Any suggestions?

[AJ]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and the whole time has been a long distance thing (we live about 4 hours apart and see each other every 3 or 4 weeks.)

 

Lately we've both been feeling like things aren't fresh anymore, we know everything about each other and have kind of hit a lull in the relationship.

 

We are very much in love and after I get done with college in May we will be living in the same town so there is a glimmer at the end of the tunnel.

 

We're both very busy but does anyone have any suggestions that we could try to make things fresh and feeling new again?

[Tony T]

FIRST YOU WRITE: "we live about 4 hours apart and see each other every 3 or 4 weeks"

 

THEN YOU WRITE: "like things aren't fresh anymore, we know everything about each other and have kind of hit a lull in the relationship."

 

THEN YOU DECLARE: "...in May we will be living in the same town so there is a glimmer at the end of the tunnel."

 

Assuming you mean glimmer of hope in the third quote, how could you expect things to get better when you finally are together all the time when things aren't fresh and there's a lull in the relationship when you only see each other every three or four weeks??? Wow, each time you see each other now ought to be a total JOY!!!

 

Well, you have been seeing him a year. That's pretty good. But if things are getting stale and you rarely see each other, hhmmm, I have to think about that. Maybe there's a chance that if you got to spend a lot more time together, things would be better...but if you are disposed to being bored, seeing him more often would make you much more bored. I mean if you aren't totally elated when you see him once or twice a month, just think how dull it would be to see his face more often.

 

I'm having such a hard time thinking of how you could make your rare meetings more exciting. I think first you have to make yourself more exciting. Then you have to find new and different things to do when you are together. That's not rocket science, you probably already thought of that. How about maybe taking a two or three day trip together one weekend.

 

Try getting involved with some sports together, golf or tennis or something like that.

 

Let me also tell you that relationships just don't stay way up there forever. Eventually you get used to a person and while you still love them, you don't see the big fireworks finale everytime they enter the room. If that's what you're looking for, forget it.

 

But I think if you see him rarely and you are no longer excited about being with him or the things you do together, it may just be that he is a nice guy but you need to look elsewhere for someone who is more challenging or exciting for you.

 

I am at a total loss...sorry...I tried.

[Taressa]

AJ,

 

What had you been doing up to now to keep it spicy? And do you mean there's no fire even when you're together now?

 

I'm thinking the lull has developed only because hope and passion are so hard to maintain over an extended time apart. And if that's the case, by developing the deeper more intimate love now, the passion will rekindle in his presence.

 

Having wrote that, it looks a little bit vague of an answer. Guess I mostly want to say to look at it as a wake up call. Consider if it is a warning of a lack of commonality with the gentleman or if it is time to develop a love deeper than passion with him. What do your heart and mind say about him?

[Deejette]

A year is not a very long time and you are both bored already. That is not a very good sign. Even if you do know "everything" about each other, just being together should have its fun elements. I just don't think this sounds like a very vital, satisfying relationship and to try to perk it up with various techniques may not be the answer. Living together will only increase the boredom and may add irritation into the mix as well.

FIRST YOU WRITE: "we live about 4 hours apart and see each other every 3 or 4 weeks"

 

THEN YOU WRITE: "like things aren't fresh anymore, we know everything about each other and have kind of hit a lull in the relationship."

 

THEN YOU DECLARE: "...in May we will be living in the same town so there is a glimmer at the end of the tunnel." Assuming you mean glimmer of hope in the third quote, how could you expect things to get better when you finally are together all the time when things aren't fresh and there's a lull in the relationship when you only see each other every three or four weeks??? Wow, each time you see each other now ought to be a total JOY!!!

 

Well, you have been seeing him a year. That's pretty good. But if things are getting stale and you rarely see each other, hhmmm, I have to think about that. Maybe there's a chance that if you got to spend a lot more time together, things would be better...but if you are disposed to being bored, seeing him more often would make you much more bored. I mean if you aren't totally elated when you see him once or twice a month, just think how dull it would be to see his face more often.

 

I'm having such a hard time thinking of how you could make your rare meetings more exciting. I think first you have to make yourself more exciting. Then you have to find new and different things to do when you are together. That's not rocket science, you probably already thought of that. How about maybe taking a two or three day trip together one weekend. Try getting involved with some sports together, golf or tennis or something like that. Let me also tell you that relationships just don't stay way up there forever. Eventually you get used to a person and while you still love them, you don't see the big fireworks finale everytime they enter the room. If that's what you're looking for, forget it. But I think if you see him rarely and you are no longer excited about being with him or the things you do together, it may just be that he is a nice guy but you need to look elsewhere for someone who is more challenging or exciting for you. I am at a total loss...sorry...I tried.