I need to walk away from mm

[tinamarie]

Ending 4 yr affair

 

Help I work with my mm weve been together about 4 years he has never made any promises, but the wife recently sent divorce papers. Foolish me got my hopes up and thought we could finally begin our life together, well foolish me she is five months pregnant and he has managed to appease her again. He still wants to work together as we are both self employed and have built our buisness's around one another. So basically he wants me to still be a part of his company, do all the work that I did (which I did for free to make his life easier since his health isn't that great) and be his best friend just no sex. I have cried my heart out and feel like screaming, just going to work is hard everything I do has revolved around him. I cant just quit there is too many responsibilities on my part and he plays on this. Someone help please....

[StartingAgain]

walk away. And don't ever get tangled up with a married man ever again. Do you have a financial interest in the business (you have money invested). Or are is it that not only his side-line-peice-of-tail, but also a free employee? I'd say it's time for both the cheater's nad the business relationship to end.

 

when are you women going to learn not to have affairs with married men!?

[Mr Spock]

Please be thankful you are not currently preggers with this mans child. It hurts, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you are suffering pain.

 

For your own sanity I suggest severing all ties with him, business, emotional etc. It may not be possible but it will be easier for you.

 

I know-my MM has started to email me again...it puts me right back in the madness before!! I can't even be friends with him, it hurts me too much.

[Ultragsm]

I sometimes couldn't understand how some men can be so selfish and cold blood, but if they cheated on the one they made vows to/had children with, it's not hard to understand the ways they treated you, they only care for their own feelings.

 

One day you will be over it and knowing that he doesn't deserve you and you will not be able to understand why you let such a low good quality used you.

 

Feeling hurt is a process just remember one day you'll be fine nobody can't live with anyone else.

[StartingAgain]

It isn't just men Ultragsm. Women now commit adultry as ofthen as men. You are right, though, it's all about selfishness. *ME* is more important than that sacred vow.... Cheaters use everyone and hurt everyone.

[Nubianangel]

I say, END IT. If being with him hurts you and makes you cry, it's time to pack up and walk away. I'm involved with a man who has someone, not a married man but involved just the same. Our 'situation' is wonderful and fulfilling. I am the happiest I've been in a long time and should that feeling change, I will definitely haul ass!

 

I also know how it feels to work with the 'other party'. No man is worth the heartache you are experiencing.

[tinamarie]

Hi, thanks for the imput my gut tells me to to up and quit he builds homes I help with the construction find the land and sell the homes, theres a years income still to come. I know he would still pay me. But finding another job making this money and time factor wise it would take about two years to rebuild my career. I am the sole provider in my family. He called me several times yesterday, pleading to call him back. Stupid me, I finally did. I told him he was selfish and preyed on my goodness. He knows I could never leave him with all the responsibilities. And he doesn't think its fair that he should loose his best friend, partner and that we could still work together. I told him if he truly wanted his marriage to work his wife needed to be his best friend and partner not I and as long as we still work together he will always depend on me. And if she really wanted their marriage to work, well she would learn my part of the buisness and juggle family life the way I do. I feel like by walking away completely. I am empty my whole being is gone. I kept telling him if he truly loved me we could work thru anything, the new baby, his kids hating me (she tells them daily about us and spits out words to children they should never know). He said he doesn't want another man raising his children and doesn't want them to hate him... He's right about all that probably, but I keep thinking people get divorced all the time and with all the verbal abuse around the kids the children are better off. I need help walking away. I am at work now and there are things we need to address buisness wise today. He said I am abandoning him and if I loved him we would stay working together because he needs me. What about me??? I left my husband in May and my kids are getting through it he actually spends more time with them now. Please respond it builds my strength to say no and stay away until I can find a new job.

[Midnight Magic]

I too walked away from a married man, and I had a boyfriend at the time.

Sure it felt good to be needed, the man was a co-worker in my office,and it went on for 6 months, altho it was nothing sexual, I stopped it before it got that far.

 

I decided to end it and it was the best thing that has happened.

I could not imagine wrecking two households, I am not that kind of selfish person.

 

I am not criticizing anyone that has affairs, it is just not for me.

I have been there and I am happy that I ended it.

 

| really and truly believe that affairs are the worst thing that can happen,

people get hurt, it is especially awful if there are children involved.

 

We are friends, and co-workers and sure we talk about personal stuff, but it is nothing more than that.

 

And I am a better person for doing this.

It all started when I was having some overwhelming problems at home, and now that things are working out better at home, I am more thankful for having the boyfriend that I have.

 

Sometimes we have a good thing right in front of our eyes, but are too blind to see what it is.

I have finally figured it out.

[StartingAgain]

tinamarie, this man is soooo lying. He doesn't need you. He can find any number of people to do your part of the business. They are called real estate brokers.

 

He says he doesn't want another man raising his kids and he doesn't want them to hate him. Well, he sure has one hell of a plan to keep this from happening: betraying his wife by having an affair. You mention things his wife says to their children. Have you witnessed this or are these things he's told you? If it's the latter, discount it. He's going to tell you anything you need to hear to paint a bad picture of his wife. She may have some problems, but obviously not enough for him to leave her. He's feeding you a line of crap.

 

Midnight Magic makes an excellent point about marital discord. If you are having problems in your marriage, the answer isn't to take a lover, but to dig in your heals and work it out. All marriages, every single one of them, will have problems, and all married people, at some point in their married lives, will seriously consider ending the marriage. But research has shown that if the couple sticks it out, they WILL get past the bad times and their marriage will become happy again. The vast majority of divorces are the result of laziness, selfishness, and unrealistic expectations. Anyone who is having marital problems and think an affair is going to make things better are dead wrong. It can *only* make things worse.

 

Cheaters are proven liars. Their whole life is a lie. So don't believe a word they say. You know that having an affair with another woman's man is wrong. He swore a sacred vow to her, not you. He has brough children into the world and is about to have another. His first responsibility to them is to provide them with a stable, loving home. How can he do this if he's putting his marriage at grave risk by having an affair with his business partner?! If he isn't man enough to honor his vow and a responible father, you be woman enough to walk away from such a man. Do you really want to be a party to this? Think of how hurt you would be if you were the wife and learned that the man you'd pledged your life to was giving himself to another.

 

Sure, walking away from this is going to cause you hardship. But you've made your mistake and now you must take a deep breath and pay the price. Once you've done this, you'll learn to respect yourself enough not to be a married man's plaything.

[tinamarie]

After all that I've given in again. I wish I had the will power to just walk away. I don't even know why I am on this website. I thought it wou;d be for support to help me leave him. But I know I am just doing it to empty out my soul, because I dont have the strength to end this relationship. It only took him a day of telling me how he loves me and the oh so famous "who knows what tomorrow brings" I swear if I hear that from his lips again I'll scream. The please my health is so bad I need you and all the bull that goes with it. All I do know for sure is my husband wants so badly to work out our marriage, and trys to prove it everyday, and I keep blowing him off thinking my mm will change his mind and want to spend his life with me. I just cant seem to find any feelings for my husband other than pure friendship. Our marriage was always rocky from day 1. I told him to quit drinking or I would leave, honestly I never thought he would quit. I thought that was my out without feeling guilty. Well he hasn't had a drink in 21/2 years. I told him if he didn't find steady work (he hadn't really had a job for several years) I would leave. Again, I thought that was my out. Well he got a regular job. He said he's done everything I asked and he has, and honestly if you met him you would think I was crazy he is any womans dream (he is a good looking man to boot) and a great father. But I lost feelings for him so long ago way before the mm I just don't see getting them back.

Well I will keep writing because it makes me feel a little better, its like a small outlet for all those bottled up feelings. Any responses? I will gladly take input from anyone.

[kiababy]

I wish I had the will power to just walk away. I don't even know why I am on this website. I thought it wou;d be for support to help me leave him. But I know I am just doing it to empty out my soul, because I dont have the strength to end this relationship

 

I read your last post and it sounded exactly like what I posted earlier today. I feel even worse because I discovered this great link (supplied by Enigma) that explained something called Love Addiction. If you haven't already, please read it. (Look up my post called "Love Addiction", every OW should read....") I gained all this great insight into what is behind my poor choices....and I urged every OW on thiis site who were hurting and looking for answers to read it too. A few of them have since left their MM.....I was so happy for them, but sad too because I know it had to be incredibly painful. And as I kept reading their posts and hearing how they were coping and encouraging each other....I started to feel like I was being left behind...like I was watching a train pulling out of the station and speeding up, leaving me standing on the tracks .

 

I realized sadly that I am not ready to leave him at all. We've actually gotten closer, talk almost every day, sometimes several times a day , and like your MM his words keep me tied to him. Every conversation becomes more and more emotional as he tells me repeatedly how much I mean to him. how lucky he is to have me and how certain things I say 'blow (him) away'. In our conversation today he said that somehow, someway he needed to go away with me....for a week if he can manage it. Because I 'deserve it, and so much more'. He also marvelled that in August we will have been together for a year; and he wants us to do something special to celebrate. The one thing I never feel is USED because he expresses his appreciation for me virtually every day.

 

He may be the great love of my life

 

Can you tell me how you have spent the 4 years you've been together? How does an affair progress and change over the course of several years?

 

Thank you.

[Mr Spock]

I think you're in the same delusional comfort zone I was in. I think torturing yourself gives you something to do. I think that you'll continue with the cycle of worry, agony and emotional high when you finally get to be with your MM until you're discovered and he dumps you or you finally realize he's using you and walk away. IF THIS MAN LOVED YOU, HE WOULD HAVE LEFT HIS WIFE FOR YOU ALREADY. It's been FOUR YEARS. I do not doubt the sincerity of your affection, just his. I am not saying that it is impossible for a married person to fall out of love with their spouse and into love with someone else. I am saying that because he doesn't do the honerable thing by both of you and leave, he's pigscum.

 

I think you're avoiding the issues in your marriage of lack of emotional intamacy-the correct thing to do here is fess up to your own husband, and go from there. I do agree about losing the feelings. I lost any love I had for my ex over a year before I left him, and the last over a year part was somewhat unpleasant because you don't LOVE him but you don't want to let him go.

 

Let both of them go. Start fresh.