How can I compete with the other woman?

[Kaoru]

I'm in a long time relationship, 10 years this year, with this man. I have never thought this could happened to me. Yes..that's how naive I am.

He's been 'seeing' another woman lately. This is so sudden I'm still in denial. We talked about it. Apparently he feels that he hasn't done enough or has enough experience..with women. He also said that whatever happened he will always come back to me. Somehow that statement is not a good sentence for me. He also said he feels like I haven't made him happy lately. He said up front that he would jumped into bed with the other woman or many others if opportunity presented itself. He wants me to except it and stay with him.

I love him so much that it hurt to hear him saying all these things to me. He broke my heart and I feel like he doesn't care.

He wants to try repairing our relationship but he doesn't want to give up his communication with the other woman. After 10 years together, I have to be the one that make 'an apointment' to spend time with him.

Say that I want to try rebuilding our relationship, but how could I compete with that other woman? Each day now filled with her shadowing our life. One other option is to end it all. I don't know if I'm strong enough to leave him but I know that's one of the option. I don't know what to do. Help.

[Mr Spock]

Wow. That's alot to swallow. I don't dispense the most insightful advice but if it were me I would kick his arse out the door. Maybe ask him how he'd feel if you saw other men.

[lnichols]

Yea, I agree. He can't have it both ways. Does he expect that you will just wait around while he has his experiences? And why does he feel like he needs to be with other women? Honestly, that kills me, and I can't imagine how that must make you feel. I moved out on a boyfriend once after we had been together 5 years and lived together for 3. I was scared, like you, but to be honest, it was kinda exciting. Like the beginning of a new chapter in my life. You can do it, if that is what you really want to do. Friends and family offered me great support and you can get that, too. You don't have to be a door mat. You are worth more than that. Hopefully, he'll come to see that, too.

[EnigmaXOXO]

How can I compete with the other woman?

 

You don't.

 

Pack his bags and SEND him to her. Pin a "thank-you and good luck" note to his shirt. If she's daft enough to want to take this cad off your hands, you should feel grateful. Guarantee, in a couple of months once she's seen the "real deal," she'll be trying to return him.

 

One of the BIGGEST mistakes I've seen my fellow females make is turning each other into adversaries playing tug-o-war with some loser like two old ladies squabbling over a half-price bin. Neither one of you would even want that factory reject if the other one didn't.

 

I know ten years is a long time to invest in someone and it can be difficult to let go of things that have become so comfortable and familiar. Even if they are no longer beneficial to us. It hurts; I know. But those ten years should not be considered a "waste." They brought you good times and bad, lasting memories mixed with painful lessons…and these you will take with you. But unfortunately, your relationship is over and its nothing but a down-hill, slippery slope from here. Your boyfriend left you the minute he decided to invest himself emotionally elsewhere, regardless of whether or not he has removed himself physically. He is nothing more now than an empty "body" absent of any real feelings, emotions or regard for you. He's already given that to someone else.

 

Do not except the new relationship terms he has proposed to you. He is offering you a SUCKER deal. Instead, tell the selfish b*stard to finish what he started and remove himself from your life completely. Then…go find someone else who has more to offer. Considering the louse he is, that shouldn't be too hard. As a matter of fact, you'd even be better off going it alone for a while.