trippi1432 Posted May 6, 2012 Share Posted May 6, 2012 Yes, I would say that is true...and keep in mind that what might have applied before, may not apply now. Change is necessary to move forward Hurts...positive change. And that is what you have been doing. How have things been going with the license and the AA? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted May 7, 2012 Author Share Posted May 7, 2012 Yes, I would say that is true...and keep in mind that what might have applied before, may not apply now. Change is necessary to move forward Hurts...positive change. And that is what you have been doing. How have things been going with the license and the AA? Still waiting on the letter fromt eh court rearding the license..AA is going well. I have a cool guy for my sponsor and we talk almost everyday.....Its keeping my mind busy which helps but still miss the hell out of her and my old life! Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 Its keeping my mind busy which helps but still miss the hell out of her and my old life! Believe it or not....that's normal. I don't even know you and I'm proud of you for continuing the program and finding a good sponsor....more than I could say for my ex. Keep posting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted May 7, 2012 Author Share Posted May 7, 2012 Believe it or not....that's normal. I don't even know you and I'm proud of you for continuing the program and finding a good sponsor....more than I could say for my ex. Keep posting. I appreciate the kind words, I really do but I dont feel very proud of myself..I feel like **** most of the time and just wish I would wake up from this nightmare! Pain gets less and less by the day but it still hurts! I know you guys feel I shouldnt find someone else but I really wish I would! I dont believe at this point she is going to come back to me. Moving my clothes from the closet last week just makes me feel she feels its completely over... I will probably see the kids next Sunday again and take them to dinner.I usually ask her if she wants to come bing she has the wheels...Should I not ask her this Sunday and just take the kids or do you think it doesnt matter? Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 Hurts - the reason every one here tells you not go out and "find someone else" is because you aren't "healthy" enough to yet. With both your issues with alcohol and the emotional trauma of the break up, you are a ticking time bomb. You will never get over the self-esteem issues by moving on with another woman until you get yourself right...you will only drag another woman into the picture who didn't ask for the drama to begin with and you will still have your demons to face at the end of it all and will hurt someone who doesn't deserve it. It's okay to acknowledge your pain, it's not okay to put it on someone else. You have to quit hiding behind apron strings and learn to accept responsibility. Just because I say here in an anonymous forum that I am proud of you does not mean I pity you. Stop relying on her for anything...ask your parents to get the kids and spend a Sunday with them. How are the living arrangements going speaking of your parents? Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 I usually ask her if she wants to come bing she has the wheels...Should I not ask her this Sunday and just take the kids or do you think it doesnt matter? Do not involve her. Why would you want to hang on to something that is not there when it brings you pain? Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 Do not involve her. Why would you want to hang on to something that is not there when it brings you pain? So very true, standtall. Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing which keeps you from hope and love? -- Leo Buscaglia 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted May 7, 2012 Author Share Posted May 7, 2012 Hurts - the reason every one here tells you not go out and "find someone else" is because you aren't "healthy" enough to yet. With both your issues with alcohol and the emotional trauma of the break up, you are a ticking time bomb. You will never get over the self-esteem issues by moving on with another woman until you get yourself right...you will only drag another woman into the picture who didn't ask for the drama to begin with and you will still have your demons to face at the end of it all and will hurt someone who doesn't deserve it. It's okay to acknowledge your pain, it's not okay to put it on someone else. You have to quit hiding behind apron strings and learn to accept responsibility. Just because I say here in an anonymous forum that I am proud of you does not mean I pity you. Stop relying on her for anything...ask your parents to get the kids and spend a Sunday with them. How are the living arrangements going speaking of your parents? I havent moved in with them yet. I am still with my brother in law. He has to mid month to moveThe arrangements are going to be horrible! That house is a crazy house! I grew up there with nothing but arguing and aggrevation! I have o choice at this poit though Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted May 7, 2012 Author Share Posted May 7, 2012 Do not involve her. Why would you want to hang on to something that is not there when it brings you pain? Well I was kind of hoping to reconcile I guess thats the holding on thing. Your right though. And to think about it I am not going up Sunday. Its mothers day. I feel I have nothing else at this point. My life was up there as I mentioned before. I hate it here! my house, my kids, my friends, all up there! Some days its just hard to go on! Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 (edited) Agreed, with this Sunday being Mother's day, would be best to just let her and the kids have the day. If she inquires, just keep it simply to the fact that it's her day and you would like to have your day with the kids on Father's day. As to moving back in with the parents, you are an adult now....you have the choice to participate or not participate in their arguing. Actually, what you touched on about your parents and the lifestyle you grew up in, I think you will find it interesting now to see it through different eyes. Don't get involved....just observe. I learned years ago when I had to move back home by observing, I just didn't apply....but I still wound up going out and getting involved with my now exH who was more like my mom. My father was the nurturer, my mother was the one who was never happy with anything. It becomes very interesting when you start looking at your own childhood and hers, to how things are today. One day at a time Hurts. Edited May 8, 2012 by trippi1432 Link to post Share on other sites
coopster Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Agreed, with this Sunday being Mother's day, would be best to just let her and the kids have the day. If she inquires, just keep it simply to the fact that it's her day and you would like to have your day with the kids on Father's day. As to moving back in with the parents, you are an adult now....you have the choice to participate or not participate in their arguing. Actually, what you touched on about your parents and the lifestyle you grew up in, I think you will find it interesting now to see it through different eyes. Don't get involved....just observe. I learned years ago when I had to move back home by observing, I just didn't apply....but I still wound up going out and getting involved with my now exH who was more like my mom. My father was the nurturer, my mother was the one who was never happy with anything. It becomes very interesting when you start looking at your own childhood and hers, to how things are today. One day at a time Hurts. yes...one day at a time Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 yes...one day at a time I agree, do you want to mock this forum again? Contributions are appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted May 9, 2012 Author Share Posted May 9, 2012 (edited) Hey guys! went up to the house yesterday. I had to pick up my tools cause I got a call from my union that I will be going back to work next week. I also wanted to see if the letter fro the judge came regarding my license. Anyway, no letter yet but got my tools and took the kids to dinner. I made sure I split before she got home....I gotta say, The damn house was a wreck! the grass is like 2 foot high cause there is a problem with the lawnmower and that outlet I repaired craped out again! I guess the grass is greener huh? now how the hell is she going to deal with all this? I could imagine with what my lawn looks like what the neighbors are saying! Edited May 9, 2012 by hurts_so_bad Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted May 10, 2012 Author Share Posted May 10, 2012 (edited) Hey guys! Like I said in my last post, I was at the house other day for a few things but forgot to mention that my dog was sick as well. We knew he was dying so I wanted to say goodbye cause I kinda fiured he may be gone before I go up again. Anyway, My friend calls me yesterday to say sorry to hear about the dog. He said my wife called his girlfriend to let her know he died. I told him I didnt even know! I never got a call from my wife or kids! I am absolutely pissed off! Now you guys know threw it all that I still love her and want things to work. So what should I do? Take it with a grain of salt or tell her how pissed I am the next time she calls or texts... Edited May 10, 2012 by hurts_so_bad Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 Have you had any interaction with her at all in the past two days....since you left before she got home? Be honest....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted May 11, 2012 Author Share Posted May 11, 2012 Have you had any interaction with her at all in the past two days....since you left before she got home? Be honest....... No not at all why do you think I would lie? Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Not lie..but people do omit..it's a forum, we only hear what people tell us and formulate the opinions based on that and trying to see the other side. Understandably you are upset about your dog....but why do you think she didn't say anything? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted May 11, 2012 Author Share Posted May 11, 2012 Not lie..but people do omit..it's a forum, we only hear what people tell us and formulate the opinions based on that and trying to see the other side. Understandably you are upset about your dog....but why do you think she didn't say anything? I have no idea! I as hoping maybe you guys could shed some light on it...Why did you ask if I had any interaction with her since I left the other day? Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Because for her not to say anything after she knew you were at the house and knew about the dog either means she is with-holding because she is angry or she figures you said your goodbyes and that is that and will figure things out for herself. However, we don't know her...so what do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted May 11, 2012 Author Share Posted May 11, 2012 (edited) She has no reason to be angry with me unless she is pissed that I left before she got home. I spoke to her 2 days earlier when I called my kids and she picked up the phone. The house has caller ID and she could have easily told the girls to pick up the phone or just said hello and gave them the phone...She didnt so I said Hi, How are you..She said good, how are you? then said, Your daughter won an award at school today for drawing..I said thats really cool and we spoke for a few seconds more. I said she gets her drawing talent from me...She said yeah your right I cant draw stick figures but I can color. We both laughed then she put my daughters on...No reason to be mad at me as far as I can tell other than me leaving that I can think. Whether I said my goodbyes or not I mean you still let me know! Dont you think? Edited May 11, 2012 by hurts_so_bad Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 She has no reason to be angry with me unless she is pissed that I left before she got home. No reason to be mad at me as far as I can tell other than me leaving that I can think. Whether I said my goodbyes or not I mean you still let me know! Dont you think? Hurts....she is still angry that you left, she's going to be, just as much as you are angry that she enunciated what she had been feeling for a long time. The conversation that you had was actually healthy...putting the kids first and knowing that they all draw positives from the two of you. You being upset over this is exactly the rise she expects....just as much as the lawn not being mowed shows her what to expect. Tit for tat. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted May 11, 2012 Author Share Posted May 11, 2012 Hurts....she is still angry that you left, she's going to be, just as much as you are angry that she enunciated what she had been feeling for a long time. The conversation that you had was actually healthy...putting the kids first and knowing that they all draw positives from the two of you. You being upset over this is exactly the rise she expects....just as much as the lawn not being mowed shows her what to expect. Tit for tat. She is angry that I left? What the other night or in the beginning of the seperation? She was the one who wanted me gone. Not I.... I kind of hope its tit for tat atleast with her cause I would think she still cares then. No? Why play any tit for tat games if a person cares less? You are probably right but we have been doing this s**t so long its like second nature for us.. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 You are probably right but we have been doing this s**t so long its like second nature for us.. Finally...sink in? It's extremely hard to go through life with someone who doesn't hear and try to find ways to be happy, they put it in everyone else....until they need to be heard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted May 11, 2012 Author Share Posted May 11, 2012 Finally...sink in? It's extremely hard to go through life with someone who doesn't hear and try to find ways to be happy, they put it in everyone else....until they need to be heard. HuH? you lost me lol...sorry! Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Finally...sink in? It's extremely hard to go through life with someone who doesn't hear and try to find ways to be happy, they put it in everyone else....until they need to be heard. HuH? you lost me lol...sorry! Not that I'm the least bit surprised.....she wants to be heard...you want to be acknowledged...she wants to be acknowledged...you want to be heard....tit for tat. Link to post Share on other sites
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