Affair revealed by 13 year old boy!!?

April 30, 2012

Ok I don't know where to begin. I had an Affair a while back, about 3 years ago with a married man. the man had a 10 year old son. He was found out, his wife divorced him, After the divorce the mm took the house, but the mom got custody of the boy. They apparently aren't doing very well now and live in the projects from what i heard. And i ended the affair because i wanted to work on me and my husbands relationship. I never told him about the affair and just swept it under the rug.

Until about a week ago My husband and I were in walgreens and we walked past the 13 year old who I recognised. He stood there and gave me a dirty look for a second, but then before i could say anything he yelled home wrecker loud enough for my husband to hear. The boy walked away but my husband ran over to him and started to give him a lecture about it, and the boy's exact words were "Your wife is f*cking other men" Then he just walked off.

My husband just looked at me, but when we got home he asked what i'd done, and i just broke down and told him the story.(I spared the details) He threw me out of the house and now i'm living with my parents. I need advice and don't even know how to begin with this. Will he ever forgive me?

April 30, 2012

This is why it's so important to be the one to tell your partner about your infidelity as soon as possible. It's much easier for them to learn to forgive someone who was honest with them than to find out via other means. It's always something that you'd never suspect that ends out outing you.

You need to put in a lot of work here in order to have a smidgen of hope. Give him time and do not pressure him. It could take months or years for him to begin to come around. If you want it to work, you will give it time and wait.

April 30, 2012

Whether he forgives you or not is entirely up to him. You ended the affair to "work" on your relationship, but that's not at all what you did. You never gave him the 100% truth about you and therefore did no real work. Why did you feel a need to have an affair to begin with?

Again...as for your husband you need to let HIM decide what HE wants to do. Being betrayed by the one you love is the worst thing that can happen in a relationship. If he decides to talk with you and ask questions, you MUST (I can't repeat that enough), you absolutely MUST give him the truth. Do NOT give him half truths. Don't think that by "sparing him the details" that you are helping in any way, shape or form. It doesn't work like that.

April 30, 2012

Wow!! I don't even know what you must be feeling right now.

The main problem here is that your H heard it from a child...in a supermarket. A 13 year old boy knew something About his W that he didn't know. Can you imagine how he's feeling?

He could forgive you if you are open with him, tell him everything (not spare him the gross details), do whatever he says will show him you are remorseful. Have you talked to him since you left and went to your parents' home?

April 30, 2012

Wow!! I don't even know what you must be feeling right now.

The main problem here is that your H heard it from a child...in a supermarket. A 13 year old boy knew something About his W that he didn't know. Can you imagine how he's feeling?

He could forgive you if you are open with him, tell him everything (not spare him the gross details), do whatever he says will show him you are remorseful. Have you talked to him since you left and went to your parents' home?

I know I feel so stupid. How does he even know that word. I never thought simply getting the boy's parents divorced would cause such a grudge in him. I thought I could get away with out ever telling my H.

I was thinking of sending him an email, but I think it'd be too soon. I still haven't visited my kids, and if we divorce I need to know the complications on this If any of you are willing to tell me.

April 30, 2012

I know I feel so stupid. How does he even know that word. I never thought simply getting the boy's parents divorced would cause such a grudge in him. I thought I could get away with out ever telling my H.
I was thinking of sending him an email, but I think it'd be too soon. I still haven't visited my kids, and if we divorce I need to know the complications on this If any of you are willing to tell me.

He probably heard his parents use the word multiple times while divorcing. Were you the reason for the childs pain? Not really, his father is the only one who owed his mother anything.

Keep in contact with your kids though as they are sure to be hurting too. They need to know even though their mother made poor choices, she still loves them and wants to be around them. Give your husband space, but make sure your children know that they are still loved.

April 30, 2012

He probably heard his parents use the word multiple times while divorcing. Were you the reason for the childs pain? Not really, his father is the only one who owed his mother anything.

Keep in contact with your kids though as they are sure to be hurting too. They need to know even though their mother made poor choices, she still loves them and wants to be around them. Give your husband space, but make sure your children know that they are still loved.

Alright I thought maybe if i do send an email I could offer sex anytime he wants, I was kind of holding back this last year or so because I felt guilty about the affair. It was wrong of me to punish him for something I did. I'll try to talk to my kids, but when I go to the house to see them they seem so distant, my own daughter asked me "mommy, why did you make daddy cry?" I didn't know how to respond and just broke down and left, without even speaking to my H.

And I'm feeling kind of stupid that I was outed by a child. I spent 3 years of covering my tracks so well and lying to my husband, only to have a little brat tell him!

Edited April 30, 2012 by Affair

April 30, 2012

I know I feel so stupid. How does he even know that word. I never thought simply getting the boy's parents divorced would cause such a grudge in him. I thought I could get away with out ever telling my H.
I was thinking of sending him an email, but I think it'd be too soon. I still haven't visited my kids, and if we divorce I need to know the complications on this If any of you are willing to tell me.

Yes, I think the kid heard you being referred to as such by possibly his mother. So sad for them. And yes, simply causing his parent's D in his mind is equivalent to murder. You are the big bad witch to him. Never mind, he'll grow up soon enough and learn that it's not entirely your fault.

How long have you been away from your kids? I don't care what you did, your kids need their mother to see them. Forget about sending an email. Go see your kids. It's your home anyway.

The thing is this. You must show your H that you're sorry about what you did, about hiding the truth from him for 3 years, about treating him like a fool for so long. But you must also show him that you are a responsible mother. Are you afraid that he'll cause a scene in front of the kids?

If you get a D, the court doesn't factor in infidelity in child custody hearings. At least not in most places. Can you google and see what the laws in your state/country are like? Do you think your H wants a D? Do you even want to work on the M given what he knows?

April 30, 2012

Alright I thought maybe if i do send an email I could offer sex anytime he wants, I was kind of holding back this last year or so because I felt guilty about the affair. It was wrong of me to punish him for something I did. I'll try to talk to my kids, but when I go to the house to see them they seem so distant, my own daughter asked me "mommy, why did you make daddy cry?" I didn't know how to respond and just broke down and left, without even speaking to my H.

And I'm feeling kind of stupid that I was outed by a child. I spent 3 years of covering my tracks so well and lying to my husband, only to have a little brat tell him!

What is it that another user often says? Don't feed what lives under the bridge?

April 30, 2012

Isn't it incredible how these things come back to haunt you. It is almost impossible to really get away with something when you have hurt others. All you can do is ask your H for forgiveness but more than likely he will never look at you the same way again. Most men would at least let you stay a little while and seek some type of counseling. Your husband putting you out immediately says volumes. At least you have parents to take you in and don't have to live in the Projects.

April 30, 2012

Ok I don't know where to begin. I had an Affair a while back, about 3 years ago with a married man. the man had a 10 year old son. He was found out, his wife divorced him, After the divorce the mm took the house, but the mom got custody of the boy. They apparently aren't doing very well now and live in the projects from what i heard. And i ended the affair because i wanted to work on me and my husbands relationship. I never told him about the affair and just swept it under the rug.
Until about a week ago My husband and I were in walgreens and we walked past the 13 year old who I recognised. He stood there and gave me a dirty look for a second, but then before i could say anything he yelled home wrecker loud enough for my husband to hear. The boy walked away but my husband ran over to him and started to give him a lecture about it, and the boy's exact words were "Your wife is f*cking other men" Then he just walked off.
My husband just looked at me, but when we got home he asked what i'd done, and i just broke down and told him the story.(I spared the details) He threw me out of the house and now i'm living with my parents. I need advice and don't even know how to begin with this. Will he ever forgive me?

A while back i had an argument with some known posters about 'what if your affair is discovered by children, how will they react'.

Needless to say, the WS in question minimized it saying that 'low chances' and i was appalled that you would even take those chances to toy with your child's life.

This is not what i had in mind, but it was pretty damn close.

Your selfish actions destroyed 3 lives, tell me OP ... what is the difference between you and someone who kills ppl.

Edited April 30, 2012 by Radu

April 30, 2012

Alright I thought maybe if i do send an email I could offer sex anytime he wants, I was kind of holding back this last year or so because I felt guilty about the affair. It was wrong of me to punish him for something I did. I'll try to talk to my kids, but when I go to the house to see them they seem so distant, my own daughter asked me "mommy, why did you make daddy cry?" I didn't know how to respond and just broke down and left, without even speaking to my H.

And I'm feeling kind of stupid that I was outed by a child. I spent 3 years of covering my tracks so well and lying to my husband, only to have a little brat tell him!

I would offer him time and the willingness to do marriage counseling... or whatever he suggests. I would not just offer sex as he likely will associate sex for a long time with your affair. That is nothing you want to bring up any more than necessary. Honestly I'd plan on being celibate for awhile.

That kid did what was needed, the affair needed to come out as you were punishing your husband for something he didn't do. The relationship would have been nothing but lies and resentment.

April 30, 2012

And I'm feeling kind of stupid that I was outed by a child. I spent 3 years of covering my tracks so well and lying to my husband, only to have a little brat tell him!

That "little brat" life was turned upside down because of you and his dad. Do you think it is fair to blame this child for your pain when you have caused him and his mom so much grief? Just as your husband was crying and your daughter saw his pain, the 13 year old (who was 10 at the time) has seen his mother shed many a tear also.

April 30, 2012

I never thought simply getting the boy's parents divorced would cause such a grudge in him.

Are you f*cking serious!!??? You are a main reason a young boys parents got divorced. Put him through the hell the boy has been in. The boy's life is now forever changed. He doesn't see both parents every day. His parents are probably still fighting and he has to see it. And you don't think the boy would hold a grudge. Is your head completely up your ass?

You have kids. What do you think divorce will do to them? That boy has already gone through it. Yep, he's going to hold a grudge and hate you for the rest of his life.

If you want to save your marriage.

1. Be 100% honest with her husband. Answer every question. Don't give half truths.

2. You better be remorseful. And continue to be. You have no idea the pain and suffering he is going through now and will continue to for a long time. Everything he believed in is now a lie and he is now questioning everything. And don't try to put any of the blame on him. This is all your fault!

3. Be completely transparent. Let him check your phone when he wants. Give him all your email passwords so he can check it when he wants. Let him know where you are at all times. If he wants a GPS on you, agree with it. If he wants you on house arrest for the immediate future, agree with it.

4. understand that this will not go away in a few months. He may not get over it for years.

It is now on you. You will have to prove to your husband that you can be the human being that he wants to be with. You have a long hard road ahead. If you truly want to save your marriage then you have to fight for it. Be completely understanding of his feelings and be willing to do whatever he wants so he can heal from the damage you have caused.

If you don't think you have what it takes to save this marriage, then get a divorce. Don't tell him you're going to fight for it and then chicken out 10 months down the road.

Of course, if he doesn't want to save it, then it won't matter what you do now anyway. It's what you've done that caused it.

April 30, 2012

Yes, I think the kid heard you being referred to as such by possibly his mother. So sad for them. And yes, simply causing his parent's D in his mind is equivalent to murder. You are the big bad witch to him. Never mind, he'll grow up soon enough and learn that it's not entirely your fault.

How long have you been away from your kids? I don't care what you did, your kids need their mother to see them. Forget about sending an email. Go see your kids. It's your home anyway.

The thing is this. You must show your H that you're sorry about what you did, about hiding the truth from him for 3 years, about treating him like a fool for so long. But you must also show him that you are a responsible mother. Are you afraid that he'll cause a scene in front of the kids?

If you get a D, the court doesn't factor in infidelity in child custody hearings. At least not in most places. Can you google and see what the laws in your state/country are like? Do you think your H wants a D? Do you even want to work on the M given what he knows?

Well I'd really like to stay together for my children's sake. The custody laws in my state don't factor in infidelity. From what my kid's said on the phone he's already cried infront of them

April 30, 2012

Alright I thought maybe if i do send an email I could offer sex anytime he wants, I was kind of holding back this last year or so because I felt guilty about the affair. It was wrong of me to punish him for something I did. I'll try to talk to my kids, but when I go to the house to see them they seem so distant, my own daughter asked me "mommy, why did you make daddy cry?" I didn't know how to respond and just broke down and left, without even speaking to my H.

And I'm feeling kind of stupid that I was outed by a child. I spent 3 years of covering my tracks so well and lying to my husband, only to have a little brat tell him!

Affair, please correct me if I'm wrong. Offer your H sex if he wants? Is sex a bargaining tool? What????

And what's with the attitude against the innocent child? Above you call him a brat. Why? Because he told the truth in a public place with no regard for decorum? Children are like that. They don't know how to be politically correct in the face of pain.

Here's something else you said earlier,

I never thought simply getting the boy's parents divorced would cause such a grudge in him.

I'm sorry, Affair, if you think having an A wasn't such a big deal. It was. It is to your H, to your kids, to the BW and her kids.

Are you this cavalier about it or did I misunderstand?

ETA: I thought I was the only one reading this stuff. So I guess I dint misunderstand anything then?

Edited April 30, 2012 by findingnemo

April 30, 2012

Are you f*cking serious!!??? You are a main reason a young boys parents got divorced. Put him through the hell the boy has been in. The boy's life is now forever changed. He doesn't see both parents every day. His parents are probably still fighting and he has to see it. And you don't think the boy would hold a grudge. Is your head completely up your ass?

You have kids. What do you think divorce will do to them? That boy has already gone through it. Yep, he's going to hold a grudge and hate you for the rest of his life.

This is why I don't want him to divorce me! I don't want my kids to end up like this boy. The thought of that scares me! I'm going to send my husband an email saying I'll do whatever it takes to save this marriage and our kids, and do whatever he wants! I'm really freaking out! right now I'm overwhelmed!!

April 30, 2012

Okay do that. But do not write any nasty things about the kid or sound cavalier about what's happened. This is alarming!!!

April 30, 2012

Alright i was wrong to call the boy a brat! I'm just kind of mad at him. I realize what happened to his family was partly my fault and i did turn his life upside down! I was wrong in Demonizing him like that, I'm just a little overwhelmed.

Can we move this topic to trying to save my marriage?

April 30, 2012

Alright I thought maybe if i do send an email I could offer sex anytime he wants, I was kind of holding back this last year or so because I felt guilty about the affair. It was wrong of me to punish him for something I did. I'll try to talk to my kids, but when I go to the house to see them they seem so distant, my own daughter asked me "mommy, why did you make daddy cry?" I didn't know how to respond and just broke down and left, without even speaking to my H.

And I'm feeling kind of stupid that I was outed by a child. I spent 3 years of covering my tracks so well and lying to my husband, only to have a little brat tell him!

What kind of offer is that? Like you are doing him a big favor!! You had an affair and stopped having sex with you husband. Now you want to offer sex as a truce? This is so offensive that I would kick you out for this if not for the actual affair.

Were you talking to the MM during this last year?

April 30, 2012

What kind of offer is that? Like you are doing him a big favor!! You had an affair and stopped having sex with you husband. Now you want to offer sex as a truce? This is so offensive that I would kick you out for this if not for the actual affair.

Were you talking to the MM during this last year?

No I was simply saying that that was a flaw that i had done and i would fix it if he took me back.

I would talk to him to ask how things were going once in a while. But it was completely non-romantic or flirty!

April 30, 2012

I think 96 gave you some good advice about what to do below:

If you want to save your marriage.
1. Be 100% honest with her husband. Answer every question. Don't give half truths.

2. You better be remorseful. And continue to be. You have no idea the pain and suffering he is going through now and will continue to for a long time. Everything he believed in is now a lie and he is now questioning everything. And don't try to put any of the blame on him. This is all your fault!

3. Be completely transparent. Let him check your phone when he wants. Give him all your email passwords so he can check it when he wants. Let him know where you are at all times. If he wants a GPS on you, agree with it. If he wants you on house arrest for the immediate future, agree with it.

4. understand that this will not go away in a few months. He may not get over it for years.

It is now on you. You will have to prove to your husband that you can be the human being that he wants to be with. You have a long hard road ahead. If you truly want to save your marriage then you have to fight for it. Be completely understanding of his feelings and be willing to do whatever he wants so he can heal from the damage you have caused.

If you don't think you have what it takes to save this marriage, then get a divorce. Don't tell him you're going to fight for it and then chicken out 10 months down the road.

Of course, if he doesn't want to save it, then it won't matter what you do now anyway. It's what you've done that caused it.

April 30, 2012

I think 96 gave you some good advice about what to do below:

I follow that. Thankyou for all the advice guys. I was expecting criticism for what I did, but you guys are actually being helpful.

April 30, 2012

I hope bella reads this thread too

April 30, 2012

I hope bella reads this thread too

Who's Bella? Is she in similar circumstances?

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Affair revealed by 13 year old boy!!?

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