soooconfused Posted June 22, 2004 Share Posted June 22, 2004 i have posted a couple of times, this will probably be the last. Still looking for advice and insight...In a nutshell, I have been married for 7 years, I am 34, my wife is 30. We have a beautiful 5 yr old daughter together. We have been separated since February of 03. Our separation has been unlike most, we remained very close to one another. We did things together for our daughters sake and for each others sake. We never really hated each other, though she did resent me for alot of our marital problems. I admit it, i never gave her what she deserved as a friend or husband. I do believe i am to blame for 90% of the problems we had. Anyways, onto whats driving me nuts. She slept with 2 people during the separation. One was sort of a fling, the other turned into a relationship. I too have had relationships during our separation, I slept with 4 people. Please dont say that i cant be concerned with what she did because i slept with twice as many people, that doesnt help the situation at all...the fact that she slept with these 2 people is driving me nuts!!! I think the fact that we remained so close during this entire separation makes this so hard. We both lied to each other and hid what we were doing from one another, we have both come clean with everything now...Yes, we are moving forward with working things out, we are "dating" right now, just me and her...nobody else. I have a very vivid mind, so obviously the thoughts running through my heard are making me go crazy. Things are going good with us now, i just need to figure out a way to get this crap out of my head.....ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED....and yes, we are seeing a counselor..... Link to post Share on other sites
milla Posted June 22, 2004 Share Posted June 22, 2004 You arent going to like what I have to say, but the fact of the matter is that if you ever want to reconcile with her you will just have to promise each other to be more honest and then forget about it, put it out of your head. You did the same thing as she did and then some! If you can't forget about it, I don't see how you will be able to reconcile. It'll hang like a cloud over your relationship. I think it's great that you are both seeing a counsellor. What is it exactly about this that you're having the most trouble with? The act of sex with another man? That she lied? That she got emotionally involved with one of them? You said you did the same thing, how has she reacted to that? If she can forgive and forget and you still want to be with her, then you have to try your hardest to do the same in my opinion. Stop dwelling on it. When the thought enters your head, banish it! Think of flowers or bunnies or something like that instead. Think of your daughter's smile. But don't allow yourself to dwell on that. Link to post Share on other sites
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