Would you let your spouse having online relationships?

[Amsosad]

Hi

 

I am married and have three children. My husband chats online to other women when I am at work or away. He says it is nothing just to kill boredom but when I read some of the chats it wasnt all innocent at all. I confronted him about it and he said it was just fun. But he locked his laptop now so I cant get access to it. Funny enough these women all live in this country, not close but close enough to me.

Am I overreacting or am I right to challenge this? I told him to stop once but he didnt. We have three kids and it would be sad if they have to lose their dad for his selfishness.

 

Thanks

[ThatDudeXO]

This resembles emotional cheating. I'm sorry he's doing this. In a perfect world he would give that attention he gives those women to you instead.

 

Maybe he's dissatisfied in some way? If the romance or the sex life is really slow, he's probably using these women to cover up those needs. Maybe you guys need to have more fun as a couple.

 

I'm no expert on marriages, just wait until someone with a more educated opinion posts!

[jphcbpa]

if it is "no big deal" then he should allow you to see all the things he chats. what is he hiding?

[january2011]

This resembles emotional cheating. I'm sorry he's doing this. In a perfect world he would give that attention he gives those women to you instead.

 

Agreed. Not innocent or a 'bit of fun' but a dangerous grey area. His not sharing it with you by hocking his laptop suggests that there may be a lot more going on than meets the eye.

 

If something interferes with his emotional investment in you and the children, then you have a right to challenge him about it.

[flyaway]

Would I let my husband/boyfriend have "online friendships"? Depends on the context I suppose. I have a couple online friendships (both guys) that I met about 7 years ago but never in person. Totally platonic. My boyfriend knows about them and now he has met them online too and is friends with them because they are cool guys! Go figure.

 

What you are describing is not good. It is cheating. He is emotionally cheating on you.

[Radu]

Hi

 

I am married and have three children. My husband chats online to other women when I am at work or away. He says it is nothing just to kill boredom but when I read some of the chats it wasnt all innocent at all. I confronted him about it and he said it was just fun. But he locked his laptop now so I cant get access to it. Funny enough these women all live in this country, not close but close enough to me.

Am I overreacting or am I right to challenge this? I told him to stop once but he didnt. We have three kids and it would be sad if they have to lose their dad for his selfishness.

 

Thanks

 

He has an EA ... Emotional Affair.

 

You need to act to expose it to others, and to stop this.

If he won't stop you need to take action and remove him from the family life (unless you prefer the cuckhold lifestyle).

[RiverRunning]

It's time for a talk about emotional affairs, yep, yep. Sometimes it can be difficult because people slide into an emotional affair. The gradual intimacy ramps up and before they know it, they're emotionally closer to an online friend than they are to their own spouse.

 

I'd try to think of areas where you think that your marriage is lacking. Sex isn't so great? Try to brainstorm on ways that you can improve. Is it difficult for the two of you to complete projects together, do chores, or travel together because one or both of you get too frustrated? Try to figure out some of the communication issues there - maybe you fly off the handle too quickly over a relatively minor issue, maybe he likes to do everything on his own and pushes you out - and see what you can do to solve them.

 

Then, I would approach him and make it clear that you think his contact with the women online is inappropriate. But first, I would broach that entire subject by presenting your ideas for working on some of the troubled parts of the marriage. Ask him if he has any input. I'd give him time - maybe a day or two - to write his own list of 'trouble' areas and his ideas for working on them. Maybe you two need more dates, need some toys in the bedroom, etc. If you can get him to at least write out what he's missing, you're well on your way.

 

I'd also ask him to stop talking to the women while you both work on your marriage. Ask him for a 90-day period during which you will both do your best to build up the marriage - you'll hire a baby-sitter and have a date night once a week, bring toys into the bedroom, work on a project together, take a mini weekend getaway.

 

Maybe after 90 days of getting out of that dysfunctional pattern of dealing with marriage problems, he will no longer feel the need to contact other women.