What happened to my girl?? :/

[Gulf-Delta]

This is a long post, but please bare with me.

 

My ex left me on January 30. After weeks of crying, over-talking the breakup, trying a one-sided friendship, and so on. On April 20, I initiated NC. I asked her if she loved me and she said she "didn't know". So...I said we needed time to just sort ourselves out. She had an emotional meltdown asking me not to forget about her, and how she doesn't want it to be forever.

 

I have only called her once (few days ago) because the car insurance bill (in my name, but it's her car) came in. It was quick chat. You know, formalities "How are you?" "How's work/school" and so on.

 

I'm still in love with the person she used to be. You see, she used to be a very cute, modest, shy indie type girl. SUPER artistic (she wrote/bound her own books, wrote music, and made me a stuffed animal for our first valentine;s day).

 

We had an amazing 2 yr relationship. Everyday was incredible, we were on cloud 9. We believed we were soulmates and talked about kids, and everything, and even got engaged.

 

Over time, she started hanging out more and more with her sister and her very close childhood friend, and less and less time at home. First she started spending the nite there once a month. Then once a week. And I was okay with this, because, it's her sister and best friend from childhood. We hit our 2 yr anniversary and she made me card saying how I was the best thing that ever happened to her, best day of her life, etc. etc. Pretty soon after that the time away got more and more until she said she knew this was hurting me, and she left me.

 

Now she's a total club kid. Goes out every nite, dresses provocatively (for her anyway), possibly seeing someone else (not totally sure, but don't really care) blah blah.

 

Now in our 2 years, we NEVER fought. Ever. I never abused her, there was no cheating. Literally almost a perfect relationship. But I'll admit, we're young (22) and the economy sucks, so we couldn't really find good jobs, money was scarce, etc and I know this financial strain contributed to the split.

 

I'm wondering if this new "party girl" thing is a phase, and she'll remember what's important. I mean, like I said, NO fights, complete honesty (until the end), great sex, emotional support. My only downfall was that clubbing and stuff isn't my thing...and it actually wasn't her's until recently. Is the shy girl I fell in love with gone forever? Should I try to get her back? Or try to be a friend (yes, I do want to be her friend, and not because I'm desperate to be with her. She's like family).

 

I feel like the girl I fell for is dead, but I also know deep down, she can't forget me (lots of firsts together, lots of STRONG emotional ties). What should I do? I feel like we had something really rare, but am afraid she doesn't "get it".

[gibson]

You will find the answers to your questions in the following threads:

 

"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

 

Dumped by someone with G.I.G.S.? All your Questions are Answered within this thread!

[Gulf-Delta]

You will find the answers to your questions in the following threads:

 

"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

 

Dumped by someone with G.I.G.S.? All your Questions are Answered within this thread!

 

Thanks! I will get on reading this!

 

Still would like to hear from some others who may have shared some similar experiences...

[gibson]

Thanks! I will get on reading this!

 

Still would like to hear from some others who may have shared some similar experiences...

 

Everything you need is there...

 

Look through the threads, you will also see 100 other young kids like yourself on here going through the same thing.

[Gulf-Delta]

Everything you need is there...

 

Look through the threads, you will also see 100 other young kids like yourself on here going through the same thing.

 

Read the articles....I don't like what I read

 

I mean, I care a lot about this person's happiness and safety. I can't just "let go". I care too much. It might not even be love necessarily, I just care, want her to be safe,etc.

Edited April 29, 2012 by Gulf-Delta

[leoc1973]

Gulf stay NC and if there was a truly deep love then she will be back right around a year later. Read my most recent comment. You have to stay away from her tho and she needs to see what else is out there. If she comes back really soon then she hasn't got it out of her system and she will do it to you again in about a year or 2.

 

If you hang around and become her friend you WILL lose her forever. You have to be strong if you want her back. Tuck your emotions away and don't let her see them.

 

The reason you don't hear about reconciliation is because when most people get their ex's back they forget about all of us still on here so you only really hear about the failures and never the successes.

[Gulf-Delta]

Gulf stay NC and if there was a truly deep love then she will be back right around a year later. Read my most recent comment. You have to stay away from her tho and she needs to see what else is out there. If she comes back really soon then she hasn't got it out of her system and she will do it to you again in about a year or 2.

 

If you hang around and become her friend you WILL lose her forever. You have to be strong if you want her back. Tuck your emotions away and don't let her see them.

 

The reason you don't hear about reconciliation is because when most people get their ex's back they forget about all of us still on here so you only really hear about the failures and never the successes.

 

This hurts so bad. Like, I CAN'T let go. The NC doesn't help. I cannot get over it. My heart won't let me. I can't do complete NC. I can't be okay with her just being out there, with who knows what happening to her.

 

I'm having a crying fit now, and am remembering all of the good times and how I I'll never get to experience those moments again. I remember when she used to cry all the time about her insecurities and I was there to comfort her. Me crying is making me think of her crying and it's killing me.

 

I'm a pilot. What happens if I'm in an accident or something and she never knows how I feel?

 

I can't stand this loss. It hurts physically. I just miss her so much. I feel like a family member just died. I can't deal with the fact that I'm never gonna hold her again. Never gonna comfort her again. Never gonna be able to see her smile like she used to. Never going to see her walk down the aisle. Never gonna have kids with her. I'm hurt that I'm never going to see the person I fell for ever again. I can't deal with losing the only person in my LIFE, ever who loved me for me. Never criticized me, accepted who and what I was.

 

Inside she is the most incredible, caring generous person ever....how am I supposed to let go of someone like that?

 

I want so badly just to see that spark in her eyes when she looked at me.

 

I hate this.

Edited April 29, 2012 by Gulf-Delta

[Gulf-Delta]

My whole life, I've been labeled as weird, antisocial, eccentric, even crazy. Before I met her, I had accepted these qualities, and realized I am just the way I am, the end.

 

She was the only person who not only accepted me but my uniqueness and eccentricities were the REASON she fell for me. She made everything ok. Because, for all my weirdness, it was making someone happy, and that person loved me. She gave me hope that I wasn't going to die a lonely old man like my father (51, never been married). She made me feel like I wasn't weird, I was special, and unique.

 

Now I'm back to being the way I was before. And it sucks. The one person I trusted with my heart, wants nothing to do with me. The only person who embraced my personality wholeheartedly (and I her) is gone, forever.

[Gulf-Delta]

Well, I'm all cried out for today, and now I'm sleepy. And confused. People here say NC for years because of GIGS. People I know and other websites say fight for love. I mean, she is in GIGS mode, but we've overcome so many...unique, circumstances before...

 

I just can't deal with the fact that my one and only is changed...and I'm left with no one.

 

Unlike most relationships our age, we started as friends. We bonded as friends before we even entertained the idea of a relationship. Became very close friends, and ended up together. It wasn't fueled by sex or lust, it was based on a real friendship and enjoyment. That's the part I can't let go. I lose too many friends to the military, moving, or just drifting apart. I don't want to lose the greatest friend I've ever had.

 

Leave me some stuff I can read tomorrow.

Edited April 29, 2012 by Gulf-Delta

[Tiera D]

Sorry to say this there really is nothing u can do,GiGs is the worst breakup i think..u can either do NC and have a possible chance 1-2 yrs down the lane..or keep begging,pleading,being a sticky guy and let her resent u hate u and in the end probably getting a restrain order for harassment.u have to understand

 

""She is not the girl u know 2 years ago!"

 

some time down the lane,u probably doubt u even know this girl,harsh to say but sadly at this point u had no choice but to NC and let go..Goodluck

 

TD

[dandan89]

Dude trust me when I say I know exactly how you feel. My situation is very similar to yours. Mine use to be shy (she still is quite shy really) and she then got a lot of new friends from Uni and started clubbing too. It's been almost three months now that she left our amazing 4 and a half year relationship and my love love for her has not changed a bit. I'm better than I was but still get very depressed about it but I've slowly learned not think about it as much (still probably think about her hourly but better than it was). The worst thing is we didn't see it coming and we didn't get real reasons.

 

If you want any chance with her in the future you need to not only work on yourself and be strong but maintain NC or at the very least NIC. Show her you are strong!

 

My heart goes out to you man.

[Gulf-Delta]

Sorry to say this there really is nothing u can do,GiGs is the worst breakup i think..u can either do NC and have a possible chance 1-2 yrs down the lane..or keep begging,pleading,being a sticky guy and let her resent u hate u and in the end probably getting a restrain order for harassment.u have to understand

 

""She is not the girl u know 2 years ago!"

 

some time down the lane,u probably doubt u even know this girl,harsh to say but sadly at this point u had no choice but to NC and let go..Goodluck

 

TD

 

I'm a firm believer that people don't change who they really are on the inside. And inside, I know the girl I met 2 years ago, is still in there. She's running from it because she's afraid of the permanence of house/family/marriage. She's always had a problem with confronting things that make her uncomfortable. This is really an extension of that, at least I tihnk so. She's conflicted between me, and this "fun" life. She has too much happiness attached to me and is coping with a new lifestyle. At least that's my take on it.

 

The thing is, at this point, I get that a relationship will probably never happen again, and moved past the begging, pleading stage. But this person is someone I view as family. I don't burn bridges. I stay in touch with people I'm close with. Even friends of mine who are in Japan or Afghanistan in the Marines who I haven't seen in ages. I guess you could say I'm almost incapable of letting go of people I have close connections with.

 

Would staying in casual contact be that bad? We're still friendly when we do talk, the breakup wasn't violent or ugly (other than both of us crying our eyes out for days when it happened).

 

I get that she needs this time to...do whatever she needs to do before she hits school and her career full-time. I get all that, and I understand why she feels this, but would catching up or something every few months or so really be that bad? I have no intention of begging or even talking about her and I. I just like talking to my friends, ya know? I get that time will take it effect, and heal all my wounds, and even hers too. I just don't know why COMPLETE isolation is the only way? I mean, isn't it kinda ****ty to completely blow someone off and cut them out?

 

I just don't know if moving on is totally possible. I mean EVERYTHING I see is attached to her. My favorite records, my favorite movies, my video games, my favorite TV shows, even my clothes and furniture in my house. The couch in my father's living room, is the couch where she kissed me for the first time. She used to wear my clothes all the time. We made love to music frequently. I even wrote songs for her, and now not only are those songs tainted, but the instruments I played them on! I mean she's everywhere. I can't just throw everytihng I own away.

Edited April 29, 2012 by Gulf-Delta

[jennisfora]

i feel your pain. i feel like i lost my love too, and am still wondering why, but also realizing that i may never know. if you want her back, you have to let her go. you can't convince her, and if you try LC, good luck. i tried it, and it made me a wreck, i would rather be a wreck in private than a wreck over the phone. i didn't beg, and i did maintain a couple short conversations and one meeting without being a total mess, but i tended to get angry and want answers before long. so, for my sanity, i have to do NC. I think now, that if i had did NC, and explained to him that i needed to heal, and stuck to it right off the bat, i would be in a better place now. i really think the couple months of LC didn't help me, and probably made him feel that he made the right decision to dump me. it just made him feel more guilty for walking away. NC hurts too, i don't think there is a painless way, unfortunately. *hugs*

[Gulf-Delta]

i feel your pain. i feel like i lost my love too, and am still wondering why, but also realizing that i may never know. if you want her back, you have to let her go. you can't convince her, and if you try LC, good luck. i tried it, and it made me a wreck, i would rather be a wreck in private than a wreck over the phone. i didn't beg, and i did maintain a couple short conversations and one meeting without being a total mess, but i tended to get angry and want answers before long. so, for my sanity, i have to do NC. I think now, that if i had did NC, and explained to him that i needed to heal, and stuck to it right off the bat, i would be in a better place now. i really think the couple months of LC didn't help me, and probably made him feel that he made the right decision to dump me. it just made him feel more guilty for walking away. NC hurts too, i don't think there is a painless way, unfortunately. *hugs*

 

Yeah, I hear ya. I mean, NC is necessary, it's just sooo hard because I've lost so many friends in my life. Most of the joined the military and moved away, others got caught up in drugs. And I hate that things happen like this...I don't want this friendship go. It's so hard because part of her is attached to pretty much everytihng I own. I can't even see girls with similar hairstyles or fashion sense without being reminded of her.

 

And how the hell can I ever love again? I'm always going to compare others to her. I mean, my trust in people has been shaken tremendously. I was weary about falling for her. I figured once she got to see "me" one on one, she'd be out. And I kinda suspected this kind of breakup may was going to happen. But I was assured that it wasn't, and I brought down my walls. I let her in, and was delighted to see she stuck around. I gave my ENTIRE LIFE to her, and gave her my heart and mind. But how can I ever trust another woman like that again? I mean, if this girl was susceptible to GiGs, then no one is safe.

[jennisfora]

i'm in the same boat. not sure i will either, i may, but not for a very long time. *hugs*

[confused kitty]

Gulf please dont beat yourself up, we all know exactly how you feel, remember we were All once in that position too, thats what brought us to LS. I know you wont believe me when I say this and its the last thing you will want to hear but it does get easyer, it will take time though..

 

Having been in a simular situation to yours, I would recommend LC(you only reply to her after she contacts you first) This will be highly debated on here, but for me NC just didnt seem to make sence if I wanted to get him back, I wont lie to you, weeks passed without any contact from him and that hurt like hell!!!

 

Just remember she needs to do this, for her! How would you feel if she stayed with you and pretended everything was ok, you two got married and had afew kids - then one day you come home to find the kids with a sitter and a note on the table explaing how shes felt "trapped" all these years..

 

A bit extreme perhaps, but you get my drift??

 

You two are still young, she needs to "live a little" and experience what else is out there before even considering to settle down to married life..

 

She may/may not come back to you, but you really need to give her this time and space that she needs. You need to let her go, in order to let her come back to you.

 

Im not trying to give you any false hope here but it worked for me (read my past threads, I was a mess, just like you)

 

If you truely love someone, set them free, if they return, its meant to be... - Corny but very true!!

Edited April 30, 2012 by confused kitty

[Gulf-Delta]

Gulf please dont beat yourself up, we all know exactly how you feel, remember we were All once in that position too, thats what brought us to LS. I know you wont believe me when I say this and its the last thing you will want to hear but it does get easyer, it will take time though..

 

Having been in a simular situation to yours, I would recommend LC(you only reply to her after she contacts you first) This will be highly debated on here, but for me NC just didnt seem to make sence if I wanted to get him back, I wont lie to you, weeks passed without any contact from him and that hurt like hell!!!

 

Just remember she needs to do this, for her! How would you feel if she stayed with you and pretended everything was ok, you two got married and had afew kids - then one day you come home to find the kids with a sitter and a note on the table explaing how shes felt "trapped" all these years..

 

A bit extreme perhaps, but you get my drift??

 

You two are still young, she needs to "live a little" and experience what else is out there before even considering to settle down to married life..

 

She may/may not come back to you, but you really need to give her this time and space that she needs. You need to let her go, in order to let her come back to you.

 

Im not trying to give you any false hope here but it worked for me (read my past threads, I was a mess, just like you)

 

If you truely love someone, set them free, if they return, its meant to be... - Corny but very true!!

 

I know I have to let time pass. And I can (sort of) deal with that. But it's the permanence of losing thr only person who "gets me" that really hurts.

 

A relationship...I don't know about all that. Even if she called me tonight and said "I'm sorry, I wanna try again, etc" I probably wouldn't take her back. At least not without her working her ass off for it. I mean, who she is now is NOT a person I want to date. In fact I dated her BECAUSE she was the opposite of how she s now.

 

But losing this person altogether? That's what hurts the most. I still get nostalgic about people I used to know (like my best friend for 15 years until he got into drugs), and I get kinda bummed. I can't imagine how I'd feel if I lost the person I have such a deep connection with.

 

I know time will heal things. I know that, even if I don't want a relationship, even a friendship will require time so that I can be rational if/when I see her.

 

The things is, when I read a lot of things on here about GiGs, the person going through it seems like a total jerk. Restraining orders, blocking of phone numbers, etc. She's not acting like that though. I still don't really see the problem with a small "how are you?" type conversation. As I tihnk I mentioned in the OP, we had a short conversation like this a few days ago, and it was civil, polite and respectful. There was no resentment, anger or annoyance.

[Tiera D]

im not an expert in GiGs either,i just trying to help anyone in need as this forums once helped me.But personally i think people do change sometimes or its just in them all along.Example: in most relationships the girl/guy when we 1st met was sweet caring and all those good qualities,when time passes the true character comes out and thats the test for a relationship.Well its ok to have slight contact i guess as long it ease the pain,as long she is not using u its ok,even she is in GiGs,maybe she would return to u sooner than u think?

 

Well since everything near u is attached to her,i think since ur a pilot,when u travel u can find a new place to settle and start over?just my suggestion,the decision is up to u brother.Stay strong

 

TD

Edited April 30, 2012 by Tiera D

[gibson]

The things is, when I read a lot of things on here about GiGs, the person going through it seems like a total jerk. Restraining orders, blocking of phone numbers, etc. She's not acting like that though. I still don't really see the problem with a small "how are you?" type conversation. As I tihnk I mentioned in the OP, we had a short conversation like this a few days ago, and it was civil, polite and respectful. There was no resentment, anger or annoyance.

 

They are not all crazy and dramatic break ups. If you have at least one mature person it doesn't get that way. The reason they do get sideways, it's usually two immature people with little or no break up experience.

 

Many of the GIGS dumpees on here (me included) had a break up like yours.

[Gulf-Delta]

im not an expert in GiGs either,i just trying to help anyone in need as this forums once helped me.But personally i think people do change sometimes or its just in them all along.Example: in most relationships the girl/guy when we 1st met was sweet caring and all those good qualities,when time passes the true character comes out and thats the test for a relationship.Well its ok to have slight contact i guess as long it ease the pain,as long she is not using u its ok,even she is in GiGs,maybe she would return to u sooner than u think?

 

Well since everything near u is attached to her,i think since ur a pilot,when u travel u can find a new place to settle and start over?just my suggestion,the decision is up to u brother.Stay strong

 

TD

 

I doubt she'll contact me. She hasn't yet, and is probably sleeping with some guy right this minute. As long as she's with someone else to distract her, I stand no chance. Her with someone else is what's getting to me right now. The idea of her doing things we did, sexually, with someone else....makes me feel like dying. And the fact that she just said she wanted to be single, but (probably) isn't pisses me off. If she were single I'd be cool as a cucumber. But telling me she wouldn't date anyone, and probably is now....ugh

 

The only time we've talked since my NC was once when I "relapsed" and with a letter saying I was ready to be friends, only to realize I wasn't at all, so I had to call her and tell her I needed more space. The other time was this past week when I texted her about paying her car insurance bill, which led to some small talk.

Edited April 30, 2012 by Gulf-Delta

[Tiera D]

Tie up the loose ends and start NC..No excuses..Do not think about the past,read my signature and remember it.I believe u are unique,everyone is unique,i understand your feeling,it feels like you are useless in society and compared to others u are more slower or weaker.But trust me as one saying goes

 

"The flower who blooms the last blooms the longest and shone above all others"

 

Believe u can do it believe someday you will have a wife at home with kids and it will happen.

[rob_h]

I doubt she'll contact me. She hasn't yet, and is probably sleeping with some guy right this minute. As long as she's with someone else to distract her, I stand no chance. Her with someone else is what's getting to me right now. The idea of her doing things we did, sexually, with someone else....makes me feel like dying. And the fact that she just said she wanted to be single, but (probably) isn't pisses me off. If she were single I'd be cool as a cucumber. But telling me she wouldn't date anyone, and probably is now....ugh

 

The only time we've talked since my NC was once when I "relapsed" and with a letter saying I was ready to be friends, only to realize I wasn't at all, so I had to call her and tell her I needed more space. The other time was this past week when I texted her about paying her car insurance bill, which led to some small talk.

 

 

Dude dude dude calm down, you're working yourself up here. Please search for my thread about my experience of GIGs I hope it gives you some perspective.

 

At the moment you are projecting your anger onto the situation, and yes, it is unfair, but I PROMISE you do not want to know who she is now. Contact will make you more frustrated, try it out yourself. You will eventually ask her about your future together and the answer you hear will not be what you want to get for a long time. The people that go through GIGS are complete jerks for a while, because they do a personality 180 and become unrecognisable.

 

NC is the most healthy way to go, please.

[Gulf-Delta]

Dude dude dude calm down, you're working yourself up here. Please search for my thread about my experience of GIGs I hope it gives you some perspective.

 

At the moment you are projecting your anger onto the situation, and yes, it is unfair, but I PROMISE you do not want to know who she is now. Contact will make you more frustrated, try it out yourself. You will eventually ask her about your future together and the answer you hear will not be what you want to get for a long time. The people that go through GIGS are complete jerks for a while, because they do a personality 180 and become unrecognisable.

 

NC is the most healthy way to go, please.

 

 

Yeah, I know NC is the only way...

 

I'm just saying, there's so many coincedences and circumstances that led to us finding each other, and honestly, it made me believe in a higher power. And these feelings make me feel like the relationship is something I should fight for.

 

Sometimes I feel like I have a deep enough connection with her, that if I "spark" something in her head, she'll remember.

 

The thing is, because of who she is deep down (I believe the shy girl I knew is in there somewhere), even if she was longing for me back, or wanting to talk or whatever, I would NEVER know. She would never tell me. She'd be afraid it would be weird, or I wouldn't take her back, or I hate her or something. Even when we first started dating, I had to make all the moves. When we first met she was too shy to ever talk to me unless I talked to her first.

 

I'm not saying I hope she wants me back or whatever, I'm just saying, if she did want to communicate, she wouldn't be the first to do it. Hell, she could be crying her eyes out everyday over me, and I'd never know about it. She tries to avoid negativity at all costs.

[LogicallyIllogical]

I'm just saying, there's so many coincedences and circumstances that led to us finding each other, and honestly, it made me believe in a higher power. And these feelings make me feel like the relationship is something I should fight for.

 

You can't fight for someone who doesn't want to be with you. If she decided to end the relationship, for whatever reason, then what is there to "fight" for? You'd end up begging and pleading, which isn't how you want her to remember you. If she wants space, and you really love her, then give her all the space in the world.

 

Sometimes I feel like I have a deep enough connection with her, that if I "spark" something in her head, she'll remember.

 

This is the classic "I know her better than she knows herself"way of thinking. Again, she ended it. Unfortunately, nothing you say or do at this point will make her change her mind.

 

The thing is, because of who she is deep down (I believe the shy girl I knew is in there somewhere), even if she was longing for me back, or wanting to talk or whatever, I would NEVER know. She would never tell me. She'd be afraid it would be weird, or I wouldn't take her back, or I hate her or something. Even when we first started dating, I had to make all the moves. When we first met she was too shy to ever talk to me unless I talked to her first.

 

It really sounds like you're overanalyzing. If she thought she made a mistake and lost the love of her life, then nothing would keep her from professing her love. To me, it sounds like you're making excuses for her by saying that she's "shy" and "afraid of rejection". If she does regret her decision and doesn't try to win you back, then she's immature and not worth your time.

 

I'm not saying I hope she wants me back or whatever, I'm just saying, if she did want to communicate, she wouldn't be the first to do it. Hell, she could be crying her eyes out everyday over me, and I'd never know about it. She tries to avoid negativity at all costs.

 

It's been 4 months. Clearly you've been spending way too much time thinking about the past and staying attached to your ex. IMO, you should go NC, accept the finality of the breakup and begin to let go of the past. The sooner you do that, the sooner you can move on with your life. Who knows...after a long period of NC, she may return to you. But, speaking from past experience, by the time they return, you no longer want them back. You're young. Let her go, reconnect with your friends/family and take back control of your life. I know you won't and probably can't believe me at this point in time, but: This too shall pass.

[Gulf-Delta]

You can't fight for someone who doesn't want to be with you. If she decided to end the relationship, for whatever reason, then what is there to "fight" for? You'd end up begging and pleading, which isn't how you want her to remember you. If she wants space, and you really love her, then give her all the space in the world.

 

I know all that. I am giving her space.

 

 

This is the classic "I know her better than she knows herself"way of thinking. Again, she ended it. Unfortunately, nothing you say or do at this point will make her change her mind.

 

When you live with someone for 2 years, and they share all of their feelings with you, you tend to know them pretty well. I mean, I could go on and on about her personality and the way she thinks. I'm not bashing you, calling you out, or saying you're an ******* or anything like that. Just saying, I know her pretty damn well, probably better than anyone on this planet. I know I can't change her mind.

 

 

 

It really sounds like you're overanalyzing. If she thought she made a mistake and lost the love of her life, then nothing would keep her from professing her love. To me, it sounds like you're making excuses for her by saying that she's "shy" and "afraid of rejection". If she does regret her decision and doesn't try to win you back, then she's immature and not worth your time.

 

See above. Based on my personal experience in knowing her, things we went through, the way I've seen her interact with other people....I'm not making excuses, just an observation of her behavior based on what I know about her. Every major step in her life, she's not had the confidence to make it happen. Every major thing in her life is the product of someone else needed to encourage her. When her sister was in the hospital having seizures she WOULD NOT go, because she didn't want to face all of it. She doesn't do anything on her own.

 

 

It's been 4 months. Clearly you've been spending way too much time thinking about the past and staying attached to your ex. IMO, you should go NC, accept the finality of the breakup and begin to let go of the past. The sooner you do that, the sooner you can move on with your life. Who knows...after a long period of NC, she may return to you. But, speaking from past experience, by the time they return, you no longer want them back. You're young. Let her go, reconnect with your friends/family and take back control of your life. I know you won't and probably can't believe me at this point in time, but: This too shall pass.

 

I can't help but be attached. I mean, really it's barely been more than a week since the NC started, and she's been out of my life. Neither of us could accept things for a while and stayed around each other until a couple weeks ago. I'm only on day 10 of NC. IMO, the breakup didn't fully...break....until I told her I couldn't be friends with her for a while and that we both needed space. That was on April 13, but I have had one relapse since then, which was entirely my fault because I thought I was over her.

 

It's hard to let go when I've seen success for stories like mine here online, and in life as well.

Edited April 30, 2012 by Gulf-Delta