Girl only wants to date every two weeks?

[mike88]

I'm stuck in a cycle with this girl I've been dating for about 3 months where she only wants to meet up once every two weeks. It's beginning to frustrate me because I want to get to know her and see if anything can develop but I sense the gaps between when we see each other are stopping anything from developing and I'm worried chemistry will fizzle out. We make out passionately on every date (but she stops anything further from happening) and she asks me a lot of personal questions about myself (relationship history, ambitions etc) and jokes about future plans together. I've considered that she could be stringing me along but her actions seem to contradict this.

 

All the signs are there that she wants to pursue a relationship with me but I get the sense she's holding back for some reason and sometimes she's flaky when replying to my texts, sometimes either taking a day to reply or not replying at all. Other times she instigates contact and is very quick to reply. The level of contact has been about 60/40 from my side.

 

On the last date she actually suggested somewhere for us to go on our next date but when I asked her when she was able to go she said ''in about two weeks'' even though earlier she'd told me she had the entire next week off work and didn't have any plans. When I said ''why are you busy or something?'' in a jokey way, she just laughed and didn't answer.

 

Because of these gaps I don't feel like our relationship is escalating and I don't want to be stuck seeing this girl twice a month, going out, kissing her then not seeing each other again for another fortnight. It's like being in Groundhog Day or something. I know she's dated other people since we met, but I'm pretty sure she isn't at the moment (although she goes out partying a lot with girlfriends).

 

My questions are what could her motivations be for acting this way? And how can I escape this cycle?

 

(btw we're both in our mid 20s)

Edited May 6, 2012 by mike88

[Professor X]

A girl who wants to date you once every 2 weeks, dates every week. I hope you get what I'm saying here.

[westrock]

You will have to ask her.

 

 

 

It could be any of a number of reasons:

• she is multi-dating and she's giving preference to others
  
• she is not ready for a relationship and is just looking for a fun time
  
• she doesn't see you as serious relationship material but has fun with you
  
• she likes to take things slowly
  
• she was hurt in the past and is being careful
  
• she is commitment phobic and wants everyone to believe that she isn't commitment phobic by dating you, but she can't handle going out more often than every two weeks
  

Are you sure she is single and not dating someone else or in a relationship/married?

 

she asks me a lot of personal questions about myself (relationship history, ambitions etc)

 

What do you know about her relationship history? What do you know about her relationship with her parents?

 

After 3 months of dating, you should have a talk with her about where she wants the relationship to go or where you want it to go. Express what you want (ie. to date more often) and gauge her response. If she likes things as they are dating every 2 weeks, then the two of you are on different pages and you will have to decide whether you want to continue dating her or move on.

[phineas]

A girl who wants to date you once every 2 weeks, dates every week. I hope you get what I'm saying here.

 

Yep.

and women like that got really pissed when they found out I choose to do so also. :lmao:

[travelbug1996]

 

 

 

What do you know about her relationship history? What do you know about her relationship with her parents?

 

After 3 months of dating, you should have a talk with her about where she wants the relationship to go or where you want it to go. Express what you want (ie. to date more often) and gauge her response. If she likes things as they are dating every 2 weeks, then the two of you are on different pages and you will have to decide whether you want to continue dating her or move on.

 

 

Exactly. What have you been talking about with her? Find out what she wants, needs, likes, dreams, desires etc

[Art_Critic]

When I first started dating my wife she only had time for our dated every couple of weeks.. the reason was fairly simple, she was dating other guys while she was dating me.

 

The trick to making it every week and then seeing her every day was to show her that I was funnier and more fun to be with than those other guys...

 

It's called a competition.. that is why you should always bring your "A" game to dating.

[persevere]

She wants to date every two weeks? Fine. Tell her that's ok, but that you will be dating every few days. It'll make her think.

[Art_Critic]

She wants to date every two weeks? Fine. Tell her that's ok, but that you will be dating every few days. It'll make her think.

 

oh yeah.. it'll teach her..

[Pierre]

I'm stuck in a cycle with this girl I've been dating for about 3 months where she only wants to meet up once every two weeks. It's beginning to frustrate me because I want to get to know her and see if anything can develop but I sense the gaps between when we see each other are stopping anything from developing and I'm worried chemistry will fizzle out. We make out passionately on every date (but she stops anything further from happening) and she asks me a lot of personal questions about myself (relationship history, ambitions etc) and jokes about future plans together. I've considered that she could be stringing me along but her actions seem to contradict this.

 

All the signs are there that she wants to pursue a relationship with me but I get the sense she's holding back for some reason and sometimes she's flaky when replying to my texts, sometimes either taking a day to reply or not replying at all. Other times she instigates contact and is very quick to reply. The level of contact has been about 60/40 from my side.

 

On the last date she actually suggested somewhere for us to go on our next date but when I asked her when she was able to go she said ''in about two weeks'' even though earlier she'd told me she had the entire next week off work and didn't have any plans. When I said ''why are you busy or something?'' in a jokey way, she just laughed and didn't answer.

 

Because of these gaps I don't feel like our relationship is escalating and I don't want to be stuck seeing this girl twice a month, going out, kissing her then not seeing each other again for another fortnight. It's like being in Groundhog Day or something. I know she's dated other people since we met, but I'm pretty sure she isn't at the moment (although she goes out partying a lot with girlfriends).

 

My questions are what could her motivations be for acting this way? And how can I escape this cycle?

 

(btw we're both in our mid 20s)

 

She is dating several other men and she needs time to get everybody on the schedule. She is making out with you and probably making out with the other men she dates. I give her credit for not sleeping with you as she could be sleeping with the other men. You don't want sloppy seconds or a recently used vagina.

 

The fundamental problem with multi daters is that they have to lie to make room for all the extra dates. She is playing you and a bunch of other men.

 

I believe multi daters are at risk of being cheaters when they are in a relationship.

 

Furthermore multi daters may have problems in connecting with you for a relationship because they are also trying to connect to other men. This sort of multitasking dilute your efforts when you date her. She may be kissing you and thinking about the guy she dated of f****ed the day before.

 

Stop calling her and find a girl that is truthful.

[persevere]

She is dating several other men and she needs time to get everybody on the schedule. She is making out with you and probably making out with the other men she dates. I give her credit for not sleeping with you as she could be sleeping with the other men. You don't want sloppy seconds or a recently used vagina.

 

The fundamental problem with multi daters is that they have to lie to make room for all the extra dates. She is playing you and a bunch of other men.

 

I believe multi daters are at risk of being cheaters when they are in a relationship.

 

Furthermore multi daters may have problems in connecting with you for a relationship because they are also trying to connect to other men. This sort of multitasking dilute your efforts when you date her. She may be kissing you and thinking about the guy she dated of f****ed the day before.

 

Stop calling her and find a girl that is truthful.

 

I've run into this quite a few times. Last minute "reschedules". 'Wanting' to see me, and doing so sporadically, but always an instinctual feeling I am playing second, or third fiddle to some other guys. Telling me "we'll see", when I try to set up a date.

 

I don't have time for this, especially if it lasts more than a few weeks. Neither do many men. At what point do they stop dating these other men? Ever? Plus, I am not a one man meal ticket. They want me to take them to lunch, but not dinner? No, go get your own food for your date that night with "whoever".

[RedRobin]

The fundamental problem with multi daters is that they have to lie to make room for all the extra dates.

 

Exactly.

 

Then they wonder why people who don't multi-date aren't willing to 'compete' for them.

 

They are no prize....

[Art_Critic]

A woman and a man who date can also date others without being judged.. Who says that agreeing to go to dinner means that they can only go to dinner with you ?

That's nuts..

 

Exclusivity in dating does indeed happen but after more than a few dates...

 

As far as Pierre's version of a woman dating more than one guy.. that is reaching in my experience.. women generally don't sleep with one man at lunch then go to dinner with another.

[RedRobin]

I've run into this quite a few times. Last minute "reschedules". 'Wanting' to see me, and doing so sporadically, but always an instinctual feeling I am playing second, or third fiddle to some other guys. Telling me "we'll see", when I try to set up a date.

 

I don't have time for this, especially if it lasts more than a few weeks. Neither do many men. At what point do they stop dating these other men? Ever? Plus, I am not a one man meal ticket. They want me to take them to lunch, but not dinner? No, go get your own food for your date that night with "whoever".

 

I've heard the same thing from guys.

 

If it lasts more than a few weeks/dates, out they go...

[dasein]

It's all conjecture as to why, you will have to ask her to find out, which you should consider. What probably isn't conjecture is that she isn't interested in a relationship with you. There are exceptions, but few, people who are interested in someone generally make a way to see them more than once every two weeks, no matter their other activities. In your shoes I'd move on and find more interested prospects.

[Art_Critic]

If it lasts more than a few weeks/dates, out they go...

 

If it last more than a few weeks isn't obvious that you would need to up your game instead of bailing ?

 

What kind of pussy bails on a girl because she is dating others ?

Win her over.. show her that you are more fun and better to be around than any other guy rather than sulking and whining about it

[phineas]

She wants to date every two weeks? Fine. Tell her that's ok, but that you will be dating every few days. It'll make her think.

I had two women that pulled the "busy" crap on me.

 

I didn't do what you did exactly.

 

I just went out with other women & wasn't available when they called to check-in on me.

 

they both wanted to know where I was that I couldn't answer my phone & I told them I was out with someone else.

 

Both got pissed & I simply told them "look, you don't want to spend time with me on the regular, but there are plenty of other women who do so i'm going to spend time with them"

 

Those women who claimed there were no other men & were just "busy" immediately blew me off & were in relationships like the next week. LOL!

[RedRobin]

To the OP, where did you meet this girl? Through friends? School? Work?

 

If you met online, sorry. This is par for the course in OLD. Cold-approach? Same thing.

 

If you want to avoid multi-daters, consider sticking to meeting people where you can get a sense of their character...

[Art_Critic]

RedRobin.. I tried to edit my post.. I didn't mean for it to sound like I was calling you a pussy.. sorry about that..

What I meant is that by bailing you aren't doing yourself any good.. stick it out, up your game and try to win her over.

It doesn't mean that you will win her over but dating, like it or not is a competition..

[phineas]

If it last more than a few weeks isn't obvious that you would need to up your game instead of bailing ?

 

What kind of pussy bails on a girl because she is dating others ?

Win her over.. show her that you are more fun and better to be around than any other guy rather than sulking and whining about it

 

Eh, I much prefer them to compete over me.

I assume any woman I meet is seeing others & don't care.

 

It's when they start trying to keep tabs on me when we aren't anything official that I have a problem.

 

I give them the option to be official & if they don't want that but still want to keep tabs on me then buh-bye.

[Art_Critic]

Eh, I much prefer them to compete over me.

I assume any woman I meet is seeing others & don't care.

 

I give them the option to be official & if they don't want that but still want to keep tabs on me then buh-bye.

 

Nothing wrong with that.. it goes both ways.

 

and on being official.. nothing wrong with that take on it it either, although enough interest has to be there on both sides in order for that to even be considered.

[persevere]

A woman and a man who date can also date others without being judged.. Who says that agreeing to go to dinner means that they can only go to dinner with you ?

That's nuts..

 

Exclusivity in dating does indeed happen but after more than a few dates...

 

As far as Pierre's version of a woman dating more than one guy.. that is reaching in my experience.. women generally don't sleep with one man at lunch then go to dinner with another.

 

Agreed. I realize, in dating, there will be others out there. Yes, one must prove his worth and be the better man/woman, to make them want to see you over others.

 

The problem I have with this is when you set something up and they back out. They can't follow through on a set date and time, habitually.

Changing it. Combine that with poor communication, etc. They are just not interested and are more interested in another. That kind of activity wouldn't make a good relationship anyway. Unstable. It's best to try early on to get a feel for the other person and their level of maturity and responsibility before thinking too much about them.

[RedRobin]

If it last more than a few weeks isn't obvious that you would need to up your game instead of bailing ?

 

What kind of pussy bails on a girl because she is dating others ?

Win her over.. show her that you are more fun and better to be around than any other guy rather than sulking and whining about it

 

I'm a woman.

 

I've got better things to do than become part of a man's 'harem'.

 

I don't sulk or whine. I just leave... and wish them well. Most of the time, they come back later after they've run through their stable.

 

By then it is too late for them. Poor little multidaters. I really feel sorry for them. Not sorry enough to date one though.

[dasein]

What kind of pussy bails on a girl because she is dating others ?

 

I wouldn't bail on a girl merely for dating others, but in combination with only being able to see me twice a month? for three months? I'm out, or rather would leave the ball in her court and start dating women more receptive to me. The kind of person who would do that is the kind of person who doesn't make bad, time wasting bets. Long shots can pay off, they almost never do though. The odds of OP's woman sleeping with another man (men) while using him to fill in the spaces is not a long shot though.

[RedRobin]

RedRobin.. I tried to edit my post.. I didn't mean for it to sound like I was calling you a pussy.. sorry about that..

What I meant is that by bailing you aren't doing yourself any good.. stick it out, up your game and try to win her over.

It doesn't mean that you will win her over but dating, like it or not is a competition..

 

It's ok. I didn't take it personally.

 

Bailing... interesting. I don't see it as bailing. I see them as being of low character and not worth working for. I've never met an honest multi-dater. Maybe they exist somewhere.

 

Anyway, I'm not a circus animal. The kind of man I want knows what he is looking for and will show enough respect for me and my time to spend at least a few weeks getting to know me without having to juggle with other women.... then make a decision from there.

 

If he can't do that, he's not worth my time either.

[phineas]

Nothing wrong with that.. it goes both ways.

 

and on being official.. nothing wrong with that take on it it either, although enough interest has to be there on both sides in order for that to even be considered.

 

Let me rephrase that.

I don't answer to a woman who isn't having sex with me.

I don't consider myself exclusive until sex is on the table.

Most women who are looking to date as opposed to a FWB situation consider it official when their sleeping with a man & most tell me they won't sleep with me unless we are official or exclusive.

 

Hence, if they want to start keeping tabs on me, don't want me seeing other's, they better be interested in something "official"