Free-spirited person with a clingy friend.

[YellowLioness]

Hello, I'm new to this site, but I've read some posts, and most of the advice is pretty sound. I'm having problems with a friend of mine; we'll call her Anna.

 

She recently moved to the city where I live, and she's had a hard time making friends because she's rather clingy and pushy when it comes to hanging out. She tried to be friends with her husband's friends, but that didn't work out. Anna (who was pushed by Greg), tried to get these female friends to make out with her, as well as some other activities.

 

Anna does not work during the day; she spends her time taking care of her husband's ailing grandmother and occasionally watching her three year old boy, Addison. Anna is not happy with Greg, her husband, because he is sometimes cold and emotionally unavailable. Because the grandmother needs 24 hour supervision (she was in a nursing facility, but her medicare ran out), Anna is not able to get out as much as she perhaps needs to.

Anna also has several mental health problems, such as obsessive compulsive disorder, severe depression... she's been hospitalized for them.

 

When Anna and I first met, she seemed really cool. We both love to talk about the spiritual nature of our planet, and we both have some mental problems. I'm bi-polar. When she found out that I have had relationships with women, she tried to push me into making out with her. or taking off my shirt and letting her take pictures, just in fun. I don't wish to have anything with her because I'm very happy with my current boyfriend.

 

She had a hard time getting over that, and kept saying, "sometimes I want to be other people and live their lives. I don't know who I am, and some people seem to just have a sense of it. I get so lost in other people that their emotions become my emotions."

 

She seemed to get over the fact that I didn't like her like that, but now she is nearly emotionally dependent on me. She makes me feel bad for being able to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. She gets jealous of my other friends, and brags to them about spending time with me. She calls constantly for emotional support, and tries to hold me down to plans when they were only, "Maybes," or, "Let me see what Jeffery and I are doing tonights."

 

I'm a free spirited person, and I've told her several times that I am able to work better flying by the seat of my pants. I'm spontaneous, as is my live in boyfriend. I'm having a hard time giving Anna the kind of friendship she apparantly needs. The only person I allow to be dependent on me is Jeff, and that's only because we're soul mates.

 

I don't know quite how to handle what is going on. She does not act like a thirty year old mother. She acts like someone much younger who does not have the responsibilities of marriage. I don't know what to say to her to keep the friendship going, because Anna and I do get along very well, and I am very sorry that she and Greg have so many problems, but I cannot be her support.

 

Yellow

[msrealdoll]

First off, she doesn't make you feel bad. You are in charge of your emotional response to her. Stop feeling guilty that your life is not as bad as hers. You have nothing to feel bad about.

 

Stop allowing yourself to get sucked in by pity. Be with her when you want to, but say no when you don't. It may take practice-but give it your best shot. Your pity is not doing her any good. If anything, it's making the situation worse.

 

You may have to accept the fact that you might no be able to be friends with her. Some people are all or nothing. She sounds like she may be one of those people. If she is, better to let her go sooner than later.