me understand him,and give me your honest .

[sage.k]

Hello everyone,this is long but please bear with me.

A little background, my family moved to the US when i was 5 years old,and my boyfriend's family moved to the US when he was 12 years old.5 years ago my boyfriend and I dated for a short time,we broke up because he kissed another girl,we were both very young i was 17 and he was 19,he was my first boyfriend.He apologized,told me he regretted what he did but i told him we couldn't go back together.Later on his family moved to Europe,and 3 years ago,we started talking a lot over the phone,skype,email,facebook, we became really close. End of 2009,he asked me if we could date again,i told him,i really care about him,but i didnt want to travel down that road again.He was very patient, in 2010 i finally accepted to date him.We planned that he would come visit me in summer 2011,since i had an internship and couldn't go there,however he also obtained an internship at the last minute. Obviously we were disappointed but school is more important,we decided that we will definitely spend a month together this summer in Africa.

One thing i forgot to mention is that now he is studying in Europe, his sister as well but his mum moved back to Africa.LIke usual something happened,i got a co-op,which means Africa was out of question for me,then i suggested 3 things,I can go visit him right before my co-op starts;i can go see him two weeks after he is done with school,or else he can come see me for a week before he leaves for Africa. To all those suggestions his answer was NO,he said he is too busy with his final year project,and exams therefore i cant go see him before my co-op,nor can he wait for me for two weeks after he is done because his mum wont let him,and he cant come visit me before he leaves because again his mum wont let him,he said she will tell him to go visit her first and then visit me later.

Just to clarify something,his mum doesn't know about us,he had said he will introduce me to his mum this summer,but my whole family knows about him,well they found out from someone else,and when they asked me i told them it was the truth,and they never made this a big deal.I don't have any problem about his mum not knowing about me but i think it is causing a strain on the relationship,because if the mum knew about us,he probably wouldn't have a problem waiting two weeks for me or coming to see me for a week then leave for Africa.I know with our African culture we don't go telling our parents about our boyfriends/girlfriends,and i am really okay with it,i love our culture and i embrace it.

But for me it feels like if he really wanted to see me,he could have came up with something to tell his mum,not that he is going to see his girlfriend but to say something else,so he could wait for me,or come here for a week.He said that he doesn't know why i don't understand since he is going to try and come to see me in October,i reiterated that i don't have a problem with him coming in october,nevertheless it wont be the same,i will be in school,and i wont have as much time as i do now,and if i was the one in his place,i would explain all that to my mum,and i wasn't asking for a month but for a week.It feels like i am more invested in this,or like i am trying so hard.Am i being unreasonable?or selfish?I love my boyfriend a lot,and i think he loves me too,thats why i am holding on to this,otherwise i would have let it go.Cant he really try hard so we can see each other?Men and women,what would you do in my situation?Is he just a momma's boy?Or he is still very dependent?He is almost 25,shouldn't he be able to do some things without asking permission? Thank you everyone

[cerridwen]

Sage,

 

I would like to give advice but your post is very difficult to read.

 

I suggest reformatting it, putting spaces between paragraphs, and creating sentences with punctuation before reposting.

It's kinder on the eyes and will likely get you more responses.