Please help new user cope with LDR!

[toolcutie]

Hello everyone,

 

Well I've been observing this site for a while now, I've finally decided to join in. I think this is a wonderful outlet for us LDR folk, and now I'm going to share my story.

 

I've been involved in an ldr now for 2 months. My boyfriend and I started seeing each other in January. We were very good friends for about 8 months prior to that. I'm very much in love with him, he is the best thing I've ever come across, and treats me better than anyone I've ever known. The greatest thing about our relationship is that we were very good friends first, so we know everything about each other, and trust each other completely.

 

The problem is that is left for work in May, he's about 5 hours away by car, and I'm having a very hard time adjusting to him being gone. We spent a lot of time together while he was here and it's taking a lot out of me to not have him around. I probably shouldn't complain, seeing as I do get to see him most weekends unless he has to work, but I'me finding this whole experience a lot more painful than I thought it would be. He works about 12 hours a day so we don't get much time to talk, but we do try every night if possible.

 

I'm finding this very tough because I find I am so lonely that it aches. I have never really had a lot of friends to begin with so I don't have a lot of people around me to keep me company or just to talk. I spend an unreal amount of time by myself, and it's killing me. My boyfriend doesn't really know what to say to me except that I need to find a way to deal with this, and I know he's right, but I've tried different things to keep myself occupied and nothing seems to work. I think the biggest problem is that he didn't have to leave to work, he had a job here, but he chose to leave and I feel like he put that first, over our relationship. I know it's wrong but in a way I resent him for leaving me behind when he didn't really have to...although he'll always beg to differ and say that he had no choice.

 

I know that we love each other more than anything, and that we will see this through, I would just love some advice, or encouraging words...anything that might make this somehow less painful. I need to find a way to cope with this, I'm not having a lot of luck on my own. I have a tendency to pull away...which he and I both notice I have been doing, and that is not how I want to handle this situation. I don't want to push him away but I don't know how to make it hurt less without trying to distance myself from him and the situation. Please Help!

Thank you all in advance for taking the time to read this and respond.

 

 

~if there were no rewards to reap, no loving embrace to see me through, this tedious path I've chosen here, I certainly would have walked away by now~

Maynard James Keenan "The Patient"

[Hexenturm]

I would say if you don't have any serious, concrete plans in the near future (the next year or so) to go live with him, then the relationship really isn't worth the trouble or heartache. The only thing that helped me deal with my LDR was having a real set of dates for when we would finally be able to live together to look forward to. Sometimes, my fiance was mad at me for having to go back to America to finish school, even though he knew it was the best thing for me and the best thing for the future relationship. I didn't HAVE to go, but it was better if I did. If the relationship didn't work out for other reasons, then I wouldn't have wasted my time without an education, or in your man's case, in a job for whatever reason he really needed to change. That may be unromantic, but you have to do what is best for you personally sometimes, regardless of relationships. It doesn't mean that you don't love the other person or don't care about them, it just means you can't and won't stop your entire world and all the plans you had for yourself for this person, love or no love. I mean, he had his reasons for leaving and you have your reasons for not going with him. But like I said, if there are no real plans to live together within the forseeable future, let the relationship go, and if possible, go back to being friends. It will hurt, but for the best when you find that new special someone a little closer to home.