Broke no contact. Now what?

[aspire]

I have been trying the no contact thing for the past 4 weeks now, and it has been going well. Until last thursday night when my ex decided to IM me. She said "I knows that you don't want to ever talk to me and i hope that everything is going well for you, but have a wonderful night and see you around work." me being so weak i responded, we ended up talking for about an hour, mostly about how we were not talking and avoiding each other at work. She says that she still cares for me as a person and she misses how i can just make her laugh. I told her just because we are talking online that it doesn't change what happens at work.

 

On friday things seemed normal we still were avoiding each other the whole day, except after work for some dumb reason i decided to talk to her. She was really surprised that i was talking to her. we didn't talk for very long cause she had someplace to go before they closed, when she asked me to go to lunch with her the following day and i told her no, but she insisted that i think about it.

 

On saturday she came to get me for lunch and talked me into going with her. At lunch we caught up on what has been going on with each other lately, everything seemed just like we were dating again, just laughing and getting along really well. she said that she knew eventually that i would start talking to her again, and that she doesn't think that i can't not talk to her. I told her that it wasn't a problem for me not to talk to her if i wanted to again, and she thinks i can't hold up to it. When we got back from lunch things just seemed like we never broke up, we would do all the the little things we used to do to each other when we were dating. As she was leaving work she says bye and i asked her where she was going she said that she was going to a party tonight and she was going to take a nap and that she would be thinking of me.

 

On sunday things seemed normal we exchanged greetings in the morning. At lunch time she comes and asks me if she can bring me back anything for lunch? I declined, figuring that she was meeting someone else. For the rest of the day i avoided her. She went home early and didn't even bother to say bye when she left.

 

what has happened in overnight? things were going what i thought was well, then back to nothing. Did she realize that i am not what she is looking for after all? can i go back to "no contact"? what can i do at this point?

 

Needing advice from anyone!

[dasani08810]

Just go back to no contact!

 

She may have just been putting out a feeler to see where you were "at". It happens. Especially when they live through the "regret" wave. And emotions do come in waves. From "I absolutely am happy without him/her" to "I wonder if I made the wrong decision". For you to be successful, I think you should be percieved like a rock. People on emotional rollercoasters RESPECT those that are rock solid. They think by latching on to a rock, their life and emotions will stabilize.

 

Doing no contact without explanation gives the perception that you are rock steady (even though most of us are just as up and down as they are). I don't think I would EVER tell an EX that I will not contact her. It does two things; if you do contact them, you appear weak. If you don't, it seems like a power struggle. So, give no clue that you intend to not contact them on purpose. Just do it. It makes them OWN their actions and decisions with no justification. That's a bad haunting feeling none would want to have. To have let a needy, grasping person behind is relaxing; to leave a calm cool steady rock behind is nerveracking.

 

So, for now, just let it go as a lesson learned. She's feeling you out and looking for a reason to justify her actions. If you pursue, she'll see you as weak and tell herself she made the right choice.

 

Be strong and take control by appearing somewhat indifferent.