Sugarkane Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 Is he bipolar aswell? Personality disorder? What sane person attacks you and then calls you sunshine? WTF? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostGirl11 Posted May 2, 2012 Author Share Posted May 2, 2012 Bewitched and Confused is right. It is a form of abuse. It is not okay. I have had ex boyfriend that were verbally abusive and it not okay. When the abuse starts, it does not stop, and it only gets worse. I have been called just about everything, no reason for me to write it out. It's not okay and I will no longer tolerate the things I went through. When people are upset, there are healthier ways to discuss things, then put somebody down. Well he is an ex now so I won't have to put up with it. If I knew how nasty he was I would not have gone near him. Link to post Share on other sites
WildHorses Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 Well he is an ex now so I won't have to put up with it. If I knew how nasty he was I would not have gone near him. I agree. My last guy did not turn nasty until months down the road. It was a horrible relationship. So glad it is over for that reason. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gotye Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 my ex got very rude to me when I told him I wasn't ready to be friends and when I asked him if he sincerely wanted to be friends or just wanted anybody because he didn't currently have close friends he got uppity about how rude I was being by insinuating he was "crawling back to me" thought it was very immature of him to get mad when I politely told him I wasn't ready. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 Is he bipolar aswell? Personality disorder? What sane person attacks you and then calls you sunshine? WTF? After he called me a 'whore' on my birthday one year, I felt compelled to contact his ex wife. The behavior that he was displaying was frightening and hurtful. Jeckyll and Hyde; one day he would be charming and very proper, then the name calling/starting outlandish arguments would start. His ex wife filled in the blanks for me; said she felt he was undiagnosed bipolar. I did research and he fits the criteria for borderline personality, he is practically textbook. Literally 5 minutes after his angry verbage, he would text me as if it never happened and be charming and sweet; almos like another person. If I mentioned it, he would project again and the cycle would start over agian. Everything he was, he projected onto me and told everyone that I was 'evil and sinsiter, a liar and not to be trusted'. I tried for the longest time to clear my name, but it was a waste of time. I am at the point where I feel sorry for the new g/f he has; unless all of this was my imagination and he only did the Jeckyll/Hyde thing on me , his ex wife and ex g/f...And a number of lady friends. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 I agree. My last guy did not turn nasty until months down the road. It was a horrible relationship. So glad it is over for that reason. My honeymoon period ended about 6 to 7 months in; his behavior was erratic and he would throw me under the bus if it meant protecting his facebook reputation----his words: "I will do whatever it takes to protect my fb reputation, even if it means hurting you to do it!!!"=creepy. But....when he charmed me, I fell for it and took him back. Eventually, I could not take it anymore; had enough. Link to post Share on other sites
shayla Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 My ex woulddo things that were so unacceptable, I'd leave him, then for days afterward he would cry and beg and plead until I'd give in. He'd swear that he would stop doing and saying the things he said to me, only to have it start back up after he felt comfy in the relationship again. He asked me out once and then told me that we could only go certain places with me because "he had a reputation to uphold" WTF? I am a librarian at one of the best private universities in the Midwest and he is a bus driver.....what effing reputation and how the h*ll is going out with me doing anything to it? By the end, he was treating me so badly and manipulating me, I didn't know if I was coming or going. Then I get blindsided by findinng out about another woman, that he had been cheating with random women the entire relationship and that he was marrying her. He had never planned on telling me any of this...he said nothing to me about any of this until I confronted her. Then he sends me this email that made absolutely no sense..."you know we have been broken up for a year, you need to get on with your life, on and on, say what? You and I spent last weekend together, what are you talking about? Yes, I should have never gone back to him no matter how much he begged and pleaded, (turns out that he did this all the while he was with her, why on earth did he need me if he had her) and I know now that as soon as I saw the first red flag I should have high tailed it out of that relationship. What a nightmare. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 If she called him out on shady behavior, that isn't attacking; it's letting him know; it's communicating. How else is one supposed to let someone know that there is something amiss? Rather than have a mature conversation about it, he calls her vile names and such. He attacked her. sorry, you're both misinterpreting. i said "attacked" in quotes. i meant that as perception. doesn't matter if you attacked him or not. Geegirl caught what i meant. regardless of what you said or if it was an attack, it was perceived as such, and he reacted to it. it's human nature to be defensive, and MOST people would do the same in the situation. doesn't make it right or wrong, just makes it WHY he behaved this way, and it really isn't some big mystical secret. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
esteem-jam Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 Yeah, yeah, I think I want to add to this. Rule: you can attack somebody without even pronouncing the curse words. You can attack also by doing nothing, example silent treatment, insult by not acting. Imagine this scenario: an obese girl enters supermarket, checks stalls. 2 people are near and start talking among themselves about "healhy food" and excersises and diet. No curse words are said. No attention supposedly is paid to the obese girl, in view of the 2 persons. But in the mind of the obese girl, these 2 persons attacked her. She then vents to her friends that those 2 persons are jerks. Now if the 2 persons got to know the girl talked badly about them, they could call her rude, weird. Who is right and who is wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Sing Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 I shamefully have to admit that i was once that horrible ex. I had just been broken up with and for the next three months to deal with it i sent him really abusive messages, like i couldnt stand him.. i was hurting and instead of begging him back i was verbally attacking him.. i feel bad for ever doing that, stupid thing was we broke up over a silly little argument that could have been solved, i just went into super defense mode. Recently my ex got a little pissy when i said i wouldnt be his friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostGirl11 Posted May 2, 2012 Author Share Posted May 2, 2012 sorry, you're both misinterpreting. i said "attacked" in quotes. i meant that as perception. doesn't matter if you attacked him or not. Geegirl caught what i meant. regardless of what you said or if it was an attack, it was perceived as such, and he reacted to it. it's human nature to be defensive, and MOST people would do the same in the situation. doesn't make it right or wrong, just makes it WHY he behaved this way, and it really isn't some big mystical secret. I know what you mean 'In his mind it was an attack' But still.. Everyone hears things that they don't like but there is no need to react in a crazy way. Yes we all defend ourselves but thats completely different to what happend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 I know what you mean 'In his mind it was an attack' But still.. Everyone hears things that they don't like but there is no need to react in a crazy way. You can't dictate how someone else reacts. Link to post Share on other sites
immitable Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 gaslighting 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostGirl11 Posted May 2, 2012 Author Share Posted May 2, 2012 You can't dictate how someone else reacts. I know. I think you're missing my point. name calling and being abusive is not ok. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostGirl11 Posted May 2, 2012 Author Share Posted May 2, 2012 gaslighting Who? Me or my ex? Link to post Share on other sites
immitable Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 Who? Me or my ex? Your ex obviously, it is a treat selfish people have to try to control others and bend them to their needs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 (edited) I know. I think you're missing my point. name calling and being abusive is not ok. I'm not missing the point. I think you are. It is not okay. I completely agree. But you have no control over someone else's behaviors or actions. What he did was wrong, absolutely. There are no excuses. But if someone deems it fit to abuse someone, then they will do it, regardless of how you feel. That is just who they are. You can't change that. The only thing you can do is walk away from it and use that to propel you to move forward. No amount of stating that abuse is wrong or that he was abusive will make him believe it is wrong or change his behavior because he wanted and willingly made the choice to act inappropriately towards you. Edited May 2, 2012 by geegirl Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostGirl11 Posted May 2, 2012 Author Share Posted May 2, 2012 I'm not missing the point. I think you are. It is not okay. I completely agree. But you have no control over someone else's behaviors or actions. What he did was wrong, absolutely. There are no excuses. But if someone deems it fit to abuse someone, then they will do it, regardless of how you feel. The only thing you can do is walk away from it and use that to propel you to move forward. No amount of stating that abuse is wrong or that he was abusive will make him believe it is wrong or change his behavior because he wanted and willingly made the choice to act inappropriately towards you. I know. It bothered me, it would bother anyone, otherwise this site wouldn't be. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 I know. It bothered me, it would bother anyone, otherwise this site wouldn't be. No one is faulting you for feeling the way you do. You have every right to feel this way. I'm just trying to tell you that your perception/interpretation of an attack is different from your ex and that there are reactions you cannot control, whether wrong or right because the only one you have control over is you. His behavior should be nothing but a blessing for you at this point because it will surely help you move on and close that door on someone like him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 No one is faulting you for feeling the way you do. You have every right to feel this way. I'm just trying to tell you that your perception/interpretation of an attack is different from your ex and that there are reactions you cannot control, whether wrong or right because the only one you have control over is you. His behavior should be nothing but a blessing for you at this point because it will surely help you move on and close that door on someone like him. exactly ^^^^^^ the question is, why is it so important? he's a dick, and now that's reinforced. his behavior is explained, there's no big mystery behind it. how are you going to deal with it? recognize him for the jerk he is and move on, or keep letting him treat you that way? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 I had an argument with my ex today, we were texting and were agreeing that we are no good for eachother, so I said what I had to say, nothing nasty just basically told him what he had done and how it wasn't very nice, I said bye and to take care ect then BAM!! A two page text full of name calling and insults. I was in utter shock! I cried my eyes out. He reminded me of a horrible bully, he wouldnt stop texting me vile things for two hours. He hurt me enough so why did he have to take things this far? The last text was something like 'Look, i'm going out tonight to get laid, I'm done with looking for relationships'. I mean come on, thats a low blow and very childish. I actually laughed at the pathetic-ness of this. Then I done something crazy, I started to question myself and feel guilty?!? I feel so stupid for thinking that he was one of the decent ones! Why do dumpers do this? Its pretty cruel. What's the most hateful thing your ex said to you that made you think, 'Wow, you're a nasty piece of work'.. I bet you are glad now that you broke up with him. His behavior would have surfaced sooner or later anyway. Good you got out when you did. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostGirl11 Posted May 2, 2012 Author Share Posted May 2, 2012 exactly ^^^^^^ the question is, why is it so important? he's a dick, and now that's reinforced. his behavior is explained, there's no big mystery behind it. how are you going to deal with it? recognize him for the jerk he is and move on, or keep letting him treat you that way? It's kind of important to me. I was shocked, upset and angry which is the reason I started this thread. Yes he is the biggest dick going, I know that now. I guess I'm just a little pissed with myself for getting involved with someone like that. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 3, 2012 Share Posted May 3, 2012 It's kind of important to me. I was shocked, upset and angry which is the reason I started this thread. Yes he is the biggest dick going, I know that now. I guess I'm just a little pissed with myself for getting involved with someone like that. Don't worry we have all dated someone who later showed their true colors. Just be happy it's over and you don't ever have to hear from him again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostGirl11 Posted May 3, 2012 Author Share Posted May 3, 2012 Don't worry we have all dated someone who later showed their true colors. Just be happy it's over and you don't ever have to hear from him again. I'm happy but sad at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 3, 2012 Share Posted May 3, 2012 It's kind of important to me. I was shocked, upset and angry which is the reason I started this thread. Yes he is the biggest dick going, I know that now. I guess I'm just a little pissed with myself for getting involved with someone like that. At some point, you need to forgive yourself; that's of the utmost. I was where you are; hated myself for falling for the guy and taking him back, and falling for it again. You were duped. It happens to the best of us. The biggest fool here, is him and you dodged a bullet. xoxoxox Link to post Share on other sites
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