doowah Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 I met my friend online a couple of years ago. He was in a relationship which wasn't going very well. We talked about that a lot. After a year or so we met in person, and got along in real life as well. We've been good friends ever since, always platonic. He broke up with his girlfriend eventually and now has been single for a year. He's been dating girls, but never serious, he didn't want to be a relationship yet. He wants to enjoy his life alone for a while. All the time he's always talked to me about his dates and his life. A few weeks ago I noticed my feelings for him where going beyond friendly feelings. I didn't like it, he's my friend, I valued that. So I sent him an email about my feelings, wanting him to tell me they weren't mutual so I could get over them. A few days later we sat down and talked about it. He told me his initial reaction was 'no', but in the days following he realized he had had feelings for me earlier (which he'd never acted on, because I had once told him I could never be attracted to him) and that there was something there now. So we decided to give a shot. After a week and a half he told me he didn't think it was going to work for him. We'd seen each other 4 times, never long, only once did we have the chance to talk a bit. The last time he told me he was having doubts. He'd realized that when being friends with me, after spending an evening with me, he was happy to say goodbye again (that hurt). He also told me he wasn't ready for a relationship yet. A week before he'd already told me he needed space. I'm not extremely sad about it, but I find his reasoning hard to believe. At first his comment about not liking me enough to spend more than one evening with me hurt, but later I started thinking. How can you be close (yes, we are actually close) friends and feel like that? And how do you know you'll feel like that in a relationship if you've only tried for one and a half week? He does want to see me again soon and we will. Other than that, I want to give him space. I told him we should go back to being friends and just see what happens. But what do you think? Is there any chance we'll actually get together some day? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GardenDiva Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 He sounds really confused and wishy-washy. Is he really young? Most mature men know what they want. I'm not saying there's no chance here, without knowing more, but my first response is to say "don't count on it." Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author doowah Posted May 8, 2012 Author Share Posted May 8, 2012 We are both in our 30s, not really young anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
GardenDiva Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 We are both in our 30s, not really young anymore. Oh wow..ok. Well then I'd say almost no chance. Especially being that you guys already have known each other for quite enough time now. I'd look elsewhere...but you already knew that, right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author doowah Posted May 10, 2012 Author Share Posted May 10, 2012 But he used to have a crush on me. Is it fair to believe that that those feelings need time to develop again? To be honest, I really don't know the chances. On one hand I think if he doesn't have enough feelings, I should let it go. But on the other hand, he used to have feelings and he did feel something now. Maybe not enough (yet?) to jump into a relationship straight away, but maybe enough to let it grow when he gets enough space? Link to post Share on other sites
Author doowah Posted May 20, 2012 Author Share Posted May 20, 2012 We've talked. I had told him it would be best to take a huge step back and take things slow. Go back to being friends and see what happens. I also told him that if he was sure about not having more feelings for me, he should tell me so, because then I would have to just get over him. But he told me he's on the same level and wants to go back to right before something happened and pretend nothing has happened yet. So now I'm back to where I was. I have a crush on a good friend, I know he has some feelings for me (and knows I have feelings for him), but no clue how to go from here. I know he's not ready for a relationship yet. I want to give him time and space. But I don't want to give him unlimited time. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
crazylove Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 Sorry to say, but if he wanted something he would act on it. Sounds like he wants to stay good friends regardless. Problem is, most people can't be true friends when one or the other has feelings for the other. If he dated someone else now, would you be hurt? I think you know the answer to that already:( Link to post Share on other sites
Author doowah Posted May 20, 2012 Author Share Posted May 20, 2012 (edited) I would definitely be hurt if he dated someone else now. He knows that. If he just wants to stay good friends, why doesn't he tell me that when I ask him? Why does he tell me he wants to see what happens? Feelings is a risky thing in a friendship, so if he really just wants friends, wouldn't it make more sense he would just tell me honestly when I ask him so that I can get over it? The choice I gave him was: 1. Tell me you just want me as a friend, and I'll get over you. 2. Acknowledge things went too fast, take a step back, and see what happens. He chose 2. Edited May 20, 2012 by doowah Link to post Share on other sites
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