How do you feel about boyfriend going to a strip club?

[Leigh 87]

I am just curious, there is notihng wrong with your desision, each to their own:)

 

.... what is it about him seeing naked women that makes you uncomfortable?

 

Does their sexuality, the fact they are naked and being sexual, is that the thing that gets to you? Opposed to a hot girl in a bikini, or is not dancing around?

 

You want to save the naked sexual stuff between the two of you? I can understand that. I mean, I do not care personally with my b;f, but I can see where your coming from.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I think he has the wrong attitude about this, but this sounds like a guy who hangs out with single friends who basically can do the strip club thing without taking any heat...otherwise If it's a bunch of guys in relationships going to a strip club or even some of them that's even worse.

 

Most women think men just go to strip clubs, throw a few bucks on a table and that's it...even less experienced guys, but what really happens Is you end up getting a lap dance, which means boobies/vagina in your face as well as a woman jumping on you like she's trying to pack a bunch of clothes into a small suitcase.

 

Strippers make their money off of lap dances and such, the dancing on the stage/tables and even the entrance fee is just the cover and some mild compensation...they do that to entice you into desiring more so that you'll be willing to fork out some big bucks for a lap dance in which they'll entice you to an even more enticing lap dance which could resort to sexual favors.

 

This is the truth about strip clubs, they're a dirty little place of business kinda like going to get a "massage" with a happy ending...granted I don't have a ton of experience in strip clubs and haven't really been in years and most of it comes from when I was younger, but I'm not stupid and from what I hear from men there still is a lot of raunchy stuff going on there...let's face, If a man is going to strip club he's not just going to watch a couple of boobies bounce around, why wouldn't a man just watch some porn if that was the case? I know at least for myself that a naked woman alone is not all that compelling (not that I or any other man wouldn't look).

 

The thing about going with your boyfriend or even a woman in their the presence of men is never the same as just a bunch of guys, women think they get the inside scoop by being there but men always act at least a little bit differently and reserve themselves when in the presence of women...so going with him and seeing that everything looks fine and dandy as they sit there looking "bored" is just a joke to me, If it was that "boring" then what the hell would a guy go for in the first place? I know I wouldn't, It's a waste of money for me...but If you're going to a strip club he's getting something out of it right?

 

As women usually do, tell yourselves whatever you like to feel better about the decisions of your significant other, whatever helps you sleep at night, but the truth Is It's like going to a candy store without tasting any, It just doesn't make any sense just to look now does it?

 

The fact that he is willing to go despite how you feel about it just represents where you stand on the totem pole of importance in his life, and maybe he's not ready for that kind of commitment. So like most women you might as well just accept it and stick around anyway and try to convince yourself It's just an innocent behavior, or put your foot down and see how far he's willing to extend himself not to do something he can because he'd rather not lose you over something so stupid and simple...the choice is yours, all I really want from women is to stop lying to themselves, and accept the reality instead of "confusing" themselves.

[irin]

visiting sex workers:sick: is never okay, i would divorce if i was married, never mind dumping a bf.

[Fondue]

visiting sex workers:sick: is never okay, i would divorce if i was married, never mind dumping a bf.

I love the connotation you give these people.

 

I choose to look at strippers as artists who use their physical bodies as canvases. Similar to going to a modern museum and checking out some of these sculptures and pictures of tits/asses/vags. That is unacceptable, too?

 

I been to the strip club twice in my life. Once on my 18th bday, and the second time was many years later-- 2 weekends ago to celebrate my friend's moving away thing. I am no where near an expert on the topic, but I have to say, I don't see what's so "raunchy" about it.

 

I wouldn't care if my female companion went to see dudes dance around swinging their dicks every night. It doesn't matter to me. As long as she doesn't have one in either of her three entry points by the end of the night, it doesn't matter.

 

If you trust your partner to be "responsible," then there shouldn't be an issue. Many women (and men) choose to believe these places are "bad" because it can validate their own mistrust in their partners.

 

Besides, it's also about camaraderie. OP, if you choose to go WITH your boyfriend, you might as well just not let him go at all. You're going to destroy what may be a perfectly fine "guys night out." No one's going to speak their mind around you, they're all going to keep it to lighter subjects, and it'll just be boring. Men go to these places in groups. Not for the tits and ass, but as a place where they're open to be men. Just chill, talk, and not be afraid looking over their shoulder, wondering who might have heard them say what.

 

Does this make any sense?

[wwwjd]

oh but i would mention that lap dances is a no go.

 

As long as he is okay with some hunk guy dangling his c()ck inches infront of YOUR face, shouldn't be a problem.

 

There are deeper moralistic issues here that I won't get into, but where does this leave the importance of YOUR sexuality and/or importance of YOUR feelings in a relationship?

 

Personally, I wouldn't tolerate a girlfriend that wanted to see other guys junk "just for fun" or "with the girls" or whatever excuse is used.

 

Curb... meet ex.

I'm worth more than that.

[veggirl]

I choose to look at strippers as artists who use their physical bodies as canvases. Similar to going to a modern museum and checking out some of these sculptures and pictures of tits/asses/vags. That is unacceptable, too?

 

:rolleyes::rolleyes:

Yes going to a strip club is JUST LIKE going to a museum! They are ARTISTS! gmafb! If you honestly can't see the difference in going to a strip club and visiting your local art museum then....ffs I don't even know what to say.

 

 

I been to the strip club twice in my life. Once on my 18th bday, and the second time was many years later-- 2 weekends ago to celebrate my friend's moving away thing. I am no where near an expert on the topic, but I have to say, I don't see what's so "raunchy" about it.

 

Lots of people find the T&A&P of a stranger being rubbed up all over them to be "raunchy".

 

Does this make any sense?

 

Nothing you said makes sense.

 

 

OP-- Strip clubs are disgusting places. Go once, if you'd like, and you'll see. They are just nasty. A guy who needs a stranger to grind on him naked and stuff...no. It's immature "entertainment".

 

Guys'll tell you strip clubs are innocent, it's just a girl dancing trying to pay for "law school", what's wrong with that? Sure, that situation exists--but it is NOT the norm. I know there are some former strippers on LS who will defend strip clubs and perhaps they worked at some that are super on the up and up. The stereotype of strip clubs exists for a reason.

 

To answer your question, no you aren't out of line. I don't feel comfortable with my BF going to a strip club, and he doesn't go. Not sure if he has a desire to, I would be pretty surprised, given the rest of his character and personality, if he was interested in going to strip clubs.

[Ruby Slippers]

As usual, Ninjainpajamas cuts through all the noise to speak the truth.

 

I have an acquaintance who's a stripper, and she's told me some stories. She's worked at many different clubs, from trashy dive to high end, and I think it's quite telling that she says if she were in a relationship, she would never be OK with her boyfriend going to a strip club - and she'd never date a guy who goes to those places. (She's single, and says if she met a guy she wanted to get serious with, she would quit stripping.)

 

She says it's very naive of women to think that their man is going to look but not touch. Just as men see the strippers as objects, the strippers view the customers as walking wallets (and creeps/losers who have to pay women to get naked). Those strippers have one goal and one goal only: separate customers from their money. That means enticing them to buy a lap dance, multiple lap dances, or preferably, time in the "champagne room" = greatest return on investment. And what does that mean? At the very least, the stripper rubbing her T&A all over the guy, most likely grinding him through his pants, possibly making him come. And all the way up to fingering, oral, hand jobs, blow jobs, etc.

 

As for personal experience, to my knowledge, none of my partners visited a strip club while we were together. One of them went to a bachelor party and declined to join them at the strip club later. They gave him some crap about it, and he told them he finds those environments demoralizing, and doesn't need to pay women to get naked for him.

 

I recently started seeing someone who had his birthday right after our first date. He told me beforehand that his friends were taking him out, and asked if he wanted to go to a strip club. He asked me how I felt about that. I said he wasn't my boyfriend, so I had no claim on him or how he spent his time, but honestly, I didn't like the idea. The day of, his friends asked again if he wanted to go, but he said no, they could just go to some different bars. He told me he was hoping that someday I'll give him a strip tease, and made a comment about not needing random women in a club when he already had the best. I must say this boosted my respect, fondness, and attraction for him. And hell yeah, it gave me major motivation to give him the strip tease of his life.

[ascendotum]

The fact that he is willing to go despite how you feel about it just represents where you stand on the totem pole of importance in his life, and maybe he's not ready for that kind of commitment.

 

I cant disagree with this, but I also see it the other way, that because he disobeyed her over something that he considers no big deal & wont effect the relationship, that she's willing to break up with him, shows the passion & love that binds was not all strong from her side.

 

I certainly would not want to do anything that intentionally upsets by wife, but I guess its a hangover from being a kid, that I don't cheerfully accept the 'because I said so' reason. Say a guy can't stand the show 'sex and the city' and thinks its a bad influence and his gf was going to a gf's house with a bunch of others to drink and watch a SATC marathon over the weekend.

him: you cant go

her: why not

him: i dont want you to go.

her: why

him: beacuse

her: but why

him: because I said

her: but whats the problem

him: I dont like it

her: so you wont have to watch it, whats the problem

him: because i dont

her: what difference will it make

him: I dont care I dont like this

her: its just one weekend

him: dont care I said no

her: but why do you have such a problem with this

him: because

him: if you love me you'll do as I say

I'm curious if a woman was dating a new man, whether they would cheerfully accept the outcome of such a conversation.

[gotye]

if he got dragged there or something, I dunno... I generally wouldn't date men who like strip clubs

 

plus he better think I am hotter than any stripper, because I am hot sauce man

[xxoo]

If a man is getting good loving at home, and going to a strip club would upset his woman, I don't understand why he would go. Why pay to see other women naked when it will upset the woman who sexes you up at home?

 

But in general, the guys I'm into don't like strip clubs, so it has never been an issue. My H has gone a couple times for bachelor parties, and it didn't bother me because I know he hates the places.

[xxoo]

I certainly would not want to do anything that intentionally upsets by wife, but I guess its a hangover from being a kid, that I don't cheerfully accept the 'because I said so' reason.

 

Is that really the only reason given?

 

How about "I don't want you spending your time and money on other naked women."

[Lionblue92]

I mean. I honestly agree with more of what ninja is saying and less with the people who say its "ok" to go. He should not go if it would make me uncomfortable. And to be honest this stripper club thing is the first time its ever came up in a conversation since I have known him. There has never been a time when he wanted to ever go to one or showed interest. He does not even have many girl "friends" or has ever cared to. He's a real guys guy. I'm literally saying if his FRIENDS or uncles wanted him to go...he doesnt see why not. It did scare me because he did not get why that would be a problem. He feels if it just happened ONCE like for his 21st bday or something, its not a big deal. Like he said for an event. (but i think he thinks it should be ok just once for a reg. weekend) anyway...its not that he has said hes going to do it. And he insists that it probably won't happen. This is probably more about control than anything. And he feels we had an argument over something that probably wil never happen but in the end we still agreeed to disagree...

 

I dont know, and he is not in love with me. And i am not with him. he told me recently that a couple days before we broke up he felt himself losing those feelings for love, and after the break up they were gone all together. So as of now what he still has for me are strong feelings.

[Leigh 87]

I think strip clubs are GREAT for this reason:

 

- fat, ugly, very unattractive men are likely to never be able to get up close and personal with a very hot, very attractive, very beautiful women in their whole adult life.

 

-beautiful women are very nice to look at, it is very nice to have a physically very pleasant looking women, grind naked near you.

WHy should unattractive men have to go without that, because they can only date and be in relationships with average or cute women?

 

I agree, that besides THIS purpose, attractive men and men who can get beautiful or even just plain hot women like myself, should probably NOT waste the money at strip clubs, when they can get it in real life.

Look - to some unattractive men, getting a gorgeous looking women close to them naked, is a thrill they just want to have in their life time. WHAT IS WRONG with wanting something and getting it?

 

I can see why people think it is degrading and filthy, but every once ina WHILE, say, once a year with " the boys" on a " boys" night, when things get a bit CRAZY, what is so WRONG with experiencing a typcially male thing?

It is like drinking a lot - not sensible, but once in a while, what the heck!!!!

[Woggle]

In my bitter moments I like to defend men in relationships going to strip clubs bu if you have a good woman in your life who has earned your loyalty it is wrong to betray like this knowing how she feels.

[Lionblue92]

I think strip clubs are GREAT for this reason:

 

- fat, ugly, very unattractive men are likely to never be able to get up close and personal with a very hot, very attractive, very beautiful women in their whole adult life.

 

-beautiful women are very nice to look at, it is very nice to have a physically very pleasant looking women, grind naked near you.

WHy should unattractive men have to go without that, because they can only date and be in relationships with average or cute women?

 

I agree, that besides THIS purpose, attractive men and men who can get beautiful or even just plain hot women like myself, should probably NOT waste the money at strip clubs, when they can get it in real life.

Look - to some unattractive men, getting a gorgeous looking women close to them naked, is a thrill they just want to have in their life time. WHAT IS WRONG with wanting something and getting it?

 

I can see why people think it is degrading and filthy, but every once ina WHILE, say, once a year with " the boys" on a " boys" night, when things get a bit CRAZY, what is so WRONG with experiencing a typcially male thing?

It is like drinking a lot - not sensible, but once in a while, what the heck!!!!

 

 

Leigh 87, you keep bringing attention to your looks and talking about how gorgeous you are which is why your man wouldn't want to go...and shouldnt. More power to you. I can't hate because I myself, am a very beautiful and attractive women and he knows this, quite well. So I can't agree with what your saying. He has what he needs, as you say your man would. He is attractive, and even more attractive...that doesnt mean he is going so he can be with and touch other beautiful women. It is not ok. I can agree if he already has it, its a waste of money but even if he doesnt it is still wrong. it is a problem. But that is how I feel. Say you were...not as HOT as you claim, If you dont mind your man watching naked women dance and grind on him every once in awhile thats fine...im sure there are others out there that feel the way you do. But not wanting him to go doesnt make me think i am any less cute or attractive.

[Leigh 87]

So, please do not speak for all unattractive men, or any man who can never get a very beautiful or even a hot girl, that it is " wrong" for them to crave a naked hottie, in close range to them. ............

 

This is my story on strippers. I have a b.f who adores me and is really into me, we are incredibly close and have planned a life together, but I have a different belief system in some respects to most girls.....

 

It is not an ideal soul career, and one should have other career aspirations besides stripping, and it IS unhealthy for most women to do regularly and long term.. But SOME women just feel really at ease with the bodies, and can remain unaffected and healthy,a nd do it because they are thin, good looking, have a nice body shape, so they want to use it to make money, in addition to their day jobs. SOME people can divide between a job, and other strange emotions from exposing their bodies to men.

They distinguish between true intimacy, and the false show they put on for men.

 

My boyfriend has gone, and likes seeing naked girls, and he LOVES me and is totally crazy about me, I am a proud individual who is very quirky and is loved for it by him.

HOwever, he does not go more than once or twice a year for bucks nights he is invited to, or if he happens to walk PAST one on the nights he happens to be with me or his friends, and thinks " well, since I have walked past one why not?"

Plenty of nice guys, who treat their girlfriends well, like strippers; but not every day, and they do do it because their girlfriends are not good enough for them.

I think a lot of peope are too expecting of a relationship; what, are men supposed to shut their eyes around hot girls, and never have any hoeny desire when they see hot girls?

I Just really do not feel anything off or uncomfortable when my boyfriend is near a naked, hot girl. I do not feel it means he does not want me enough, that he will find a beter girl who satisfies him and he therefore stops enjoying hot naked chicks.

I just tihnk some guys can love a girl, and still love hot nakesd chics. Not as much as a single guy, but as somethiing they still appreciate, and are alloud to if their g/f lets them.

 

As people here know, I do not really think hot naked chicks are something all guys should shun, and I think as long as it is not some RAMPANT tihng a guy "needs", and it is just more of a " want" they have, what is the big deal?

I am not even secure about my body, I hate my body type I wish I was petite, but I just do not get jealous or think my boyfriend wants me any less because of naked hot chicks.

I also have high self worth and only want a guy who adores me and thinks I am more than enough for a long term partner, sexually and otherwise.

 

YOu make think it is filthy and wrong, but ugly guys have a right to see hot chicks naked besides on a computer screen or mag, and SOME guys do have true love for their g/fs, and just appreciate a hot nakes chick, without wanting them more than their g/f, or viewing their g/fs body in less regard.

My boyfriend says naked hot chicks make him want me more, because varity really is beautiful to him in females, he likes to be able to explore that through porn occasionally, and strippers when he rearely does it.

[Lionblue92]

Its not even like hes about to go do it. Like it wasnt a conversation of "im doing this soon and i think its ok" it was a hypothetical thing. So should I leave the topic alone for now and err on the side of caution? Cause to be quite honest I dont think this will happen. I'm mostly bothered that his mind state is that this is ok and im being irrational to think its not ok just because it happens once, even though it makes me feel uncomfortable.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh 87, you keep bringing attention to your looks and talking about how gorgeous you are which is why your man wouldn't want to go...and shouldnt. More power to you. I can't hate because I myself, am a very beautiful and attractive women and he knows this, quite well. So I can't agree with what your saying. He has what he needs, as you say your man would. He is attractive, and even more attractive...that doesnt mean he is going so he can be with and touch other beautiful women. It is not ok. I can agree if he already has it, its a waste of money but even if he doesnt it is still wrong. it is a problem. But that is how I feel. Say you were...not as HOT as you claim, If you dont mind your man watching naked women dance and grind on him every once in awhile thats fine...im sure there are others out there that feel the way you do. But not wanting him to go doesnt make me think i am any less cute or attractive.

 

 

 

 

I am not particularly gorgeous. I am average - ish with a body shape and long blonde hair, which is attractive to some and NOT others.

 

I just meant my BOYFRIEND thinks I am very attractive to HIM:) I do NOT think I am anything special, at all! I hate my body type, I wish I was petite, not a athletic, large boned 130 lbs 5 ' 6 large breatsed women.

 

That was my point: I do not even like my body ( but love it for the fact it works and is healthy and that is that important thing in life), I have no issue with my boyfriend watching hot naked chicks.

 

I know he wants me, even though there are hot naked chicks in front of him. It does not mean he wants me any less. He would not go if I asked him to, no biggie he says. I just see no reason to not let him see hot naked chicks up close.

 

I understand your point; it makes YOU feel uncomfortable. That is YOU. For ME, I am not phased by it, and it is NOT because I am gorgeous.

[Leigh 87]

Its not even like hes about to go do it. Like it wasnt a conversation of "im doing this soon and i think its ok" it was a hypothetical thing. So should I leave the topic alone for now and err on the side of caution? Cause to be quite honest I dont think this will happen. I'm mostly bothered that his mind state is that this is ok and im being irrational to think its not ok just because it happens once, even though it makes me feel uncomfortable.

 

 

 

I have given this sort of topic a lot of thought, and with you, it makes you feel bad, so he should compromise and not do things that make you feel uncomfortable.

 

That is it. You are not comfortable, do not let him do it. Nothing else about it to say. Peoples opinions aside, your not cool with it, that is ALL that matters in this situation.

 

If you think it will happen, just tell him. Your uncomfortable, and would like it if he compromised about things in this relationship. If he is not that into going, and is more into you, he will not do it. I do not think he would do it, mann:) Sounds like he is not super keen.

[Leigh 87]

sorry for all these posts

[Lionblue92]

To all: I mean, my main reason for being so uncomfortable with this is because I don't like the idea of naked women dancing for my boyfriend, and possibly on him, just because he is in the setting of a strip club. It wouldn't make it okay anywhere else so it doesn't make it alright at a strip club. Or, should I say especially at a strip club because he is going there for that purpose alone. And I find no comfortability in knowing that.

[veggirl]

To all: I mean, my main reason for being so uncomfortable with this is because I don't like the idea of naked women dancing for my boyfriend, and possibly on him, just because he is in the setting of a strip club. It wouldn't make it okay anywhere else so it doesn't make it alright at a strip club. Or, should I say especially at a strip club because he is going there for that purpose alone. And I find no comfortability in knowing that.

 

Perfectly understandable. I agree with you completely.