blackdiamond28 Posted June 22, 2004 Share Posted June 22, 2004 This is a sticky situation: 3 years ago my husband and I seperated and it will be 4 years in January. The reason why we seperated was because I caught him cheating when I was 5 months pregnant with our 2nd child. We both were living with my mom at the time to save money to find a place to live and it was a very stressful time. I was suspicious of his behavior because he would stay out all night, he would be smoking weed and just not acting right so I went through his pockets and found a women's phone number and when I called the number a woman answered the phone and come to find out he was sitting right there and the woman put him on t he phone and I was hysterical and when he got home he got his things and he went to live with his mother. He told me that the reason why he cheated was because I put him down and that he did not love me anymore(THAT HURT ME SO BAD). So as time went by I really wanted my husband to come back so I asked him and he refused telling me he want to know it was like living on his own and maybe by the summer time or something and that was 3 years ago. I since then have moved on and met a man who I have been seeing for a year and a half now and we live together. Now don't get me wrong we have our ups and downs but we are hanging in there. Trying to make our relationship work BUT I have not gotten divorced and neither me nor my husband have filed for divorce. My boyfriend have asked me several times that if we are going to go anywhere I have to eventually get a divorce and my tattoo removed with his name on my leg. I AGREE. It was just that we have been this way for so long(my husband and I) and no one has made a move yet. I love and respect my husband and he is an excellent father and I have nothing bad to say about him because I have forgiven him for the past and we get along for the children but now I suddenly got CONFUSED. My kids went over their dad's house for the weekend and when I went to pick them up I figured I would call before I came so I did and when I called a female picked up the phone and when she called for him to get the phone I guess she called him my his pet name she has for him (boo-boo). I suddenly felt jealous. My heart dropped and I felt some type of way. NOW don't get me wrong he is supposed to move on just like I did but we both at times feel some type away when he see each other's mates. Actually he sees my mate more. But now I find myself thinking about the sitatuation everyday. I love my boyfriend BUT I have not closed things with my husband at all. I know we need to talk but noone has made the first move and now a I am confused all the way around. I need some advice BAD????? I don't know if I still ove my husband or just made the best out of the situation at the time because I had to. please help? Link to post Share on other sites
TempSain Posted June 22, 2004 Share Posted June 22, 2004 Move on! Your looking over the fence and seeing that the grass is greener. Your feeling this way because you see that he has another women in his life and that he is in demand. If he didn't have someone, would you feel the same way? Just because your not "Officially" divorced or filed papers to do so, doesn't mean that it isn't. Sorry to be so brutal but that's how I see it from what your saying here. Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 I agree, you've given him almost 4 years to see what it's like living on his own, and it seems that he likes it. It sounds like its time to move on. Why settle for a husband who cheated on you when you could have a new, wonderful boyfriend. Don't wait around anymore, he hurt you so bad. If someone I loved told me they didn't love me anymore, I would die. You're storng and you made it almost 4 years without him, and that proves you don't need him. Once a cheater, always a cheater, I'd say file for divorce and live happily ever after. Link to post Share on other sites
kirkyswife Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Black, My husband and I married in 1993, we separated in 1994 and have lived in different states (he on the East Coast, me on the West) and have seen eachother twice in the last 10 years. We married very young, did not have any children and both came from complicated upbringings - we were the ultimate Samsonite newlyweds. Over the past 10 years I would get mad at him or think I was in love with someone else and mail him divorce papers - he'd just throw them away. He never made an attempt to divorce me and we just lived like that. In January I decided that enough was enough that I needed to move on with my life and close unfinished business - this time when I attempted to fill our divorce papers I started crying and rhrowing up - I mean literally sick lying on the floor of the bathroom - I called him that night and I asked him if he wanted to divorce me and he was like why you wanna marry someone else - I said no that I just thought we should move on with our lives. I asked him a few other questions and we both ultimately agreed that we never stopped loving one another but that we never truly gave our marriage a try. He said I knew the day that I met you that I was going to marry you and I know that I will love you until the day I die. I asked him if he wanted to try to make our marriage work (with counseling assistance of course) and he was like YES. So after 2 visits we agreed to reconcile and he's enroute as I type from the East Coast to our new home here in California. Is it crazy sure - but our 11 year wedding anniversary is next month and we plan to take One Day at a time. My point - don't know but maybe true love wins out in the end??? Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Oh,kirky, that's a beautiful story! I sure hope that love (and marriage, for that matter) do win in the end! But he did not cheat on you while living at your mom, while you were preagnate carrying his baby! I don't know... It's been 4 years, they bothe moved on with their lives... I'll give you my input: when the relationship with my ex was over, I felt like celebrating. Out with the girls, party party party, dating, etc. I met my current bf and slowly I got on with my life. As our relationship evolved, and as time passed by, I started to realize that I'll never be able to come back to my ex if I wanted to. I had to let go for good if I wanted the relationship with my bf to continue. I got really scared one week end, I cried my eyes out and was seriously thinking of going back to my ex. Thank Lord, I couldn't reach him on the phone and I was smart enough not to email him. I was afraid to move on. We once had a very good thing going on, but it just wasn't what I wanted. Maybe that's it. It does take much longer to undersand you have to get over a man who's the father of your baby... but letting go - at least to me - meant confronting myself and the possibility of loosing him forever. In the end, I realized that it was not him that I wanted, but our relationship the way it used to be 2 years ago! He's changed, I've changed, I want different things right now. So you're about to enter a dangerous phase, but very necessary if you want to go on with your life: looking in your heart and accepting the truth! Big hug, Curly Link to post Share on other sites
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