Just a friend?

[fresh8]

I've had a crush on this girl since I started at my workplace 18 months ago. I used to always be nervous around her just by her presence. Some of the girls at work laughed at me because I am confident around everybody except for this girl. I remember how I saw her one day and we smiled at each other. I always wondered who she was and then a few months in to the job, a colleague told me that she had just broken up with a long-term partner. So I mustered up some courage and made an excuse to talk to her but disappointingly found out she had a new boyfriend.

 

We never talked to each other but I noticed that whenever we bumped into each other - she would be looking at me and smiled when we made eye contact. Then 6 months ago, she was moved into my area at work. Since then, we have become pretty close - we always go for lunch, coffee, etc. Since our first real conversation when we worked in the same area, we just clicked and talked about everything except for the boyfriend. I asked for her number and since then we have been texting all time. I decided to ask her out for a drink after work one night - she agreed and we actually hung out just the two of us, which was not awkward.

 

She is flirting with me and a friend who has seen us together told me that he reckons all the signs are good - from how she talks to me, her body language (leaning in close/whispering in my ear, etc), her touching me, etc. My friend even said that he would consider that she is cheating on her bf considering the fact that whenever she is drunk, she texts me to see if I am out (if not with the bf) or just to strike up a flirty conversation (if with bf). I have heard her mention to people that her boyfriend has not been good to her. They've been fighting plus he doesn't sound like her 'ideal' guy (whenever she tells me about him, she keeps paying him out). Another girl who doesn't know how I feel told me recently that I'm a nice guy and that she thinks my crush's boyfriend sounds like a dickhead.

 

From the very little I do hear, I am convinced she's in a rebound relationship. What annoys me is that she keeps going back to the dude. Whenever she's having problems, I don't try to pry and ask what's up because I don't want to get involved. She is quite open about all kinds of problems with me except for on the issue of her boyfriend. I also get annoyed at myself because I can't help but try and do nice things to cheer her up when she's upset. She says her bf never remembers anything she tells him. Yet, when she was upset I went to search, for half an hour during my lunch hour, for what she told me were her favorite chocolates. (Yes - I feel so silly wasting my time like that when she probably doesn't fully appreciate it).

 

I guess I am just confused about what we've got going. Ever since getting to know her, I do like her as a person and it's not just a physical crush. We get along very well and she even told me recently that when she was sad about something - she came to me first before her boyfriend. The majority of my friends are telling me to stop flirting with her because she has a guy already but whenever I have tried to stop, she's the one who is coming to flirt with me. And I haven't even taken into account the whole co-worker thing!

 

Any thoughts?

Edited May 3, 2012 by fresh8

[Leegh]

It sounds as though she may not know how you feel. The fact that you and she went out for drinks is a good sign, and it probably indicated to her that you like her more than a friend. Possibly you could suggest going to a movie, dinner, etc., something more in the evening again. You could consider telling her how you feel, and see if she feels the same way. In other words, if she's interested great, or if she wants to stay with her boyfriend, then you may want to move on.

[fresh8]

Thanks for the reply Leegh.

 

I just found out that she has been telling people about me. The word is that she knows I like her more than just a friend and the good news is that she likes me too (according to the person telling me, she used the word 'a lot'). The bad news is that she wants to try to work things out with the boyfriend and is not prepared to dump him yet. :S

[NateC]

Thanks for the reply Leegh.

 

I just found out that she has been telling people about me. The word is that she knows I like her more than just a friend and the good news is that she likes me too (according to the person telling me, she used the word 'a lot'). The bad news is that she wants to try to work things out with the boyfriend and is not prepared to dump him yet. :S

 

In that case...ask yourself: is she worth the wait? It sounds like you care about her a lot (and she knows it!) and the feelings are mutual, but she's still "trapped" in the other relationship. It's a really hard thing to watch a girl you like get used by another guy (I've seen it....), so it's really up to you.

 

Either way, don't hang yourself up on her. If you see another opportunity with another girl, don't throw it away in hopes this girl will change her mind.