July Wedding IS OFF - The 7 month pregnant secret delivered the NY Times yesterday

[moimeme]

I see pictures of them in Jamaica and skiing at Whisler

 

Now, honestly. This is just an 'acquaintance' following him around - to Jamaica and Canada?????

 

He must have not realized how much you saw. Or he thinks you are an idiot

[milla]

I would definitely postpone the wedding until after the birth of the baby and subsequent paternity test.

 

What do your friends who are present in the pictures with her have to say? It doesn't make sense. I can't beleive that they would all turn a blind eye... unless their sexual relationship was kept under wraps and everyone thought she was a friend at all those functions and parties and holidays she attended.

 

You don't owe him a thing. If she is a lying stalker, your fiance was incredibly stupid not being upfront with you about it. You have to protect yourself now. Don't marry him until the paternity test comes back and yhou have gotten to the bottom of this mess.

[Thinkalot]

OK. I am a trusting soul, so I say postpone the wedding, before you call everything off. Find out the truth. Dig further. And find out what the hell she was doing with him skiing in Whistler?? Where were you in the picture? Why weren't YOU with him in the pictures.

 

I so hope it all works out the best for you, but tread really carefully.

 

I feel for you! Good luck.

[SingleInTheCity]

Believe me much of what you have said has crossed my mind a million times in the last 48 hours (or has it been 72) at any rate, I spoke to him this evening - simply because he would not leave my friends alone - and he basically pitched me a story about the woman being crazy and that he swears he never cheated and yaddi, yaddi yah.

 

I'm drama free - or as drama free as a human can be, this whole situation represents "drama" to me and despite the fact that I have spent the last 5 years befriending, dating and ultimately falling in love with this man - I know that whatever the outcome trust has been damaged which means the foundation of our relationship begins to crumble and I will ultimately turn into someone I will not be able to stand. This man is my best friend - I valued his opinion, respected his intellect, admired his loyalty and adored the love he bestowed upon me - I felt loved unconditionally and wanted more than anything to spend the rest of my life making him feel the same. I can't give my heart freely to someone I can't trust - so the wedding coordinator is notifying our guests that our wedding has been called off and I've asked my attorney to take care of dissolving our financial interests.

 

He and I are meeting for lunch tomorrow and calling everything off - the wedding, our relationship - it's over and I'm walking away. My attorney has drafted the dissolution agreement of our financial interests and he'l arrive about 30 minutes into lunch to present him with the paperwork and I'll leave with him. I'm thinking Calgon isn't going to be able to take me far enough away so does anyone know how Thailand is in June?

 

Thanks for letting me ramble - I needed to get this off my chest - it's really real to me now and you're input has been so insightful - thank you!

[amerikajin]

I'm sorry for you...I know you probably wanted a different outcome.

 

This is probably for the best. As you say, there's just too much drama, and you weren't clued in on any of it unfolding. That's several years worth of secrets he's been hiding from you, and partners should't hide these kinds of things. He could well be telling the truth about the little witch who showed up a few days ago but that wouldn't address what he's been hiding from you all along. Maybe by ending it, you're giving him a lesson for the road.

 

As for you, I know you've got a long road ahead of you. You'll need time to process all of this, but you'll do fine in time.

 

Best of luck to you.

[CurlyIam]

I wish I could tell you it's been all just a big misunderstanding. It's not. Life has been good to you, be sure of this. Go away, have a nice vacation and focuss on the beautiful thing you have: a future aheadof you, friends there for you, a career.

 

Nothing can erase 5 years from your life spent together with that man. Or the fact that he still is your best friend,or your memories together. Don't blame yourself for something you cannot change. Take your time, day by bay, and you'll get out of this...

 

Be strong,

 

Curly

[Thinkalot]

You sound very strong. I admire your resolve and courage. You'll be fine. Good luck with the healing process. You'll grow through this experience. All the best to you.

[FreeMe]

I'm so impressed by your strength and perhaps you're also feeling a bit numb about this. Shock? That would certainly be understandable. We act that way when someone dies and can arrange the funeral and see to affairs but we break down later. Take yourself someplace where you will feel comforted when/if you break down.

 

Take good care of yourself.

[amerikajin]

Man, I don't know why, but of all the stories I've read since becoming a member here, this one seems to be one the most moving for me. I can imagine what you're going through. My heart's with you. Take care, my friend.

[moimeme]

I don't think it's shock. She loved the man she thought he was and honesty was the basis for that. Take away that foundation and everything resting on it collapses.

 

Thank heavens you found out before the wedding! A divorce would have cost you much more. Go to Thailand or maybe Bali. I found that Hawaii felt like a million miles from everything when I was there, too You dodged a bullet. It's tiresome that it's five years out of your life, but it's brought you five years closer to the man you are supposed to be with and the future you are supposed to have. May they both be wonderful!

[kirkyswife]

Stinkiest Lady In Town - I love you Friend and we (the girls and your fam) are here for you - I know that this decision was hard for you but I'm glad that you made it on your own without our influence. You have always been my Ambassador of Compassion - I will be your Ambassador of Strength and source for healing because.....

 

[color=darkred][font=times new roman]Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain

We all have problems

But if we are wise

We know that there's

Always tomorrow

LEAN ON ME

When you're not strong

I'll be your friend

I'll help you carry on

For it won't be long

Til I'm gonna need somebody to LEAN on[/font][/color]

 

So Mami if it's Thailand and you need me or us to roll - we're ready willing and able. Whatever you need just call, write or shoot smoke signals in the air. WHATEVER YOU NEED - I'm right here, or there or wherever you need me to be.

 

We'll get through this, just as we have for the past 20 years, TOGETHER

Yo te amo Mami!!!

KirkysWife

aka The Little Kitten

[Baby Beaver]

I know it feels like your world is crashing around you, but you have to remain strong. In my opinion you can't marry this man until you know for certain that he is not the father of the baby. Imagine how heartbroken you would be if you went ahead with the wedding and then found out that his story was a complete fabrication? It would only make the situation 10 times worse. You need conclusive evidence before you can take him back.

 

good luck.

[FreeMe]

Originally posted by moimeme

I don't think it's shock. She loved the man she thought he was and honesty was the basis for that. Take away that foundation and everything resting on it collapses.

 

I agree - I didn't mean for it to sound as if I thought she was only acting out of shock! I just meant she had a sort of detached manner in her posts.

 

I completely agree with what Singleinthecity has had to do. As far as I'm concerned it was the only choice that will give her peace of mind.

[einahpets]

i was just thinking about you how are you doing?

[SingleInTheCity]

einahpets i was just thinking about you how are you doing?

 

Honestly, I really don't know if it's normal to feel nothing - no sadness, loss I just feel hollow like emptry. I'm staying busy and thanks so much for checking on me. I've been away from the site because I needed to have a clear head ya know. But I'm going to be fine

[Mr Spock]

I think you're still kind of in shock hon-please don't hesitate to let it pour out when the grief hits you...it will...it may just take a while to stop being numb, then angry....

[SingleInTheCity]

Spock I really hope I don't have those emotions - I'd just as soon be done with the whole mess.

 

BTW - coming to this board today was good for me - I haven't really thrown my head back and laughed in a while - I've been missing out on some interesting discussions. And I ALWAYS love to read your posts.

 

Thanks for being so nice, I truly appreciate it.

[Mr Spock]

Well your fiancee is pigscum.

 

 

If you don't have those emotions, then you're going to feel sad over the fact that you DON'T have those emotions, know what I mean? Either way, if it were me I'd be breaking out the percoset and washing it down with la scala spumante-so I'm glad that you're keeping busy. It may be easier because you've decided to cut all ties (yes, you have?!??!) and wash your hands of it rather than having to face him and his deception.

 

You're an intelligent, independant women of her own means-when are you going shoe shopping? Since you're not greiving (yet) might as well get back in to the swing of things....if it hurts, then don't do it

[SingleInTheCity]

You're an intelligent, independant women of her own means-when are you going shoe shopping? Since you're not greiving (yet) might as well get back in to the swing of things....if it hurts, then don't do it

 

Yes, and have I ever been back in the swing of things - honestly I don't think Manolo makes a fall shoe that I don't own and refurbing the Brownstone into a 4 level office/apartment space is SO MUCH FUN, because it's being down with his money. I'm looking forward to going to the Olympics and letting my hair down with my best girlfriends in a few weeks. I feel much better than my posts sound - no worries all is well in the land of Single And The City and thanks for the shoe advice, I suppose I should purchase some clothes to accompany the boxes of new shoes, but I think I'm going to have to create a closet room just to hold all of my crap. Ah well the Centurion American Express Card shall resolve ANY issues I encounter.

[Mr Spock]

Good. Shopping is a universal female catharsis. Since my budget is lower than yours I soothe my frayed emotions at walmart, but the end result is the same

 

Let us know how you're doing. I think also being in a completely different city may be staving off some of the feelings-I bet if you returned to CA you wouldn't feel as good. So I'm glad you have the opportunity to be in NY!!

[moimeme]

If you don't have those emotions, then you're going to feel sad over the fact that you DON'T have those emotions, know what I mean?

 

I'm not so sure. I've been in a situation (though not as intense) where I was mighty fond of a fellow but, as soon as I realized how dishonest he was, the feelings just evaporated. I realized I'd had feelings for an imaginary human - so reason or something just said to me that the guy never really existed - and so there was nothing to mourn.