cheated with ex, gave me an std;could he still love me despite this

[lostinlove0479]

Okay. About 7 months ago, a guy who I'd known in college sent me a note on a BP saying hi. I was very excited to see him b/c we knew eachother thru mutual friends but somehow he found me on this website. He revealed to me that the times we'd run into eachother in prior years, he wanted to ask me for my number but cowardly chickened out. He proceeded to ask if it was okay. I was flattered, despite the fact I had no prior thoughts of him romantically, I thought he was a nice guy so I gave him the digits. He is in the military (that will play a part later). Thru the progression of the relationship (Dec-Jun) we went out, he'd come by my house, I'd go by him, we went out of town together, had romantic evenings, went out to dinner for no reason, movies, the whole 9. Now let's rewind, for Valentine's day (approximately 2 months into the relationship), I send him a 2 way the day before V-day. He responded vaguely about what he planned for that weekend but he is in grad school and said he had a big test. Understandable. That was the last message I heard from him for the next 4 days. During those 4 days, I cried, sent him text messages, called him endlessly to no reply. He finally responded the next Tuesday (Valentine's was Sat). He said he had to be selfish on that one for school purposes. I forgave him. We proceed, no issues for the next 2 months. He hates his living situation (at home with mom and siblings) and says after his summer in Arizona for military training that he will only come back to Louisiana temporarily. He's made comments about me moving away with him. He tells me he loves me and he treats me with respect. Until now...it's June, he's been gone since May. A friend of mine used to be friends with his ex girl (they were off and on for about 7 yrs). We ran into her about 3 weeks ago. A week later they went to the gym together and she asks about me. She displays some suspicion about my relationship with her ex and I. This throws my friend off b/c she is puzzled as to how she not only knows we were dating but that I'm the person he's seeing. (Go figure that one out. You never know who knows you. ) She asks if we still went out. My friend says yes. And she says, "Don't tell me he asked her to come to Arizona too." I confront him about it and he says that he did see her but only a few times and it was before we got really serious. He denied asking her to visit him. She sent me the IM conversations they had which proved that he did ask her to come out there. I also read about how he loves and misses her from various dates.

 

I can not tell half a story and get accurate advice. Let's rewind again. In mid-March, I noticed weird bumps in my vaginal area. Yes. It is going there. I told him about it. He showed his concern as I went to the doctor. My doc said it seemed like Herpes. Tested me and it was. I told him of her possible diagnosis and he said nothing. I tried to make sense of it, sense the last person I had unprotected sex with was over a year before. I never suspected him deceiving me but thought that since I get cold sores in my mouth and he kissed me with it and then we got intimate. This was my reasoning. I never could find the right time to tell him and we did have unprotected relations after that. I know that was wrong of me, but I was just being unrealistic about things and I figured that we'd be together regardless. I had intentions of telling him before I went to visit him but because of my new found revelation on him and his relationship with his ex, I needless to say was not going out there to see him. To fast forward back, I read the IM messages and in one he talks about his outbreaks that he's having of course meaning...he had it and didn't tell me when I displayed my concern about my vaginal discomfort.

 

To sum things up, I spoke to his ex and he is semi-confessing to his wrong doings. He reimbursed me for my ticket because of course it would be outlandish to go out there now. She admitted that he has not called her however he continues to call me. My friends are worried about my health after him doing this to me, on purpose. He continues to call me and tell me that he loves me and I want to give him another chance. I have started to talk to him but my concern with our relationship is not so much the std but his trust. Not only did he deceive me by cheating, he made a choice for me by knowing what he'd had for the past 4 years and not tell me. Our relationship had gotten serious very quickly. We make eachother laugh, we just connect on so many levels. I do beleive he loves me but my friends constantly point out the fact that what he did was unforgivable. I have been on the outside of many situations and I recognize that outside parties have a more sane opinion. I'm not sure if I'm being too forgiving and I'm afraid he'll do this to me again. His ex is through with him so she says. But, I'm not so sure. He says he wants it to work and he will do all that he can when he comes back to make me trust him again and I want to try but my friends seem to have a good arguement about his so-called love for me given his recent actions. Any advice is welcomed.

[coyote20]

i dont think i could trust him again. I know you still love him..but i have a theory...once a cheater always a cheater. Thats about all i can tell u

[Amy22]

I am sorry you are going through all this. I was cheated on and I know how hard it is. The fact that he gave you herpes knowingly is awful. I believe you deserve more repsect than a guy who cheats on you and gives you an STD knowingly. What other things is he hiding or will he hide in the future. There are lots of good guys out there. Ones that will respect you and care for you. Only you can make the decision of if you can trust him agian and whether it is worth it to try again. Good Luck with what you decide.

[morrigan]

Sorry--ditch this guy's a** ASAP. Anyone who knowingly gives an STD to another person is just plain selfish. Take care of yourself and make guys use condoms. You deserve better than this dude.