Why do women make things so difficult?

[John Gotti]

I mean really... is there some sort of conspiracy between girls to try and keep men in line by screwing with their heads?

 

In all seriousness, I just can't find any justification behind the behavior of every single girl I've met. Women constantly gripe about there being no good guys out there, yet none of them bothered to think things through instead of reacting to some obvious BS from Sleazebag Joe. And to the contrary, I actually understand the whole confidence thing. Someone with no confidence will just drag you down to their level over time and would most likely make a depressing relationship.

 

But why do women fail to differentiate between confidence and assertiveness? Just because a guy doesn't assert himself out there doesn't mean he lacks the confidence to do so. In fact, I'll argue that a guy who asserts himself with women more readily than the shyer person is less likely to have truly good intentions. Do you girls really have that much trouble seeing past the BS floated out there by the guys who are looking for a quick hookup?

 

In all honesty, I'm just frustrated since I thought I had a promising girl on my hands, but she elects to go with some no future loser that, according to two girls, isn't as attractive as me and has cheated on nearly every girl he has been in a relationship with. I know that is case #82932983 of this, but this girl actually seemed intelligent, insightful, and attractive. Sure, she stood out to me, but even if it wasn't meant to be, I just can't grasp how she could have been fooled so easily despite being a cut above the rest so to speak.

 

Whatever... I'm just a 23 year-old who has never been in a relationship and needed to let off some steam. But seriously, why can't women just logically figure out what they want, go for it, and save us guys the time and trouble?

[january2011]

Why blame the girl? Why not blame the guy who enticed her away?

 

Another way to look at it is that perhaps she did "logically figure out" what she wanted and went for 'it'. It's just unfortunate that you weren't 'it'. And she did save you time and trouble. She showed you that she wasn't right for you. Imagine if she'd dragged it out for years.

[John Gotti]

Why blame the girl? Why not blame the guy who enticed her away?

 

Another way to look at it is that perhaps she did "logically figure out" what she wanted and went for 'it'. It's just unfortunate that you weren't 'it'. And she did save you time and trouble. She showed you that she wasn't right for you. Imagine if she'd dragged it out for years.

 

Because I know both of them well enough to know that the guy is a moron. It's like blaming an animal for it's behavior. It doesn't have the intellectual capacity to judge it's actions. This girl, OTOH, did.

 

Obviously, I'll agree that she figured out what she wanted and went for it. Now, did she logically reach that conclusion through logically deduction? Probably not. To quote another girl I know, she probably went with him because "it felt right" and he was "fun".

 

And FWIW, even if we did end up dating, it wouldn't have lasted long anyways due to her apparent lack of judgment. You're misconstruing my annoyance though... if something isn't working, then I'm not the type of person to try and make it work regardless. What annoys me is claiming that they desire something out of someone, yet display the complete and utterly opposite intention shortly after. And yes... according to some girls guys are guilty of this as well. I just don't see it on rampant display like I do with most women I know.

[Woggle]

Who knows but just don't put up with it. Make them earn your effort and let them know that if they start too much drama you will walk away.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I guess because when it comes to love/lust, there IS NO rational/logical. We work on instincts/emotions/thoughts/impulses etc, which don't really make sense.

 

Also she is young, and the young are notoriously fickle

 

Next time i'd advise don't put your eggs all in one basket or all your money on one horse. Like a girl but don't expect too much. None of us know what will happen in this crazy dating world

 

I know it can suck when you think you have a keeper and it's not reciprocated and i'm sorry she led you along in this way, but try to forget her and see who else is out there.

[John Gotti]

I guess because when it comes to love/lust, there IS NO rational/logical. We work on instincts/emotions/thoughts/impulses etc, which don't really make sense.

 

Alright, now we are getting somewhere. The question is... why? Isn't it a choice ? Every human, guy or girl, is in complete control of their actions and how they respond to such an event. Sure, your instincts might influence you to feel a certain way towards someone, but what is stopping you from turning on your brain, thinking about what the guy is doing, and responding rationally? If everyone took a systematic approach to things, there wouldn't be a "crazy dating world". Things are only complicated and completely unpredictable if you allow them to be.

[TakeMeasIam]

How robotic.

 

It sounds like you think everyone should consider decisions of the heart with a Spock-like attitude.

Perish the thought.

[John Gotti]

How robotic.

 

It sounds like you think everyone should consider decisions of the heart with a Spock-like attitude.

Perish the thought.

 

But you still haven't answered the question as to why? And how do you even make a decision with your heart? What are the benefits from using emotion to guide the decisions you make? It's not just a "thought". It's who I am and who I always have been.

 

Regardless, all of this talk about not using rational thought just furthers the notion that I'm going to be alone and there really isn't a woman out there that thinks like I do. And honestly, if that is the way it is, then I'll just learn to live with it and put my effort into other things like I've been doing. Love gets hyped up as something wonderful, but if you're incompatible with it, then there is no point trying to solve the impossible I guess.

[TakeMeasIam]

But you still haven't answered the question as to why?

Because romantic love is so much more appealing to the soul, than practicality.

Where would poets be without the heart to guide them?

 

And how do you even make a decision with your heart?

If you don't know by now, i cannot help you.

I can only feel sorry for you....

 

What are the benefits from using emotion to guide the decisions you make?

life is richer, more fraught with uncertainty and adventure.... it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

if you feel no tremor in the heart when you want to decide whether to marry someone, then you might as well give up.

 

It's not just a "thought". It's who I am and who I always have been.

This to me is sadder than a broken heart.

 

Regardless, all of this talk about not using rational thought just furthers the notion that I'm going to be alone and there really isn't a woman out there that thinks like I do

Plenty of men also do not think as you do.

It is by no means restricted and exclusive to women. A look through all the threads and posts will prove this...

 

And honestly, if that is the way it is, then I'll just learn to live with it and put my effort into other things like I've been doing. Love gets hyped up as something wonderful, but if you're incompatible with it, then there is no point trying to solve the impossible I guess.

 

Live your life with logical and rational perspicacity, and everything will be black and white... and lonely.

[Woggle]

Letting your heart guide you can be good to a point but if you don't use your brain it can cause more drama than it is worth.

[january2011]

John, have you ever had your heartbroken?

 

Have you ever loved someone so much that just the mere thought of her made your entire body fill with happiness?

 

And when you lost her, it felt like your entire world had come crashing down and someone had torn away a part of your body leaving a gaping hole in your life.

 

Every felt that strongly before?

[John Gotti]

If you don't know by now, i cannot help you.

I can only feel sorry for you....

 

Meh... don't. One thing I've learned is to not dwell on things that have already happened. And if it isn't going to happen... well, it is what it is. Spending time feeling sorry for myself accomplishes nothing logically AND emotionally.

 

life is richer, more fraught with uncertainty and adventure.... it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

if you feel no tremor in the heart when you want to decide whether to marry someone, then you might as well give up.

It's not that I am choosing not to love. If that was the case, then why would I even register on the forum? It's that I don't know how. No girl will put up with my super-logical personality. And it's not something I can change. I have made my share of attempts to get something going. I've learned how to go out and have some fun, am relatively attractive (at least according to my friend's g/fs), have a great career path ahead of me, and while I may give the impression of being some hardliner by the way I post, I'm actually more laid back in person. Heck, there is no way I'd even get my foot in the door with a girl if I was that bad. Still, as soon as a girl gets a good idea of how my mind works, they are off in the other direction. I feel like I can try a different approach to everything I do, but it can't compensate for who I really am. And if I can't change who I am on the inside... you see where I'm going with this?

 

This to me is sadder than a broken heart.

Again... it's just the way I was created. That's how my brain works. Unusual? You bet so. On a spiritual level, I believe that if I can't find love, then my primary purpose is to make money and better humankind. It's a different way of leaving a legacy, but it'd be the closest thing to living a satisfying life without a partner.

 

Plenty of men also do not think as you do.

It is by no means restricted and exclusive to women. A look through all the threads and posts will prove this...

That is true, but if you were to create a majority consensus on which sex has a more logically/emotionally dominated personality, the stereotypes would play out accordingly. Don't get me wrong... there are exceptions to every rule. I'm sure there are thousands of girls out there who think like me. But the chances of not only meeting one of them but being attracted to them and starting something with them? That's a different story.

[John Gotti]

John, have you ever had your heartbroken?

 

Have you ever loved someone so much that just the mere thought of her made your entire body fill with happiness?

 

And when you lost her, it felt like your entire world had come crashing down and someone had torn away a part of your body leaving a gaping hole in your life.

 

Every felt that strongly before?

 

I'll open up and admit I've had three crushes many years ago that caused that sensation to rise up in me. Of course, they didn't care for me in return a bit. And it hurt like crap. Ironically, I've had the opposite happen where girls have had a crush on me (without really knowing me to be fair) and I didn't feel the same in return, so I can't sit here and blame those girls for rejecting me when I've done the same. Regardless, you can't constitute something as love when it isn't returned.

 

But, to answer your question directly... no. I'm going to assume you're trying to see if I've ever really been in love before. Let me put it this way: I've never felt something with a girl and nobody has ever felt that way about me. I've never had a true relationship where your partner would do anything for you.

[Eddie Edirol]

It's not that I am choosing not to love. If that was the case, then why would I even register on the forum? It's that I don't know how. No girl will put up with my super-logical personality. And it's not something I can change. I have made my share of attempts to get something going. I've learned how to go out and have some fun, am relatively attractive (at least according to my friend's g/fs), have a great career path ahead of me, and while I may give the impression of being some hardliner by the way I post, I'm actually more laid back in person. Heck, there is no way I'd even get my foot in the door with a girl if I was that bad. Still, as soon as a girl gets a good idea of how my mind works, they are off in the other direction. I feel like I can try a different approach to everything I do, but it can't compensate for who I really am. And if I can't change who I am on the inside... you see where I'm going with this?

 

You dont have to change who you are to get women to like your personality, you just have to add to it. Have you ever researched what makes women tick? What they are attracted to and why? Its very easy if you do the research. It also makes you realize what youre doing wrong. Makes you see right away what you do to turn women off, and send them to guys like the moron you were talking about. Its a matter of speaking the woman language, and learning to compromise, yet assert yourself.

 

BTW, most women dont approach the guys they want, they wait for the men to approach them. So until you learn to be more assertive, those guys will always get those women before you do. You would have to learn how to take risks, and risk rejection, and get used to it.

[january2011]

But, to answer your question directly... no. I'm going to assume you're trying to see if I've ever really been in love before. Let me put it this way: I've never felt something with a girl and nobody has ever felt that way about me. I've never had a true relationship where your partner would do anything for you.

 

Yes, what I was trying to ascertain is if you've ever felt deeply about someone. Not just a crush, but love.

 

I remember my first heartbreak and its occurrence released my emotional self to balance out my logical self, which had dominated my worldview up until that point.

 

I wonder if that's what needs to happen for you to understand. Until it does, I'm not sure that we will be able to explain 'feelings' to you. I don't mean that in an unkind way. However, unless you've actually felt them before and can empathise, you're unlikely to accept how irrational they can be and be okay with that rather than trying to find meaning where there is none.

 

Having said that, it may be that it's a physiological issue, which I'm afraid falls outside the remit of a relationship forum.