gf of 1 yr been playing me and her ex

[whatsreal]

heres the deal...

i met this girl over a year ago and we started hanging out and talking...meanwhile she had recently broken things off with her bf and then we started talking...so over the past year we have gotten quite serious but she never fully committed to me because she said if she couldnt give me 100% then she didnt wanna be official with me...i had always suspected that she still had feelings for her ex but she always denied them...in the beginning me and her hooked up some and then she went and lost her virginity to her ex but then confessed to him that she messed around with me and then he was done with her after finding that out...so the whole summer we talked, i drove and saw her as often as i could (she lives 2 1/2 hours away) and we had been hooking up all summer...she came to the beach with me and my fam..i bought her things all the time...i have been there through her through everything...i have even done some of her schoolwork for her to help her when she had so much to do..would put off things and alter my schedule around hers just so i was available to see her...so at the beginning of this year after me thinking everything was good...i was trying to get more serious with her and see if she still had feelings for her ex and she ended up wanting time for herself to figure herself out and what she wants...so all the while this is going on i think shes alone..but she started hanging out with him again. sleeping with each other every night...hooking up a few times...and im oblivious to it all..then one night after confronting her she finally comes clean about all of it...so then she hangs out with me the night before and of my birthday which felt out of pity, and about mid march this year we started hangin out again on the regular...staying with each other and what not and things got even better than they were before...

she always talked about marrying me someday, about how im the only guy she could ever see herself with, having kids with, that her mom likes me and talks about her being with me forever and has never been like that before, she tells me how much she loves me, how sexy i am, how perfect i am, and on and on anything you can think of thats good...

the situation goes like this, shes in another country for a few weeks and all i have is email to communicate with her, after her mom texted me saying she hadnt heard from her besides an initial email i checked her account to see if she was getting our emails and saw an email from her ex...i checked it out and it was if they had been talking and she told me they didnt even talk at all anymore she even told me not to worry about him at all that he was out of the picture.. she told him she missed him so much and wanted to hear his voice...

i emailed back and told her i was hurt, that what she said really hurt and disappointed me to see, asked her what the deal was and if it was me or him,

i got real iffy bout the situation and i ended up callin her ex and talking to him for like an hour...

he told me that they had been talking, hanging out, that they never stopped talking, she would always text and call him, tell him she loved him and wanted to marry him someday...and that she didnt even like me, i wouldnt stop texting her, and leave her alone, that she didnt like my body, that it wouldnt work out between us..that they had sex before christmas last year, that i didnt get her anything for valentines day, like just about anything you can imagine thats good to say to a significant other... she said to both of us...and same with the bad, basically bashing him and then me...

she recently emailed back and told me that she said what she said to him just to be nice, and went on to say that she had been doing some reflecting but it doesnt even matter and she had been hanging on to me to help her through her time away and she wont email me anymore, and basically shes done and to have a good life...

i have been completely supportive of her through everything been there for her no matter what...done everything for her and she is the first girl to ever make me truly happy and she is definitely my dream girl..the perfect girl for me..so my feelings for her are stronger than anything and my heart often clouds my mind...i know what i want in a girl and she is it...

 

shes been doing this since i met her..been playing both of us like this...the one person who was my enemy a few days ago is starting to be the only person i can rely on to understand what im going through and help each other out...

 

she doesnt get back until late may and she doesnt know me and her ex talked and know everything...

what do i do...the thing is i feel like i could get past this, but what else could she lie about, and i know id be an idiot if i tried to get back with her after talking with her bout all this but what do i do...

[Radu]

The other guy might have lied to you, i think you know best if what he said matches up with what you know.

 

So untill recently you had this picture perfect version of your own reality, you idealized this girl [and OMG did you make some huge mistakes in threating her].

You found out about all of this, and you want this reality back 'how do i get her back' seems to be the tone of the end part of your post.

 

Let me break it down for you in possibilities :

1 - you 'win' her back. It's 'win' and not win because she will only give you this to feed that distorted version of reality you have [to her own advantage obviously].

Long term you will suffer because this girl will dump you.

2 - you let him have her, and be happy with it. This girl will not end up happy, she either chases money or 'the best deal' when it comes to men. In the latter case you will see later in life a long string of GIGS situations [grass is greener].

 

Now about what you had :

- her mother liking you means NOTHING at this stage. In fact it's more important for you to like her mother. In the future look closely at the mother to dodge bad situations.

Girls tend to end up like their mother, and will try to have with their man a situation similar to the one her mother had with her father.

That's her example in life.

- you do not buy a girl with gifts, they do love gifts but she should not be with you for the 'gifts'. These gifts should also be symbolic, and not expensive.

Hell, if she makes a fuss because you didn't buy her an expensive engagement ring, cancel the wedding.

- as someone who was there, there is nothing more disgusting and pathetic than a girl who dislikes you, pretending to like you for your b-day party. Which is what also happened to me, my 18yrs old party.

I'm glad to see this bothers you.

But don't take it so hard, because it's not your fault.

- don't go out of your way to be with her [2.5hs driving ... really], LDR's generally only work if the partners are incredibly commited to this. And even then, many of them crash and burn.

- it sounds like you did everything in this relationship and she took upon herself the role of arm candy. Avoid this in the future like the plague.

In normal relationships you have partners through happy times and sad times ... not girls like these.

 

Bottom line ... she's scum, choose better in the future, let it go and be happy for the bullet you just dodged [what if this happened after she was a SAHM for 10yrs and you two had 3 kids ?].

[whatsreal]

well, i didnt shower her with expensive gifts, i just meant i got her things, things that i thought meant something to her...a pair of sweatpants for example..she claims that they are her favorite ever...but youre right, she is scum for this...all ive ever asked for is for the truth from her and she said she was giving that to me...but she is still playing me and the other guy...she emailed me telling me that she said she missed him cause she was just being nice, and that she didnt tell him she loves him like she said to me..and thats true cause he sent me the emails and i saw the first two...she changed her email password like i anticipated, but little does she know her ex and i talked and figured all this out...

 

i would be dumb for thinking that i could get passed all this right?

the reason why it is so hard and easier said than done is because ive dated quite a few girls and i know what i want in a girl and everything that i knew about her, i loved, she was honestly my dream girl...but it was too good to be true..i always said that, and now i know its true...

letting go is gonna be so hard...how do i even start to deal with this...her ex and i were talking about talking to her in person together or over the phone 3 way when she gets back home, but he lives in florida so the phone is looking like the best option...

 

do these type of girls really exists? can someone really do what she has done for as long as she has and not feel guilty about it, not think twice?

 

how do i start to get over her when i have completely fallen for her and love her more than anything?

 

she wants me to email her and loved getting emails from me, but do i still jjust be there for her while shes gone or not?

 

What does this say about me? and does her mom need to know this, cause thats the one person in this world that would have an everlasting impact on her...

 

!!!one important note i thought might be significant is that her mother married young and now for the past 20 odd years is stuck in a marriage and is completely unhappy...her and her husband barely even talk, they dont sleep together, they fight like a couple but thats as far as that goes...

so maybe this could stem from that? she wants to make sure she ends up with the right guy...not be stuck in the same situation as her mom...? but that doesnt justify anything right?

 

I am so lost in all this, cant keep my mind off of it, never been one to let myself be affected at work by things but she definitely affects me, and this crap does more than anything.

[Tommyboy129]

This girl has no respect for you and is just using you. What will it take for you to realize this? She is completely dishonest with you and you think she is your dream girl? I would leave her alone or at least not expect anything more than a casual relationship.