aunnierah Posted June 22, 2004 Share Posted June 22, 2004 my botfriend and i just got back together 2 months ago we have been seperated a lmost a year i missed him so much now that we are back together things are good except for sex we have not had any at all i keep asking himwhats the problum and he says nothing i love him but need sex in are relationship i love him and want to feel connected in a special way im sick over it i want to be with him but feel in some way that him not having sex with me means he might actually not want me i want to fix this so i get something like love out of are realationship wgat do i do Link to post Share on other sites
Silverwolf33 Posted June 22, 2004 Share Posted June 22, 2004 maybe he wants to wait a while before yall have it? like me and my girlfriend didnt have it till 5 months into the relationship because she wasnt ready to.. just give him time Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted June 22, 2004 Share Posted June 22, 2004 Maybe he's waiting to feel that connected to you again. Just cuz you've done it once doesn't mean you have to do it again. Does he still kiss, hug and show other physical affection? Link to post Share on other sites
Author aunnierah Posted June 23, 2004 Author Share Posted June 23, 2004 yes he kisses me good bye every morning and cuddles a little but i need more i want more from him i love him and need to feel him i don't understand and the connected feeling we are fine but the sex like i said we don't argue nothings wrong but he wont make love to me its just weird to me to be with him after3 years of having sex and now that we are back together there is none and as for not needing to have it just because we did before??????????????????well doesn't that show theres something wrong think about it we did used to do it now we don't at all yes theres a peck now and then with little or no effort on his part he shows me he loves my by making shore i have everything i need and thats all good but i just need to feel him thats close to me sex is an important factor in a relationship to me its something his friends and family cant give him its a place in are relationship thats just for us and without it im scared things wont go any where Link to post Share on other sites
Author aunnierah Posted June 26, 2004 Author Share Posted June 26, 2004 now he's gone and hurt me he s late coming home from work i call and whos he with giving her a ride mandy is this girl we used to be best friends and the time i was gone she hung out used my man for money actually ripped him off some money witch i would never ever do not even a penny i do everything and all she wants is a hand out in life she does drugs and acts like a slut i have found letters in his e mail on accident and he confesses he loves and doesnt want to wait for her i ask him if there's something going on he said no i asked same time and he said they didn't have anything going right now I'm so confused and hurt i don't think i should have ever came back he's just hurting me and don't seem to care about my feelings i would never go out with some guy friends he should show some interest in me and maby i wouldnt feel or think this way i feel so bad i cant do this i cant be hurt like this i feel so dumb but i know I'm not its that I'm in love and feel like things are not equal he seems to not feel the same i want to just face to face ask him what's going on with us does he like hurting me and making me feel so low i want to drive off to no place for ever.his brother and his friends think its OK I'm wrong to feel this way he said who am i here with every night yeah me but there's nothing going on with us either what am i letting him do to me???????????????????????????/ Link to post Share on other sites
niko1999 Posted June 26, 2004 Share Posted June 26, 2004 why after a year did you two get back together? Was it just becuase he was feeling lonley, maybe not getting lucky else where? Perhaps he feels that if he doesnt jump into having sex again, maybe this time things will work out differently. As far as this ride home, i wouldnt worry too much aboiut it. He is allowed to have other freinds, and if it was JUST a ride home, it seems incnocent enough. By the way where in NH are you from? that is where I ive as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aunnierah Posted June 26, 2004 Author Share Posted June 26, 2004 it still hurts i cant amagen him tellig me how he felt and me not doing something to help make thing right.it wouldnt bother me so much if i had not read the e mails from last summer cant help but wonder he not giving me any thing and i was the one who wanted to coome home i left to get my life together and did for awile but being without him was hard enough i didnt leave in the first place to hurt him wile i was gone from him i felt i had lost my everything i missed him we never talked about me moving back in it just happend so im home and things are not what im needing my hearts so broken and just feels like its breaking more and more every day i love him as i have said but when will he stop with the games to me he knows i want to be here with him and things would work out if hed give me love and sex if he wants me he needs to show me or what am i to think Link to post Share on other sites
Author aunnierah Posted June 28, 2004 Author Share Posted June 28, 2004 still no sex no nothing im so crushed im trying to find out why all this is going on i ask him if he wants me to go seeing there's nothing coming from him he said no he wanted me here ,this weekend was so bad no effection at all i want to cry and scream i dont understand it at all why does he want me i ask questions all the time with out anything from him like i said i just dont get it i feel im running my heart in circles banging my head i love him and want him more then anything but dont get the no affection thing and no sex no telling me he loves me hes showing me nothing so why am i here i love him and things are not going anywhere as i see i wrote him a letter and told him i didnt see things working out if he couldnt find time to give me what i needed out of this relationship he of coarse said nothing im here begging someone for something that seems he dont want to give ?im so so confused and hurting i just dont know what to do ?do i stay and wate or do i go and hurt even worse i dont know i want to try and work things out im going to ask him to go to councling or something this is worth fixing if he will try i dont see any outher choice im at my Witt end so hurt and dont know what to do but i know i love him and i think any way that he loves me just dont know where the love is on his part Link to post Share on other sites
lostinlove0479 Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 This depends on the situation and the person. In my current situation, I have decided to give my ex a chance after he cheated on me. But we are doing everything on my terms and we are going back to basics. We are not having sex anytime soon because I want to see how much he loves me. I think that sex can downgrade love. Most people today have sex prior to being married. It has become "the norm". I believe that too many people begin to need sex. But, in a love relationship it should not be about sex. You should get the same satisfaction from laying next to me, kissing me, holding me, holding my hand, etc... The little things that make our heart smile. Sex is good. Don't think I don't like it. But, sex is emotional. Or at least it should be if you love the person. It is a connection. But, before you get to that point, you should be able to do without it if you are in love with this person. The relationship should not be based on the physical. Love is so much more than that. I don't know why you and your ex broke up to begin with, but maybe he's just not ready. It is also a trust factor. It's so easy to lay with someone before they violate your trust but once the truth comes to light, it's harder to be intimate. It's like we take back our vulnerability and guard ourselves more carefully. Maybe that's what your ex is doing. Give him time. On the flip side, and I have to present all possibilities, he could be getting it from somewhere else. If you are the person who caused the breakup before, he may be taking things slowly with you to see if he can once again feel like he did before while having a little something on the side to break him off when he needs it. I can be too real sometimes, but I gotta be real with ya. Don't know your situation, but just presenting an objective view from the outside. Best of luck...hope you get some soon! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Sorry to say this, but the reason he may not be having sex with you is because it makes him feel like he's cheating on someone else. I'd investigate this mandie person a little..... This is obviously tearing you apart. Did he move in with you? Is he paying rent? A little background info... If it were me, I'd tell him to put out or get out-maybe he's undergoing treatment for an STD. I'm a little paranoid I suppose Good luck, and keep updating. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 PS-To me, it sounds like he's shacking up with her and using you. BUt that's just IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aunnierah Posted July 1, 2004 Author Share Posted July 1, 2004 see i don't really think he's cheating on me or getting it on the side he's a lazy person.then agen i could be wrong but ill never know he has been a real trust worthy person in the past not the cheating kind of person but because we don't have sex it just makes me think.i did how ever talk to him about it he said hues feeling pressured to have sex and in telling me he loves me ok iv backed off i stopped telling him for a few days how i felt about him and that he'd come to me for my sex when he was ready it about broke my heart i have thought that not telling him for a few days would make him wonder but it did nothing but hurt me so i have started to tell him i do love him i get no response but at the least he knows that i do love him and i feel better telling him how i feel for him.this is so wired we used to be so so close i mattered all the time and my feelings mattered things have be better the past few days and we are in for a good weekend going camping with friends we do it every year I'm hanging in and hanging on but where this is all going scares me and confuses me i thought things would be good coming home never thought things would be this hard or this slow.i wonder if I'm the one who's going to get hurt in the end and that this relationship might not be anything in the end but I'm hanging in there any way to see what we can do to get us back to where we where in love and loving eachouther time i guess but how much time can i handle Link to post Share on other sites
Author aunnierah Posted July 7, 2004 Author Share Posted July 7, 2004 i don't understand he says he want to be with me but doesn't show it last night agen he helped mandy he moved her living room set for her and decided to tell me a few minits before and then cut me short when i was trying to tell him i did not like what he was doing and that i was hurt not only for him doing stuff for her but not telling me sooner and not caring about how it makes me feel I'm so hurt and confused what i see and feel makes me not want to be here with him and then he comes home and acts nicer and more loving with me what bothers me is i don't believe he loves me i believe he loves her and settled for me because he waited for her and didnt get what he wanted to i was there so he took me as a second choice i cant help but feel I'm being wronged and in the end I'm the one who's going to get hurt more then i already am his brother lives here with us and saw me upset yesterday and told me his brother is wrong to do this to me and expect me to not be hurt he doesn't think there having sex but only because of her not my man choice i told t my mans brother i was going to leave and he said not to that he was going to talk to my man and for me to give it another month and i want to but why should sit here and let him put me through this hurt,but then agen i love him and want to work things out all this is so confusing and hurtful i just don't understand..........another thing that bothers me is my man trying to buy or pay things for me i pay my own everything and i don't want his money i just want him so yesterday my battery goes in my car and he happens to work where he can get car stuff for cost so he orders me a battery and a terminal 50$ witch i had but really not to spend so i tell I'm he offers to pay half i say no in a nice way and tell him he can but I'm going to pay him back when i get my check.but during all this he tells me he's going to help mandy and now i really don't want him to pay for anything !so when he gets home i give him the 50$ i also had him get me lotto tickets and go to pay for them and he says no he wants to give me something........why? i don't know what to do i don't want his money not even a$ i just want his love and seems he cant give me that.thats one reason and the other is for a long time when we where together money has meant everything to him and to me yeah you need it to be comfortable but it doesnt mean that much to me.and i don't want people ,him any one to think i don't pay my way .it hurts me to feel this way things didn't used to be this way we used to shair everything,but fear of being an inconvience to him or anyone stops me from letting him pay for me or buy me things when i only want his love, sex and companionship Link to post Share on other sites
Author aunnierah Posted July 8, 2004 Author Share Posted July 8, 2004 after him hurting me now hes loving towards me holding my hand kissing me i think his brothers talked to him no sex still i found out why i think it because he has a sleeping prob . i wonder why hes being so nice did he cheat or was it the talk hope things work out between us and wish someone would give me there thoughts on the matter Link to post Share on other sites
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