Childhood friend

[mikomi513]

Oh god I don't even know where to begin. I was prompted to write this post because I was on youtube and stumbled upon some old Gwen Stefani songs. They reminded me of this girl I used to be friends with in grade school. She used to play the album on low volume while we went to sleep. Hearing "It's My Life" still gives me a very strong nostalgic feeling after 8 years. It almost hurts. I just want to see her face again. I miss her. I miss how much fun we had just being young girls and sleeping over at each others houses every summer night. We lived a block apart, so it was quite easy to go back and forth.

 

Maybe part of the reason I am dwelling on childhood memories tonight is because now more than ever I feel like an adult. Either way, I can't help wanting to transport myself back to that night when she first played that album while we were going to sleep. I was kind of annoyed at first, but I put up with it because she was my best friend and I adored everything she did. I grew fond of the album and after a while. It became the perfect sound to lull me to sleep. Anyways, we grew apart when I moved away. She stopped calling- actually she never called in the first place. Even when we lived close. For a long time I was mad at her for forgetting about me, but I'm sick of being mad at her. Some people are just like that I guess. I want our friendship back. My best memories are of us painting our nails on her back porch, playing water balloon toss in her driveway, and watching That 70s Show while we laid on the floor on top of a pile of blankets. I still think of her every time I paint my nails and wait for a coat to dry. She always waited for an obscenely long amount of time.

 

I wonder if she ever thinks about me. Yeah I definitely still hurt. I don't know if it's really over her specifically or if it's because she represents some happiness that I lost. Maybe a lost opportunity. I always knew I had romantic feelings for her. I told her one day, after I had moved, that I was bisexual. We were on the swings in a park. She didn't have much of a reaction. I guess I regret not telling her how strong my feelings were. But now that I think about it I know why I didn't. If she didn't like me enough as a friend to make plans to see each other every once in a while, then she couldn't possibly return my feelings. It's funny because I eventually became pretty successful in my romantic endeavors, and I'm in a great relationship now, but I'm still hurting over an unrequited love from 7th grade. I guess it's true what people say- you never get over your first love.

Edited May 2, 2012 by mikomi513