Guys: Can you detect when a woman is sexually frustrated? If so, is it unattractive?

[Woggle]

Seems like the "average guy" doesn't even have the basics, but the average woman does.

 

I am sure if you ask most men about that you would get a different perspective. Do you really think it is easy for a man to find a good woman?

[ThaWholigan]

No I do not agree that a guy who can easily get sex will not settle down. My BF is 27, and he's hot, good job, funny, smart, etc. I'd say he's above average, tbh...of course I may be biased He can and has gotten lots of sex. I know he was making the rounds plenty when he was in college. He is with me, he is not looking for better. He asked me to be his GF, he pursued me. I live in a big city too.

 

We've had quite different experiences, I guess. I can only think of one late 20s guy I know who is single.

I think it's a social and cultural difference, and also lets take into account that most people are indeed individual in their desires. I think it's easy for us to get caught in the trap of absolutes when we're not being objective. Excellent that you've found such a catch .

 

I think that a lot of guys have a way to grow, I'll admit, but I'm only just approaching my mid 20s, and I know a lot of young people, so I see many different angles of city life. I think that there are an equal amount of guys who want sex opposed to who want relationships, of varying levels of attractiveness. I know lots of guys who have lots of options, are attractive, and are VERY picky about who they have sex with. Believe me, they aren't just out for the sex. And the best part about it is that it makes them even MORE sought after.

 

I think that there are just certain attitudes that people need to adopt in general, whether they're looking for sex or more.

[mesmerized]

No I do not agree that a guy who can easily get sex will not settle down. My BF is 27, and he's hot, good job, funny, smart, etc. I'd say he's above average, tbh...of course I may be biased He can and has gotten lots of sex. I know he was making the rounds plenty when he was in college. He is with me, he is not looking for better. He asked me to be his GF, he pursued me. I live in a big city too.

 

We've had quite different experiences, I guess. I can only think of one late 20s guy I know who is single.

 

Your bf can be an exception, doesn't mean that all or even most guys are the same as him.

 

And only one single guy in his late twenties in a big city? yes, we definitely have different experiences, if we're talking about desirable guys of course.

[ThaWholigan]

These "high demand" guys are actually normal guys who stand out because they are confident and have a great personality. They're not rock stars or anything, they just have an advantage over shy, awkward guys who have no social skills. Any woman with confidence and personality is on the same level as these high-demand men. The only reason they are high demand is because guys with confidence and personality are rare. Seems like the "average guy" doesn't even have the basics, but the average woman does.

If by basics, you mean cultivating a more attractive, and exciting life, and generally having the interpersonal skills to talk to the opposite sex on a different dimensions, then yes - but only slightly. Lately I'm seeing a lot of women who are just as bad as the guys now.

[ThaWholigan]

Your bf can be an exception, doesn't mean that all or even most guys are the same as him.

 

And only one single guy in his late twenties in a big city? yes, we definitely have different experiences, if we're talking about desirable guys of course.

But then we have to define desirable. What exactly is desirable in the context of this discussion? I'm sure that everyone will have differences about that, with the few basic similarities that I expect.

 

To be honest, as a guy, it's not super hard to be desirable to whatever kind of girl you are attracted to. At least I don't think so. I don't think it's hard for a girl either, even if shes unattractive.

[mesmerized]

But then we have to define desirable. What exactly is desirable in the context of this discussion? I'm sure that everyone will have differences about that, with the few basic similarities that I expect.

 

To be honest, as a guy, it's not super hard to be desirable to whatever kind of girl you are attracted to. At least I don't think so. I don't think it's hard for a girl either, even if shes unattractive.

 

I just mean a guy who didn't have to settle because getting girls wasn't so easy for him. I know tons and tons of nerds who end up in a relationship or married fast. And it usually happens because these men didn't want to try too hard to get women or just weren't able to.

[Nistan]

so, women getting to decide what relationship material is for them is A OK.

Men that do the same is of the devil? That's the vibe I'm getting.

 

Thats why I like being the one that have to approach. I get to know if I have to calibrate something in my life to become more attractive because girls will tell me. I can just compile some data and change the things that I want.

 

Girls seem to just have themselves to know if they have the correct marketing.

And this thread shows that your own judgment isn't the best sometimes.

[mesmerized]

Anyways, I'm done discussing the obvious here. You guys can say I'm wrong all you want. I learn way more by living and observing than by reading LS. And let's face it, LS seems to have its own species here. A good chunk of things I read here are simply in contradiction with what I observe in real life.

[ThaWholigan]

I just mean a guy who didn't have to settle because getting girls wasn't so easy for him. I know tons and tons of nerds who end up in a relationship or married fast. And it usually happens because these men didn't want to try too hard to get women or just weren't able to.

Well that's quite a lot of guys really. Like I say, where I live, most of the guys I know are great with girls, in fact, I'm one of the only ones who isn't. However, a sizeable number of them, even with the options they have, tend not just be out for sex and want something at least a little more intimate (as do I).

 

There are a lot of guys who do have options and just want casual sex. I don't think that can be denied. However, I think that they are not as common as we think, it just seems like that because they are usually the most visible, which is exactly as they want.

[ThaWholigan]

Anyways, I'm done discussing the obvious here. You guys can say I'm wrong all you want. I learn way more by living and observing than by reading LS. And let's face it, LS seems to have its own species here. A good chunk of things I read here are simply in contradiction with what I observe in real life.

I agree, there is a lot of contradiction here. I'm not saying you're wrong you know. What I am saying is that we can't use an absolute to describe an entire portion of people just because of our experiences. So while I agreed with your assessment that there are indeed a hell of a lot of guys who do this, there are almost as many who don't.

[FrustratedStandards]

1. All I can tell you is that maybe you should get with the times if you want more success in dating.

2. Whats my point? My point is that sex isnt always about give and take and many people seek a partner who treats sex as something to be shared. Most men are turned off by a give and take attitude and you put yourself behind a lot of women if you have the give and take attitude.

 

3. Yes seriously. Its a man and womans job to put their best foot forward and show potential partners their worth. If you do things that turn people off and cant show your worth dating then you lose out. Simple. Both sides need to do what they need to do to secure a mate. Its not just the guys job to approach and gauge reactions. Women need to do their share to.

 

Trust me, many guys nowadays arent caring if they miss out on women who expect men to take them out especially if she cant show her worth. Theres plenty of women who wanna meet us halfway...women who will show their worth just like we we show ours. Its not just up to the guy to win the girl over....shes gota win us over too.

 

1. I shouldn't have to changed my views just to get a man. I've done this before and ended up in really unhappy relationships. I would rather be frustrated to tell you the truth.

 

2. I still don't understand what you're trying to say here.

 

3. Exactly. A woman's best foot forward is being a great, beautiful woman. A man's best foot forward is his approach (literally, APPROACH) and how he can be the breadwinner (aka paying for the dating, picking her up etc). Again, this is all in the views of someone like me, who has an old-school mentality.

 

Last bolded part, a woman wins the man over if he keeps wanting to see her. Judging by what the world has become, a woman wins a man over by not being a fat, stupid slut.

 

Apparently that's a rarity these days as much as gentleman are (which makes sense if you think about it).

 

From what you have written, you are a man. A girl told you that she wanted a man. Why didn't you help her yourself?

 

No, women cannot be sexually frustrated and they have no expectations to be satisfied sexually well. Nothing can turn a man off if he is really horny and a woman wants to f....k him.

Men cannot figure out anything about female's sexual satisfaction. They have no idea if a woman likes/fakes sex or orgasm.

 

This I agree with. I guess you can be just as sexually frustrated if you have a boyfriend. Hmm...

 

As I surmise from your various threads, you basically want a hot guy who is also well off financially and wants to spend money on you. Is that too much to ask? For most women, yes. Only the top 5-10% can expect to land such a guy.

 

Exactly. That's why i'm still waiting and not settling and of course I want a hot guy who has money. Who doesn't?

 

But then we have to define desirable. What exactly is desirable in the context of this discussion? I'm sure that everyone will have differences about that, with the few basic similarities that I expect.

 

To be honest, as a guy, it's not super hard to be desirable to whatever kind of girl you are attracted to. At least I don't think so. I don't think it's hard for a girl either, even if shes unattractive.

 

Good looking

Tall

Intelligent

Sense of humour

Kind

Good in bed

 

I don't think that's too big of a list. Most men these days lack mostly the good looking, tall of good in bed part (again, the most superficial things, but you can obviously see how big of an impact they make since being intelligent, funny and kind don't make up for it).

 

If a woman is the perfect woman but she is ugly, a man won't care, he won't want to be with her. He would rather be with the woman who is half that, but smoking hot.

 

so, women getting to decide what relationship material is for them is A OK.

Men that do the same is of the devil? That's the vibe I'm getting.

 

Thats why I like being the one that have to approach. I get to know if I have to calibrate something in my life to become more attractive because girls will tell me. I can just compile some data and change the things that I want.

 

Girls seem to just have themselves to know if they have the correct marketing.

And this thread shows that your own judgment isn't the best sometimes.

 

On the contrary Nistan!! Men today don't have standards. They f*ck anything with a skirt. They date these low-life, psycho girls who aren't smart, funny or KIND. These girls sleep around, dont' even know what a book IS.

 

Then these guys come around to women who have standards and say "wanna go out". Umm... no thanks. Judging by your TASTE and the fact that you DON'T really care what you date, no thanks. I want a man with standards.

 

You're way off here. You would be surprised at how many women get turned off by a man who dates just to date, and not because he found a great woman.

[veggirl]

Anyways, I'm done discussing the obvious here. You guys can say I'm wrong all you want. I learn way more by living and observing than by reading LS. And let's face it, LS seems to have its own species here. A good chunk of things I read here are simply in contradiction with what I observe in real life.

 

Maybe you and your friends just aren't girls they want to settle down with. Maybe we live in alternate universes. I don't know. I live in a huge city--most people I know are coupled up. Most people I know are young professionals who have fun and go out but aren't trolling the bars for 22 yr old girls to pump and dump.

[Fondue]

Good looking

Tall

Intelligent

Sense of humour

Kind

Good in bed

 

I don't think that's too big of a list. Most men these days lack mostly the good looking, tall of good in bed part (again, the most superficial things, but you can obviously see how big of an impact they make since being intelligent, funny and kind don't make up for it).

 

If a woman is the perfect woman but she is ugly, a man won't care, he won't want to be with her. He would rather be with the woman who is half that, but smoking hot.

 

I am not sure what you are trying to say here. You want a man with all those qualities, fair enough, and you mention how being smart/kind/funny does not make up for the superficial qualities.

 

Then at the same time, you villainize men for rejecting "good" women who are unattractive for attractive women who might have questionable character?

 

Isn't that the same exact thing that you said about yourself, you're not willing to overlook the superficial stuff?

 

You can't be angry at men for wanting certain things when you expect the same. It is only fair. I have a feeling that you and your friend (I guess in your original post, mostly your friend) are mad at men for your (her?) inability to obtain sex? That seems quite ridiculous. If you're not willing to lower your standards, don't be upset that you can't get any. If you are rejecting men after liking them initially for a range of reasons, don't expect to get pity for not getting any. It is stupid. She has the opportunity to go out and get laid every night. It isn't any of our fault if we don't fit her criteria.

 

And yes, I am fully able to sense when a woman is "sexually frustrated." They come off slightly overbearing and a little crazy. It is indeed a turn-off.

[Feelsgoodman]

These "high demand" guys are actually normal guys who stand out because they are confident and have a great personality. They're not rock stars or anything, they just have an advantage over shy, awkward guys who have no social skills. Any woman with confidence and personality is on the same level as these high-demand men. The only reason they are high demand is because guys with confidence and personality are rare. Seems like the "average guy" doesn't even have the basics, but the average woman does.

You are missing the point. It doesn't matter why these guys are high demand. The only thing that matters is that they are, in fact, in high demand. That means that they have lots of women after them. That, in turn, means that they have their pick of the litter. And that means that you have to be a high demand woman to land one fo these high demand men.

 

Unfortunately for you, men don't judge women on the same criteria as women judge men. Confidence in a woman means very little. In fact, many guys prefer shy women. Personality matters, but not nearly as much as it does to women. Ultimately, most men want a woman who is easy going, pleasant to be around with and not too much of a pain in the @ss. If you meet those three criteria, you pass the personality test with flying colors.

 

Basically, a high demand woman is a woman who is very good looking and not a bitch. Ambition, confidence, education, etc. are at best of secondary importance. it would be a huge mistake to assume that "any woman with confidence and personality" is a high demand woman in a man's eye.

[Feelsgoodman]

Exactly. That's why i'm still waiting and not settling and of course I want a hot guy who has money. Who doesn't?

But do you fall in the top 5-10% of your gender? I rather doubt it.

[Chubbi]

 

Men want relationships too.

 

There are men who are only sleeping around, but the vast majority of men are either in a relationship or come from a relationship. I know, because if I were to tell them I'd never been in one before, they'd be shocked. Everytime I turn around someone's dating, updating their relationship status on Facebook, walking together holding hands.

[Emilia]

Not having sex for years at a time (for a woman) is a sign shes a prude

 

 

Not at all, many people (men too) go through stages when they are withdrawn within themselves and aren't ready to deal with the opposite sex in any way. This is not related to sexual appetite, it's usually connected to significant life events. You will learn about this as you get older.

[kaylan]

Not at all, many people (men too) go through stages when they are withdrawn within themselves and aren't ready to deal with the opposite sex in any way. This is not related to sexual appetite, it's usually connected to significant life events. You will learn about this as you get older.

Its still a red flag to me. A perfectly dateable woman does not go two years without a man. Especially considering that men do the approaching. So a desirable woman should generally have suitors.

 

If shes not getting good suitors, Im wondering why the good men are avoiding her.

[mesmerized]

I agree, there is a lot of contradiction here. I'm not saying you're wrong you know. What I am saying is that we can't use an absolute to describe an entire portion of people just because of our experiences. So while I agreed with your assessment that there are indeed a hell of a lot of guys who do this, there are almost as many who don't.

 

I never said this to describe the whole population of men, of course. I'm just saying at least where I live, among good looking young men this attitude is extremely popular. I was on a dating site last year and then again now and the goodlooking guys on there are almost all the same. I just can't imagine these guys couldn't find a great girl and the majority of them in their profiles that they are looking for fun. I don't know if it can get more obvious than that.

 

And yes, I am fully able to sense when a woman is "sexually frustrated." They come off slightly overbearing and a little crazy. It is indeed a turn-off.

 

Really? My sexual frustration never turned men off, it only made them want to be the guy who ends the dry spell lol. Like a friend of mine said, the best way to get a guy into bed is to tell him "I haven't had sex in 6 months". He will want to get with you asap.

[fortyninethousand322]

 

Really? My sexual frustration never turned men off, it only made them want to be the guy who ends the dry spell lol. Like a friend of mine said, the best way to get a guy into bed is to tell him "I haven't had sex in 6 months". He will want to get with you asap.

 

If a girl told me that I'd probably say "oh well that sucks for you" or I'd tell them how long it's been for me (assuming I trusted them enough). It wouldn't really make me try any harder.

 

Perhaps I'm just a strange person.

[wwwjd]

Guys: Can you detect when a woman is sexually frustrated? If so, is it unattractive?

 

 

 

No. I've never been in the vicinity of a women who was sexually frustrated.

[Jane2011]

Its still a red flag to me. A perfectly dateable woman does not go two years without a man. Especially considering that men do the approaching. So a desirable woman should generally have suitors.

 

If shes not getting good suitors, Im wondering why the good men are avoiding her.

 

Well, here's a quick example. I was hit on about two days ago at a coffee shop. The guy was what most would call "a catch." He was a professional, nice-looking, fit, good conversationalist, educated, etc. I sat and talked to him for a good twenty minutes, which is how I got a sense of him. Yet I wasn't attracted to him. People don't just like opposite sex people because they have all this "good on paper" stuff going for them. At least I don't.

 

I might be out in public places a reasonable amount for a period of two years and, let's say, I get hit on by a man every month or so, and he's often a pretty good catch (just like the guy I described above), yet the guy somehow just doesn't do it for me, as that guy didn't. I would still be single at the end of two years with no involvements, yet it wasn't because good men were avoiding me.

 

To boot, I've already had two or three other interests this year from men who were educated, professional, physically fit, and nice. Looks (faces) were okay / mildly cute / nothing hot but far from ugly in both cases. Assuming you don't think looks is what makes a person "a good suitor," but rather other characteristics as an amalgamation, like good steady job, education, niceness, social skills, hobbies/interests, etc, these guys had them and at least average looks as well. Good men aren't avoiding me, but I still might be single for two years 'cause I'm not feeling these individuals.

 

I think this applies to other women and men as well.

[kaylan]

1. I shouldn't have to changed my views just to get a man. I've done this before and ended up in really unhappy relationships. I would rather be frustrated to tell you the truth.

Well if you cant get with the times and adapt so you can have more potential dates, then dont complain with the small dating pool you have. If you want to hold out for exactly what you want, then fine...but dont shame all men for your dating failures. Men and women here really need to stop doing that. There are plenty of good people to date of the opposite sex...what is it about yourself that keeps them from finding you? People need to ask themselves this.

 

2. I still don't understand what you're trying to say here.

Its not had to understand. You treat sex and give and take. Most men find that a turn off. I see a good sexual relationship as sex being something thats shared...not taken or given up. Simple.

 

3. Exactly. A woman's best foot forward is being a great, beautiful woman.

Elaborate on this. If you are simply saying a womans best foot forward is to simply stand there and look pretty, then you are wrong. Very wrong. The good men out there have a lot more requirements than that. Maybe you should learn this.

A man's best foot forward is his approach (literally, APPROACH) and how he can be the breadwinner (aka paying for the dating, picking her up etc). Again, this is all in the views of someone like me, who has an old-school mentality.

Um no...just no. A mans best foot forward is not only his approach. Many other things factor in. Its about a collective best foot forward for both men and women. Theres not one thing thats a best foot forward.

 

And youre soooo off the mark about the breadwinner thing. You truly need to realize its 2012, and many women arent judging a man solely on his ability to pick her up and take her out. Many women have their own money and transportation nowadays, and many gals like to treat a dude they fancy.

 

Like you said, this is your old school mentality...so you cant really present it as an across the board thing like you seem to do sometimes. You always seem to shame dudes who dont fit into your old fashioned archetype, however theres plenty of women do want a modern man, and a modern relationship.

 

Last bolded part, a woman wins the man over if he keeps wanting to see her. Judging by what the world has become, a woman wins a man over by not being a fat, stupid slut.

Wtf are you talking about? My last bolded part simply meant that the women is not the only prize. The man is a prize to be won too. And I think any man or woman could win a lot of people over by not being fat and stupid whores.

Apparently that's a rarity these days as much as gentleman are (which makes sense if you think about it).

Theres plenty of good women and men out there...but what about you is keeping those men away? I know why I dont have a good girlfriend at the moment. Its because Im not ready for one, Im very picky, and because I wont settle. I wont sit here and say that most women out there are crappy the way you seem to be saying the men out there are. I will concede that in America there is a shortage of women who arent a bit plump though lol

[Jane2011]

Its still a red flag to me. A perfectly dateable woman does not go two years without a man. Especially considering that men do the approaching. So a desirable woman should generally have suitors.

 

If shes not getting good suitors, Im wondering why the good men are avoiding her.

 

Also, people do withdraw. I might be withdrawing now. I was driving home from work earlier and thinking, "I think I might just let myself be completely alone for two years and then re-emerge in 2014" (no kidding).

 

I was also thinking about how I've had sex and/or a boyfriend every year for the past ten years (from 2001 to 2011). There's nothing dreadfully un-wantable about me, if the past ten years is any indication. I can get a guy. I just might want to withdraw anyway, and someone who thinks men were avoiding me because I withdrew for two years would be wrong.

[Fondue]

 

Really? My sexual frustration never turned men off, it only made them want to be the guy who ends the dry spell lol. Like a friend of mine said, the best way to get a guy into bed is to tell him "I haven't had sex in 6 months". He will want to get with you asap.

 

There is a classy way to be sexually suggestive, and there are are ways that make a girl seem "sketchy."

 

If a girl said this to me, I probably wouldn't find it all too exciting. It isn't raunchy at all, but it isn't something I'm willing to "resolve." I would probably just say, "Oh."

 

Saying something like that screams desperation, which just isn't cool.

 

I tend to really enjoy the women that don't need to say anything, but show sexual interest through action. Going from light general touching, to simple kissing, to prolonged kissing, to maybe a few pecs around the ears (nothing gets me going like that)... All when I meet them. Nothing in private. After that, it is more or less "game on."