I have no idea what to think.

[Itsonlyme66]

ok. This is a new relationship that stems from a very old relationship.

 

J is someone that I have actually known for about 19 years. We are in our forties now. He came to my son's christening (son is now 16).... and we have always known and saw each other.

 

He was married to a friend of mine. They divorced 2 years ago. Actually, I haven't even heard from her for 2 years, when she told me she was in love with someone else and her and J were divorcing. Before that, I would talk to her MAYBE 1x a year, if that. We really hadn't been close since we were in our late 20's..... so I hesitate to call her a friend anymore because I don't even speak to her and haven't for years.

 

However, J was her husband. They divorced, and I'm also alone now, so I went on a dating site, bored one night, and found him by accident. I sent a cheerful hey what's up!!! note to him and he wrote write back and said "call me" with his phone #. I did, and it automatically felt natural and comfortable. He suggested a Saturday night date. I had a date with someone else (we are not BF/GF though, it was a new date) so I declined and said how about Sunday? He said ok.

 

On Sunday, I met him and we had drinks on the dock by the water. We told old stories, compared notes about our lives, and both of us laughed until we were literally in tears. It was definitely "the right stuff" in terms of a re-igniting friendship and a hell of a good time together. We found we have a lot in common, and that we always had a crush on each other. He even remembered times I had forgotten where he said I remember you wore this or that....

That evening, he didn't want to go home and frankly, I didn't want him to. Long story short, he spent the night. It was great. We're not kids, and we've both been around the block, so we did what felt natural and good. And it was. The next morning he stayed for awhile, we talked and had coffee in the kitchen. We laughed, he was very affectionate, complimentary, snuggly and all that. Then he went to work.

Since then, he texts me pictures of flowers, sunsets, says "hey beautiful" asks how my sick mother is, etc. very consistent text communication.

Two days later, he asked for another date. I went to his home which is 5 min up the street and he made kabobs on the grill. I did not spend the night, but we shared a great dinner, conversation and company together on the back patio and then snuggled in bed. He is a very giving lover in the bedroom, and his main concern was making sure I am happy and comfortable. He had lit candles and it wasn't a "player" type of situation. He was genuinely loving. I felt the same.

 

We began to talk in bed (we did a lot of talking in bed about everything), and somehow the question came up of dating other people. He fell silent. I said, "are you dating someone?" He hesitated (at least he didn't lie) and he said, "I met a girl who lives about 30 min away and I have been dating her for 5 months. I see her on Wednesdays and every other weekend. She even already got reservations for my birthday in June. I don't know what to do. I feel like an ass. I'm crazy about you. I have to tell her we need to break it off. She tells me she loves me. I never said it back to her. The other day, she even texted to me, "I love you and i know you hate when i tell you that because you don't feel the same, but I don't care." He said, "I don't want to hurt her but I REALLY like you."

 

I said, "well, I know you and I don't have a commitment, but if you've been seeing her for 5 months, she thinks you do. And if you don't talk to her, and you just begin to pull away and she finds out about me, you are going to really look badly and that isn't fair to her." He agreed. He then said he would take care of it.

I kissed him goodbye a couple hours later, and he walked me to the car and asked me to text him when i arrived home, which I did. Then he said good night beautiful.

 

Next morning. I wake up to a picture of a sunset on my phone. He asks how I'm doing. I said well it's Wednesday so that kind of sucks for me, lol. He said, "She and I will have a good talk tonight."

 

I told him to do what feels right for HIM. He said, you're a sweetheart. I said just weigh your feelings but be honest.

 

2 hours later. He asks me if we can do something together tomorrow. I said ok and he wants to take me out for japanese food and a beach sunset. I said all right.

 

Then later he writes "thinking of you"

 

I know he likes me a lot. We have known each other for many years and just now we are able to see each other. He even said that night at his home that he wished he had met me before her.

 

Long story short, (sorry for length) - tonight's wednesday. it's midnight. I haven't heard anything from him. I would have thought he would have taken care of business and at least texted me something.

I have to assume he's still in her town, with her, probably overnight.

 

I'm not sure how to handle this going forward. He and I do not have a commitment. We've only had two official dates, and tomorrow a third. He doesn't seem to want a Friend with Benefits in me. He pays, opens my car door, is always asking if I'm too hot or cold. I mean it's hard to believe to people that don't know J, but he's honestly a good man. He was a faithful good man to his wife for 18 years.

 

How should I approach this?

I enjoy my time with J and we think about each other all the time, however I can't push him to "break up" things with the other woman....yet he shouldn't have his cake and eat it too.

 

I'm wondering if perhaps my best strategy would be to tell him we would continue to date, but that I really am not a friends with benefits type person (I'm not. I'm all or nothing within a normal timeframe) and that if he wanted to continue to date her, that was okay by me, but please understand I will also date others.

 

Thoughts?

[whichwayisup]

We began to talk in bed (we did a lot of talking in bed about everything), and somehow the question came up of dating other people. He fell silent. I said, "are you dating someone?" He hesitated (at least he didn't lie) and he said, "I met a girl who lives about 30 min away and I have been dating her for 5 months. I see her on Wednesdays and every other weekend. She even already got reservations for my birthday in June. I don't know what to do. I feel like an ass. I'm crazy about you. I have to tell her we need to break it off. She tells me she loves me. I never said it back to her. The other day, she even texted to me, "I love you and i know you hate when i tell you that because you don't feel the same, but I don't care." He said, "I don't want to hurt her but I REALLY like you."

 

If you believe this, especially the bolded part. HUGE RED FLAG!!

 

Basically he CAN have his cake and eat it too. He is single and available to date as many women as he chooses to. The ball is in YOUR court. If you don't want him to have his cake and eat it too, then end it and tell him that you don't want to share him with any other woman. If he truly respects/likes you and wants a relationship with ONLY you, he will do what he needs to do to make that happen.

 

He isn't the 'great' guy you've held him up to be. Don't put so much expectation on him.. Sorry but his shi.t stinks, it isn't roses.

 

If you stay, then accept that he doesn't want to be committed and wants to enjoy his freedom and date different women.

 

Has he been in your 'everday life' for the past 20 years? You may 'know' him on some level but you don't really know him and what he's all about. Fact that he IS seeing someone and allowed things to happen with you, probably wouldn't even know about her unless you asked, just tells you he is capable of hiding stuff quite well. He didn't offer up the truth as soon as you two hooked up.

[2sunny]

Stop having sex with him unless he's not seeing other women.

 

He IS the player type - even though you aren't admitting it - he was sleeping with multiple women and not being honest from the start.

 

Friend or not - don't sleep with men until you are the only one they're seeing! Too many diseases you will surely get. Get teted ASAP!!!

[whichwayisup]

I'm wondering if perhaps my best strategy would be to tell him we would continue to date, but that I really am not a friends with benefits type person (I'm not. I'm all or nothing within a normal timeframe) and that if he wanted to continue to date her, that was okay by me, but please understand I will also date others.

 

How much do you like him and already, are you attached to him (feelings)?

 

Can you handle seeing him and other guys? Can you handle him dating and having sex with other women?

Can you handle 'just' a friendship?

 

Do date others, don't put your life on hold for him.

[2sunny]

If you believe this, especially the bolded part. HUGE RED FLAG!!

 

Basically he CAN have his cake and eat it too. He is single and available to date as many women as he chooses to. The ball is in YOUR court. If you don't want him to have his cake and eat it too, then end it and tell him that you don't want to share him with any other woman. If he truly respects/likes you and wants a relationship with ONLY you, he will do what he needs to do to make that happen.

 

He isn't the 'great' guy you've held him up to be. Don't put so much expectation on him.. Sorry but his shi.t stinks, it isn't roses.

 

If you stay, then accept that he doesn't want to be committed and wants to enjoy his freedom and date different women.

 

Has he been in your 'everday life' for the past 20 years? You may 'know' him on some level but you don't really know him and what he's all about. Fact that he IS seeing someone and allowed things to happen with you, probably wouldn't even know about her unless you asked, just tells you he is capable of hiding stuff quite well. He didn't offer up the truth as soon as you two hooked up.

 

Yep! And he WILL do it that way to you too, while you date him and think he's ONLY seeing you.

 

Why did his M end? Did he own how HE participated in his M? Did HE understand what HE may have done wrong - things that lead to his D? Are you still considered "friends" with his ex wife now?

[Itsonlyme66]

Wife found her first love and began to see him. This, I know because I heard it firsthand from the ex-wife, that she did indeed find "K", the "love of her life" and she went to go and be with him.

There was no telltale signs through the years that he was a cheat at all. On the contrary, the wife always said he was quite good to her, but she always thought about K...

 

I'm not friends with her anymore. We were close in the 90's. I haven't spoken to her in about 2 years, possibly more.

 

I think i can handle (for now, after only a few dates) seeing J if he likes, but I am going to make the stipulation clear, that i will be dating other men too. (and I shall.)

 

In the meantime, I will also tell him that it truly isn't fair to the girl he's been seeing in the other town a half hour away for 5 months - he doesn't see her often, but even so.... he should be straight up with her so she can also see other people.

 

I probably would not have posted this story, had he called me or texted me something tonight. My red flag was not hearing from him at all, knowing he was going there to "talk to her" and break it off....and yet he's probably still there, and nobody talks that long.

[Itsonlyme66]

I will also mention to him that I would not have slept with him had I known (i.e. had he TOLD me) that he was dating someone else....who clearly took their dating more seriously than he did.

 

That way he'll understand that I was alone and assumed he was also because he didn't say different.

 

He's really pursuing me, but not like a predator. I've had those. He's actually very attentive and warm but not in a scumbag way.

This is difficult.

 

I must focus on the fact that I haven't heard anything tonight, and that has not happened since Sunday when I saw him. Oh, that's right, it's "Wednesday"..... and that's the night he sees her.

Yeah. if he disappears every other weekend and on Wednesdays, this is not going to work for me. He needs to figure it out.

[2sunny]

I will also mention to him that I would not have slept with him had I known (i.e. had he TOLD me) that he was dating someone else....who clearly took their dating more seriously than he did.

 

That way he'll understand that I was alone and assumed he was also because he didn't say different.

 

He's really pursuing me, but not like a predator. I've had those. He's actually very attentive and warm but not in a scumbag way.

This is difficult.

 

I must focus on the fact that I haven't heard anything tonight, and that has not happened since Sunday when I saw him. Oh, that's right, it's "Wednesday"..... and that's the night he sees her.

Yeah. if he disappears every other weekend and on Wednesdays, this is not going to work for me. He needs to figure it out.

 

But you seem to contradict yourself "I wouldn't have - yet ill still do it now" - what's that about?

 

You're his "option, back up gal" until he dumps her.

[whichwayisup]

Okay, i went back and looked at your other threads. You've recently had a break up with the man you were going to marry. 6 years of crap, dealing with someone who treated you poorly, abused you since he was a narcissist. Sadly, he probably left you with scars.. And also it is possible that right now your man picker is slightly off..

 

 

Please don't get involved with this new guy. He IS a new guy as he hasn't been IN your life, daily life, just moments here and there so as I mentioned earlier, you really don't know him and what he's all about.

I probably would not have posted this story, had he called me or texted me something tonight. My red flag was not hearing from him at all, knowing he was going there to "talk to her" and break it off....and yet he's probably still there, and nobody talks that long.

 

After a five month relationship with her, he isn't just going to drive 30 minutes to her, end it and then turn around and leave. He obviously 'likes' her enough to have continued on with her. I am totally doubting what he told you about her. He certainly made her look weak and pathetic by telling you what she 'may' have said. He probably put his own spin on it and exaggerated her words.

 

. The other day, she even texted to me, "I love you and i know you hate when i tell you that because you don't feel the same, but I don't care."

 

He is telling you this? See, to me, that's cruel of him as he shouldn't be talking about her to you in those kind of details. Makes you wonder at all what he is telling her about you? If he even talks or tells her about you.

 

If he breaks it off with her, I'll be shocked.

[Itsonlyme66]

I'm debating should I still enjoy sleeping with him but no strings and let him figure this out for himself while I also have the freedom to date other men (which I am curious if he wouldn't like that)....OR......

 

should I date him with NO sex until he tells her and is not seeing her officially anymore......

 

or..

should I just tell him forget it, you can have her.

 

It's hard because we only had a few dates. I feel I can't railroad in and start demanding a commitment. We slept together because we always wanted to for almost 20 years but never acted on it.

we genuinely like each other and really enjoy talking and laughing too. always have.

 

I guess i'm UBER confused.

[2sunny]

If he didn't break up with her- I wouldn't see him again until he lets her go...but that's just me.

 

I like to be a mans top priority if I'm interested... Buti would never be his back burner gal - mainly because oncea man "trains you" to find that acceptable - he will intend to keep you in that position.

 

And yes, expect to have him disappear every other Wednesday and every other weekend - he's been willing to bend to HER schedule - but not so much that he honors her by not having sex with other women. It's a passive aggressive move on his part.

 

He's not honest. That sucks!

[Quiet Storm]

while I also have the freedom to date other men (which I am curious if he wouldn't like that)....

 

Don't confuse this as a sign he wants to be exclusive with you.

 

Many men are possessive about their women and it is no indication that they care for you or want to be committed to you. They just don't want to share their toys. Kind of like putting you up on the shelf when he's done with you, and expecting to have you right there waiting the next time he's ready to play.

 

You feel a connection to him because of your past, but don't let that fool you. Because you already knew him, your guard was down. Because you already knew him, you felt comfortable around him. Don't let those feelings of familiarity cloud the truth: he's had a girlfriend for months, but was trolling around on a dating site.

 

I think he saw you as an easy target, figuring (correctly) that your shared past would make you comfortable with him. Which in his mind translates to: she'll be easier to sleep with than a stranger woman. He didn't have to put in as much legwork with you.

 

I would just date other men and let this one go, especially if you are looking for an exclusive relationship.

[LoveTKO]

It's not that hard to figure out. 1) People choose who they want to really be with, so don't put too much stock in excuses if someone's vacillating. 2) You can't make him do something he doesn'tt really want to do, therefore, giving him an ultimatum and what not won't work....he has to make up his mind. 3) If there's this much baggage early on at this stage of the game then just think about what it will be like a year from now. 4) Don't use mitigating factors (opens the car door, is really sweet, etc.) to overlook the fact that he's not ready for a relationship with you.

[pteromom]

If he comes to you today and says "We broke it off", give him a chance.

 

If he comes to you today and says "I tried, but I couldn't do it." or anything other than "It's over with her", then you gotta just cut it off.

 

Tell him that you understand his confusion, but that you can't afford to invest more into him emotionally knowing he has a girlfriend (and she IS his girlfriend if he is seeing her after she told him she loves him). That if he does break it off with her, you are willing to see what happens with him, but you won't be a second girlfriend.

 

The last thing you want is to end up in love with someone who can't or won't be exclusive to you.

 

And I agree with the poster who said you are already too emotionally invested to do a FWB thing.

[alexandria35]

Wife found her first love and began to see him. This, I know because I heard it firsthand from the ex-wife, that she did indeed find "K", the "love of her life" and she went to go and be with him.

There was no telltale signs through the years that he was a cheat at all. On the contrary, the wife always said he was quite good to her, but she always thought about K...

 

I'm not friends with her anymore. We were close in the 90's. I haven't spoken to her in about 2 years, possibly more.

 

I think i can handle (for now, after only a few dates) seeing J if he likes, but I am going to make the stipulation clear, that i will be dating other men too. (and I shall.)

 

 

In the meantime, I will also tell him that it truly isn't fair to the girl he's been seeing in the other town a half hour away for 5 months - he doesn't see her often, but even so.... he should be straight up with her so she can also see other people.

 

I probably would not have posted this story, had he called me or texted me something tonight. My red flag was not hearing from him at all, knowing he was going there to "talk to her" and break it off....and yet he's probably still there, and nobody talks that long.

 

So you want to see him and see other men, while he sees you and sees the other gf, and you want to him to tell the other gf so that she will be free to see him and see other men. Good Lord! I sure hope all of these people will be practicing safe sex.

[2sunny]

Did you hear from him yet?

[Itsonlyme66]

We talked about it. Apparently he went over there to tell her he wanted to re-evaluate their relationship, and when he walked in the door, she handed him a homemade card for their 5 month anniversary (yes these are all people in their 40's.....I guess she was working on a school card with her son, and she decided to make one for J too. How sweet.)

so he felt like sh*t from the get-go. He said he talked to her about it, and she said she would be going into "self-preservation mode". He didn't know what that meant so she explained it.

(it's pretty self-explanatory.)

 

Today, he saw me. He took me out for a great dinner on the water. Then he bought me a bunch of things in the gift shop, and he took me to a roof-top bar with a beautiful atmosphere. He was, of course, attentive, affectionate, funny, and easy to be with. He explained that he would be letting her down easy, not drop her like a hot potato and it could take a couple of weeks. I said, well it's easier to pull a bandaid off, but it's your issue so you do what you think is best. Then I told him, when you're ready for me to be a priority, you let me know. Til then, we are options for each other.

 

We went home, had another great night together and were up most of the night just hugging each other and talking in the dark about everything in both our lives.

This morning, he made coffee for me, walked me out, all was great. Then, I get home and 10 min after I walked in the door, I get a text from him. How sweet, right?

 

It read, "Good morning baby. Congratz to "her son's name". Do they still have a chance to make the playoffs?"

 

I was like, oh no.... as soon as we parted, he was texting her. Worse, he called her baby. Now I know J calls waitresses honey and sweetie and such, because he calls everyone by pet names. But i knew this was the woman he was supposedly trying to end things with.... Baby????

 

So I texted back, "I think you missent this to me."

 

He texted back the following (i didn't answer for awhile)

1.

then no response then he wrote

2. Yep. Being nice. She called and wanted to talk last night.

still I did not respond.

then:

3. I can't go from 100 mi an hour to 0 in 1 night with her. it's going to take a week or 2.

I was ignoring him. Then he wrote

4. I want this to be a mutual parting. Not 1 party hurt real bad.

then another

5. There's no really easy way to do this. I just care about peoples feelings.

again i didn't respond and he wrote

6. sorry sweetie

7. Please don't think too much into that text. It's not like that.

 

so finally I wrote:

K. we're fine. no problem

 

then he wrote, I can't drop her like a hot potato out of the blue. I laid the groundwork Wed night.

 

and I said, I totally understand.

then he sent me xoxoxoxo

and i left it at that.

 

but boy. nice huh. Opened my eyes.

screams player to me.

i don't know. that little voice in me is saying, if he wanted to break her down easily and mutually and all that he might want to stop with the "baby" stuff.

It just smells untrue to me now.

 

so i don't know.

[2sunny]

He's a cake eater. Don't see him until you have EVIDENCE that it's OVER with the other gal.

 

You are now just like an other woman. You are his back up gal.

 

He's not going to break up with her until he wants to. And I'd bet money he didn't have any talk with her about breaking up at all. I'm sure he slept with her on Wednesday and then you the next day. I hope you are using protection.

 

Either way - he's misleading two women - and that totally sucks!

 

He's still a royal cake eater!

[woinlove]

4. I want this to be a mutual parting. Not 1 party hurt real bad.

 

For you, the word baby stuck out as an endearment and I understand that, but to me the above line sticks out. He has given no indication that she is eager to end things with him. How is it going to be mutual? He seems to be saying wants to end things with her, but doesn't want to tell her that, and instead wants to spend a few weeks convincing her that she should want to end things with him. That doesn't seem like a very honest, mature or respectful way to end things.

 

From what you have posted I would say it is uncertain whether he really wants to end things with her. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. My guess would be that he wants to continue both Rs.

[Itsonlyme66]

"I feel terrible"

"Not sure why"

 

I wrote him "you know why."

 

then I asked him if he'd be in his office because I was going to email him my objective opinion.

He said he was looking forward to it.

 

so i sent this:

 

 

i know you feel like crap right now. J, i care about you, and I hate to say this, but honestly, you should.

don't say you don't know why you feel badly. You absolutely know why.

you're sort of lying to two women.... kind of.

and you got kinda caught.

 

don't worry about me because we're "new"..... and I don't have big expectations of you, except for one thing. I want the truth.

 

i know you're trying to be a decent guy in the "J Way" with H AND me. I get that.

I know you like me. And I know there's something critical missing between you and H. If there wasn't, then 1) you would have disabled POF awhile ago (it takes one second to delete the account) and 2) there's no way you'd be taking me out, sleeping with me, and developing a dating relationship with me if you were in love with her.

 

In all honesty, people typically fall in love in the beginning of a relationship or dating within the first few months, like 3 months. it's been 5 for you and you're interested in me. So I believe you when you tell me you want to distance yourself from her because if you didn't you wouldn't have gotten with me. i totally understand you want to "let her down easy" to save her feelings, etc.....

 

but the text today - what i can't wrap my head around is the "baby" part.

you know..... you're texting her the minute I'm leaving in my car after an awesome night out together, a great overnight in bed making love (sex whatever) and cuddling and talking about everything - from ghosts to tequila.... I get that you want to be decent, but don't tell me you're laying the groundwork to end the relationship you obviously have with her if you're going to continue calling her baby. That's called leading her on.

 

You're supposed to be distancing yourself from her, not texting her the second I'm gone after spending the night with you, and on top of it, your text reads like you're still together to me.

 

When you truly want to break up with someone, you state your case, you are civil, decent, and you keep it short. It's like ripping a band-aid off.

You don't drag it out unless you're not sure.

 

You do not call her baby and pet names. and you don't "sleep over" to comfort her either.

that is not how you let someone down easy.

so let's call a spade a spade here.

 

At the worst, you're a player and have no intention of letting it go with her.

At the best, you're leading her on by doing that.

 

It's not my business at this point in the game, but there's a right way and a wrong way to conduct yourself, and all you're doing, if you really are going to end it with her in the next couple weeks, is sending mixed messages to her by spending the night with her and calling her baby.

It also sends me mixed ones when the minutes I'm out of eyesight, you're thumbing away to her on the phone calling her affectionate names and making sure youIt would sit a lot better with me if you'd just be honest and tell me you're not going to stop seeing her. Then I would know what I was working with.

Remember, i like to stay in reality.

right now, Heather is not in reality, and if I didn't know what I know, I wouldn't be either. The only one who would know the whole deal would be you. For not wanting to hurt anyone, you're not doing a very good job.

I don't know if you're being honest with me or not about how you feel about her, because your actions don't add up with your words. they're not syncing together. If you truly want to distance yourself from her and end the relationship, then google how to do it properly if you don't believe me....this ain't it....

If you don't want to google it, then it's ok to ask a friend or two (guy or girl, whatever) what to do. babe, I don't know, but your way isn't the right way, and that's all I can tell you.

 

Maybe you'll find you want to stay with Heather.

Maybe you'll find you don't want to and you really like me.

or maybe you would prefer a few 20-something girls for fun.

only you can decide that.

 

If you want to truly re-evaluate staying with her, then tell me the truth and I'll understand that you'll see both of us.

But in fairness, she should know you'll be dating others too.

If she doesn't - and you continue to see us both - you know what that makes you. not a good guy.

good guys make clean breaks. they don't linger around.

 

I feel I know you better than I probably do because of our past. So of course I'm thinking if we're still dating I'd want to go away with you somewhere for your b-day and if you are potentially going with her, it would be nice to know that. I want to see things, go places, enjoy life and you're the perfect candidate. We have an excellent foundation for a great dating relationship to blossom. Except for one little thing.....

 

Maybe while you're sorting this out I'll still see you if you want to....and you don't have to feel like crap about it - i know these things are hairy and difficult when there are two people you sort of want to be around, plus you and i are only dating, we're not engaged........, but don't tell me one thing and then show me your actions are contradicting it.

 

 

you don't want to hurt anyone, but if you want to just keep seeing her, say so. that way I can go into self-preservation too and we can just enjoy each other without me thinking we can have future plans to go places, go on trips, etc. If you're going to tell her you want to re-evaluate things, then you sleep overnight with her, and you're texting her "good morning baby" the second I'm out of sight, it makes the whole thing smell bad to anyone who's on the outside looking in at this.

 

For now, I'm willing to go on as we are because I enjoy being around you, but I don't think you have any intention of breaking things off with her.

 

and it's ok if you're confused. I promise you I won't hold that against you. But you've gotta open up to me and be honest because last Wed night's stay over there, and this morning's text that I thought was so sweet that you were texting me so fast...... that stuff isn't jiving with the way you're telling me you feel.

Just be honest with everyone and I swear to you that you won't get into trouble, at least with me. I care about you and we're friends and nothing's going to change that. I want to believe we've got a shot to date each other without interference from something that wasn't working out for you anyway though...

 

sorry this was so long or if it sounded harsh. But you need to get your **** together here.... not only won't this work for anyone else, but honey, it won't end up working for you to play it out like this.... you know that.

[Itsonlyme66]

"did you get my email?"

 

He texted me back

"Thinking."

I said about what?

 

He said, "Everything."

 

Now is where I stand off and not answer until he says something.

He needs to sort it out.

[2sunny]

Your email was good.

 

Thinking is much different than DOING.

 

He's not doing - and that does make him a liar... Because he hasn't DONE what he said he would do.

 

I don't are how much I like someone - when their words and actions don't match - they are a liar! And a relationship based on lies never works. And yes, I've ended things many times because of these kind of lies... Mainly because it's too hard to build trust when someone lies - even by lying by omission. Even half truths...

 

He's basically not an honest guy. He knows it - that's why he needs so much "time to think" - someone who's honest doesn't need time to concoct more lies to sway people to "go along with their little plan of lies".

 

By continuing to see him you will be rewarding him for his bad behavior.

 

It's really short changing yourself. Never ever settle! He's offering you his cheating ways - he knows it - hewas hoping you'd overlook it - maybe you still will.

 

But you deserve more than what he's offered - you deserve to be a mans top priority!

[Furious]

In your opening post, you say you found him on a dating site.

 

What was he doing on a dating site if had a girlfriend for the last 5 months?

[Itsonlyme66]

Texted him "you're thinking about what, still seeing me?"

 

and he responded "about everything".

 

like i said.

this is where I have to go silent.

 

He doesn't know what he wants or who he wants it with.

He calls what we do "making love".

it's just sex to him. He's done nothing but make me feel like a princess in his presence and a pauper as soon as I hit the door.

 

No. I have always liked J. for 20 years. And he says same. But he's confused at best, and a player at worst.

 

I have to pull back and let him think.

 

I have to think.

 

This is awful. He was the first person to get my mind off my 6 year narcissist relationship and I really liked him. he knew it.

 

Just last night he took me out to a greek restaurant on the water. I knew we were only dating because we talked about it. I told him we can be each others' options. YOU let me know when you want me to be a priority.

 

We agreed on that laughing.

 

The laugh was on me.

 

But who'd have known. He kept telling me we "fit" perfectly, that we were so comfortable around each other, like soul mates, and he was "letting her down easy"..... yeah right.

 

No Im not stupid. I'm too damn smart. I just hoped I was wrong.

 

If he can't give her up after 5 mo for me, I'm tailspinning.

[2sunny]

And he is obviously capable of dating someone intimately and being on a dating site.

 

He's a dork!