Not feeling good about having my hair longer and having stubble

[Ross MwcFan]

I feel like I look more weedy looking, and I feel more of a target for abuse as well.

 

The reason for why I feel like more of a target for abuse is because, as well as the fact that I feel like I look more weedy, is because back in the day my hair was longer and I had stubble.

 

I used to get treated badly by other people back then, I'd get picked on, made fun of, etc.

 

Ever since I stopped having stubble, and started having my hair shaved really short, the bad treatment seemed to stop at around the same time, but that was when I actually became a lot more reclusive, so maybe it was because of that.

 

There's also the fact that red hair is seen as a bad thing by a lot of people in the UK, and it can make you a target for bullying. When I had my hair shaved really short there was obviously less red hair, and it looks a lot lighter too when it's really short.

 

So yeah, I'm not feeling confident at all going around with longer hair, and ginger stubble, I feel less nicer looking, and I totally feel like some sort of an easy target when I'm out.

 

The only reason why I have gone back to having longer hair and stubble is because a lot of people on here have said I don't look good with really short hair, and I look so much better with longer hair and stubble.

 

So in the back of my mind I've been thinkng 'what if they're right?'.

 

I guess I'll give it longer, maybe I just need to get used to it, and maybe I wont become more of an easy target.

[HeavenOrHell]

My ex has amazing long red hair, he gets a lot of attention because of it, good and bad, he has always been bullied or teased about it, but he gets flattering comments too, bottom line is he's not going to change his appearance for bullies, people who really matter and are worth his time and energy are the ones who like/love his hair.

 

Why let bullies change your appearance, do you really care about their narrow minded worthless opinions? They only pick on you (and me) because they feel worthless themselves, probably come from sh*t homes, doesn't excuse their behaviour, but that is a reason they do it, I feel sorry for them, I would hate to be them.

 

Also, forget what everyone else thinks your appearance should be, although it sounds like people on LS are saying grow it longer, which also means show it off and be proud of it, don't hide it, and forget what you think targets you for bullying idiots, what do YOU want to look like?

 

Anyway, some women LIKE 'weedy' men Muscly or macho men do absolutely nothing for me!

Be proud of your red hair, don't hide it, don't let them win, red hair is a wonderful thing, I know plenty of people who think the same (about red haired men, not just women).

 

I feel like I look more weedy looking, and I feel more of a target for abuse as well.

 

The reason for why I feel like more of a target for abuse is because, as well as the fact that I feel like I look more weedy, is because back in the day my hair was longer and I had stubble.

 

I used to get treated badly by other people back then, I'd get picked on, made fun of, etc.

 

Ever since I stopped having stubble, and started having my hair shaved really short, the bad treatment seemed to stop at around the same time, but that was when I actually became a lot more reclusive, so maybe it was because of that.

 

There's also the fact that red hair is seen as a bad thing by a lot of people in the UK, and it can make you a target for bullying. When I had my hair shaved really short there was obviously less red hair, and it looks a lot lighter too when it's really short.

 

So yeah, I'm not feeling confident at all going around with longer hair, and ginger stubble, I feel less nicer looking, and I totally feel like some sort of an easy target when I'm out.

 

The only reason why I have gone back to having longer hair and stubble is because a lot of people on here have said I don't look good with really short hair, and I look so much better with longer hair and stubble.

 

So in the back of my mind I've been thinkng 'what if they're right?'.

 

I guess I'll give it longer, maybe I just need to get used to it, and maybe I wont become more of an easy target.

[Ross MwcFan]

Thanks HOH, that's a really nice post.

 

I'm not sure how I want to look like. I'll just keep the longer hair and stubble for the time being, and see how I feel over the next few weeks or whatever.

[Els]

Ross, straight up, I think you're fixating way, way, way too much on this. 'How long my hair should be' should not be occupying this much of your thought space and time.

 

Do whatever you'll feel more comfortable with. I was one of those who said you'd look better with longer hair, but really, you look fine no matter what you choose. It isn't THAT big a difference. And it shouldn't matter to the right woman.

[cerridwen]

I have to agree with Els, Ross.

You are expending a lot of energy on the minutiae of your appearance.

 

While I understand the change is bringing up past hurts, there is such a thing as being too self-reflective, at which point it's counter-productive and borders on obsessive.

 

You appear to have reached that point with your hair.

 

Do what makes you most comfortable, regardless of the feedback.

[johan]

Grow the part up the middle long and shave the rest.

 

Or like C said, pick a style you like and just go with it. No one examines you one-tenth as closely as you do. To most people you're just a guy, and the details of your hairstyle or stubble or whatever are not relevant.

 

Forget the idea that everyone in the world is really checking you out. They are all focused on their own issues. You and your hair are the least of their problems.

Edited May 6, 2012 by johan

[silvermane187]

Stop worrying so much about your hair and focus on your mental state. Sometimes some people will find anything to troll you about. It's how you react to it that's important. Making 10 posts in a forum about your hair is not the best solution.

[CarrieT]

i have to agree with els, ross.

You are expending a lot of energy on the minutiae of your appearance.

^^^ this ^^^

[KathyM]

If red hair is so frowned upon in the UK, and makes you a target for abuse, I would suggest you die it to a dark color, like a medium or dark brown. That's an easy thing to fix. And shave off the stubble.

[FitChick]

Shave but let your hair grow then get is styled.

 

Have you thought about dyeing your hair?

[Ross MwcFan]

Shave but let your hair grow then get is styled.

 

Have you thought about dyeing your hair?

 

Yeah, but I'm not really keen on the idea.

[HeavenOrHell]

No offence, but why on earth should Ross dye his hair and give in to the narrow minded idiots??!!

Should black people start whiting up so they don't get racist abuse, should homosexuals pretend they're not gay?!

 

By all means dye your hair Ross, if you genuiniely don't like the colour or fancy a change, but please don't even think about it if it's because of teasing or bullying, no way should you let them get the better of you!!

 

Be proud of your hair, don't hide it

 

Many people love red hair, of course there are some who take the p*ss out of it but they take the p*ss out of absolutely anything, they're hardly worth our time or energy.

 

If red hair is so frowned upon in the UK, and makes you a target for abuse, I would suggest you die it to a dark color, like a medium or dark brown. That's an easy thing to fix. And shave off the stubble.

[Ross MwcFan]

Okay, had my hair shaved very short today and I have kept the beard. I'm quite liking how they look together.

 

I may still go back to longer hair, I may not, we'll just see that happens.

 

I just feel very indecisive about it all at the moment. That's why I kepp switching back and forth right now, and seeing how I feel about things.

[KathyM]

No offence, but why on earth should Ross dye his hair and give in to the narrow minded idiots??!!

Should black people start whiting up so they don't get racist abuse, should homosexuals pretend they're not gay?!

 

By all means dye your hair Ross, if you genuiniely don't like the colour or fancy a change, but please don't even think about it if it's because of teasing or bullying, no way should you let them get the better of you!!

 

Be proud of your hair, don't hide it

 

Many people love red hair, of course there are some who take the p*ss out of it but they take the p*ss out of absolutely anything, they're hardly worth our time or energy.

I was under the impression he did not like having red hair. I seem to recall him saying that, but if he really does like it and wants to keep it, then by all means, don't let the detractors determine what you want for yourself. But if that is something he would rather be different, then that is an easy thing to change. I don't consider it any different than men putting hair products in their hair to color the grey. They want a different hair color, so they change it. I don't have anything against red hair at all personally. It was just a suggestion, since he doesn't seem to be happy about his hair the way it is.

[Ross MwcFan]

When it's short I quite like the colour, as it looks more of a gold colour instead of orange or red.

[KathyM]

When it's short I quite like the colour, as it looks more of a gold colour instead of orange or red.

Allrighty then, I guess the answer is to keep it short.

[HeavenOrHell]

I was under the impression he dislikes having red hair because of the teasing he gets, and the general, narrow minded, view that red hair on men isn't desirable.

It's only seen as undesirable, or something to ridicule, by people who follow the crowd and can't think for themselves.

 

I didn't think you had anything against red hair personally

 

I was under the impression he did not like having red hair. I seem to recall him saying that, but if he really does like it and wants to keep it, then by all means, don't let the detractors determine what you want for yourself. But if that is something he would rather be different, then that is an easy thing to change. I don't consider it any different than men putting hair products in their hair to color the grey. They want a different hair color, so they change it. I don't have anything against red hair at all personally. It was just a suggestion, since he doesn't seem to be happy about his hair the way it is.