Els Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 ...You don't have to KNOW anyone who can 'help' you. Take the money that you are using to contribute to the household, go to craiglist or your university ad space, find a 'Housemates Wanted' ad that correlates with the budget you have, and voila! You don't have to live with relatives at 25! Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 Sugarkane, I promise I'm not trying to insult you here, but have you been diagnosed with any sort of mental health issues or developmental disabilities or anything like that? That might explain your reluctance to be independent and your parents' desire to keep you under their roof. If so, there are possibly some government assistance programs and the like that can help you get out of your abusive situation and help you find housing and counseling. If I'm way off base with the above, then just ignore it. But there are ways to get out of your situation that don't necessarily involve help from your family or friends. You just have to really want to do it. It's probably not going to be that easy, but the payoff will be much greater than any discomfort during the transition period. Since you've seemingly never been taught to do anything for yourself, or even that you're capable of doing anything for yourself, I can understand how it might seem impossible to you. But you have help if you want it. You have your school's counseling/housing departments, you have a therapist, and you have a forum here full of people who would gladly advise you on practical steps to take to be on your own. Again, you just have to really want to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 19, 2012 Author Share Posted May 19, 2012 Well I'm really insulted that you think I have a developmental problem- I don't at all. I just feel like I have no one to actually turn too. I'm nor currently at school. And the therapist didn't seem to help me at all. She was like whats the problem? Complete joke. In fact how many times do I have to point this out? And I don't have anyone else to stay with. The problem is my car is in my dads name even though I've paid every single cent for it. He always makes excuses not to change it over. He always puts on an act in public like he's a great guy. I'm really insulted that you think I have a mental problem. I get insulted enough at home., Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 19, 2012 Author Share Posted May 19, 2012 The probl Is this forum is just full of people who do nothing but insult me. And who judge, yet have never been in the same situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 19, 2012 Author Share Posted May 19, 2012 You've had crap to deal with. You've been feeling bad. You've been insulted. No one has INVITED you to move in with them (wonder why) You don't get along with the ONE PERSON with whom you even talk. Your dad's family doesn't 'deal with each other' so you have no options there. Good grief. You sound just like my husband. Who has not changed (or gained friends) in 35 years. And has NO ONE who wants to associate with him any more - he has burned all his bridges with all his 'It's all everyone else's fault, I am perfect, it's all THEM.' Good luck in life. You're gonna need it. Actually I do have friends and haven't burned bridges. If you hate your husband so much, why are you married to him? Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted May 19, 2012 Share Posted May 19, 2012 You said you have friends and you say you have no one to turn to. You can't turn to your friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 19, 2012 Share Posted May 19, 2012 It's interesting to see the things you have to say about a forum that 'only offers insults and not advice', when I've not seen you give a single genuine response to the 'get housemates, pay for your own room and move out; you don't NEED anyone to help you' advice that has been stated here so many times that nobody is even bothering to repeat it anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
bean1 Posted May 19, 2012 Share Posted May 19, 2012 The probl Is this forum is just full of people who do nothing but insult me. And who judge, yet have never been in the same situation. My dad was an abusive drunk. I moved out with a box of mac and cheese and a terrible part time wage. Put myself through university with 2 jobs, sure it took twice as long. The "solution" you want is to convince your father to become a completely different person and cater to your mid-20's demands. You want to have it all, p erfect family, go to school, work a little, get through it easy. No. Not gonna happen. You won't hear what you want because it isn't going to happen. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 (edited) Why did you pay for your car out of your own pocket and not have it in your name? Were you a minor when you got this car? If he won't change the title, save up, get another car in your own. Feel lucky, my dad never even got me a car despite bugging me to get a license. He got my brother a car that took a dump after 2 years. I'm 23 and still cannot afford a car because I've been self supporting since 18 just trying to make a living. My husband and I share his car and often I have to use public transit. I agree with bean. Now we have more posters way over 18 making threads about how they cannot stand their parents. Unless you have a disability preventing you from working or moving out, you can take steps to move out. I also moved out at 18 with my boyfriend. It'll have taken me 6 years to get my bachelors degree because my parents didn't help me a single cent since 18. It sucks, but it was well worth living without the emotional abuse. Edited May 20, 2012 by pink_sugar Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 21, 2012 Author Share Posted May 21, 2012 Why did you pay for your car out of your own pocket and not have it in your name? Were you a minor when you got this car? If he won't change the title, save up, get another car in your own. Feel lucky, my dad never even got me a car despite bugging me to get a license. He got my brother a car that took a dump after 2 years. I'm 23 and still cannot afford a car because I've been self supporting since 18 just trying to make a living. My husband and I share his car and often I have to use public transit. I agree with bean. Now we have more posters way over 18 making threads about how they cannot stand their parents. Unless you have a disability preventing you from working or moving out, you can take steps to move out. I also moved out at 18 with my boyfriend. It'll have taken me 6 years to get my bachelors degree because my parents didn't help me a single cent since 18. It sucks, but it was well worth living without the emotional abuse. Long story short I was having problems with my account at the time. And wasn't able to put it in my name. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 Well I'm really insulted that you think I have a developmental problem- I don't at all. I'm really insulted that you think I have a mental problem. I get insulted enough at home., Okay, thanks for answering. Like I said, I wasn't trying to insult you, and I don't think you have a mental health issue. It was just a question I threw out there in case it might help. The probl Is this forum is just full of people who do nothing but insult me. And who judge, yet have never been in the same situation. I think if you read this thread over again, you'll see that there were quite a few people who didn't insult or judge you, and that you did get the input of others who had indeed been in a similar situation as yourself. I hope you can get some value out of those posts instead of dismissing the whole forum as being full of "people who do nothing but insult" because that seems unfair (insulting, even) to people who showed you kindness and offered support. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 Sugarkane, you can rail against LS and against your parents and against the world all you want, but the simple fact remains that you are long past the age of majority. And if you want your life to change, then you will have to pull up the panties and the bootstraps and make that happen yourself. No one owes you anything. You have no disabilities, you have friends, you have transportation, you have a job, you have more aid at your disposal than you are willing to look at. Stop making excuses, and DO something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted June 2, 2012 Author Share Posted June 2, 2012 Still the problem is my car is under his name and hmajes every excuse under the sun not to change it. Plus they're going away for 2 months. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted June 2, 2012 Author Share Posted June 2, 2012 I have gotten increasingly depressed as my work dries up always at this time of year. I also got rid of alot of toxic friends which has made me depressed and lonely. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 So stop making excuses for why everyone ELSE makes your life miserable, and do something. Link to post Share on other sites
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