69ways Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 We were together 5 years planned to get married. She left me for no apparent reason. Dragged me by the nose for 12 months, with her saying I am not sure and dont know. 2 months ago, 12 months after break up, she said she wanted to see me but was not sure and 3 days later said we have no future, this made me to tell her that is not right to talk or even have any contact as I get messed up and she agreed. I said I dont want to be friends with you and she said she understands. Her bd followed and I completely ignored her , as I still have feelings and want to maintain NC to heal completely. On my bd 3 weeks after hers, I get a txt on how I am and wishing me all the best and this and that. She has always try to reach out and knowing her arrogance is, not normal for her to send e a txt when I ignored her. Why she keeps doing this, why? Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 She knows you're wise to her and wants to manipulate you to whatever end (does it matter what?). Women are trained to do this by their Mothers, Society and Oprah's book club. Move past it. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 She knows you're wise to her and wants to manipulate you to whatever end (does it matter what?). Women are trained to do this by their Mothers, Society and Oprah's book club. Move past it. LOL you are so resentful towards women 69ways - this is the phase 4 bounce in gigs Gibson wrote a good post on phase 4. You'll have to search for it or pm me and I'll expand more on it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Meg717 Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 I wouldn't say it has anything to with her being a woman. I think it has to do with the fact that she broke up with you. Guilt maybe. Loneliness. Who knows. My ex has been the one to contact me the last few times and he's the one that broke up with me. I didn't contact him on his bday but i'm pretty sure i'll hear from him on mine. I feel for some people they make this decision to leave a relationship and sometimes they think about it for a while before they do it and sometimes they just decide one day they don't want to be with someone anymore. I feel like in either situation once they leave, they start to realize the decision was dumb..whatever the reason for leaving.. and by that point, we as the people that are dumped, have accepted what has happened, know our lives will be better, have confidence to turn them down and they're left with nothing - feeling guilty or lonely. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 It is guilt loneliness and them missing you Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 It is guilt loneliness and them missing you It is guilt loneliness and them missing you... and wanting you to miss them, and making sure that if they feel bad, they want you to know about it, no matter if it makes you feel bad too...... It's more about them offloading on you, than them being sympathetic to your feelings. I mean, after all, who would understand better than you, the pain of breaking up? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 (edited) Tara, you are such a projecting clown on wheels. She isn't tryin to hurt anyone, shes just having a bad dating day. She didn't say anything bad. She was checking in. Stop thinking everyone is bad and evil and doing things to hurt people on purpose Edited April 28, 2012 by wilsonx Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Well...I guess the Op would be the best judge of that... But women do this. Men don't so much. I can equate with why a woman would do this. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Amen Tara, please extrapolate! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 I don't need to. Men who have been witness to this will recognise it. Men who haven't will not agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Thatguyintx Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Tara, you are such a projecting clown on wheels. Although I don't feel the same about Tara or anything close to it, I have to say THIS is the funniest quote of the day! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 69ways Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 LOL you are so resentful towards women 69ways - this is the phase 4 bounce in gigs Gibson wrote a good post on phase 4. You'll have to search for it or pm me and I'll expand more on it only towards her, as she is unfair Link to post Share on other sites
gibson Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 69ways, If and when you can be like the following guy and be authentic... your life, your love life and your situation with your Ex will improve greatly. Man up and stop being her whipping boy! 2 months ago, 12 months after break up, she said she wanted to see me but was not sure and 3 days later said we have no future, this made me to tell her that is not right to talk or even have any contact as I get messed up and she agreed. After 3 days of you kissing her ass, telling her how happy you are, how wonderful she is, etc. she left again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 69ways Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 (edited) 69ways, If and when you can be like the following guy and be authentic... your life, your love life and your situation with your Ex will improve greatly. Man up and stop being her whipping boy! After 3 days of you kissing her ass, telling her how happy you are, how wonderful she is, etc. she left again. Bull.... So I am fake and not authentic.......and actually you are saying its my fault....which planet you dropped off , I wonder..... Never said I was speaking to her these 3 days and never said I told her I was happy and the crap you are mentioning above m8 Edited April 28, 2012 by 69ways Link to post Share on other sites
gibson Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 (edited) Bull.... So I am fake and not authentic.......and actually you are saying its my fault....which planet you dropped off , I wonder..... Never said I was speaking to her these 3 days and never said I told her I was happy and the crap you are mentioning above m8 Touch a nerve? Since you first came here, you have started over 30 threads about your situation with your Ex. She knows without a doubt that you think the sun raises and sets on her ass and you will take her sh*t. All she has to do is cry wolf and you come running... How do I know? You have created 10+ threads about you doing it and one even titled "Crying Wolf". My advice... Figure out what you want from your Ex (your boundaries), watch the video clip I posted above 100 times and next time you hear from her... Communicate what you want (your boundaries) in exactly that tone of voice and manner. Then hold yourself and her accountable. Problem solved! Just like I told you back in July of 2011... If your Ex truly wants you back, if your Ex truly wants a second chance, if your Ex truly wants to reconcile with you... They will pursue you, they will be geniune, they will be sincere, they will be open, they will be honest, they will make themselves available to you, they will want to talk and communicate with you, they will make you a priority, they will be affectionate, they will be respectful, they will want to see and be with you, they will gladly remove any roadblocks or barriers that are standing in the way, they will be persistent, they will fight for you, they have no problem putting forth the work and effort that is required, they will give it their all, they will do whatever is necessary and give you their very best! If your Ex is not doing all the things above... Your Ex does not want you back! Edited April 28, 2012 by gibson 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 69ways Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 (edited) Touch a nerve? Since you first came here, you have started over 30 threads about your situation with your Ex. She knows without a doubt that you think the sun raises and sets on her ass and you will take her ****. All she has to do is cry wolf and you come running... How do I know? You have created 10+ threads about you doing it and one even titled "Crying Wolf". My advice... Figure out what you want from your Ex (your boundaries), watch the video clip I posted above 100 times and next time you hear from her... Communicate what you want (your boundaries) in exactly that tone of voice and manner. Then hold yourself and her accountable. Problem solved! No actually my brain cant handle stupid comments and if you an issue about my threads , got news for you, theres a user called admin.....PM him he might be able to explain whats going on in this forum. As for your advice, I see each case to be a different whole situation and you seem to keep posting the same old lame video,I will skip. I dont need advice on how to deal with her,as I am better , it means I am doing something right but just trying to figure her out and trust me, I got so far not thanks to your advice. Besides if its GIGS you said it goes through phases and if it takes 10000 posts to complete the cycle, I will post 10000 times...... For a guy that some users here say you know GIGS, you dont impress me at all, I actually wonder if you copied all that stuff from somewhere. PM the admin....tell him I post too many threads Besides your last post, had a fair amount of crap that it was worthless,who told you I want her back or I would even consider sending my time with a person who hurt me so much? No m8 , you did not touch a nerve, you just waste my time Edited April 29, 2012 by 69ways Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 (edited) Love Hurts. Deal with it! "I'm going to come to the forums and wonder why she's doing this to me and keep hurting myself instead of taking responsibility of me and either moving on or try to understand her" You do neither, you sit in Limbo only to continue to hurt yourself. If you don't want your ex, you change your number, focus on your life, forget about the forums and live your life. Its been a year. You set a clear boundary with her and told her to stop communicating with you, but you haven't once enforced that boundary. She continues to and YOU do nothing about it. This is YOUR fault not hers for failing to enforce your own personal boundaries. This is something NO ONE ON THIS FORUM SEEMS TO GRASP. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW YOU ARE TREATED. NO ONE ELSE IS RESPONSIBLE. THE RESPONSIBILITY FALLS ON YOU AND YOU ALONE, NOT YOUR EXs "Im going to keep coming here over and over and over until its done" LOL Are you kidding me? Cowards that wont take control of their own lives do this. Man up. By the way, someone that DOESNT WANT THEIR EX BACK doesnt talk about their ex Edited April 29, 2012 by wilsonx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 (edited) 69, I have gone round and round with Gibson/Homebrew for months now and sometimes what it all comes down to, no matter how your perspective takes it is that if you want to be a Man you have to take it like a man. You want the sad and ugly truth? You are EXPECTED to do more, earn more and take more **** than every single Woman no matter how rich, smart etc. she is that exists in this world. You are expected to "know better" and walk away and take care of you above all others. You are a Man and that is just the way it is. If you're angry, blame genetics and evolution. I think you might be looking for coddling and that is not the type of advice a Man should pursue from other Men. I'll put myself out there to be flamed. It is my fault I got strung along with my Ex. GIGS or not, when your needs aren't being met, walk. It is the only thing that gets through to a Woman. Why did you hear from her? She had a weak moment and reached out to you and performed self-validation, Wilson somewhat nails it when he says "self-talking and checking in". She is a dumb, stupid, cum-guzzling bitch and she treated you like ****. She is not thinking logically, she defines her reality via emotions and if you don't rise above it, you are her doormat. I'm nearly a year out from a similar breakup where thankfully it didn't stretch out like yours. It did drag out for a bit though and I made my mistakes and I own the fact that I let myself be treated that way despite toeing the line that needed to be crossed MULTIPLE times. The only thing I blame upon my Ex was abusing my trust and faith. This disqualifies her from my devotion and now I am finally becoming indifferent. Right now, due to my job and it being the end of the month I am unable to bring myself to dredge everything up that would probably make this a better post but that is because my perspective has evolved so much that it is now layered and yes I am a bit bitter, I would say pragmatically so. I'm willing to backup my argument(s) on a case by case or specific basis but I no longer have the time and energy to break it all down into a neat little theory because it doesn't matter anymore. I learned the lessons and have transitioned into the practical side of things. I hope you get there. Gibson/Homebrew and Wilson to his own degree are trying to hold you accountable for your actions, that is all you can ever control in this world and all you can do as far as analyzing others is to observe their actions and weigh them against their words. Everything else aside: Your Ex disrespected you by contacting you after you asked for NC and for frivolous and selfish reasons. Why do you think she did that? She was testing your boundaries as man. You want my opinion? You can either flash on her (if you never have I would) or just remain NC. I truly wish you well and hope that you can step back from your ego, pride, feelings and exercise the logic and objectivity that is required in this situation. Sincerely, Joe Edited April 29, 2012 by EgoJoe Typo. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HollyBolly Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 69, I have gone round and round with Gibson/Homebrew for months now and sometimes what it all comes down to, no matter how your perspective takes it is that if you want to be a Man you have to take it like a man. You want the sad and ugly truth? You are EXPECTED to do more, earn more and take more **** than every single Woman no matter how rich, smart etc. she is that exists in this world. You are expected to "know better" and walk away and take care of you above all others. You are a Man and that is just the way it is. If you're angry, blame genetics and evolution. I think you might be looking for coddling and that is not the type of advice a Man should pursue from other Men. I'll put myself out there to be flamed. It is my fault I got strung along with my Ex. GIGS or not, when your needs aren't being met, walk. It is the only thing that gets through to a Woman. Why did you hear from her? She had a weak moment and reached out to you and performed self-validation, Wilson somewhat nails it when he says "self-talking and checking in". She is a dumb, stupid, cum-guzzling bitch and she treated you like ****. She is not thinking logically, she defines her reality via emotions and if you don't rise above it, you are her doormat. I'm nearly a year out from a similar breakup where thankfully it didn't stretch out like yours. It did drag out for a bit though and I made my mistakes and I own the fact that I let myself be treated that way despite toeing the line that needed to be crossed MULTIPLE times. The only thing I blame upon my Ex was abusing my trust and faith. This disqualifies her from my devotion and now I am finally becoming indifferent. Right now, due to my job and it being the end of the month I am unable to bring myself to dredge everything up that would probably make this a better post but that is because my perspective has evolved so much that it is now layered and yes I am a bit bitter, I would say pragmatically so. I'm willing to backup my argument(s) on a case by case or specific basis but I no longer have the time and energy to break it all down into a neat little theory because it doesn't matter anymore. I learned the lessons and have transitioned into the practical side of things. I hope you get there. Gibson/Homebrew and Wilson to his own degree are trying to hold you accountable for your actions, that is all you can ever control in this world and all you can do as far as analyzing others is to observe their actions and weigh them against their words. Everything else aside: Your Ex disrespected you by contacting you after you asked for NC and for frivolous and selfish reasons. Why do you think she did that? She was testing your boundaries as man. You want my opinion? You can either flash on her (if you never have I would) or just remain NC. I truly wish you well and hope that you can step back from your ego, pride, feelings and exercise the logic and objectivity that is required in this situation. Sincerely, Joe Was happy to be gay before. Now am elated and relieved. Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 If your Ex truly wants you back, if your Ex truly wants a second chance, if your Ex truly wants to reconcile with you... They will pursue you, they will be geniune, they will be sincere, they will be open, they will be honest, they will make themselves available to you, they will want to talk and communicate with you, they will make you a priority, they will be affectionate, they will be respectful, they will want to see and be with you, they will gladly remove any roadblocks or barriers that are standing in the way, they will be persistent, they will fight for you, they have no problem putting forth the work and effort that is required, they will give it their all, they will do whatever is necessary and give you their very best! If your Ex is not doing all the things above... Your Ex does not want you back! Can I get an amen! Link to post Share on other sites
HollyBolly Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 Can I get an amen! Not if they're mentally incapable to do what Wilson suggested. Sorry, matey. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 69ways Posted April 29, 2012 Author Share Posted April 29, 2012 Not if they're mentally incapable to do what Wilson suggested. Sorry, matey. Mine has depression and she is under therapy, at least one user here is smart enough not to see this black and white Link to post Share on other sites
Author 69ways Posted April 29, 2012 Author Share Posted April 29, 2012 Love Hurts. Deal with it! "I'm going to come to the forums and wonder why she's doing this to me and keep hurting myself instead of taking responsibility of me and either moving on or try to understand her" You do neither, you sit in Limbo only to continue to hurt yourself. If you don't want your ex, you change your number, focus on your life, forget about the forums and live your life. Its been a year. You set a clear boundary with her and told her to stop communicating with you, but you haven't once enforced that boundary. She continues to and YOU do nothing about it. This is YOUR fault not hers for failing to enforce your own personal boundaries. This is something NO ONE ON THIS FORUM SEEMS TO GRASP. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW YOU ARE TREATED. NO ONE ELSE IS RESPONSIBLE. THE RESPONSIBILITY FALLS ON YOU AND YOU ALONE, NOT YOUR EXs "Im going to keep coming here over and over and over until its done" LOL Are you kidding me? Cowards that wont take control of their own lives do this. Man up. By the way, someone that DOESNT WANT THEIR EX BACK doesnt talk about their ex Once again wilson you surprise me. 2 months ago wilson, remember what you said to me? Her effort of calling me was to get back together. I followed your advice didnt I? Where did it end? Me going back in my healing as you were wrong, so I suggest you stop trying to give me advice because is not the first time you would be wrong, I also dont like people that write in caps, always something mental wrong about shouting on a screen. People talk about alot of things that happened in the past in their life. Feeling the need to speak about something, is a human need and part of inner heal, you are in no position to say that speaking about her means I want her back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 69ways Posted April 29, 2012 Author Share Posted April 29, 2012 69, I have gone round and round with Gibson/Homebrew for months now and sometimes what it all comes down to, no matter how your perspective takes it is that if you want to be a Man you have to take it like a man. You want the sad and ugly truth? You are EXPECTED to do more, earn more and take more **** than every single Woman no matter how rich, smart etc. she is that exists in this world. You are expected to "know better" and walk away and take care of you above all others. You are a Man and that is just the way it is. If you're angry, blame genetics and evolution. I think you might be looking for coddling and that is not the type of advice a Man should pursue from other Men. I'll put myself out there to be flamed. It is my fault I got strung along with my Ex. GIGS or not, when your needs aren't being met, walk. It is the only thing that gets through to a Woman. Why did you hear from her? She had a weak moment and reached out to you and performed self-validation, Wilson somewhat nails it when he says "self-talking and checking in". She is a dumb, stupid, cum-guzzling bitch and she treated you like ****. She is not thinking logically, she defines her reality via emotions and if you don't rise above it, you are her doormat. I'm nearly a year out from a similar breakup where thankfully it didn't stretch out like yours. It did drag out for a bit though and I made my mistakes and I own the fact that I let myself be treated that way despite toeing the line that needed to be crossed MULTIPLE times. The only thing I blame upon my Ex was abusing my trust and faith. This disqualifies her from my devotion and now I am finally becoming indifferent. Right now, due to my job and it being the end of the month I am unable to bring myself to dredge everything up that would probably make this a better post but that is because my perspective has evolved so much that it is now layered and yes I am a bit bitter, I would say pragmatically so. I'm willing to backup my argument(s) on a case by case or specific basis but I no longer have the time and energy to break it all down into a neat little theory because it doesn't matter anymore. I learned the lessons and have transitioned into the practical side of things. I hope you get there. Gibson/Homebrew and Wilson to his own degree are trying to hold you accountable for your actions, that is all you can ever control in this world and all you can do as far as analyzing others is to observe their actions and weigh them against their words. Everything else aside: Your Ex disrespected you by contacting you after you asked for NC and for frivolous and selfish reasons. Why do you think she did that? She was testing your boundaries as man. You want my opinion? You can either flash on her (if you never have I would) or just remain NC. I truly wish you well and hope that you can step back from your ego, pride, feelings and exercise the logic and objectivity that is required in this situation. Sincerely, Joe Joe thanks for taking the time and writing all that and I agree. I always used LS as a forum of support as I thought I would find mature people here that actually know what the hell they are talking about. I took a lot of beating the 1last 15 months due to the break up. I lost 17 kg , was hospitalised with severe stomach infection due to low immune system that lead to a condition I need an operation. Had to apologise to 200 people that were invited for the engagement and so on and so on. So I believe I took my fair amount of s..t and I managed to rise to the top of the pile. I am not after compassion or a tap on the shoulder and I dont expect sympathy but I do expect respect from people that been in the same situation and maybe a bit friendliness. You know what I found on this forum and after this thread dies, I am not going to bother anymore , I actually requested an account delete, something they did not do obviously, a long time a go. I found users with thousand of posts that look at breakups been black and white and become strongly minded and never accept they are wrong. Users that each time you post, they answer in a way that they are on a personal quest and most times their answer from thread to thread are even clashing, on the same user. Now thats scary. Specifically at one thread they will say i.e NC and the next day :you are an idiot man , she gave you a chance there...... People here, not all, are biased and more bitterer than normally and you can see that when they argue about the post mortgage on a break up, between them, each try to fit in his own situation to yours and advice you in the way that would match their break up. I honestly, dont remember many times that people here have really been helpful, I kept posting just to see how long this will go, I was even been banned by the admin because he did not like about my reaction on one of his favourite users attack on me, this user suggested that he was successful because he had a good job and good money and I did not. Now how in earth he knows if I got a good job and how much money I make or how on earth does his job have something to do with my ex gf, f... knows. Guess what , that user kept posting in my next threads, why, because he obviously enjoys causing trouble..... As a conclusion, I have been on other relationship forums and seen people with the same issues as me and seen how most users advice ,some users here are very helpful but the majority have learned two acronyms , GIGS and NC and they just apply that to each situation, I believe they suffer from the black and white syndrome, meaning they just see what they want and as they want see it. They see this in each break up situation and try to always apply NC and GIGS advice and beware to the user that dos not agree with them, they will become emotionally defensive and aggressive. These aggressiveness is noticed by me in just a handful of users but will not name and shame. I mean they even try to tell you how you feel, see Wilson above, who? A guy sitting behind a screen thousands of miles away from me, trying to convince me that I want my ex back because I am talking about her. People speak about Nazism, do they want it back? A stranger that I never met, that has nothing better to do than keep on posting on heart broken forums thousands of times , tries to tell me who I am and how I feel, some have really missed the point on this forum. How messed up is that? Honestly just take a minute and reflect on that, having a stranger emotionally analyse you via a computer screen and trying to push his opinion about the way you feel to you. I promise you guys , I will not open another thread after this one dies out,just I really believe some of you here and I underline the word some, have to stop mirroring in peoples threads their bias , because trust me people that come here need a nice word and support not the NC and GIGS theories you just go and write because it just sounds cool and because it gives the chance to write a bunch of phase one and bla bla bla... For someone who has his heart just broken, all these sounds impressive and because of the nature of the way some present this, the heart broken user just shakes his head agreeing. I had a guy who was PM me the wrong advice by his own initiative, I noticed from he first PM that he did not even bother to read my thread. He did not even bothered to take 5 minutes and read up. When I told him , it took him a few days to reply and then told me that he was managing many threads and somewhere got lost..... So Joe, I am sure all of the users have good intentions here but trust me the open wounds their exes left in them , mask up the ability for them to advice newly hard broken people in the correct way, doing more damage some times than good. Link to post Share on other sites
Tiera D Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 When new posters come in for advise,the community usually give them a more compassionate comments..On the other hand when someone is here too long mulling over the same problem,the community usually chose a different approach through harsh comments to allow u to see the reality in the situation,u can hate us but believe it when most of us here are here to help u,its just our ways are different. I would counsel u to look at the simplest truth,what have u achieved in these past months? There is a big difference between blind devotion and love.Think about it. Wish u the best TD 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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