Work Colleague

[Stumpy]

As you can see this is my first post, if this is not the correct forum please repost.

I am looking for some advice, something had been effecting me for some time, I suspect this problem is quite common but I am struggling to deal with it.

I am married (15 years) and work within a small management team for a relative small company, sadly I have fallen head over heels for one of my work colleagues. She is 15 years younger than me and I cant stop thinking about her, when I wake up she is there in my head, I spend most of the day thinking about her and when I go to sleep I'm thinking about her. Most of my thoughts are conversations with her and about sharing thinsg with here rather than anything of a more graphical nature. I have never felt this about anyone before, when she smiles at me my heart just races and my mind goes completely blank. We are fairly close and we often share our feelings when one of us is feeling down.

I have tried unsuccessfully to deal with this, I sometimes try to stay out of her way but she notices this and wants to know why. At one point I got so stressed I ended up telling her I had a crush on her, oddly she didnt seem surprised, I guess she already knew.

Our work relationship seems to go from one extreme to the other, the other week we had a massive row about something and ended up shouting at each other along with tears. We then made up and this seemed to clear the air but I dont know for how long.

I enjoy my job and dont want to leave, unfortunately I rely on her for a lot of information so avoiding her is virtually impossible, I cannot discuss this with my boss as I doubt he would be very sympathetic.

I have tried fighting this feeling and I just end up stressing myself out and this effects my home life. I have decided just to try and accept how I feel but this makes me feel equally bad because I know my wife loves me and would be devastated if she knew how I felt about this woman.

One thing I do find curious is that I would rather spend an evening cuddling up to this woman and chatting than taking her to bed. This has not happened to me before.

I'm not sure what I am looking for from posting this, I don't have any friends that I feel I can share this with (apart from the woman in question) so I guess I am using this as an outlet before I implode.

[Fractious Fran]

I'm right there with you, bro. I'm a woman who's got the same feelings for a guy I work with. I think I'm a few years older than he is, but I'm not sure. In any case, I'm "sprung" on this guy. Neither one of us has admitted to the feelings, but it's so obvious. I, like you, am really trying to avoid him, but it's nearly impossible because our offices are are about 20 feet from each other and there are some things we have to work on together.

 

When we see each other in the hall, the eye contact is extensive. One day I handed him a stack of papers and our hands touched. I thought I was going to spontaneously combust. Another time, we gave each other a high five over some bit of work-related good news, and he held on to my hand way longer than such a gesture requires.

 

Things are further complicated by the fact that I'm divorcing, and he, as far as I know is happily married. My husband had a huge affair, so I know what it feels like to be cheated on, and I would never help a man break his wife's heart. But, I can't get this guy out of my mind.

 

I try to console myself by saying an imaginary relationship is better than a real one. Imaginary relationships are perfect, real ones never are. I tell myself that I don't really want a relationship with this guy because we'd both just end up disappointing each other. Maybe you can give that a try.