supermom Posted June 22, 2004 Share Posted June 22, 2004 Question for all the other women and/or other men out there.... What ever happened to thinking of the kids? I would think that would stop you from having an affair if you had kids or if you MM/MW had kids right? I mean, if you say you love them, what about their kids? If you fantasize about being the stepparent, then wouldn't you care about them anyway? That's what I think of when I read some of these posts on this forum. Someone enlighten me! Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted June 22, 2004 Share Posted June 22, 2004 So you're asking a group of people who can be characterized as mostly selfish why they aren't thinking about the kids. You think someone willing to violate many of society's rules and possibly sacrifice their own self-respect by having an emotional attachment with a married person with a family would think of the kids. You're pretty sure they actually aren't aware of the kids or the potential impact of their actions on the family? The kids never occurred to them or they would stop? Or maybe they are perfectly aware of all that, and they do it anyway. I think the question could only be rhetorical. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted June 22, 2004 Share Posted June 22, 2004 Johan is probably right. The other sad fact is many OW especially, hang in on the belief he'll leave his wife and kids for them...and that love conquers all, and justifies all. Link to post Share on other sites
Good2Go Posted June 22, 2004 Share Posted June 22, 2004 I'm not for anyone running around with someone married, but doesn't it take two to tango? It's not soley the other person's fault. Sometimes, you marry or get involved with a cheater. If they didn't cheat with this person, they would've found someone else. They are going to cheat because that's the kind of person they are. Don't make excuses for one while blaming the other. BOTH of them aren't worth a crap. Both you and the kids invovled are better without either one of them. No role model there. Just bullsh*t. Link to post Share on other sites
Linlin Posted June 22, 2004 Share Posted June 22, 2004 I think that it basically comes down to this: People in today's society have gotten very selfish. Everyone wants to know "what is in it for me." It is all about "what I get out of things". "If I don't get what I want from you, I will get it elsewhere." So much for morals and values!!! I will always put my kids first! I am trying to raise them to have empathy for others and understand that we have to give to others that are less fortunate than us. I am trying not to raise selfish, spolied brats (like my H) When people are involved in affairs it is all about themselves. They care about nothing else. My H's OW was having sex with her kids in the house. What kind of mother would do that? She is a very selfish person (plus a few other words). As I said before, "IT's all about ME!" Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted June 22, 2004 Share Posted June 22, 2004 Having sex with her kids in the house? Does that mean that all married couples don't have sex behind closed doors unless the kids are out? I don't ever want to get married if that's the case....... I wish more married couples would think of the kids. What do you think is worse, having the parents split up or subjecting children to horrible screaming arguments and hate? What you really should say (because this is what I think you mean) is "Why don't OW/OM consider that the affair could hurt the children?" But what really needs to be asked is "Why don't people with children consider it could hurt them before they stray?" I know you are all very angry, and rightfully so. But let's not dump all the blame on one doorstep. Link to post Share on other sites
Linlin Posted June 22, 2004 Share Posted June 22, 2004 No, of course I don't mean that married people don't have sex behind closed doors. But there is an appropriate time and place. I caught my H and the OW. She was giving him a hand job behind the kitchen counter with my 3 year old right there. I was told that she would do the same with her kids around. They were also having sex in the living room couch,floor, and in her bedroom. Her kids could have walked in any time. In this case we are talking about a woman who is still married to someone else. They are both disgusting in my opinion. We are not talking about people in a loving and committed relationship who are being responsible. This was not their dad she was doing it with. Nor my children's mother. Reread my comments about being selfish! Link to post Share on other sites
LostinEmotion Posted June 22, 2004 Share Posted June 22, 2004 In the situation I was in, she came into my home and we treated her like family. She even insinuated herself into my children's lives and she also has a child. She would hug on & do things for my kids, knowing that she was going to break their hearts. He's just as bad. I think that what it boils down to is that the two that decide to have the affair are very self-centered, selfish, and unthoughtful. They only think about their sexual and mental gratification. They don't care, except in hind-sight, about the kids, or what anybody else thinks. I also think that a lot of grown ups forget how smart and understanding that children are. They think they can tell them anything & they'll accept it. I guess that's why most of us are on this sight. We, for the most part, were all too giving and caring and our spouses are just self-centered little children who only think of themselves. I don't think they ever change either. In my situation at least, I am having it put in the divorce decree that my children will never spend the night under her roof, and right now he's signing everything I tell him to. The bottom line is that you can't base your decency with his indecency. He's trash & she's trash, and you're not. There are no answers to that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author supermom Posted June 22, 2004 Author Share Posted June 22, 2004 I'm not for anyone running around with someone married, but doesn't it take two to tango? It's not soley the other person's fault. Sometimes, you marry or get involved with a cheater. If they didn't cheat with this person, they would've found someone else. They are going to cheat because that's the kind of person they are. This question was directed at ALL PARTIES of an affair. Even the married ones, who I think is worse almost because they have a responsibility to their children. What you really should say (because this is what I think you mean) is "Why don't OW/OM consider that the affair could hurt the children?" Mr. Spock, I didn't direct it just at the OW/OM, at all parties. It's almost worse in my opinion for the married party to do it because all you have to say is "no" or "let's go to marriage counceling" etc. All parties however are at fault, but when you take vows it's important to stick with them right? Link to post Share on other sites
fanou22 Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Did anyone stop to think that there might something dysfunctional with the marriage altogether? Link to post Share on other sites
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