What does it mean when a parent takes down family photos?

[UBFeelinMe]

My parents divorced when I was 4. About half of the time from when they divorced to when my father remarried when I was 13, I had lived with him. That period of time was the only time I can remember having fond memories of my father actually spending some time with my brother and I. When I was 12, he left the country for some months to work in his home country and when he returned he brought a new wife and news that we now had a little half brother.

 

It was at this time that I started to be ignored by my dad. He suddenly became too busy with his wife and trying to make money (before we were pretty poor) than spending any time with me. It was also at this time that all the photos of my brother and I around the house were taken down and replaced with photos of his new family. When I reached high school, my grades started to slip and had very low self esteem. My father did nothing to help me out in this regard and in fact held it against me and made me feel as if I was even more of a disappointment to him. I played football and other sports, but he never showed up to my games, only once for father-son night when I begged him to come, but ended up leaving at halftime without telling me. Thankfully, my mother was very supportive of me during this time despite having issues of her own (depression, alcoholism, gambling, ******* boyfriends, etc.)

 

After high school, while living with my mother I tried going to school at the local community college but ended up dropping out. I then decided to move away from my hometown to live with my uncle (my father's brother) in another city where I live today. My family here has been very supportive of me and helped me grow in so many ways. I went back to school and am about to graduate from one of the country's most prestigious universities.

 

But my father still seems unimpressed. I have gotten over the fact that he probably will never be proud of me, but I am just puzzled by why he never has accepted me, or my older brother for that matter (who I also have a crappy relationship with). I actually just got off the phone with my dad to communicate plans with him on my graduation day and he asked me, "what are you doing after school?" I told him that I might take a job working for a bank in Europe and he replied "why do you wanna do that?" I said that I wanted to travel and he was just like "whatever, I will see you later".

 

I kept thinking to myself "**** this fake ass mother****er. why is he even bothering coming to my graduation". It brings me back to that day I noticed the photos taken down and how I suddenly felt like a stranger in my own home. Can anyone here enlighten me on what could possibly be going through his head? Does anyone have a similar experience? My only explanation of why he is ashamed of me and my brother is that we are half white, and my dad wished he had a more pure family. I also feel that he hates my mother and sees a lot of her in me.

Edited May 6, 2012 by UBFeelinMe

[darkmoon]

i feel for you, i think that you need to get away or this will drag on, your dad has no right to do this, you cannot stop him being like this over an ex with you as a reminder egged on by your step-mother, only the starry-eyed would not blame her, second wives can be very wily, keep away from him/her, taking a photo down is a snub, he might regret he started this but there are some women who have a low cunning but who see it as a right to ensure survival, gross

[UBFeelinMe]

Thanks for understanding darkmoon. I agree that my stepmother is playing a huge part in affecting our relationship but I feel that it is also reflective of how he views me himself. I guess I should have mentioned that there was a period of 8 months or so when I was 8 years old where my father had a girlfriend who lived with us, along with her daughter. That girlfriend manipulated my father into thinking that me and my brother were messed up in the head and had us go see a psychologist to sort out or supposed dysfunction. This all occurred while the girlfriend and daughter physically and psychologically abused my brother and I, and it took some outside intervention from a family friend for my father to believe what my brother and I were saying was true about what was going on.

[darkmoon]

you can't have a lifetime of this, maybe when he's an old man he might regret his actions, but atmo start your own family (?)

[UBFeelinMe]

You're right, there really isn't anything I can do about it but do things differently when I start my own family. Honestly, despite all of this I am a happy person, and it's due to knowing that I am free to live my life better now that I am grown. It's just difficult sometimes to let certain things go.

[darkmoon]

put it behind you and let go, i don't think i have anything else useful to say but that

[PlumPrincess]

I'm so sorry to hear how your father treated you and your brother. I can't give you much consolation, because I have no explanation for his behavior except that he is human and humans make mistakes. Although it's really sad when one of the people in your live who should love you the most acts so cold. At least you seem to have found support from other people and are doing well with your life. Human resilience can be amazing. I wish you a good life.

[UBFeelinMe]

I'm so sorry to hear how your father treated you and your brother. I can't give you much consolation, because I have no explanation for his behavior except that he is human and humans make mistakes. Although it's really sad when one of the people in your live who should love you the most acts so cold. At least you seem to have found support from other people and are doing well with your life. Human resilience can be amazing. I wish you a good life.

 

Thank you.