I'm Devastated!! Ex got Pregnant!!

[biscwa]

I'm 35 years old, ex-girlfriend (25 years old) of 5 years broke up with me in Jan. this year (2012). To protect myself I initiated N.C. I know I love her deeply, and hope we can get back together in the future. We had brief text exchanges since, saw her three times since breakup; all from her initiating the meeting. Now it's May, we meet again, and she dropped the bomb, "She's Pregnant" with a new guy that she just met. She wants to keep the baby and plan to married the guy....

 

I am devastated!! I feel like my life was robbed. In my mind, I'm suppose to be the guy marrying her and having kids with her. And now it all vanishes in the air. The worst part is that it happened so soon since our break up. I don't know how to cope with this now. Back in January when she first broke up with me, i cling on to a slight hope in my mind that perhaps in future things can work out again. It is that slight hope helped me to cope and carried me through these tough months. It is that slight hope that enable me to fall asleep at night. And now that slight of hope is completely gone. I don't know what to do... I don't want to do anything stupid like hurting myself to get out of misery...but i can't think of anything to make myself feel better... somebody please shed some lights...

Edited May 1, 2012 by biscwa

[marqueemoon4]

Be glad you weren't married to her and don't have kid(s) with her. She's obviously selfish and immature. Find someone closer to your age.

[Michael Johnson]

I'm 35 years old, ex-girlfriend (25 years old) of 5 years broke up with me in Jan. this year (2012). To protect myself I initiated N.C. I know I love her deeply, and hope we can get back together in the future. We had brief text exchanges since, saw her three times since breakup; all from her initiating the meeting. Now it's May, we meet again, and she dropped the bomb, "She's Pregnant" with a new guy that she just met. She wants to keep the baby and plan to married the guy....

 

I am devastated!! I feel like my life was robbed. In my mind, I'm suppose to be the guy marrying her and having kids with her. And now it all vanishes in the air. The worst part is that it happened so soon since our break up. I don't know how to cope with this now. Back in January when she first broke up with me, i cling on to a slight hope in my mind that perhaps in future things can work out again. It is that slight hope helped me to cope and carried me through these tough months. And now that slight of hope is completely gone. I don't know what to do... I don't want to do anything stupid like hurting myself to get out of misery...but i can't think of anything to make myself feel better... somebody please shed some lights...

 

I know how you feel man. This happened to me when I was in college. The only advice I have for you is to get back to doing things you loved doing by yourself, to help pass the time. It's what I did and even though it took me about 2 years to finally get over the break up, the work paid off. I was used to being single and confident again. I know it doesn't sound like much but I think you get the gist of it. You know you're going to have to maintain NC, and most likely she'll come running back to you with her child, hoping you'd fit the bill. You know she's not in love with the guy, and only used him as a rebound. Most break up stories here indicate the one who broke up the relationship ends up running back after their bout of Grass is Greener Syndrome. Do not let it come to that. Maintain no contact with her.

[gibson]

Be glad you weren't married to her and don't have kid(s) with her. She's obviously selfish and immature. Find someone closer to your age.

 

How is breaking up with someone selfish and immature?

 

Breaking up / ending a relationship when you no longer want to be with someone is mature, selfless and the right thing to do.

 

What's the alternative?

 

Stay with them even though you don't want too?

[nanbullen]

I'm sorry you are hurting. Remember, time heals all wounds. It doesn't help much hearing that now......believe me, I know!

 

If it's any consolation, my boyfriend and I broke up, we both went on to marry other people and have children with them. We didn't even keep in touch. But, ten years later we got back together. So, don't lose hope, you just never know what the future holds.

[marqueemoon4]

How is breaking up with someone selfish and immature?

 

Breaking up / ending a relationship when you no longer want to be with someone is mature, selfless and the right thing to do.

 

What's the alternative?

 

Stay with them even though you don't want too?

 

Um.. after coming out of a 5yr relationship getting knocked up by some other guy in less than 5mos doesn't seem selfish, immature and just plain stupid? Does to me.

Edited May 1, 2012 by marqueemoon4

[wilsonx]

Um.. after coming out of a 5yr relationship getting knocked up by some other guy in less than 5mos doesn't seem selfish, immature and just plain stupid? Does to me.

 

Is it your life? Who are you to judge someone else. You aren't Mr Perfect!

 

You made the same mistakes shes making now

[marqueemoon4]

Is it your life? Who are you to judge someone else. You aren't Mr Perfect!

 

You made the same mistakes shes making now

 

I did? Please enlighten me... hahaha. I didn't bring a child into this world after a few months of knowing (not knowing, really) someone. And yes, I will judge her as being desperate, irresponsible, and just plain dumb.

[Chi townD]

Well, for her to jump out of relationship with you and jump right into one with someone else and become pregnant by him.....not your problem anymore. I mean, the way you wrote it. It doesn't sound like she's not too keen of the guy and it sounds like if they do get married, it because they feel obligated to do so for the sake of the kid. I don't see that relationship lasting....but again....not your problem and you can now be free from her and all of her baggage! It's the other guy's problem now...not yours.

[Michael Johnson]

Well, for her to jump out of relationship with you and jump right into one with someone else and become pregnant by him.....not your problem anymore. I mean, the way you wrote it. It doesn't sound like she's not too keen of the guy and it sounds like if they do get married, it because they feel obligated to do so for the sake of the kid. I don't see that relationship lasting....but again....not your problem and you can now be free from her and all of her baggage! It's the other guy's problem now...not yours.

 

It sure is, original poster.

 

If you need to express your pain some more man, we're here for ya.

[gibson]

1. Assuming you had sex before or after your marriage, you took a "risk" of impregnating someone. Even taking all the precautions, it's 100% that it won't happen.

 

2. I didn't get the dumper handbook. What is the appropriate amount of time that must pass for you to have sex with someone else after you break up with someone? Apparently 5 months is too soon.

 

3. I'm curious... Did you date or have sex with someone within 5 months of your divorce? If so, are you not the pot calling the kettle black?

[Chi townD]

I mean, don't get us wrong. I know hearing all of that HURT LIKE HELL. I get it. Believe me. I know that deep down you still have feelings for her and to hear all of this probably feels like the ultimate betrayal even though you aren't together. But here's the rub:

 

She made these choices in her life and whether she considers them a mistake or a blessing. She has to live with those choices because you don't have to. Now, you can have a fresh start in life. A new path to travel.

[marqueemoon4]

1. Assuming you had sex before or after your marriage, you took a "risk" of impregnating someone. Even taking all the precautions, it isn't 100% it won't happen.

 

2. I didn't get the dumper handbook. What is the appropriate amount of time that must pass for you to have sex with someone else after you break up with someone? Apparently 5 months is too soon.

 

3. I'm curious... Did you date or have sex with someone within 5 months of your divorce? If so, are you not the pot calling the kettle black?

 

I assume this is directed at me so I'll respond. Yep, I waited until after I was legally divorced to have sex again with another person. And in this day and age with contraception honestly what are the chance of getting knocked up unless the woman is TRYING to get pregnant or both the man and woman are completely irresponsible as far as contraception goes? Its not about certain amounts of time, its about common sense because YOU ARE BRINGING ANOTHER HUMAN LIFE INTO THE WORLD.

[Joaquin]

I'm sorry you are hurting. Remember, time heals all wounds. It doesn't help much hearing that now......believe me, I know!

 

If it's any consolation, my boyfriend and I broke up, we both went on to marry other people and have children with them. We didn't even keep in touch. But, ten years later we got back together. So, don't lose hope, you just never know what the future holds.

 

Sounds healthy.

[lalalandman]

She is pregnant with someone else's child? Perfect. Now you can move on with your life for good. I mean honestly, what better way to hammer the final nail in the coffin? She is going to have some other dudes child. Stop pondering. Don't answer any questions. No use asking why. No use beating yourself up.

 

IT'S OVER! ACCEPT IT!

[wilsonx]

I assume this is directed at me so I'll respond. Yep, I waited until after I was legally divorced to have sex again with another person. And in this day and age with contraception honestly what are the chance of getting knocked up unless the woman is TRYING to get pregnant or both the man and woman are completely irresponsible as far as contraception goes? Its not about certain amounts of time, its about common sense because YOU ARE BRINGING ANOTHER HUMAN LIFE INTO THE WORLD.

 

You see no fault in your own actions yet you are quick to point out fault in others and lay fault in all directions but your own. If you werent such a bitter ass clown throughout your marriage and afterwards you would be ok.

 

You knew better with your ex, you told yourself that, yet you were 32 and she was 21, you made a dumb mistake. Stop projecting your mistakes onto other people act like a 40 year old and focus on your own life and not calling others immature because of your resentment to your ex.

 

This guys ex is 25 and maybe at 25 she wants a kid. Most women at 25 I know want to settle down and have kids. Its in their DNA.

 

Now you are calling names to someone's ex that obviously the OP is still in love with. You show no empathy or compassion. You are nothing but a bitter old man. Grow up

[gibson]

its about common sense because YOU ARE BRINGING ANOTHER HUMAN LIFE INTO THE WORLD.

 

Okay...

 

You brought ANOTHER HUMAN BEING INTO THIS WORLD AND ACTED LIKE THIS TOWARDS YOUR EX-WIFE AND SON?!?!?!?!?

 

Let me also say that at times during our marriage I was verbally abusive when we would have fights, no name calling or anything like that, but I really knew how to push her buttons and say hurtful things. There was never any physical contact at all, until the middle of 2008. I was yelling at her during a fight, and she got off the couch and punched me in the face as hard as she could (I'm 6'4 and she's 5'3). I took it, didn't say a word and walked away. The day she left was a physical altercation as well, but let me state I've never put my hands on her, threatened her, or tried to physically keep her from trying to leave.

 

ok, my list might be pretty long, but I feel like I need to realize what I need to work on going forward (no particular order):

 

1. apparently I didn't want to spend a lot of time with her and my son

2. VIDEO GAMES

3. walking ahead of her when we were out in public, she hated this. It was tough cause I'm 6'4 and she's 5'3

4. wanting sex too much?

5. didn't care for most of her family, except her mom/stepdad

6. being critical of her in general

7. looking at other women

8. didn't treat her with respect she deserved/talking down to her (struggled with this because I was so much older than her)

9. being snobby

10. didn't take an interest in what she liked, which was basically massage therapy and dancing, two things I know nothing about

11. i guess being controlling

12. could be verbally abusive during arguments

13. lack of emotional support (i really tried, she was very hard to love)

 

You were in your 30's... So what's your Excuse? Being desperate, irresponsible, and just plain dumb too?

Edited May 1, 2012 by gibson

[lalalandman]

why are you and wilson constantly marauding around LS. Hijacking threads. Attacking everone's viewpoints. You're both seriously a couple of tools.

[marqueemoon4]

You see no fault in your own actions yet you are quick to point out fault in others and lay fault in all directions but your own. If you werent such a bitter ass clown throughout your marriage and afterwards you would be ok.

 

You knew better with your ex, you told yourself that, yet you were 32 and she was 21, you made a dumb mistake. Stop projecting your mistakes onto other people act like a 40 year old and focus on your own life and not calling others immature because of your resentment to your ex.

 

This guys ex is 25 and maybe at 25 she wants a kid. Most women at 25 I know want to settle down and have kids. Its in their DNA.

 

Now you are calling names to someone's ex that obviously the OP is still in love with. You show no empathy or compassion. You are nothing but a bitter old man. Grow up

 

First off, I was with my ex for 4yrs before she got pregnant.. I guess you're not familiar with the whole get to know someone before you procreate with them thing.. and even after all that time I obviously still didn't know her. How exactly am I acting bitter? You're seriously gonna sit there and say its a rational decision to have a child with someone you've know for a few months to a year? And when that "relationship" falls apart there will be yet another child from a dysfunctional, broken home. Thats just great. I did say she is irresponsible and immature because her actions prove that clearly. I also might add I have taken responsibility for all my actions in my past, unlike my ex who chose to dive into something with someone she barely knew and have a kid. Grow up? As usual you're the one name calling and talking out of your ass. When exactly did you become the expert on all this? And uh, btw where is your ex who is stuck in the throes of GIGS? Oh, she still hasn't come back and I'd be willing to bet she never will. Get over yourself.. just cause you read a few books doesn't make you a relationship expert.

[gibson]

My G.I.G.S. Ex returned, wanted me back and she isn't the only one.

 

You want to slam and tear down a 25 year old for having premarital sex (which you did) and getting pregnant (possibly by no fault of her own). For her, the guy she is marrying and her baby... There is still a chance to have / provide a loving and caring home.

 

You still haven't told us your excuse or what you think of yourself being a 30 something year old guy who abused, controlled, ignored, had physical confrontations, disrespected, neglected your wife in front of your child.

 

I'm curious if this women is so awful in your eyes... what do you think of yourself?

Edited May 1, 2012 by gibson

[marqueemoon4]

My G.I.G.S. Ex returned, wanted me back and she isn't the only one.

 

You want to slam and tear down a 25 year old for having premarital sex (which you did) and getting pregnant (possibly by no fault of her own). For her, the guy she is marrying and her baby... There is still a chance to have / provide a loving and caring home.

 

You still haven't told us your excuse or what you think of yourself being a 30 something year old guy who abused, controlled, ignored, had physical confrontations, disrespected, neglected your wife in front of your child.

 

I'm curious if this women is so awful in your eyes... what do you think of yourself?

 

wow man you're mental.. so let me get this straight you deduced this from one post on a msg board? You're making alot of assumptions and you don't know what you're talking about. How long it take for you to comb through my post history to dig that up then post it up so you could "win" this argument. What a loser lol. Go take a spin in your 08 S5, we're all impressed.

 

And yea I know I'm a good person who made the mistake of settling and involving myself with a severely messed up, dysfunctional .person.

Edited May 1, 2012 by marqueemoon4

[Sugarkane]

Marqueemoon's ex sounds far from innocent in all this. The more I read about her, The more I dislike her. I think compared to Marquee other AC exes trump him in the jerk department. Can someone get back onto The OP?

[GaelicSoul]

I'm 35 years old, ex-girlfriend (25 years old) of 5 years broke up with me in Jan. this year (2012). To protect myself I initiated N.C. I know I love her deeply, and hope we can get back together in the future. We had brief text exchanges since, saw her three times since breakup; all from her initiating the meeting. Now it's May, we meet again, and she dropped the bomb, "She's Pregnant" with a new guy that she just met. She wants to keep the baby and plan to married the guy....

 

I am devastated!! I feel like my life was robbed. In my mind, I'm suppose to be the guy marrying her and having kids with her. And now it all vanishes in the air. The worst part is that it happened so soon since our break up. I don't know how to cope with this now. Back in January when she first broke up with me, i cling on to a slight hope in my mind that perhaps in future things can work out again. It is that slight hope helped me to cope and carried me through these tough months. It is that slight hope that enable me to fall asleep at night. And now that slight of hope is completely gone. I don't know what to do... I don't want to do anything stupid like hurting myself to get out of misery...but i can't think of anything to make myself feel better... somebody please shed some lights...

 

 

 

 

I cant even begin to imagine how that feels like man..... I'm sorry to hear your going through so much sadness and pain right now.

 

Firstly, don't blame yourself OK. You cannot control what decisions your ex makes albeit good or bad.

 

You need to listen very carefully now. Remove yourself completely from your Ex's life. No more contacting each other, no more texting, Facebook views anything... NOTHING

 

This is an important time in your life right now, so lets turn a negative into a positive. I'm sure you still love your Ex, and think about her every day, but that's not going to change anything right now. Firstly try and accept that she's gone, and she may never come back. That might suck now, however in time and reflection you will look back and say... I dodged a bullet.

 

Get out of the house in the evening's and weekends. No more at home on laptop,sitting on your bed and feeling sorry for yourself. Hit the Gym, and you will start to feel better both mentally and phyiscally. If the Gym isn't your thing, then go jogging, long walks swimming....ANYTHING!!!! You need to clear your head. This is very important. Stay away from Alcohol, and try not to smoke.

 

Get a little diary, and start writing about how your feeling, and be honest with yourself about everything. This WILL help you heal!

 

Now, when you are ready, you really need to grab your balls, and get out and start meeting NEW Women. If your nervous,shy etc that's ok. Please feel free to ask any questions, and we will all do our best to advise.

 

This is an Important time in your life, a wonderful time for growth and furfillness. This can be the best year of your life. I mean that.

 

Write down a few goals for yourself, things you have always wanted to do. Once you have written these down, think about how you can achieve them. Then 1 goal at a time. If its buying a motorbike, DO IT!! Grow a beard.. DO IT! Get a 6 pack DO IT!!! Go travelling DO IT!!! Pay off your debts, DO IT!!!

 

Your Ex is gone, and she has made her decision. Understand that it's her choice, and you cant be there anymore to lend her a hand and advise. You need to be selfish now, and look after YOURSELF! When your not emotional anymore, and you have moved on and dating a new hottie , who is wonderful and all that, then you can look back on this chapter in your life and say " Wow, i came a long way." Who knows, in the future what may happen.

 

Focus now on yourself. Talk to your friends and family, and LISTEN to them, but most of all LISTEN to your Gut.....It's always right.

Edited May 2, 2012 by GaelicSoul

[leoc1973]

To the OP. Why the hell is she still meeting and making contact with you while she is pregnant and getting married? Seriously? What is she looking for? Friendship? To hurt you?

 

Anyways this is the best thing that could happen to you. It is that little glimmer of hope that keeps us hanging on and prevents us from healing and moving on the way we should. My ex did the same thing kept meeting me and giving me hope.

 

Think of this as a blessing because now you know its really over for good. Because you will never be able to be with her again if this kid is around. You will end up hating the kid and her.

 

This is probably a rebound relationship because seriously talking marriage this soon is that typical I think I found the love of my life thing and then it just fizzles out. However, rebound or not and no matter if she comes back begging and pleading down the road your relationship is not going to recover with another mans baby there when you had her first.

 

She probably will regret this and if she does it obviously will be the biggest mistake of her life. But its not your problem anymore!

 

This sucks right now for you but in the grand scheme of things she just gave you a gift! Wish her the best and stop hanging out with her.

[Radu]

To the OP.

 

I think your ex is immature and a coward and this is why.

 

She made her choice but just 5 months later she gets pregnant ... ok, it could happen but let's put it down as suspicious.

She met up with you ... why ?

I think it was either to see if there is any chance you two will get back together or to maybe give you the motivation to enforce NC on her.

 

Considering the age, the fact that it's a rebound, and the fact that she got pregnant this fast (it's rarely a mistake ... generally to some level of their counciousness they desire it ... even if they don't realise it) ... i think she is trying to force herself away from you.

This might also explain why she contacted you after this time.

 

GaelicSoul above gave you excellent advice, follow it.