turn off.

 

I find people who make a habit of using others for sex to avoid a little frustration to be a turn-off.

 

Some of the most well-adjusted and emotionally healthy people of this world have an ability to delay gratification in order to achieve a higher goal... and are willing to tolerate being a little 'frustrated' at times.

 

It's ok for you to have the beliefs you have. It is very common for men your age to equate their self-worth with the number of people they can get sex from or with. So, it is not surprising when you project that belief onto others.

[ThaWholigan]

This thread has got a little bit stupid .

 

It seems that people tend to be split when it comes to sexual frustration. I appear to be dealing with it just fine

[Jane2011]

Who said I was taking it personally? Get real here. I simply offered a small opinion, and people got butt-hurt by it. If someone withdraws from dating, Ill make an assessment and react in a way I feel is according. No fuss, no muss. It doesnt bother me.

 

Okay, cool. Maybe you weren't taking it personally. You tend to speak (write) in a vehement way that maybe sounds more passionate than you actually feel, so...

 

Sure some people dont blame others for their withdrawing, but maybe we are not reading the same threads. Because the responses earlier in the thread were blaming and shaming men for why OPs friend went through a drought. Hence why I said people need to be self reflective.

Again...read the responses directed at men in this thread. The tone is obvious....hell read a bunch of threads on this forum and its usually a man or woman blaming the entirety of the opposite sex for their dating troubles.

 

Not gonna read the whole thread. I never do that, lol. But I believe that blaming and shaming was happening on both sides. Nothing new.

 

Im saying the chick would raise eyebrows and Im within my right to be suspicious of why a perfectly good and dateable woman would be completely without a man for so long. I understand taking a break...Ive been single for 2+ years myself....but I havent gone 2 years without any sort of heavy romantic or dating interaction with women.

 

All Im saying is Id raise my eyebrow and wonder about such a girl. And dont act like you and other women here wouldnt be curious about a guy who didnt interact with women for that long. Lets be real. I think the main issue here is that you dislike me criticizing a woman in this way, because when the shoes on a male foot, I dont see you females protesting so hard.

 

As far as me seeing a guy who's been dateless and without even a tiny bit of romantic and dating interaction for two years as a "red flag," it would depend on a lot of things. His whole past, really. I'm not saying I don't judge men. I most certainly do. And I'm often harsh. What I'm saying is that I don't judge them by any given 'past two years' of their lives. If I met a guy who hasn't been dating at all or even had flirtations/romantic near-misses in the past two years but he's had women and girlfriends in general in his past, I'd not think much of it except that he took a break and is tired. If I met a guy who's been out of it completely for two years and has a history, even earlier than that, of rarely/almost never getting together with women or having much of a dating life, that's a red flag to me.

 

And what you wrote above is "don't say you wouldn't judge a guy who didn't interact with women for two years." I assume you mean romantically interact. Because of course if the guy has not talked to a woman in two years in any capacity, that's downright insane. But if he's not been dating or having romance for two years, that's not a huge deal provided it's not indicative of his whole life.

 

I think too much is made of the idea that people who remain without a boyfriend or girlfriend for a long time are somehow crazy or problematic or a "red flag." My own sister was single from ages 19 to 26, and I do mean completely single. No dates, no kissing, no man, no hand holding, no even just talking on the phone. She was a total spinster for seven years. Age 27, got a boyfriend for a year. Age 28, met a man at work who eventually became her husband and is still her husband now, 15 years later.

 

I know a another guy who was single from age 16 to 28. He had no trace of a girlfriend. Then he broke out and has had two since (and he's now 32).

 

As I said above, I find those loooong periods of singleness kind of odd, myself, but in all fairness, we all need to check our judgment.

[kaylan]

I find people who make a habit of using others for sex to avoid a little frustration to be a turn-off.

Whos talking about people using others for sex? Way to not quote my entire post and miss the mark of what I was saying.

Some of the most well-adjusted and emotionally healthy people of this world have an ability to delay gratification in order to achieve a higher goal... and are willing to tolerate being a little 'frustrated' at times.

Re-read my post. I was saying the way I find people to behave when they are sexually frustrated in unattractive. Doesnt have anything to do with whether they get laid a lot or not. I just find sexual frustrated behavior unappealing.

It's ok for you to have the beliefs you have. It is very common for men your age to equate their self-worth with the number of people they can get sex from or with. So, it is not surprising when you project that belief onto others.

Wtf are you talking about? When have I ever said I needed to sleep around to feel good about myself. Anyone whos followed my posts knows I havent really been around the block much. Ive been with an average amount of women, but I do have a high sense of self worth. I dont need to sleep around to like who I am.

 

You clearly misinterpreted and misquoted my last post.

[kaylan]

Okay, cool. Maybe you weren't taking it personally. You tend to speak (write) in a vehement way that maybe sounds more passionate than you actually feel, so...

I dont take topics on the dating forum personally really. I just back up my viewpoints strongly and I am also rather brash and blunt in my responses. Its really hard to convey tone online, but If you heard me speak my posts, itd be in a calm manner.

 

If anything Im simply passionate about standing behind my viewpoints. I enjoy a debate and dont back down easily regardless of how personally affected by the topic I am. If it was 900 AD Id argue with people about the Earth being round even though it doesnt personally affect me.

 

Not gonna read the whole thread. I never do that, lol. But I believe that blaming and shaming was happening on both sides. Nothing new.

I was simply responding to the lame attitude I felt this thread had. Sure it happens on both sides...but Im not gonna let people on this forum say how much men or women suck without recognizing their own possible faults. I post here enough for people to know I dont lean to a completely male or female side all the time. Id rather things just be equal really.

 

As far as me seeing a guy who's been dateless and without even a tiny bit of romantic and dating interaction for two years as a "red flag," it would depend on a lot of things. His whole past, really. I'm not saying I don't judge men. I most certainly do. And I'm often harsh. What I'm saying is that I don't judge them by any given 'past two years' of their lives.

 

If I met a guy who hasn't been dating at all or even had flirtations/romantic near-misses in the past two years but he's had women and girlfriends in general in his past, I'd not think much of it except that he took a break and is tired. If I met a guy who's been out of it completely for two years and has a history, even earlier than that, of rarely/almost never getting together with women or having much of a dating life, that's a red flag to me.

Like I said, it raises eyebrows and someone is within their right to be curious and make reactions accordingly.

 

And what you wrote above is "don't say you wouldn't judge a guy who didn't interact with women for two years." I assume you mean romantically interact. Because of course if the guy has not talked to a woman in two years in any capacity, that's downright insane. But if he's not been dating or having romance for two years, that's not a huge deal provided it's not indicative of his whole life.

Do I need to explicitly state "a romantic capacity"? lol I figured that was a given =P

 

I think too much is made of the idea that people who remain without a boyfriend or girlfriend for a long time are somehow crazy or problematic or a "red flag." My own sister was single from ages 19 to 26, and I do mean completely single. No dates, no kissing, no man, no hand holding, no even just talking on the phone. She was a total spinster for seven years. Age 27, got a boyfriend for a year. Age 28, met a man at work who eventually became her husband and is still her husband now, 15 years later.

Well your sister would set off red flag radar for many men. Any guy who was like her would do the same to many women. 8 years of age and no opposite sex interactions of the romantic kind? You even called her a spinster yourself. Its cool she found someone...however, my point from the beginning is many people would right such a person off and it wouldnt be wrong really. Its most likely possible that person is totally incompatible with them.

 

However, Im not surprised she found someone. She is a woman after all and women will have offers without having to do much, even if offers come in rarely. A guy who behaved like your sister, would have a much harder time settling down. Not only because he has to put in more work to find someone than a woman would, but because women are more critical of a half a decade drought then men would be.

I know a another guy who was single from age 16 to 28. He had no trace of a girlfriend. Then he broke out and has had two since (and he's now 32).

 

As I said above, I find those loooong periods of singleness kind of odd, myself, but in all fairness, we all need to check our judgment.

Meh I dont think we really need to check anything. Im not condemning a person to a horrible life by deeming them someone I wouldnt date or someone Id be suspicious about before dating. Im simply doing some analysis in my own head and it would only affect my own life really. So its pretty much no biggie.

[kaylan]

Well, considering how I'm very picky on who I have sex with, I assure you none of those guys were desperate.

Whatever you say. A man whos itching to break a chicks drought and makes it super obvious doesnt come off not desperate to me. But whatever, you slept with them....I didnt...so I really dont care.

No your response is childish as in disney movies happily ever after way. "If one was the right guy, you would be with him" lol Sorry, real life isn't like this, is not 0 and 1.

It makes perfect sense. Or are you that dense?

 

If you think players are passing up all these "right" women, what was right about this girls if they arent with them? Obviously the chick wasnt truly right for them correct? Its not hard to understand.

 

Sometimes you feel like someone is "right" right away. Sometimes it takes actually getting to know someone to realize that whereas beforehand you wouldn't feel it.

But how is someone "right" for a person if the person never even got the urge to get to know them better? Based on your explanation, every girl I dont get to know is the right person for me and I just didnt know it

Now if you give up on knowing her does it mean she is not "right" for you??? No. Sometimes a simple incident or luck makes you realize someone is "right" for you. And sometimes no matter how "right" a guy or a girl is for you, you are at a stage that you don't want to settle down and prefer to follow your other dreams. Your disney logic however sees it another way. I can't really argue with that.

If I give up on knowing a girl its because I knew she wasnt right for me. If someone is so right for me, why am I not with them? Explain this to me.

 

Dawsons Creek for example. Joey chose to be with Pacey, and didnt give her and Dawson another chance in the way she gave Pacey another chance. What youre trying to tell me is that because Joey passed up giving Dawson another shot, its possible he was right for her. Im saying that is bullcrap because she found the right person for her and that person was Pacey.

 

Back to the whole players passing girls up situation....Players many times pass up a great girl, and then fall in love with someone else in the future who they deem is right for them. Who are you to tell them the first girl was the right one? What makes someone the "right person" or "the one" is a combination of being in the right place in your life and meeting the right person for you.

 

So even though there is the possibility of many men and women being right for each other, the "right person" you end up with comes down to who you are and who they are at a specific point in time. They werent really "right" for you if you werent ready to receive them when they came around.

Edited April 28, 2012 by kaylan

[Anela]

I take this one a bit personally, because I've experienced men backing off, when they found out about my situation, and if I didn't get sexual right away.

 

I know a lovely young woman, had her first book published last year, who had a young man back off when he found out that she was dealing with agoraphobia. She isn't housebound, she gets out with her friends or family, she's had relationships and a couple of flings, but this guy, who had been wanting to go out with her for a while, backed off when she admitted to him that she dealt with these panic attacks, and doesn't like to leave the house (but she's working on it - and she's doing much better).

 

I used to be the same way. My living situation isn't ideal, and I don't have as much relationship experience as one might expect of someone my age. I'm not a prude, I'm just not that attracted to that many men (although I'm finding that as I've been opening up more, and feeling more comfortable in my skin, I find myself noticing more men in general). I'm rather isolated, and I could add more, but I won't, because this thread is depressing me now.

[mesmerized]

So even though there is the possibility of many men and women being right for each other, the "right person" you end up with comes down to who you are and who they are at a specific point in time. They werent really "right" for you if you werent ready to receive them when they came around.

This is my whole freaking point, yet you aren't getting it. I'm saying these men are NOT at a point in their lives that they want to give a great woman a real chance because they only want to **** around. Thus they might pass up on the same girl that they might want to be with in future, period. I have been in a mindset like that as well, I avoided good guys because I just simply didn't want to settle down. I wanted to experience life before settling down with ANYONE, even the best guy who I could ever imagine. Which in turn means, by YOUR definition of right (= right person AND at the right time), nobody would be right for me because I wasn't at the right time of my life for settling down and that is exactly the case with many many players. It's not that they don't meet great women, it's that they are not in a settling down time of their lives. I don't think I could explain this any better. I hope you can see the simple boolean logic in this without me having to post it.

[kaylan]

^OMG....you are soooo dense its unbelievable.

 

My point was that just because some players pass up great girls does not mean they all do. You earlier spoke in absolutist terms as if players never fall for the right girl for them. And I told you a lot of them do even if they felt they werent in the right place at the time. YOU were the one who flippantly said players dont date the right girl that comes along.

 

Realize this...many players are simply players because they havent met "the one" yet. A lot of them play the field until she comes into their life. Ive known guys who were players and were in the right place in life, but hadnt met the right girl, so they had their fun in the mean time. You stupidly said this earlier:

 

And this stupid thinking is the reason a lot of women try to tame a player and make him fall in love because they think oh he will settle for the "right" woman. A player cannot see the "rightness" in a woman most of the time even if it does exist because settling down and looking for a right woman is not his mindset, period.

This is you acting like you know how all guys who play the field think and feel. Players arent all one personality type and vary from man to man. They have different reasons for why they do what they do. Some players are great guys who no women have ill will towards. Some of the type women despise because he lies and does bad things.

 

The whole talk about players was just a different part of this whole thread. Players came up because women here wanted to demonize men because a chick was single a long time.

 

My earlier point still stands, if one is having trouble in dating, they themselves are the common denominator and its stupid to think all the men they encounter are simply players or have something wrong with them.

Edited April 28, 2012 by kaylan

[mesmerized]

^OMG....you are soooo dense its unbelievable.

 

I actually think the exact same way about you since I explained myself 10 thousand times in this thread already and thus why a hundred post earlier I said I'm done arguing with you lol

 

My point was that just because some players pass up great girls does not mean they all do. You earlier spoke in absolutist terms as if players never fall for the right girl for them. And I told you a lot of them do even if they felt they werent in the right place at the time. YOU were the one who flippantly said players dont date the right girl that comes along.

 

I think we just have to agree to disagree on this. You think players are players because they haven't found "the one" yet and I think most of them are because they are not at a point in their lives to want to settle down. The same point that I said over and over. Agree to disagree? Now please don't take my time more.

[mesmerized]

 

This is you acting like you know how all guys who play the field think and feel. Players arent all one personality type and vary from man to man. They have different reasons for why they do what they do. Some players are great guys who no women have ill will towards. Some of the type women despise because he lies and does bad things.

 

If you read that post again, I even used to the word "most of the time" to allow for possible exceptions. I do believe my explanation stands for most of the cases. You can agree or disagree, I don't care anymore.

[kaylan]

I think we just have to agree to disagree on this. You think players are players because they haven't found "the one" yet and I think most of them are because they are not at a point in their lives to want to settle down. The same point that I said over and over. Agree to disagree? Now please don't take my time more.

No. I think players are players because they want to have fun with a variety of women.

 

I think some continue to be players because they like the lifestyle and dont want to settle down. While I think some other enjoy the lifestyle but havent quit it because they havent met the right girl yet. It depends on the guy. Ive been saying this...Im been saying for some players they havent met the right girl. I didnt say all were like this, and I didnt use terms like "most" when speaking about them. You did.

 

Either way you got my point wrong again. And if you are worried about your time, I am not taking it, you are the one giving your time to this thread. Thats all on you.