Pleeeeease Anybody!! I Need Advise!!my Uncle Needs Help!!

[Sicantired]

Last year my grandmother passed away. I knew this was going to be hard for my grandfather because they had been together for so long. When I graduated I moved in with him in July of last year and I am still there to this day. My uncle lives there too, and he is almost 44 years old. Recently his attitude has been bothering me. In the beginning I thought I could learn how to ignore it. But it has just gone too far.

 

Let me give you a short bio on his hard life. His brother (my father) died in 1991. He was only 32 when he died and it was a big blow for the family. It hurts to loose someone that close and so young. Strike one. A couple of years later, he had a major stroke. He had to learn everything all over again: driving, talking, walking, the works. Well that was another major blow for him. Stike two. A couple of years later, he had major surgery to remove cancerous tumors in his body. Stike three. In May of last year, my grandmother died and in November, his other brother (my uncle) died from a massive stroke. Strike four and five.

 

He doesn’t have many friends. He goes out maybe once a month and it is always with the same person. This person is not really social. All he does every day is sleep. Even though he works graveyard, he hasn’t been to work in about two weeks. Still, he sleeps all day and night. On top of that he drinks a lot of alcohol and takes a lot of addictive medications for the stroke he had. I don’t know if he is abusing them but his attitude says otherwise.

 

It seems like nobody can get through to him. He has never been married and has only lived a couple of months outside his parents’ home. AND HE IS ALMOST 44! He drives a nice car and gets paid well. But he is lazy and only goes to work when he wants saying that he can get paid half as much as he already does and not work.

 

I don’t like talking to him because everything that comes out of his mouth is so negative. Even when I go out with my friends before I leave the house he always says, “One of these days, you are going to get shot and you are going to die like the rest of the family.” He is always telling me stories of how people in our family have died or kill themselves and the most gruesome things that happen in the news. Its like he watches it just so that he can hear stuff like that. He always talks about guns and killing people. He has a couple of them hidden in his room. Late at night sometimes I can hear him shooting the wall with a little BB gun he has. But he does have bigger guns than that. He has never been in a gang, nor has he been affiliated with one. He just likes guns.

 

My grandpa is worried about him because when my grandmother was on her deathbed, she told him to watch my uncle because he isn’t stable. My grandmother knew how he was. But unfortunately she was the only one who could control him. Now he and my grandfather have always gotten into arguments about his ways.

 

Just recently, they had a physical fight. My uncle attacked my grandfather and I had to break it up. I didn’t realize how strong I was. But I wrestled my uncle and pinned him down and almost choked him. I could see the confusion and anger in his face. My grandfather kept on saying, its ok its ok. But no…everything was not ok. I told my uncle to get the *&^% out of the house and I was literally shoving him out of the door. But my grandfather said he didn’t have to leave. So I did. My grandfather begged me not to go. But I couldn’t stay there. When I was running out of the door my uncle hollered at me, “ go to your damn girlfriends house! I hope you die!”

 

I went to his brother’s (my other uncle’s) house and told him what happened. Then he and my aunt went over there to talk to him. I didn’t want to go back because I wanted to hurt my uncle so bad. I didn’t want to see him. So I stayed at my other uncle’s house. They came back after a while and said that my grandpa was feeling really bad and my uncle had no remorse for what he did. He said he was sorry but he didn’t mean it.

 

I finally went back home. They said it would never happen again but for some reason I don’t think that is true. My uncle is a very unstable person and I don’t know how to tell my grandfather that he needs to leave. He is a grown ass man. He’s got a job. He needs to get his own place because he is disrespectful to my grandfather and me also. He doesn’t do anything productive at all. NOTHING! I told my mom about the situation and she suggested I talk to them about what is going on. But there is no talking to these people. I don't want to leave my grandfather because I want to be there to help him out. BUt at the same time my uncle is pushin it. I don’t know what to do. Please help! I don’t know what to do.

[quankanne]

You can't force your uncle, who sounds like he's in a depressive state from all the hard knocks he's experienced, to get help, but YOU can seek it for yourself. Find a qualified counselor to discuss these things with, and (s)he will give you the tools to cope with the situation, like controling whatever anger you may feel, how to effectively and non-physically resolve problems as they arise.

 

Sic, some people just aren't equipped to deal with problems as they crop up, nor do they actively try to change that, so the best thing you can do is arm yourself, so to speak, so that you can at least control how you respond to events that involve him. You might also want to get your grandfather to see a counselor, because it sounds like he's stepped into a classic enabler role as he tries to be a good parent to his son.

 

good luck, and let us know how things work out,

quankanne

[kiwi29f]

It sounds like your uncle needs to be commited. Seriously, YOu can't blame what has happened in his life, My Aunt Jakie(not blood aunt) has lost numerous people in imediate family, she has hepititus C that she hasnt been able to get rid of, she has Liver cancer & she had 1/4 of her breast removed b/c she had breast cancer & she's one of the most positive people I know although she is sick all the time b/c of the medicatio she's on. My mom is alot like your uncle except she's not abusive. She's very negative & tries to get everyone to feel sorry for her. You should talk to your grandfather about commiting him b/c he needs help, even if it is agaist his will.