Bipolar girlfriend or cheating?

[SouthernSunshine]

My girlfriend and I have been dating a few months now... and she's a really nice person... very loving, considerate, kind... always thinking of other people, very family oriented etc. She even gives food to her neighbors just to be friendly. She's the best girlfriend in the world sometimes, actually most of the time.. but then suddenly she's the polar opposite... very COLD and cut off emotionally, not even talking to me... just completely withdrawn. What I don't understand is that her behavior is never provoked by me.

 

I am good to her. This weekend I even made breakfast in bed for her.. but she declined stating she wanted to sleep in, so I left her alone without getting my feelings hurt, and she slept till noon... then started picking fights with me about everything. She ended up making me feel so hopeless (because nothing i was doing was good enough) that I started crying. She then apologized, but got mad when I wouldn't look at her (because i was feeling sad and afraid of her abnormal behavior) so she ended up calling me an *******! She completely shifted blame on to me and made herself out to be the victim. Then later that day (after sleeping ALL day claiming she's tired) she comes out of the bedroom and sits beside me on the couch, but when I touch her feet she pulls them away from me! She ends up hugging the other side of the couch, and cries. This behavior leaves me absolutely dumbfounded. It's like she suddenly hates me, and broke up with me, but I'm not even aware of it.

 

She has always been very hot and cold with me, but I can't figure out if she just has a mental problem or she's cheating. I mean, her behavior is a sign of cheating...and she has guys from work calling her, yet she claims she doesn't know why they won't leave her a vm in detail explaining why they are calling her. She has a doctors appointment tomorrow after work, and she keeps reminding me of it. She went all weekend without bathing (unlike her) then last minute decides to take a bath and shave her legs before bed. She's been very rude to me, like we are rivals instead of girlfriends. OH yeah, and one of the guys she works with calls her baby.

 

Hell, I'm beginning to question her sexuality with this odd behavior she's exhibiting. It's like she's only a lesbian and my loving girlfriend SOMETIMES, then other times she's a f*cking bit*h!

 

 

Does this sound like bipolar, cheating, or what? Maybe she has a secret life at work... like she's bisexual? She told me she likes men, but she LOVES women. Her facebook states "interested in men and women" for friendship. She swears up and down that she's gay and has always been gay... but the way she talks to certain guys from work when they call her... is odd... I mean, she suddenly talks all soft and sexy... feminine (she's the "dude" in our relationship)...

 

I'm just really confused with her COMPLETE OPPOSITE moods.

[whichwayisup]

Read up on BP. Google it and research so you can understand this mental disease. It's a forever thing. And yes, some people with BP cheat but it doesn't mean your gf is.

 

Cheating is far from the problem here, either you accept that she has mental issues and learn how to cope with it, deal with her, when to be detached and when to be supportive.

 

How long have you two been together? And has she actually been diagnosed with it? If so, what kind of meds is she taking and is she doing counseling as well?

 

Being with someone who suffers from this isn't easy. It takes strength and patience. When she gets like this, focus on you and your life. Friends, family and work.. Do not take it personally because it's not about you, it's all about her and her moods.. Though she shouldn't be dumping on you and treating you badly.

[SouthernSunshine]

I'm not sure if she was diagnosed with BP, but she was in therapy and she was taking Celexa, which she has stopped taking because she said it decreased her sex drive.

 

We have only been together about 3 months, but we've been good friends for 4 years.

[whichwayisup]

I'm not sure if she was diagnosed with BP, but she was in therapy and she was taking Celexa, which she has stopped taking because she said it decreased her sex drive.

 

We have only been together about 3 months, but we've been good friends for 4 years.

 

During those four years as friends, did she display this same behaviour?

 

So she isn't on any meds or did she switch meds? When she was on Celexa, was her behaviour better?

[SouthernSunshine]

During the 4 years, she was always very "yoyo" like. She would come around all happy and really involved in my life then suddenly drop out & disappear for a while. She dated a few women but she pushed them away by being very clingy (i think)... and she portrays her longtime ex as a monster (although I think she was very nice)

 

She stopped taking her meds a few months ago, before we started dating. She is currently not on anything. When she was on her meds she was level headed. She says they make her feel like nothing bothers her, and she feels very stagnant while on them. She also says she hates the way they effect her sex life.

 

 

I have such a hard time transitioning with her polar moodswings. What freaks me out is that they come suddenly without being provoked... like, there's no cause and effect... just BAM! One minute everything is really good, and we are connecting, then next thing I know she's acting like she hates me, and I can't do anything right. Her excuse is that she's "tired"... but why can't she just be tired and continue to treat me like we are a couple, instead of enemies?! It's very odd, and very hard for me to understand.

 

Then after she leads me to believe we are over, and I'm nothing she wants... she suddenly acts like nothing ever happened! She even questions me like "Baby what's wrong, i love you.. you are everything I've ever wanted in someone"... :confused:

[Mme. Chaucer]

You're bisexual yourself, right? Wouldn't this be something you would have talked about and would know about each other?

 

As far as bipolar, I'm sure we can't diagnose that here on LS.

 

What we do know, though, is that you recently got out of a relationship with a man who showed you all the signs that he was cheating … a LOT … and yes, he was indeed cheating a lot.

 

So, maybe you have picked another person like that? Or maybe you are now hypersensitive to all kinds of behavior as being possible signs of cheating because of the ex boyfriend?

[SouthernSunshine]

You're bisexual yourself, right? Wouldn't this be something you would have talked about and would know about each other?

 

As far as bipolar, I'm sure we can't diagnose that here on LS.

 

What we do know, though, is that you recently got out of a relationship with a man who showed you all the signs that he was cheating … a LOT … and yes, he was indeed cheating a lot.

 

So, maybe you have picked another person like that? Or maybe you are now hypersensitive to all kinds of behavior as being possible signs of cheating because of the ex boyfriend?

 

Yes, I'm bi. She claims to be a lesbian all her life. I could be hypersensitive about cheating because of my past relationship with my ex. But I know my gf is extreme in her moods. What I don't know is if she's f*cking with me, or she's actually messed up. When she "changes" on me, her eyes change too... and her voice, the way she talks... it's very strange.

[westrock]

I have such a hard time transitioning with her polar moodswings. What freaks me out is that they come suddenly without being provoked... like, there's no cause and effect... just BAM! One minute everything is really good, and we are connecting, then next thing I know she's acting like she hates me, and I can't do anything right. Her excuse is that she's "tired"... but why can't she just be tired and continue to treat me like we are a couple, instead of enemies?! It's very odd, and very hard for me to understand.

 

Then after she leads me to believe we are over, and I'm nothing she wants... she suddenly acts like nothing ever happened! She even questions me like "Baby what's wrong, i love you.. you are everything I've ever wanted in someone"... :confused:

 

What you're describing sounds likes traits of someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm not saying she has it as only a professional would be able to diagnose her, however, you may want to read up on it to educate yourself on the subject.

[whichwayisup]

During the 4 years, she was always very "yoyo" like. She would come around all happy and really involved in my life then suddenly drop out & disappear for a while. She dated a few women but she pushed them away by being very clingy (i think)... and she portrays her longtime ex as a monster (although I think she was very nice)

 

She stopped taking her meds a few months ago, before we started dating. She is currently not on anything. When she was on her meds she was level headed. She says they make her feel like nothing bothers her, and she feels very stagnant while on them. She also says she hates the way they effect her sex life.

 

 

I have such a hard time transitioning with her polar moodswings. What freaks me out is that they come suddenly without being provoked... like, there's no cause and effect... just BAM! One minute everything is really good, and we are connecting, then next thing I know she's acting like she hates me, and I can't do anything right. Her excuse is that she's "tired"... but why can't she just be tired and continue to treat me like we are a couple, instead of enemies?! It's very odd, and very hard for me to understand.

 

Then after she leads me to believe we are over, and I'm nothing she wants... she suddenly acts like nothing ever happened! She even questions me like "Baby what's wrong, i love you.. you are everything I've ever wanted in someone"... :confused:

 

Check out depressionfallout. There's great information and explanations too, of what you're dealing with. There's a book to download.

 

If you plan on staying with her, LEARN all you can about this mental illness. This way you can understand the why's and how's of this whole thing.

[Emilia]

I've just seen your other more recent thread as well OP. It sounds like your girlfriend has Borderline Personality Disorder - or certainly some kind of personality disorder. One my recent exes has it and his behaviour is very similar. Clingy and impulsive only to shut me off completely while I could never work out why. Lather, rinse, repeat. It's called splitting and it's largely out of her control. My ex is still trying to make sense of it but when he is in the middle one his episodes, it's impossible to get through to him. He can't control his thoughts.

 

You need to decide whether you can live like this, especially as she doesn't appear to be seeking professional help anymore and is off her medication.