Too strict mother and she hates my boyfriend

[sweetheart8]

Hi guys, I think I need your help. I need to write it there, and get some advice from you. I'll try to write it in as short form, as possible.

 

I'm 16. At first, I really love my mother. She's great, she is bringing me up alone, we're a little family. She's gone through really bad things (especially because of men). And still, our situation isn't really good, it's full of stress and we feel like being under pressure all the time. (it's a long story behind this, now we're looking for new flat, we want to move and then it should be ok). She has high expectations on me, because she doesn't have money for university, so she wants me to have the best grades as I can. I try hard, a I have some hobbies and I have really good grades. Sometimes there are problems with housework, she gets angry when I don't do something immediately. I know she had, and still has hard life. My grantmother, her mother, feels really bad. We both love her and it hurts us. And it's even worse because my mom is ill, so she feels quite bad sometimes.

 

Well, the worst arguments started when I have found a boyfriend almost 2 years ago. He's a little bit older than me. He's really nice to me, romantic, sensitive, he tries to make me happy all the time. We have sometimes little "arguments" about stupid things, but nothing serious. Maybe one thing worries me - he's jealous, sometimes a lot. But I understand it, because I am jealous too, even without reason. We both don't smoke or drink alcohol (as many people our age) or go out at night - just during the day, and I am at home always when the sun didn't go down yet. And we see each other once a week, sometimes twice. And sometimes just once per two weeks.

 

But she hates him. Once, in the beginnings of our relationship, she has read one text message from him. That time, he didn't understand that I don't have time to go out with him more than once or twice. He thought that I don't want him. But the truth was that my mother didn't allowed me to go out. So he wrote something like "don't you think your mother wants uz to break up?". I felt it so. But she got angry because of it and still remembers it.

He's quite shy in front of her, he doesn't talk much because he doesn't want to tell something wrong. She is friendly to him, and he tries to be friendly to her, he is full of respect. Now he is more mature then he was. People change.

 

The biggest problem is, that sometimes she argues with me because of him. Those arguments are really bad and I sometimes end up thinking about breaking up with him. Not because I didn't love him, but because of this terrible situation, sick of life and everything. Sometimes it "changes" my feeling to him, all those words she says. But it gets into normal after few days.

I should mention one situation. When I started going out with him, my best friend started chasing him and so on. I told her to stop doing this, but she was like.. she was laughing. She was writing to him on FB and things lke that, and I didn't want to act like jealous girlfriend so I tried to let it go. Once we decided to go to the cinema with some people, so I told that I'll take him too. But then they told the we should take her too. Then we cancelled it because we couldn't find right time. So I told him that we aren't going there. But finally we have found right time when everyone could, but my mom took my notebook so I couldn't write him what was going on. I wanted to tell him that we have arranged it,but I don't want him to meet her. She immediately called me, how can she get there into that cinema blah blah. I told her the way, but also that my boyfriend doesn't go. She was like "oh but I think.. I can't go too. my parents won't let me. huh.".. she absolutely changed her mind. After that call I wrote him text message but she was faster, and on FB wrote him that I don't want to take him with my friends. "Maybe you should change surroundings, maybe the person." She wanted to go out with him the next day. But he didn't answer. He told me what happened and.. that it was. I was angry I didn't know what to do. I stopped talking to her. I know it was maybe my fault also, but what BEST FRIEND would act like this? - And my mom thinks that it was completely his fault.

 

He sometimes thinks that I don't love him, he said that some people told him so. That maybe I don't. He feels insecure, I know it. Please, can you give mi some advice? What should I do with my mother? How to make our relationship good? And how to prove my boyfriend that I love him but sometimes I just can't deal with this situation anymore? Or.. I would be grateful if you could write down what you think about those situations I have mentioned.

Thanks so much, if you stayed reading it until this line. xxx

[stillafool]

I don't know how old you are but two things to do:

 

1) Stop telling your Mom about the conversations between you and your bf.

 

2) Dump your so called friend because she is not a friend.

[TaraMaiden]

1st line, 1st pragraph - 16 years old!!

[Radu]

I don't know how old you are but two things to do:

 

1) Stop telling your Mom about the conversations between you and your bf.

 

2) Dump your so called friend because she is not a friend.

 

2nd paragraph, she says she is 16.

 

OP, he is right ... your so-called friend is not a friend and your mom is projecting her bad experiences in relationships on you.

Granted, her fears are well grounded ... you could get pregnant, you could let your grades slip, she can't send you to college so you need a schollarship ...

Try to put yourself in her situation, and remember that you have just 1 mother, but you will have many boyfriends.

Also remember that no matter how good they seem, relationships at your age don't last.

[stillafool]

Sorry I missed that you are only 16. Scratch my #1 suggestion as your mom can advise you on your bf. Definitely dump your friend.

[TaraMaiden]

OP, he is right ...

 

stillafool is a woman.....

[sweetheart8]

I'm sorry stillafool I didn't mention that I have already dumped that "friend" because of her behaviour.. Thanks so much for your advice

[sweetheart8]

2nd paragraph, she says she is 16.

 

OP, he is right ... your so-called friend is not a friend and your mom is projecting her bad experiences in relationships on you.

Granted, her fears are well grounded ... you could get pregnant, you could let your grades slip, she can't send you to college so you need a schollarship ...

Try to put yourself in her situation, and remember that you have just 1 mother, but you will have many boyfriends.

Also remember that no matter how good they seem, relationships at your age don't last.

 

Radu, thanks for advice. I appreciate it so much. Well, I agree with you. I know that I might seem to you like a typical 16 years old child, but I'm not. I'm quite different from other people my age, maybe because all the things I've gone through with my family and so.. Well you maybe won't believe me, but our relationship isn't based on physical contact, but my mom doesn't believe me. Also I really care for school and I try to do my best. Always. And she knows it. I have tried to look at this situation from her point of view and I know how it seems. But if she gave me a chance to talk to her openely, everything would be better. I really love her, and I don't put my boyfriend in front of her. Maybe she has to accept, that I'm getting older, and I can't be with her all the time. When she had a man, everything was better because she didn't focus on me so much. But now she is alone nad I'm the only thing she can focus on.

 

And.. I know. Everyone tells me that relationships at my age don't last. I see it everywhere around me, they're cheating and doing stupid things and.. I'm not like this. And he also isn't like this. I don't idealize our realtionship, there are always things we have to work on, but it is better and better. In some ways we are more mature than other people, some of my friends told me, that we "have found each other". Our relationship lasts almost 2 years, and I hope it will last even longer, because it brings steadiness into my life, I have someone to talk to, someone who cheers me up. And it isn't based on physical contact or things like this. It's deeper. I know you are maybe shaking your head now, but this is how it is. And I should add.. he isn't my first boyfriend, I was dating a really short time one guy who was 4 years older than me. And there is a big difference. I dumped him because I knew it isn't good for me, that he wants just the only thing. And if I compare those relationships.. that first I can't even name relationship.