Dui

[DudeMan27]

I'm not sure if this is the proper forum, but it sort of deals with me trying to better myself. Actually, I did see there was an additicion section, but I see its not too active.

 

Back in January I left a friends house on a Friday night and headed home. This was 4 streets away at 1am. Well you know the old story, I was drinking, my headlights were out, and cops that were watching a local bar followed me. I'll spare the details but I was arrest AT MY HOME for dui. They pulled me over and I did the sobriety tests literally in my car port. I was taken down, booked, and allowed to take a cab home.

 

My license is currently suspended due to end this week with the condition I install one of those nightmare interlock devices in my car. My court date was pushed back the first time as my lawyer wasnt in town. I was due back for a 2nd appearance a few weeks ago but that got moved to May 24th. Not really sure what I'm asking for here, I guess if anyone has gone thru this experience. I worked 30 minutes away and had to leave my job. I hated the job anyone and wanted to use it as an opportunity to spend time looking for something closer to home. Well, now that that has not happend, im really starting to get worried. I may never get hired anywhere again with this on my record. Aside from the financial burden with court costs, my lawyer fees, etc I am starting to have anxiety about my future all over again.

 

Thing is, sooo many people have dui's, and the ones I know seem to be doing just fine in life now. But I cant escape the idea that mine will never ever be the same. I don't know if I'll ever be able to travel with a criminal record, find another job, or hell, I definately wont be able to date while that breathalyzer is in my car. I know what I did was horrible wrong, so I'm not looking for any scolding please. I didnt think driving 10 mph 4 streets over would ruin my life. I'm just trying to get any insight or experiences. Over the last few months talking with my lawyer and such, my mind was put at ease, but all of the sudden these fears are creeping back up and causing sleepless nights and anxiety. I hear people's stories, and I read stuff online and one second I get the feeling that 1st offense isnt a big deal and jsut learn from it, then the next I read stuff that your life is basically over. I dont knwo what to think and I'm looking for advice.

 

Obviously this has caused me to try and work on myself. Actually I've been trying to do that for 2+ years after a breakup. I've been pretty unhappy in life since then and don't have much going on in my life. Thats why having drinks with my friends seems like it was something I needed to do because I didnt have much else going on and wasn't really enjoying life. I'm trying to work on that, but its going to be even tougher if I won't get hired anywhere and my life is in shambles because of a bad mistake one night.

[writergal]

I know what I did was horrible wrong, so I'm not looking for any scolding please. I didnt think driving 10 mph 4 streets over would ruin my life. I'm just trying to get any insight or experiences.

 

You are lucky that you didn't kill anyone. And you are obviously still in denial about your behavior, if you "didn't think driving 10 mph 4 streets over would ruin my life." Of course your life is in shambles. You still don't think driving a few blocks home drunk is a big deal. It doesn't matter if you drive one block drunk. You drove drunk and were rightly punished for it.

 

Obviously this has caused me to try and work on myself. Actually I've been trying to do that for 2+ years after a breakup. I've been pretty unhappy in life since then and don't have much going on in my life. Thats why having drinks with my friends seems like it was something I needed to do because I didnt have much else going on and wasn't really enjoying life. I'm trying to work on that, but its going to be even tougher if I won't get hired anywhere and my life is in shambles because of a bad mistake one night.

 

How exactly have you tried to work on yourself? You use drinking as excuse to deal with your boredom and depression. But I don't see you mention what steps you've taken to address your alcoholism. Have you done anything to address your problem? Do you attend AA meetings and have a sponsor? Or go into treatment for alcoholism? Wasn't that required as part of your DUI? Or participation in a "safe driving program?"

 

When I was an undergrad, I was hit by a drunk driver (someone like you) while walking home to my apartment from the library. It was the driver's 4th DUI and his lawyer tried to harass me to get me to drop my charges. You ask people in your post to share their experiences, so I am sharing mine.

 

I could have been killed but luckily I wasn't. I didn't drop the charges, got a lawyer and the driver went to jail and was fined.

 

You seem to lack maturity with your statement,

Thing is, sooo many people have dui's, and the ones I know seem to be doing just fine in life now.

 

What exactly did you expect when you were arrested for driving drunk? A pat on the back that you didn't kill anyone? Maybe after you get 3 more DUIs the reality of your problem will sink in. You seem more concerned with being dumped by an ex-girfriend than you do about your drinking problem and DUI on record. If a first DUI offense doesn't stop you from driving drunk, then maybe when you actually accidentally kill someone while driving drunk, you'll see the bigger picture. Your post's tone comes across as self-righteous and entitled, rather than mature and accountable.

 

Please, stay off the roads until you learn to address your problem properly.

Edited May 1, 2012 by writergal

[DudeMan27]

I certainly dont run for critisism for this and fully understand why you are comming at me the way you are given what has happend to you, but a dui does nott make someone a raging alcoholic who can't control an addiction. I have drinks once or twice a week, if that, with friends to unwind on the weekends. THAT is perfectly legal. Leaving that night to take my car home was not and I fully accept what is going to happen to me. My reason for posting, was because right now I DONT know what could happen to me, and was looking for anything, good or bad to calm my anxiety.

 

Had I not been so close to home I wouldn't have driven, thats not an excuse, but i wouldn't have. I've always stayed with friends or gotten rides home if needed. I've never been in trouble in my entire life, not so much as a speeding ticket, so this mistake, as horrible as it was, does not mean I'm some alcholic criminal who can't handle reality and do nothing but binge drink the day away and doesnt take accountability for what he's done. I will be taking responsibilty by paying my fines, going to whatever classes, I currently have my license suspended, and whatever else i'm going to be in for. And also taking responsibility by making sure this doesn't happen again.

 

While I have extreme sympathy for you and what you were put thru and understand your anger, that guy wasn't me. I dont have 3 or 4. And I dont need 3 or 4 to realize what I did was wrong and to learn from it. And no, my entire life shouldn't be ruined because of this. I was just needing some advice to calm my anxiety, not berated into thinking I'm a miserable human being. I just feel like you are comming at me a little strong and maybe YOUR judgement is clouded a bit due to what you went thru.

[writergal]

a dui does nott make someone a raging alcoholic who can't control an addiction.

 

Then what does a DUI make for? People with common sense and good impulse control don't drive themselves home drunk. I never said you were a raging alcoholic but the fact that you got a DUI shows you lack common sense.

 

I have drinks once or twice a week, if that, with friends to unwind on the weekends. THAT is perfectly legal.

 

And how did that excuse help you with your DUI case? You may not think you need AA because you like to limit your drinking to a few times a week but alcohol is what caused your problem. So maybe you need to start there and figure out if you really need those happy hours or whatever to help you unwind. After all, it's what got you the DUI.

 

From your previous post:

Thing is, sooo many people have dui's, and the ones I know seem to be doing just fine in life now.

 

This is your attitude: "Well everyone gets DUIs and they're fine" as though it's not that serious an offense when it is.

 

You posted here because you have anxiety about how to handle your DUI record with future jobs, girlfriends and friends.

 

My judgement is not clouded at all. Even if I hadn't been hit by a drunk driver, I'd still respond the same way as there's no excuse for driving drunk. None. You could have called a sober cab, or asked a friend to be a sober cab. There are always options to avoid driving drunk. I thought hearing it from a DUI victim's perspective would help you realize the HUGE BULLET you dodged with your first offense. Clearly that didn't work.

 

And I'm certainly not confusing you with the man who nearly killed me 20 years ago. I get that you feel bad about what happened, are still dwelling on your break-up, and generally feel miserable with the current state of your life. Dwelling on the past will get you nowhere.

 

You made a mistake and now you have to adjust your whole life around that huge mistake. If I berate you it's because I don't think you realize that it was your poor thinking that got you into this situation in the first place.

 

This is your first offense and if you live in the US, you are required to attend a drug/alcohol program, pay a fine and spend some time in jail with a 10-month suspension of your license. Also, the ignition interlock device is required for up to three years as a precautionary step so that you don't drive drunk again. Instead of complaining about the punishment for your actions, try to focus on why you let this happen in the first place and seek support from groups or church or sports or friends.

 

If you really want to calm your anxiety about how this will impact your life then you should find a support group. Get involved in Buddhism or whatever spirituality you were raised with. Or take up yoga or stop drinking for a while and see if you can unwind from stress with sports or other types of activities.

 

Rehabilitation | DUI Foundation

Edited May 2, 2012 by writergal

[pureinheart]

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

 

Hey DM...we all make mistakes and I bet you've played it over and over in your mind the could haves, would haves and should haves. You are not an alcoholic BTW so please don't beat yourself up, and please don't allow others do that either.

 

I could tell by your OP that you won't let this happen again, and you are paying your price.

 

I'm not sure how this will affect finding a job, although God will make a way for you...you sound like a really cool person and the advice that I could give to calm your anxiety is to give all of this to God, casting your cares on Him.

 

I will really lift you up (pray for you) tonight asking for strength and courage to be able to handle all of what you will have to..my heart really goes out to you:( You will get through this and come out on the other side a victor ...again (((((hugs))))

[LuckyLady13]

DM, I'm going to be a little harsh for a second here, okay? Stop being a drama queen! You got a DUI. Nobody's life gets ruined over a single DUI. Yours isn't ruined either. Stop the drama reaction. You're way over dramatizing what's "happened" to you.

 

You messed up. You're paying a price. You don't sound too interested in doing this again but it sounds as if you were heading down a bad road and it's a good thing you got this DUI to stop you.

 

Don't apply for any driving jobs. The only companies who hire drivers with previous DUI's are shady. Most companies aren't and won't touch you with a ten foot pole but other than driving jobs? There's plenty of jobs you can get.

 

Don't drink and get behind the wheel. Your life isn't ruined but next time it might be and not only that, the lives of other people can be effected too. The only thing you can do from here is straighten yourself up.

[DudeMan27]

Pureinheart, LuckyLady...I can't thank you enough for the supportive words and for taking the time to read my story and respond. Like I said, I am not dodging ANY critisism, because it is warrented, but writergal seems to think that unless I do this, this, this this this and this....then I am never truely sorry or learn. I can pay all the fines and take all the classes (i HOPE thats all) the court orders me too, but the only way to really learn is not to let it happen again, but that isnt something that can be shown right away.

 

I've come to grips with what I've done, and what all I needed to hear was some encouraging words. I know how many people this happens to, I personally know people, policticians, athletes, a lot of prominent people, but you really truely do feel alone and think you could never have a normal life after this. That why I took the "attitude" as writergal put it, that I see people who have dui's and the are fine. I'm looking at it that way as a sort of hope, that they are all working and happy and living normal lives even with this mistake in their past. Thats all I needed.

 

Not everything I say is an excuse. Ive never gone out on the highway speeding around after drinking, and I was close to home, only needing to take a quiet side street and an alley to get there. Thats not an excuse, but its a different situation that wouldn't have ended with me almost kiling someone. That may sound smug, or like I still "dont get it" but its the truth. I wouldnt and havent put myself in a more dangerous position.

 

Like I said, I maybe just needed some kind words becuase u do feel like the worst human on the planet and the only person to have even done this. And I thank you both, truely.

[writergal]

M, I'm going to be a little harsh for a second here, okay? Stop being a drama queen!

 

Exactly. All you do is whine about your punishment and how your DUI has ruined your life. My guess is you probably still go out drinking anyway because your still a college student, aren't you? How you can blame me for my harsh criticism when you don't see the bigger picture, is laughable. You minimize my experience (which I shared with you to drive the point home about what could have happened to you but didn't) because you can't handle taking responsibility for what you've done or hearing negative feedback from an actual DUI victim. And rather than seek support...real support...you choose to whine here about how this DUI has ruined your life because hey, it wasn't a big deal in your eyes that you just drove a few blocks home drunk. No big deal because you didn't hurt anyone else. Right?!

 

Not everything I say is an excuse. Ive never gone out on the highway speeding around after drinking, and I was close to home, only needing to take a quiet side street and an alley to get there. Thats not an excuse, but its a different situation that wouldn't have ended with me almost kiling someone. That may sound smug, or like I still "dont get it" but its the truth. I wouldnt and havent put myself in a more dangerous position.

 

Yes, it is DM. You still don't take responsibility for driving drunk because you try to justify it as being on a quiet street close to your home so it doesn't count. What a joke. I was walking on a sidewalk right outside my college library when I was hit by a drunk driver in a quiet neighborhood. So drunk driving happens anywhere. Stop making excuses. Stop!

 

And yes, it does sound smug. You did and you have put yourself in a dangerous situation driving drunk. Why can't you just admit that? If you disagree, what would you call choosing to drive home drunk a few blocks? Just because you didn't hit anyone else doesn't mean that what you did is not a big deal. I think you are very young, very arrogant and you just don't get it and never will.

Edited May 3, 2012 by writergal

[DudeMan27]

I'm not whining about my punishment. That is ridiculous. I've stated several times I've already begun, and will take on whatever is thrown at me. My point was I'm worried and have no clue what my punishments will be. Thats what I was trying to get off my chest. THATS what I have anxiety about. Ive been sick for 3 months over this. I've beat myself up plenty. I made a gigantic mistake. But trying to regain some sense of my normal life back and feel better seems to come off as smug and whiny too you. Since that happend, I've done nothing but go to work, go to the gym and work out, and come home. I'm about to wrap up a 45 day license suspension. Is that not taking responsibility? Ive been trying to do the right things, but it seems like you always find some loophole in my statements to show that I'm not doing enough.

 

Ive stated several times I am completely accepting off all critisism, but you seem to be taking everything I say and turning it how I'm just a childish alcoholic who will never learn his lesson because I'm venting on a message board instead of checking myself into rehab which, I'm sorry but thats way too extreme. You can call it excuse making all you want, because thats what you are going to do, but I refuse to equate what I did with the people you see swerving and speeding all over the road or down the wrong side of a street or who fall asleep in their vehicles. I made a mistake and have been tearing myself apart for it for 3 months, I made a terrible decision, but I am NOT going to act like it was even on the same level as something like that. You can call that smug and immature all you want, but I'm not making things harder on myself than I already have pretending I did something worse than what I did. Maybe that makes sense to you, I'm sure it doesnt, but I'm not going to take the mistake I made and times it by 1000 just to prove I'm "taking responsibility" for myself.

 

All I needed was some encouraging words or anything because I was worried. Thats not whining. I was worried. And I brought it on myself. But that doesnt change the fact its a life changing thing and it isnt worth worrying about.

[writergal]

Ok. (waves white flag). I wish you luck and hope you find the support you need.