the guy im seeing fancies my friend

[candyapple89]

Ok here's the deal. I recently met this guy for about two months we have been dating he is really sweet and we see each other every day. well I brought my friend around once and he made it clear through his body language and the way he always started conversations that he liked her. Like he ask her if she got a boyfriend anytime I went to the toilet he would be starting a conversation with her.This annoyed me because I thought it were quite rude he also went to the point were he told me not to tell her we are becoming intimate with each other. The next day when I recovered from the alcohol I confronted him about this.He told me bevause it was my friend he wanted her to feel comfortable but to me it was more than that coz wen he went to the shop he bought her back sweets coz apparently 'he never bought her anything before'. Everything going well again after he apologised and our feelings for each other becoming more strong so I thought itd b ok to invite my friend around again. so recently she came round again this time he's so shy he says things to her sometimes but always tries to include me but I can still see the body language around her like instinctive ones and I'm thinking now there's no point continuing with him. its like for example any time she's sitting back in the chair he will to he always observes her in a sly way and asks her wat she doing tomorrow stuff like tht. Ok he always tells me how much he like me and because we are together so often I feel the same way. But I can't get past the fact. He fancies my friend it makes me feel second best like I'm not who he really wants. And like tonight we were together and he seem distant like we aint got no chemistry again. Like I try making a conversation but he's disinterested and it makes me jealous how with my friend he went out of his way to talk to her. I don't know what to do coz he tells me to forget the past and he only has feelings for me but somehow I can't. Is this just my own insecurities or is he not right for me. Can someone tell me some advice p.s wen we are together most times we are comfortable have a laugh have chemistry but that's mmostly wen we have had a beer or alcohol

Edited May 3, 2012 by candyapple89
spelling mistake

[xpaperxcutx]

So when it comes down to it, would you dump him for your friend or would you dump your friend for him? I can't imagine being in a relationship where I am constantsly anxious over his supposed feelings for my bff. I wouldn't contemplate that my bff would get with my bf but this isn't about trust. Its about having a someone who's into you and doesn't make you feel like **** at the end of the day. If he doesn't make you feel safe then he's not for you.

[sakura23]

A few different points of view..

 

I dated a guy once who I was really shy around, when we'd go out with friends I'd end up talking to his friends more than him, not because I liked them more but because I was nervous around my date and wasn't sure what to talk about. It was just easier to talk with his friends because there was no tension, or worry that that they'd look at me different for something I'd said. Maybe it could be similar with your boyfriend? Maybe he just finds it easier to talk to your friend because there is no intimacy or relationship to be concerned about. You mentioned that you are only comfortable together when you've had alcohol and he seems distant when you haven't. Maybe you can find out if he is just too shy to talk to you, or if he is not really even that interested in you. If he is just too shy at least you can work on that, if he is not into you, you should probably move on.

 

I have also been in your position where it seemed like this other guy that I was dating was more into my friend than me. I was sooo worried and paranoid that they'd end up hooking up, or he'd dump me for her. My friend reassured me that she would never do anything with him though, because she knew that I liked him, but it still bothered me to see them even talking to each other. For me, I just kept observing his behavior trusting that nothing was going to happen, he would still show me attention when we were together or with friends so I didn't have anything to worry about.

 

I also had a friend that tried to set me up with a guy she knew...when we would all hang out, they ended up talking a lot more, had a lot in common, and actually ended up dating each other for quite a long time lol. I guess some people just click. But I think first of all with your guy, you just need to find out if he is actually serious about your relationship and he is just too shy, or if he just isn't feeling it at all. I've dated several guys without becoming too attached because I just had this feeling inside me that it wasn't going to last. Like, I could just feel that they weren't serious enough to continue a decent relationship with me. I hope you guys can solve this issue and be strong if it doesn't go as you hoped.