Relative upset about same wedding dress

[pink_sugar]

1. Universal truth: more and more couples pay for their own weddings and it is hardly *customary* for either parent group to pay for the entire thing.
   
2. Given that, the number of invitees that are allowed for the wedding can become very limited depending on the budget
   
3. Quite often in these cases, a couple with an extremely low or modest budget may opt to limit the number of actual invitees to very close friends and family and send photo's to the rest
   

I'm really not sure what this has to do with the dress, to be honest?

 

 

I actually took the photos as anniversary photos, not wedding photos. The photos I took with that dress took place 2 years after my wedding, 3 years after her wedding, which means I sent out original photos from the actual wedding. I had a full size wedding and actually only share 1/4 or 1/5 of the same relatives with this girl. So maybe like 10 people out of 60? So I don't see what the big deal is. People go to tons of weddings, like Donna said, you shouldn't have to put all those wedding dresses you saw on the "do not wear" list. Another thing I've heard from most people is that wedding dresses look the same. Most people aren't paying attention to "Oh I remember this dress on so and so from three years ago" unless they actually try and compare pictures and analyze the details.

Edited May 7, 2012 by pink_sugar

[PlumPrincess]

Another thing I've heard from most people is that wedding dresses look the same. Most people aren't paying attention to "Oh I remember this dress on so and so from three years ago" unless they actually try and compare pictures and analyze the details.

Uh, if wedding dresses all look the same, why did you just not take any instead of picking the one she had? I got the impression you liked hers specifically and therefore chose it.

[pink_sugar]

I didn't even know the designer of her gown or even where she got it. I found it while browsing wedding gowns and recognized it. Obviously if your dress is that common, anyone can be wearing it.

Edited May 7, 2012 by pink_sugar

[threebyfate]

What's your relationship history with this relative? Were the two of you historically competitive?

[PlumPrincess]

I didn't even know the designer of her gown or even where she got it. I found it while browsing wedding gowns and recognized it. Obviously if your dress is that common, anyone can be wearing it.

You are doing some serious rationalization here...

[pink_sugar]

What's your relationship history with this relative? Were the two of you historically competitive?

 

No, she is a relative I have only known the last few years and lives a ways away. I can count how many times I've seen her on my hand.

[threebyfate]

No, she is a relative I have only known the last few years and lives a ways away. I can count how many times I've seen her on my hand.

If you don't mind me asking, in what way is she related to you?

[SarahRose]

I think if you were completely ok with what you did, then you wouldn't have started the topic.

 

There are millions of different dresses to choose from but you chose the exact one she wore.

[pink_sugar]

If you don't mind me asking, in what way is she related to you?

 

She is an in-law.

[pink_sugar]

I think if you were completely ok with what you did, then you wouldn't have started the topic.

 

There are millions of different dresses to choose from but you chose the exact one she wore.

 

I posted because I wanted some perspective and to rank. People get ideas for dresses in all kinds of ways. If someone falls in love with a dress someone else wore, than so be it. Who are they to stop anyone from wearing the same dress unless it was unique in some way?

[threebyfate]

She is an in-law.

So you risked offending someone in your husband's family by buying the same dress? Why would you do this? Family can make or break marriages.

 

Objectively, if there's no copyright on an outfit, everyone and anyone has the right to buy and wear the dress.

 

Subjectively, based on the unsaid rules of etiquette...it's a bit tasteless to copy someone else's wedding dress.

 

What were you thinking?

[shorty7]

I'm really not sure what this has to do with the dress, to be honest?

I did the list as a progression of thought process, not as 3 individual points. It was really to derive more emphasis on the importance of what photo's can mean to certain people, so I'm glad you clarified the following point:

 

I actually took the photos as anniversary photos, not wedding photos. The photos I took with that dress took place 2 years after my wedding, 3 years after her wedding, which means I sent out original photos from the actual wedding. I had a full size wedding and actually only share 1/4 or 1/5 of the same relatives with this girl. So maybe like 10 people out of 60?

Okay. So this is a pretty big piece of the big picture that got left behind.

 

In that case, here's my personal opinion on this:

1) Why would you get another wedding dress for an anniversary photo?(sorry, that concept is beyond my understanding and likely a cultural thing I just don't get/understand on my part)

2) It's the fact that you went for the exact same dress she was wearing for her wedding intentionally to wear the same dress that pissed her off. Had it been a *coincidence* that you happened to picked it out of a bunch of dresses you were considering for your anniversary photo, the reaction may have been different. Still, if I had to be in your shoes and insist on that style of a gown, I would have gone for a different color at the very least.

3) Yes, she is over-reacting, but you are also being unreasonably crass about her making a big deal about it; every girl makes a huge deal out of their perfect wedding dress, and every bride is entitled to feel so, even if their dress came off of an assembly line from China out of the million copies sold in the world. Just apologize to the girl you hurt her feelings and suggest you two move on. If she has any further beef beyond that, you're just going to have to live with the fact that she's going to have a grudge on you for picking her wedding dress and let that be. You don't have to apologize about picking the same dress but you can certainly show you have *some* consideration for her feelings if you want to make amends with this relative. If you don't want to, that's fine, you're entitled to your opinions, as she is to hers.

Edited May 7, 2012 by shorty7

[pink_sugar]

So you risked offending someone in your husband's family by buying the same dress? Why would you do this? Family can make or break marriages.

 

Objectively, if there's no copyright on an outfit, everyone and anyone has the right to buy and wear the dress.

 

Subjectively, based on the unsaid rules of etiquette...it's a bit tasteless to copy someone else's wedding dress.

 

What were you thinking?

 

She is a distant in-law we both hardly know or see. And it's not necessarily copying if you happen to see and like the same dress.

[pink_sugar]

 

3) Yes, she is over-reacting, but you are also being unreasonably crass about her making a big deal about it; every girl makes a huge deal out of their perfect wedding dress, and every bride is entitled to feel so, even if their dress came off of an assembly line from China out of the million copies sold in the world. Just apologize to the girl you hurt her feelings and suggest you two move on. If she has any further beef beyond that, you're just going to have to live with the fact that she's going to have a grudge on you for picking her wedding dress and let that be. You don't have to apologize about picking the same dress but you can certainly show you have *some* consideration for her feelings if you want to make amends with this relative. If you don't want to, that's fine, you're entitled to your opinions, as she is to hers.

 

That is a good point, we actually did make amends about 2 years ago when she found out. I did tell her I liked her sense of style but definitely had no intentions of hurting her feelings or making her upset be having the same dress. She seemed fine by that, so it's water under the bridge now. I guess I just posted this as a blated perspective. I took new pictures for our anniversary because our wedding pictures were horrible.

[SaBela]

If the dress was personally designed for her and was copied and (not actually copied by you since you only got the same dress because it was cute for you) she has the right to get miffed. but it was a dress offered to anyone and sold and still there on the designers wedding dress store and still available, anyone should have the right to get one.. the only coincidence is you are both related who had the same dress.

I know.. girls want their wedding dress as special as it could be.. i understand both of your side.

[g450]

This is kind of funny because my Fiancee's sister bought the same dress we did. And she did it on purpose. My Fiancee was not amused needless to say.

 

I love how my Fiancee handled it though. She told me "its ok baby, Im going to rock my dress" LOL. And she's right.

[Got it]

My dress is fairly unique so I don't think I have seen anyone else in it. But if someone did? Eh, I think I would have thought "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" and don't see me getting upset.

 

I would not copy someone though. I want unique so I don't want one that I have actually seen someone in