Asked her out, she said Yes, now find out, she's dating someone?

[rgguy]

Hi...I'm new here and really unsure what I'm doing but need some advice from the chat board or a LoveShack advisor.

 

I'm a very shy guy and my biggest insecurity is meeting women and asking them out...therefore to date (as an adult) I've only ever asked out 2 women in my life. The first one was my last girlfriend and she start as more of a friend and the relationship just kind of happened. The second time was more recent and has me bleedin' confused.

 

I met this woman through my work (she's a customer). Now, I'm very nieve when it comes to knowing when a woman is flirting with me...I'm dang near blind...but with this one I felt and incredible connection or spark or something. Everytime she came in we got along really well. I feel like I've known her for years. (I'm in my early 30s she's in her late 20s)

 

A co-worker did some "fishing" for me and found out that this woman was single. My co-worker also told this woman that I was single to which she responded: "I noticed he wasn't waring a ring".

 

All if this and the incredible energy of attraction gave me the gutts to go to one of her art events and ask her out...and she said Yes!

 

Now...before this I did know she was very busy with her new job and working long hours so I figured it would either be awhile before the date happened or it would be a short date...so I wasn't surprised when the first couple of tries were put off because she was busy...so I backed off a little because I didn't want to pressure her.

 

Well it's been 3 weeks since I asked her and I found out...via the same co-worker...that this woman is dating someone!

 

She apparently isn't too sure about this guy and rarely sees him because of her schedule. She also feels really bad for putting me off and dancing around the whole going out with me senerio.

 

I confused for so many reasons and want her to tell me directly herself, not thru my co-worker.

I'm also confused because everyone I've talked to about this has not reacted like I thought they would...my first reaction if a friend told me this story would be; "WHAT!?!?! Then why did she say yes?!?!"

I've had reactions from oh, I'm sorry to hear that...then the usual there's more fish in the sea...they come and go (but not for me). Other have said well maybe she doesn't really like this guy or well don't give up yet!

 

Now I fear I won't feel really comfortable around her anymore.

 

I'm currently thinking of waiting till the end of the week and if I havn't heard from her I'll send her two pink (her favorite color) carnations with a simple note saying something like "Hope you have a great day".

Or is that a bad idea?

 

Guess that's my big question...What do I do now?

 

Move on, fight for her, bide my time, confront her...what?

 

Any suggestion would be really appreciated.

 

Thanks again.

 

RGuy

[uriel]

If this woman isn't married or living with a man, she ought to feel free to date whomever she chooses. There's nothing wrong with her accepting a date from you. And no reason why you ought to feel insecure. If she were into the other guy so much, she wouldn't have accepted the date with you.

 

You need to close the deal by actually going out. I wouldn't bring up the other guy. It's not really any of your business at this point, when you are just starting to date casually. If things get more serious down the road, you could certainly have that conversation, about going monogamous.

 

I wouldn't send her flowers while she's still dancing around when exactly to go out. Get a definite date, meet her, and have a good time. You could show up with flowers for the date. Or, you could save them as a one-week follow-up thankyou.

 

Whatever you do, don't tell her how shy you are around women and how few you ask out! Project some confidence.

 

-- uriel

 

ps I'd stop asking around about her and telling everyone at work your business with her. If she knows them, too, there's a good chance this could get back to her.

[Good2Go]

Why don't you just ask her? If she is seeing someone, tell her to let you know if the status changes later. If she isn't seeing anyone, your are worrying about nothing.