What happened to my girl?? :/

[confused kitty]

It's hard to let go when I've seen success for stories like mine here online, and in life as well.

 

These "success stories" have happened to people who follow the advice given on here, I know exactly how your feeling, its hard to grasp the concept. Your thinking, "if I let her go, how do I stand a chance of getting her back?" but that is exactly what you need to do!

 

We're all on your side here, and the advice given to you (which is probably not what you want to hear right now) is all in your best interest, to give you the best chance at getting her back.

 

I know your on the defensive and over thinking/analyzing everything, saying you know her best, and your 100% correct, none of us know the girl at all... but we know how these things generally work, Gibson is well up on GIGS, you should follow his advice in the thread he suggested to you.

Just follow the advice and take it day by day, if nothing else you will be no better off than you are now..

 

We can all relate to exactly how your feeling, your more than likely thinking we have no idea how much this hurts, but we have all been there (bare that in mind)

 

I hope that didnt come across too harshly but Im speaking as someone who followed all the advice I recieved here on LS (some I was unsure of at the time!)....and I got my guy back. We really have your best interest at heart

[Gulf-Delta]

These "success stories" have happened to people who follow the advice given on here, I know exactly how your feeling, its hard to grasp the concept. Your thinking, "if I let her go, how do I stand a chance of getting her back?" but that is exactly what you need to do!

 

We're all on your side here, and the advice given to you (which is probably not what you want to hear right now) is all in your best interest, to give you the best chance at getting her back.

 

I know your on the defensive and over thinking/analyzing everything, saying you know her best, and your 100% correct, none of us know the girl at all... but we know how these things generally work, Gibson is well up on GIGS, you should follow his advice in the thread he suggested to you.

Just follow the advice and take it day by day, if nothing else you will be no better off than you are now..

 

We can all relate to exactly how your feeling, your more than likely thinking we have no idea how much this hurts, but we have all been there (bare that in mind)

 

I hope that didnt come across too harshly but Im speaking as someone who followed all the advice I recieved here on LS (some I was unsure of at the time!)....and I got my guy back. We really have your best interest at heart

 

Oh yeah, I get all that.

 

I am giving her space. And I believe we're not out of each other's lives for good. But right now, I'm haven't fully accepted everything, and I don't want things to be like this, so I'm getting impatient.

[confused kitty]

I believe we're not out of each other's lives for good..

 

I felt that exact same feeling, I learned to trust that and I took comfort from it, and learned get on with my life while telling myself "If we're meant to be together, then we will be..when the time is right for both of us.."

 

I do believe we can meet the right people just at the wrong time.

[Gulf-Delta]

I felt that exact same feeling, I learned to trust that and I took comfort from it, and learned get on with my life while telling myself "If we're meant to be together, then we will be..when the time is right for both of us.."

 

I do believe we can meet the right people just at the wrong time.

 

The thing is, I'm incredibly impatient. When I want something bad enough, I take action to get it. I HATE just waiting around, whether it's in line at the grocery store, waiting for something to be done, or waiting on my next paycheck. I'm just so damned impatient.

 

My impatience is rearing it's ugly head here as well. If things are going to work out (or whatever the result of this breakup ends up being) I wanna know now. I hate this "I don't know how I feel," "I still love you, but I need to find myself" uncertainty crap.

[Tiera D]

The only thing that doesnt need patience is NC and move on,it gives certainty.

[Radu]

This is a long post, but please bare with me.

 

My ex left me on January 30. After weeks of crying, over-talking the breakup, trying a one-sided friendship, and so on. On April 20, I initiated NC. I asked her if she loved me and she said she "didn't know". So...I said we needed time to just sort ourselves out. She had an emotional meltdown asking me not to forget about her, and how she doesn't want it to be forever. she said this because she decided to keep you on the backburner; if by any chance you had forgotten about her or moved on, one of her options was gone (and a big one)

 

I have only called her once (few days ago) because the car insurance bill (in my name, but it's her car) came in. It was quick chat. You know, formalities "How are you?" "How's work/school" and so on.

it should have been down at, who is paying this and NOTHING else

 

I'm still in love with the person she used to be she's not that person anymore. You see, she used to be a very cute, modest, shy indie type girl. SUPER artistic (she wrote/bound her own books, wrote music, and made me a stuffed animal for our first valentine;s day).

 

We had an amazing 2 yr relationship. Everyday was incredible, we were on cloud 9. We believed we were soulmates and talked about kids, and everything, and even got engaged.

 

Over time, she started hanging out more and more with her sister and her very close childhood friend, and less and less time at home. First she started spending the nite there once a month. Then once a week. And I was okay with this, because, it's her sister and best friend from childhood. We hit our 2 yr anniversary and she made me card saying how I was the best thing that ever happened to her, best day of her life, etc. etc. Pretty soon after that the time away got more and more until she said she knew this was hurting me, and she left me.

ok, either the whole thing with her sister was cover for her affair or she started plain and simple living like a single person

 

Now she's a total club kid. Goes out every nite, dresses provocatively (for her anyway), possibly seeing someone else (not totally sure, but don't really care) blah blah.

i'm starting to see a pattern ... running away from something ?

 

Now in our 2 years, we NEVER fought. Ever. I never abused her, there was no cheating. Literally almost a perfect relationship. But I'll admit, we're young (22) and the economy sucks, so we couldn't really find good jobs, money was scarce, etc and I know this financial strain contributed to the split. ... so ... escapism ?

 

I'm wondering if this new "party girl" thing is a phase, and she'll remember what's important. I mean, like I said, NO fights, complete honesty (until the end), great sex, emotional support. My only downfall was that clubbing and stuff isn't my thing...and it actually wasn't her's until recentlyno, your only fault is that you had your head screwed on well enough. Is the shy girl I fell in love with gone forever? Should I try to get her back?only if you are into hurting yourself Or try to be a friend (yes, I do want to be her friend, and not because I'm desperate to be with her. She's like family).

ex's are ex's for a reason, you should not be friends with an ex because your future gf/wife will be disrespected by this

 

I feel like the girl I fell for is dead she is, but I also know deep down, she can't forget me (lots of firsts together, lots of STRONG emotional ties). What should I do? I feel like we had something really rare, but am afraid she doesn't "get it".

 

Ok, you need to either move on or start moving on.

 

I suspect what she does now is escaping from reality.

Be carefull of these artistic types ... i hope i won't offend anyone but women put a lot of emphasis on emotions and these artistic types (men and women) are the ones that engulf themselves into emotion.

Backpedalling, backtracking, reverse rationalization are amazing tools they use.

 

With these ppl you need to have strong boundaries if you end up in a relationship.

 

If you do not start moving on, you show the world that you do not respect yourself and women need to respect the man they love.

By continuing to play the nice guy you are simply driving her even further away if you want her back (i advise you to NOT take her back or at the very least to have her suffer some repercusions for her GIGS including her acknowledging what it was).

 

Look up the 180 guide and put it to good use.

 

And if you take her back, it's a new relationship. Which means you put the kids and marriage on hold for many many yrs to see if she has gotten over it.

Otherwise she will leave later in life when you have kids with her and as she makes squat being the 'artist' you will be on the hook for supporting her lifestyle choices and kids.

 

PS: You do not have a relationship with this woman, why are you paying for her insurance ???

Would you pay for your platonic friend's insurance ?

Edited May 2, 2012 by Radu

[Gulf-Delta]

RESPONSES TO RESPONSES IN THE ABOVE QUOTE BOX

 

She wasn't trying to keep me around/backburner whatever. She was confused, I said I couldn't do it, and she's left me alone since then. If she was keeping me on the backburner, I feel like she'd be trying to contact me since then.

 

What harm could come from asking each other how the other was doing? It was a simple conversation, I don't see the problem with being polite and having a normal conversation through texting.

 

She may not be that person anymore but I believe that people don't change. They change on the outside, but inside, they'll always be the same.

 

No, the thing about her sister wasn't a cover.

 

Yes she does run away form her problems. I'm aware of it. She isn't a bad person because of it, it's just a flaw. Everybody has their flaws like that.

 

 

Ok, you need to either move on or start moving on.

 

I suspect what she does now is escaping from reality.

Be carefull of these artistic types ... i hope i won't offend anyone but women put a lot of emphasis on emotions and these artistic types (men and women) are the ones that engulf themselves into emotion.

Backpedalling, backtracking, reverse rationalization are amazing tools they use.

 

With these ppl you need to have strong boundaries if you end up in a relationship.

 

If you do not start moving on, you show the world that you do not respect yourself and women need to respect the man they love.

By continuing to play the nice guy you are simply driving her even further away if you want her back (i advise you to NOT take her back or at the very least to have her suffer some repercusions for her GIGS including her acknowledging what it was).

 

Look up the 180 guide and put it to good use.

 

And if you take her back, it's a new relationship. Which means you put the kids and marriage on hold for many many yrs to see if she has gotten over it.

Otherwise she will leave later in life when you have kids with her and as she makes squat being the 'artist' you will be on the hook for supporting her lifestyle choices and kids.

 

PS: You do not have a relationship with this woman, why are you paying for her insurance ???

Would you pay for your platonic friend's insurance ?

 

Yes, I am moving on, and have been since I left her and went NC.

 

I as well am an artist. That's why we fell for each other. I'm aware of how heavy emotions weigh on those types.

 

Yes, I have started moving on, I haven't seen her in almost a month, nor have I talked to her/pursued her. She's making a mistake, and it's hers to make. I have no say in her life, and while I don't WANT her to screw her life up....some people just need to make thier mistakes. Nor have I been playing "nice guy". I haven't even talked to her since April 12, minus one relapse.

 

I'm not driving her away at all. I have no impact on her at all, she's driving her self away from me. I've accepted she's removed herself so much at this point, she's never coming back. Even if she did, I don't think I could be her boyfriend or anything like that. There's too much distrust. I'd gladly be her friend, but anything more.....not so sure.

 

As for her and I having kids and being an artist....she's a teacher, and I'm an aviation mechanic and (almost) a pilot. I wouldn't need to support her.

 

I'm not paying for her insurance. Because she's been in an accident, her rates are high. Mine were low. When we were together, I just insured her car in my name. I'm not giving her a cent, in fact she owes me $50, but yes, I would/have helped my friends out if/when they needed it.