Angel2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Share Posted May 3, 2012 Hi, I just want some advice on what to do! I have been more off then on with my ex parner who lives in a different city to me At the beginning of our relationship things were Good but as time went on i saw that he had an aggresive streak in him and then started finding out he was on dating sites and was flirting and givin numbers out to other woman. I was finding things in his flat that made me think he was cheating but he has never admitted it to me! We have not been the same as we were at the beginning because i dont trust him with women and i still have a bit of fear because of his aggressiveness. Its been nearly 7 and a half years now and we have never had a proper relationship but we have always met up and i have spent the odd weekends there but he has always done something to upset me so when i have come back its been off again. we talk everyday on the phone and he keeps telling me that im the only one for him and that he wants us to get back together. I love him and he is the only one i have ever wanted to be with but im scared that its always going to be like this where im having ago at him over him flirting with girls and he is gonna get aggressive with me again. Being with him is some times very stressfull and with us both being in different cities its even worse. We were talking the other day on skype and he was sharing his screen with me and showing me pics of me and him and i saw a pic of him and another woman and i asked him who she was and he said he didnt know. He said she had took a pic of him somewhere as he was on his own she was just a random girl at this put he was at and started getting annoyed about me asking him. So now im just thinking he was proberly with her that day but he wouldnt show me the pic properly i mean why would someone just be out and about and take a photo with someone they dont know then upload it to their laptop??? I kind of think i have not got any right in saying anything because im not there but its because of things like this that im not around. Its not the first time i have seen pics with him and another girl before maybe it will all stop if i was there all the time i dont know but i dont want to go on anymore like this. Link to post Share on other sites
ladyabstrused Posted May 6, 2012 Share Posted May 6, 2012 Whoa, this seems like a very stressful relationship. I mean, you sound stressed up about the way he is and if you're not happy about that, you need to tell him. Why I say this is because you said that you love him very much right? Then you would try and give it a shot to make improvements and whoa 7 and a half years is very long and I know how you would feel about just letting it all go. It's not easy when you've been together for so long, especially when you actually do love and care about your significant other. I don't think you should take anymore of the abuse though. But you need to do something about this because it's going on for way too long and it's going to be that way till the end of time if you don't do something to improve the relationship right now. Talk about it with him. Tell him how you feel about seeing pics of other women with him. Tell him how you feel about him and this relationship. Do you do that? If he really cares and loves you, Angel, he will realise it and work things out with you. Have you ever considered going to therapy with him? Perhaps that could help. Just wondering though, are you guys planning on getting married? Do you both talk about future plans? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angel2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Author Share Posted May 7, 2012 (edited) Thanks for your reply, I have tried to ask him about the pic and he said he doesnt know her she was just there, She took a photo of him earlier that day at some venue and i was like ok she took a photo fair enough but why are you sitting next to her in the bar with ur head against hers if you dont know her then he got all defensive and said there was nothing wrong in it and he said i do it, He has never seen any pic of me with another man or would i take any of me and random guys and save them on my laptop. He starts to get angry when i keep on about things so in the end i just leave it. Every time he does something i dont like he will turn the whole issue around then its all me like the pic i kept on and on about it then he says you have lots of guy mates in ur city which is totally wrong i dont bother with anyone but thats what he thinks and nothing i say will change his mind about that, He accuses me all the time with sleeping with men and im not like that! We will be out together and he will blatently stare at other women in front of me and when i have ago at him about it he calls me an idiot, walks off and leaves me in the corner then comes back ten mins later saying whats my problem. He wants us to be together in the future and he wants me to have a baby with him but right now i cant see it! The guy is very immature for 38, he doesnt see anything wrong in what he does he likes to pass the book every time, We are not on the same page and even if we did go to therapy i dont think things are going to change! I saw him today after about 6 weeks because of the argument about the pic and the thing ive just mentioned about when we went out and he said something which was quite upsetting " I think the last 4 years you have just been f'ing about with different men and decided to come and see me to see if you can go with me one last time before you go off with someone else. I mean if i was doing that which im not that kind of girl i have always been for him why would i travel 200 miles spend £140 just for 1 day seeing him if i had not intentions of being with him. I wasnt around for his bday in january because of issues like this and he kept on and on about how i didnt get him anything for his bday so when i went to see him i brought he a mans parfum that he wanted and he was like oh great after 5 months i finally get my prescent cheers mate!! I was like well it isnt really a birthday prescent its just a gift and he was like well it cant be a birthday prescent after 5 months can it. I buy him other things too but if he thinks its cheap he wont wear it its thrown on the floor or he says he has a skin rash from it and it aint that cheap its about £50 I just wish he would be different ,sometimes he can be a lovely guy to be around then he can be a horrible person. Edited May 7, 2012 by Angel2012 date was w Link to post Share on other sites
ladyabstrused Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 It seems like he doesn't really appreciate you enough, Angel. Are you sure you want to be in a relationship with someone who cannot appreciate the way you are and the things you do? Hmm, honestly, I'm no one to talk here cos I find myself in a similar situation at times. I don't know, I wanted to work on a pros and cons list about being in a relationship with my boyfriend as suggested by another member here. Maybe you could try doing that and see what comes out? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angel2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Author Share Posted May 8, 2012 Yes I have done the pros and cons and there does seem to be more downs then up in our relationship but what I question myself is wether it is really love that keeps me going back or wether its because its like a rut I have been doing this for so long and been so used to him in my life and the fact he is always there no matter how much I try and lock him off. i dont know what it really is. Its very hard for us girl we go through situations like this and we know its wrong and can do better and if it was any of our friends or family that was in our situation then we would have no problems in telling them to get away from them and that they are treating them this way and that but for some reason something keeps us going back no matter how much they upset us, but im getting to the point now where i really want to settle down and have a stable relationship I just dont know if it will ever be with him as its been this way for too long and ive let him get away with alot and he doesnt see anything wrong in his actions its just having the strenth to just give up and walk away. x Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Yes I have done the pros and cons and there does seem to be more downs then up in our relationship but what I question myself is wether it is really love that keeps me going back or wether its because its like a rut I have been doing this for so long and been so used to him in my life and the fact he is always there no matter how much I try and lock him off. i dont know what it really is. Its very hard for us girl we go through situations like this and we know its wrong and can do better and if it was any of our friends or family that was in our situation then we would have no problems in telling them to get away from them and that they are treating them this way and that but for some reason something keeps us going back no matter how much they upset us, but im getting to the point now where i really want to settle down and have a stable relationship I just dont know if it will ever be with him as its been this way for too long and ive let him get away with alot and he doesnt see anything wrong in his actions its just having the strenth to just give up and walk away. x “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” Best, TMichaels Link to post Share on other sites
ladyabstrused Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Yes I have done the pros and cons and there does seem to be more downs then up in our relationship but what I question myself is wether it is really love that keeps me going back or wether its because its like a rut I have been doing this for so long and been so used to him in my life and the fact he is always there no matter how much I try and lock him off. i dont know what it really is. Its very hard for us girl we go through situations like this and we know its wrong and can do better and if it was any of our friends or family that was in our situation then we would have no problems in telling them to get away from them and that they are treating them this way and that but for some reason something keeps us going back no matter how much they upset us, but im getting to the point now where i really want to settle down and have a stable relationship I just dont know if it will ever be with him as its been this way for too long and ive let him get away with alot and he doesnt see anything wrong in his actions its just having the strenth to just give up and walk away. x If you believe it's the best thing for the both of you to quit the relationship and you know it is the best for yourself, go for it. It must really be difficult though. I can't imagine doing it myself. But you've got to have faith that things will work out for the better. Link to post Share on other sites
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