Is It Worth Another Shot? Is The Love Gone Or Masked From Hurting

[prttygrljai]

I'VE BEEN SEPARATED FROM MY HUSBAND OF ONE AND A HALF YEARS FOR TWO MONTHS NOW. I FEEL I'VE MADE THE RIGHT DECISION BUT I'M HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT TRYING TO SAVE MY MARRIAGE. THROUGHOUT THE RELATIONSHIP WE'VE HAD COUNTLESS ARGUMENTS, WHICH IS NORMAL. WHAT'S ABNORMAL IS THE PETTINESS AND EXTREMITY OF THE ARGUMENTS. EVERYTHING GETS OUT OF HAND. HE CAN BE SELFISH, OVERPROTECTIVE, UNCONCERNED AND IT'S FELT LIKE I'VE BEEN IN THE RELATIONSHIP ALONE. I'VE EXPRESSED MY CONCERN AND HE CHOSE TO IGNORE ME. HE WOULD SAY THINGS LIKE, "YOU AIN'T GOING NOWHERE" OR "WHO WOULD WANT YOU?" HE IS UNCONCERNED ABOUT HIS JOB, WHICH IS MY FAMILY'S BUSINESS, THE UPKEEP OF THE HOUSE, I HAD TO WASH MY OWN CAR! HE JUST ACTED LIKE HE WOULD RATHER BE ELSEWHERE. I TRIED TO GET HIM TO GO TO MARRIAGE COUNSELING, EVEN WATCH A MARRIAGE AND FAMILY SHOW ON T.V., HE DIDN'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING. OUR FIGHTS HAD BEEN GETTING OUT OF HAND FOR A LONG TIME. WE WOULD HAVE BLOW UP FIGHTS EVERY FEW MONTHS. I WAS DEPRESSED MOST OF OUR MARRIAGE, I HAD EVEN GREW GRAY HAIR (I'M 22 YEARS OLD). I HAD BEEN FEELING LIKE I DIDN'T LOVE HIM FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS BEFORE I WAS JUST FED UP. I WOULD CRY AND ASK GOD TO SHOW MY HOW TO LOVE MY MAN. ONE DAY, WHILE AT WORK, HE HAD A BAD DAY. HE LOST A COUPLE OF CLIENTS AND HE WAS GOING TO HANG OUT, WHILE I WORKED, FOR THE SECOND DAY IN A ROW. (WE WORK AT THE SAME PLACE, HE'S COMMISSION AND I'M NOT.) I NICELY SUGGESTED THAT HE NOT GET DOWN BY THE CIRCUMSTANCES BUT THAT HE GET RIGHT BACK TO WORK. HE CUSSED ME OUT AND AFTER OTHER WORDS WERE EXCHANGED TOLD ME TO GET MY STUFF AND GET OUT OF HIS HOUSE. I DID WHAT HE ASKED AND HE CAUGHT ME THERE WITH MY SISTER IN LAW. HE PROCEEDED TO HOLD ME AND BEGGED ME TO STAY BUT ALSO THREATENED ME. HE PUT HIS HANDS ON ME AND SCARED ME TO DEATH. THAT WAS THE LAST STRAW. NOW, HE WANTS TO BE THE MAN I'VE BEEN BEGGING HIM TO BE. EVEN THOUGH IT'S ALL TALK. SINCE I'VE BEEN GONE, I'VE BEEN HAPPY AND MY FAMILY CAN DEFINITELY SEE AN IMPROVEMENT IN MY OVERALL APPEARANCE. I'VE ACCOMPLISHED SOME GOALS I'VE BEEN TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH FOR THE TWO YEARS I'VE KNOWN HIM. I DON'T FEEL LIKE I LOVE HIM BUT I FEEL THAT AS A REAL WOMAN, I COULD TRY TO MAKE IT WORK. MY FAMILY BEGS ME NOT TO TALK TO HIM BECAUSE HE'S PRETTY UNSTABLE. (HE'S DONE A WHOLE LOT MORE THAN I'VE MENTIONED) I THINK THAT I'M SO HURT I CAN'T SEE LOVING HIM. I'M A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, SMART, CREATIVE AND I WON'T HAVE A PROBLEM FINDING SOMEONE REAL. I JUST WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THING BUT I'M NOT SURE.

[lostinlove0479]

I've never been married but I can honestly say you already know what u need to do. People around you notice how even thru your appearance you seem happier. This man sounds a little off. He wants you but he doesn't. And his verbal abuse is scary. He wants u to feel like you need him and now that you've shown him that you don't, he wants you back. Take time off from the situation. I'm glad that you showed your strength by leaving or attempting to leave.

Follow your gut. It won't lead you astray. I hope things work out and he realizes what he might be letting slip. He has to miss you more though. Don't give in too easily. I'm learning this right now. Take care.

[milla]

I think you know you are doing the right thing and you are very lucky to have the support of your family at a time like this. I think it helps keep you stable and grounded to be around those you love. Your husband sounds a lot like mine and we are also a young couple in our 20s... I say the only way to give him another chance is if he agrees to marriage counselling, or even just counselling by himself because he sounds unstable and dangerous. But even if he agrees to counselling, I would stay with your family until he's proven himself 110%. It's scary that he put his hands on you. To me, that is a deal-breaker. If it was a one off thing, then maybe you can work on it with counselling, but if he regularly loses control like that, I would say cut your losses and head for the hills! You're so young and you don't have kids, you can chalk this up to experience and move on to find someone better.

[prttygrljai]

THANKS MILLA AND LOSTINLOVE0479 FOR YOUR ADVICE. I REALLY APPRECIATE IT! IT'S A HARD TRANSITION FOR ME BUT I'M EXCITED ABOUT MY FUTURE. I'LL BE 23 THIS YEAR AND IT'S TIME TO LIVE MY OWN LIFE!!