Guys: Can you detect when a woman is sexually frustrated? If so, is it unattractive?

[Cypress25]

Unfortunately for you, men don't judge women on the same criteria as women judge men. Confidence in a woman means very little. In fact, many guys prefer shy women. Personality matters, but not nearly as much as it does to women. Ultimately, most men want a woman who is easy going, pleasant to be around with and not too much of a pain in the @ss. If you meet those three criteria, you pass the personality test with flying colors.

 

Are men's standards really that low? Don't they want a woman they can talk to, someone who makes them laugh, someone who can share their interests and hobbies with them? Someone they can connect with on an emotional level? If they don't care about that stuff, no wonder it's easier for a man to find a woman than it is for a woman to find a man. I think most women are looking for more than a guy who's pleasant and not too much of a pain in the ass.

 

Basically, a high demand woman is a woman who is very good looking and not a bitch. Ambition, confidence, education, etc. are at best of secondary importance. it would be a huge mistake to assume that "any woman with confidence and personality" is a high demand woman in a man's eye.

 

That's because women with confidence and personality are much more common than men with confidence and personality. Scarcity creates demand. Most guys know that they can find confident, personable women anywhere, so they don't value those traits as much as women do. Those traits are rare in men, so they are highly valued.

 

You're saying that average women should date average men, but "average man" does not always equal "average woman." Average is just whatever is most common. If most people were millionaires, then millionaires would be average. If most men are awkward and insecure, that means the average guy is awkward and insecure. If most women are confident and personable, then the average woman is confident and personable. So you're saying a confident, personable woman should settle for an awkward, insecure guy just because they're both "average"? I guess what I'm trying to say is, on average, women are better than men.

[FrustratedStandards]

I love how in every single post Kaylan contributes to, he starts an entire argument with everyone who has posted. Hah.

 

I am not sure what you are trying to say here. You want a man with all those qualities, fair enough, and you mention how being smart/kind/funny does not make up for the superficial qualities.

 

Then at the same time, you villainize men for rejecting "good" women who are unattractive for attractive women who might have questionable character?

Isn't that the same exact thing that you said about yourself, you're not willing to overlook the superficial stuff?

 

I think you misunderstood. I said that men would do the same thing (go for the attractive one who has less of the better qualities rather than stick with the ugly one who has all the good qualities).

 

But do you fall in the top 5-10% of your gender? I rather doubt it.

 

I do. I know no one will believe me, but I don't care

 

This thread has got a little bit stupid .

 

It seems that people tend to be split when it comes to sexual frustration. I appear to be dealing with it just fine

 

I agree with you. And thanks for the genuine and non-trolly posts. You are one of the few I like and respect on this forum.

 

I'm rather isolated, and I could add more, but I won't, because this thread is depressing me now.

 

I'm sorry But for what it's worth, if a man will judge so fast or so harshly, he isn't one to deal with anyway. I know about agoraphobia and it's no laughing matter. To be honest it's not exactly something you should tell a new guy straight up, it will for sure scare him off, but it is a difficult situations and I understand what you mean.

 

I hope your friend is doing better.

[Feelsgoodman]

Are men's standards really that low? Don't they want a woman they can talk to, someone who makes them laugh, someone who can share their interests and hobbies with them? Someone they can connect with on an emotional level? If they don't care about that stuff, no wonder it's easier for a man to find a woman than it is for a woman to find a man. I think most women are looking for more than a guy who's pleasant and not too much of a pain in the ass.

Our standards are not lower, they are just more realistic. Finding a woman who is 1) everything that you describe AND 2) physically beautiful AND 3) is returning your interest is damn near impossible. Since #3 is mandatory and #2 is more important than #1, we have to compromise somewhat when it comes to the more nebulous ares like "emotional connection".

 

Women also need to realize that their chances of snatching a perfect guy are slim to none. You will have to compromise on something, be it looks, financial success, intelligence, personality, "emotional connection" or, depending on what you look like, all of the above.

[Feelsgoodman]

That's because women with confidence and personality are much more common than men with confidence and personality.

Thanks for the good laugh The average woman doesn't even have the balls to ask out a guy she's attracted to. What confidence are you talking about??

[Jane2011]

I guess what I'm trying to say is, on average, women are better than men.

 

lol....

 

.........

[ThaWholigan]

lol....

 

.........

Very, very inflammatory. Obviously a bit of a troll comment there, there is no better gender.

 

Like I said in the other thread, average is not a real thing IMO. And regarding that, I think there are a lot of women who don't have all their **** together the same as men.

[Jane2011]

Very, very inflammatory. Obviously a bit of a troll comment there, there is no better gender.

 

Like I said in the other thread, average is not a real thing IMO. And regarding that, I think there are a lot of women who don't have all their **** together the same as men.

 

 

Haha. I know. We all suck. Happy?

 

I just like the way she rationalized to a cleverly insulting conclusion...

[Woggle]

The misandrist comments made by some on here shows exactly why they have a hard time. Men like women that like men.

[ThaWholigan]

Haha. I know. We all suck. Happy?

 

I just like the way she rationalized to a cleverly insulting conclusion...

Yeah it was quite funny, but that's because it doesn't personally offend me. I know a lot of guys who rip on women similarly, so it's best not to take it too seriously, as often I don't think there is true hate behind it.

[DarkPrince]

Its amazingly easy to tell if a woman if sexually frustrated. Knowing how to solve it is not always as easy, though it gets easy with practice.

[JesseJames]

I see.

 

In a small town, these frustrated ladies are the ones that are supposed to be purged and dealt with by some urban area somewheres else in some other land.

 

Nobody can understand why women are so whiny these days... they have no reason to be. So when they appear to be frustrated sexually (sexually of all things!), that translates to... she's not wanted/worth it and/or she missed her train... figuratively and literally.

 

You see, if you rid yourselves of these useless types of whiny, problem women from your area, then the useless men won't stick around. The result = a much better town.

[kaylan]

Unfortunately for you, men don't judge women on the same criteria as women judge men. Confidence in a woman means very little. In fact, many guys prefer shy women. Personality matters, but not nearly as much as it does to women. Ultimately, most men want a woman who is easy going, pleasant to be around with and not too much of a pain in the @ss. If you meet those three criteria, you pass the personality test with flying colors.

Um....nah bro.

 

I prefer a confident woman and very much want one. Shy good girls dont do much for me. Personality matters a hell of a lot to guys looking for love. Especially for me and my friends. So you dont speak for all of us men. I need to click with a chick on many levels if I wanna be exclusive with her. Ive only had 2 serious girlfriends in my life and Im picky and them.

 

I have pretty high standards in that regard and so do a bunch of other guys.

 

Basically, a high demand woman is a woman who is very good looking and not a bitch. Ambition, confidence, education, etc. are at best of secondary importance. it would be a huge mistake to assume that "any woman with confidence and personality" is a high demand woman in a man's eye.

No, just no. Looks is not what makes dudes fall in love with a girl. A lot of guys want a great girlfriend, not just a screw...so you need more than looks for that.

Are men's standards really that low? Don't they want a woman they can talk to, someone who makes them laugh, someone who can share their interests and hobbies with them? Someone they can connect with on an emotional level? If they don't care about that stuff, no wonder it's easier for a man to find a woman than it is for a woman to find a man. I think most women are looking for more than a guy who's pleasant and not too much of a pain in the ass.

Dont listen to that dude. Plenty of guys have high standards when it comes to selecting a girlfriend. Just as high as a womans standard for picking a boyfriend. Hell a lot of the time I think both sides have too high standards and people end up perpetually single =p.

 

Trust me its not easy for a lot of guys to find a woman they will want to date long term.

 

That's because women with confidence and personality are much more common than men with confidence and personality. Scarcity creates demand. Most guys know that they can find confident, personable women anywhere, so they don't value those traits as much as women do. Those traits are rare in men, so they are highly valued.

I dont agree with this part. I think there are as many confident women as there are confident men. I think some guys value it less when they are thinking more about sex than a relationship. I also think women exaggerate how much personality and confidence play a role in their mate selection.

 

Women seem to be just as looks oriented as the guys I know. This is just my experience though. A good looking guy without confidence will get "awww" and "cute" responses....while a not so good looking guy may be deemed a dork or loser.

 

You're saying that average women should date average men, but "average man" does not always equal "average woman." Average is just whatever is most common. If most people were millionaires, then millionaires would be average. If most men are awkward and insecure, that means the average guy is awkward and insecure. If most women are confident and personable, then the average woman is confident and personable. So you're saying a confident, personable woman should settle for an awkward, insecure guy just because they're both "average"? I guess what I'm trying to say is, on average, women are better than men.

I dunno if most women are confident and personable though. A lot seem to be insecure, just like a lot of guys are. It all depends.

 

On average women are not better than men....you lost me when you said that last part. I feel its all individual.

 

I love how in every single post Kaylan contributes to, he starts an entire argument with everyone who has posted. Haha.

Whatever you say tootz. Your assertion is false, however I feel it stems from the fact that I dont back down from supporting my stances.

Edited April 29, 2012 by kaylan

[kaylan]

I take this one a bit personally, because I've experienced men backing off, when they found out about my situation, and if I didn't get sexual right away.

 

I know a lovely young woman, had her first book published last year, who had a young man back off when he found out that she was dealing with agoraphobia. She isn't housebound, she gets out with her friends or family, she's had relationships and a couple of flings, but this guy, who had been wanting to go out with her for a while, backed off when she admitted to him that she dealt with these panic attacks, and doesn't like to leave the house (but she's working on it - and she's doing much better).

 

I used to be the same way. My living situation isn't ideal, and I don't have as much relationship experience as one might expect of someone my age. I'm not a prude, I'm just not that attracted to that many men (although I'm finding that as I've been opening up more, and feeling more comfortable in my skin, I find myself noticing more men in general). I'm rather isolated, and I could add more, but I won't, because this thread is depressing me now.

I wouldnt back off from a girl just because she didnt want to get sexual right away. Im patient and will wait for things to develop naturally if things feel right. As long as it doesnt take us like 6 months to get there haha.

 

Anyways, you have to realize some people dont feel equipped to date people like your friend. It doesnt mean your friend or you are a bad person...it just means sometimes a guy like myself may feel like he'd be bad for you. Dont feel bad about who you are, just realize some people will have reasons not to date you. Doesnt mean the reasons are bad persay.

 

Personally I feel I wouldnt click well with someone who doesnt feel comfy leaving the house much. Im a social butterfly and I like to mingle and be active in a variety of environments. But if a guy like me wouldnt date you or your friend, is that really a bother? Theres gonna be someone out there whos going to want to date you ladies ...so who cares about the guys who backed off...all that matters is you snagged one who makes ya feel good.

[Anela]

I wouldnt back off from a girl just because she didnt want to get sexual right away. Im patient and will wait for things to develop naturally if things feel right. As long as it doesnt take us like 6 months to get there haha.

 

Anyways, you have to realize some people dont feel equipped to date people like your friend. It doesnt mean your friend or you are a bad person...it just means sometimes a guy like myself may feel like he'd be bad for you. Dont feel bad about who you are, just realize some people will have reasons not to date you. Doesnt mean the reasons are bad persay.

 

Personally I feel I wouldnt click well with someone who doesnt feel comfy leaving the house much. Im a social butterfly and I like to mingle and be active in a variety of environments. But if a guy like me wouldnt date you or your friend, is that really a bother? Theres gonna be someone out there whos going to want to date you ladies ...so who cares about the guys who backed off...all that matters is you snagged one who makes ya feel good.

 

The thing is that I used to be like her, but now I need to get out more. I'm a shy, good girl, but there's more to us, too - you just don't tend to see that right away. I was just thinking about this: the way one man got to know me, was to really piss me off. I'd really liked him, and I was afraid that he might think I was toying with him, when I wasn't. I was frustrated with myself, and I knew that certain fears were holding me back, but I wasn't ready to just pull off the plaster and deal with rejection (I expect it most of the time). After I flipped out on him, he was actually very sweet to me, and said something along the lines of that he loved brutal honesty, and he thought I was amazing. Unfortunately, he went weird on me at some point, and I felt all the more demoralized. He'd told me that he loved me, but he just got more screwed up, and then messed with my head.

[Cypress25]

Women also need to realize that their chances of snatching a perfect guy are slim to none. You will have to compromise on something, be it looks, financial success, intelligence, personality, "emotional connection" or, depending on what you look like, all of the above.

 

No one is asking for perfect. I don't think it's too much to ask if you want a physical and emotional connection with your partner. If you don't have that, you got nothing.

 

The average woman doesn't even have the balls to ask out a guy she's attracted to. What confidence are you talking about??

 

You're right, women don't have balls. We're not supposed to. And not asking guys out has nothing to do with confidence. It has to do with self-respect. Women who chase guys have no self-respect. Most women prefer guys who take the initiative; if they don't, women lose interest in them and therefore have no desire to ask them out.

 

Plenty of guys have high standards when it comes to selecting a girlfriend. Just as high as a womans standard for picking a boyfriend. Hell a lot of the time I think both sides have too high standards and people end up perpetually single =p.

 

Then you can see how a woman could be single for 2 years. Some women don't have sex outside of committed relationships, so if they're selective about boyfriends, they'll be selective about sex partners.

[kaylan]

^But id expect her to have some romantic interaction with men in those 2 years....she doesnt have to sleep with them.

[Cypress25]

But id expect her to have some romantic interaction with men in those 2 years....she doesnt have to sleep with them.

 

The OP said the woman was sexually frustrated. Which means she hasn't had sex in 2 years. Doesn't mean she didn't date.

[fortyninethousand322]

Anyone who is single for 2 years (unless they were busy curing cancer) is a red flag. Man or woman.

 

Believe me, being someone with severe issues, I know this first hand.

[FrustratedStandards]

Anyone who is single for 2 years (unless they were busy curing cancer) is a red flag. Man or woman.

 

Believe me, being someone with severe issues, I know this first hand.

 

I will admit, she's a huge b*tch and she complains about absolutely everything (we went on a week vacation once and I couldn't stand her after 2 days) so I suppose that could be it, but she isn't like that around guys.

 

I've seen how she behaves around guys that could be potential boyfriends, and she doesn't b*tch at all. She keeps her mouth shut (because she knows how b*tchy she is and it would scare off a guy right away).

 

Now that I think about it, she does feel entitled to some things, but after all, I agree with her. A woman (like her) who doesn't sleep around, covers her p*ssy when she goes out and only has sex with men who deserve it, SHOULD be entitled to respect and a good man. So I understand why she is frustrated and I also don't understand why a great gal like her is single.

 

That's why I asked if the sexual frustration was the turn off, because I honestly can't think of anything else.

[kaylan]

^Im not surprised shes gone without sex for 2 years with how you describe her. If shes a huge bitch and a complainer as you say, that shows itself to guys eventually.

[Jane2011]

Well your sister would set off red flag radar for many men. Any guy who was like her would do the same to many women. 8 years of age and no opposite sex interactions of the romantic kind? You even called her a spinster yourself.

 

About my sister. I use the word "spinster" colloquially/jokingly. I even call myself a spinster if I go for a brief stretch (not nearly two years) without a boyfriend. My sister, in that 8 year stretch in which she was not dating anyone, was quite like any other young woman. There was nothing actually old-maid, weird, or spinster about her demeanor or personality. She was in college and had friends, worked a part-time job at a clothing store, went to music shows, liked shopping and listening to music, was into fashion, being fit, and having cute haircuts, liked movies and t.v.; had social skills. She was just normal. There wasn't anything red-flaggy about her; she just happened not to have much going on dating-wise, except for a few crushes. And some guy liked her -- was in love with her, actually -- who she didn't like back, so obviously she didn't get with him. And...her boyfriend from pre-age-19 tried to reconnect with her a couple times (but since he was an 'old' boyfriend, he doesn't count as an actual new love interest). And she didn't get back with him because he was bad news....

 

Just saying...she had no involvements but was normal. If she weren't, she wouldn't have picked up a boyfriend when she was 27 with no problem, then another at 28 (a husband, to boot) with no problem. Nothing about her had changed. She didn't lose weight, she didn't get better looking. Hence, anyone who saw her as a 'red flag' during that 'drought' would have been off. She was as worthy during the drought as she was the moment she got a boyfriend and then a husband.

 

P.S. None of the above is to say that you're not within your rights to react to a woman who's not had a man in 2 years the way you see fit. That's something you've reiterated a lot, that you're within your rights. Not saying you're not. Just explaining....this is how it is with some people; hence, I think the 'red flagging' is misguided in a lot of cases.

Edited April 29, 2012 by Jane2011

[Anela]

Well, I've said before that I've been hit on by men in relationships, more often than not, because I was open around them, thinking they were happy in their relationships, so there was no pressure to seem normal around them. They tend to offend me, though, and in turn, I feel like an actual happy relationship is less likely to happen for me, because they seemed to be totally in love. I'm not irresistible, so I wonder if they just got bored.

 

I'm actually pretty damned normal, and so is my friend (I know that Jane meant no offense, this thread just has me remembering certain things, and I started to feel abnormal again). I barely drink, I don't do drugs, I'm a decent person, I'm usually nice to be around. I've been told that I'm fun, men have thought me "sexy", but there's more to me than boobs. One man told me that I was the most *real* person they knew, meaning I was down-to-earth, and I was who I said I was.

 

I don't know why everyone is *expected* to be in a relationship, or having sex on a regular basis. I was thinking about real chemistry, last night, about dating, getting to know someone, building a real rapport and actually relating to them - rather than getting drunk, rolling into bed, and deciding after that, whether or not you think they're worth seeing again, and, you know.. actually learning their name, and maybe how they take their coffee.

[JesseJames]

"So I understand why she is frustrated and I also don't understand why a great gal like her is single. That's why I asked if the sexual frustration was the turn off, because I honestly can't think of anything else."

 

I'm thinking it's her looks, is too much of a homer, and she needs to move.

 

I know this one local news girl here looks exactly like Miss Piggy. I'm not being mean here, I don't have some odd abstract mind.... the girl couldn't possibly look any more like the muppet. Point is, she's a pig. She might be better accepted near a freshly spread field that is miles away, all while not acting so beyond indubitably and inextricably indicative of herself as this perceived pig. She sure as hell shouldn't be on the television.

[Jane2011]

One man told me that I was the most *real* person they knew, meaning I was down-to-earth, and I was who I said I was.

 

That is a nice compliment. I've received the same compliment, but it was a long time ago, when I was 16 (I've since become very fake, lol, jk). Anyway, my older-guy crush told me I was "real."

 

Ever since, I've always said it was one of the best compliments I've ever received.

 

I don't know why everyone is *expected* to be in a relationship, or having sex on a regular basis. I was thinking about real chemistry, last night, about dating, getting to know someone, building a real rapport and actually relating to them - rather than getting drunk, rolling into bed, and deciding after that, whether or not you think they're worth seeing again, and, you know.. actually learning their name, and maybe how they take their coffee.

 

We're all fine the way we are. Relationships aren't mandatory. I do love the idea of having a man who I can relate to, as you said. But I'll live without it.

 

I see it fit to quote Carrie Bradshaw:

 

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

 

Hear hear!

[jobaba]

Anyone who is single for 2 years (unless they were busy curing cancer) is a red flag. Man or woman.

 

Believe me, being someone with severe issues, I know this first hand.

 

No offense, I like you but...

 

This could be one of the dumbest things I've ever heard on this message board.

 

I have a friend from college who is in his mid 30s. Indian guy. Back in college, I can't even count the number of girls who said he was good looking. Not cute, good looking and handsome. That's a real compliment. He also happens to be a very social guy and a party animal. He's also smart since we went to the same school which is one of the best in the country.

 

He hasn't had a girlfriend or been on a date in about half a decade. Which is not to say he doesn't get laid ... a lot probably. But his lifestyle is not to be bogged down with relationships at this point.