Always looking good for him, but he doesn't try to look good for me

[pink_sugar]

The more that I think about it, ever since the beginning of our relationship, my husband has never really went out of his way to look good/impress me. I honestly think it's essential for both parties to try and look good for each other to keep the fire and romance alive. My husband would be considered "average" looking by average standards, but he is attractive to me. I know I should be flattered when people say "he's so lucky to have me because I'm so beautiful", but I've never had anyone tell me the same. He is so good to me, but everyone says how lucky HE is to have me when I think it's the reverse. My mom has been the only one to tell me I am lucky to have him, but sometimes I envy other couples who "spice things up" by dressing nice for each other. For ex "A little perfume, a little makeup, cute outfit and hair" while he puts on some cologne and wears something better than street clothes. I have a hard enough time getting my husband to floss and brush his teeth more than once a day, let alone cologne and deodorant. He is far from bad hygiene, but he doesn't really try to "look good" for me like I do for him. It's gotten to the point that I feel like, why do I bother to work out, dress up and put on a little makeup for him? Anyone else have a similar experience or advice?

Edited May 4, 2012 by pink_sugar

[TaraMaiden]

Two things:

1:

This is unfortunately far too common, and certainly, on friday/saturday evenings, if you go to any town centre and see couples out together, the ladies have always made a huge effort to look attractive and elegant (even if you may not think they look good or dress well, they definitely meke an effort!) to the extent that even in the winter time they're patently dressed for a warmer climate.... !

The menfolk, however, go around in jeans, sweatshirt, loose rainproof jacket or anorak and sneakers.... standard male fare.... so trust me, this is sadly nowadays, par for the course....

 

2:

It's the little things that build up and erode the fabric of the marriage... like a spot of rust on the car, or the termite nibbling on your house foundation...

'From the little acorn, the mighty oak doth grow'....

Unless you mention this to him now, and explain how offended you feel that he won't make a bit more effort for you - the resentment, irritation and criticism of him is going to grow - and you WILL end up losing all respect for him - no matter how good looking you think he is.

 

did he USED to make an effort, or has he always been a slapdash 'lick and a promise' kind of guy?

[pink_sugar]

He's kind of always been like that, although his wardrope has improved since I've been with him. I know what you mean about the resentment growing. Sometimes I feel like I have to play mother to him. Tell him how to eat right, remind him to do certain chores around the house and so on.

[fucpcg]

Similar. I had an ex who would never dress up for me, but she always dressed up when going out with her girlfriends. Meanwhile, I always dress up when going out. It really bothered me. It would be one thing if she didn't ever, but not with me but yes with girlfriends, that wasn't cool by me. Sexual attraction should inspire you to look your best for your mate, I know I appreciate it when my mate does for me. I get where you are coming from

[FitChick]

After you talk to him expressing your concerns, if he still can't be bothered, why not start dressing like he does? See if he notices.