gtomba Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 I know a guy who regularly cheats on his girlfriends. Recently I learned that my girlfriend is one of the girls that he cheated with (before I was dating her). She is still friends with this guy and recently all 4 of us were at a wedding where everyone pretended to get along and act as though nothing ever happened. At some point in the night I realized that this situation really bugged me. I don’t like that I and my now girlfriend are complicit in his cheating. I don’t like that my now girlfriend is still friendly towards the guy. To me it feels like this guy has some power over my girlfriend. I am planning on talking to her about it, but I’d be interested to hear other thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 I wouldn't be comfortable with it. I suspect you two are quite young, depending on length of relationship ... i would call it quits if they didn't stop being friends as it's a huge red flag. Think 'chinese state flag against which there are 1.4billion who hate the west' red flag. PS: I was 22 when i learned that gf's and their ex's are 2 things that should not come together ... ever again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gtomba Posted May 8, 2012 Author Share Posted May 8, 2012 Radu, thanks for your thoughts. It seems like a huge red flag to me too. Anyone else have any thoughts on this one? Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 How good of friends are they? Are they friendly in the sense that they know the same people and will see one another in groups, or are they texting one another individually and stuff? How long ago was this? You said you feel like he has a power over her, do you see something that makes you think that or is it just a feeling since she banged him even though he had a gf? Has she told you why she did that? My concern would be this--what if he becomes single? Is she gonna chase after him? Not to mention what it says about her character and self respect...sleeping with a taken man Link to post Share on other sites
Author gtomba Posted May 8, 2012 Author Share Posted May 8, 2012 They are mostly firendly in the sense that they know the same people. But they do text each other from time to time. They also live right down the street from each other. The power thing comes from the fact that this guy is an Alpha/Lawyer/boarder line sociopath type of guy and its just a feeling. She hasn't told me why she did that. I think it may be hard for her to distance herself given her somewhat timid nature and that he's in a similar social group. One thought I've had is to tell her that our relationship is dependent on her getting him out of her life. Another option is to just end it with her. Toughts? Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 I know a guy who regularly cheats on his girlfriends. Recently I learned that my girlfriend is one of the girls that he cheated with (before I was dating her). She is still friends with this guy and recently all 4 of us were at a wedding where everyone pretended to get along and act as though nothing ever happened. At some point in the night I realized that this situation really bugged me. I don’t like that I and my now girlfriend are complicit in his cheating. I don’t like that my now girlfriend is still friendly towards the guy. To me it feels like this guy has some power over my girlfriend. I am planning on talking to her about it, but I’d be interested to hear other thoughts. I'd say this isn't the girl for you. First she isn't impartial to screwing someone elses man, showing piss poor character, and 2nd, if she thinks it should be acceptable to you that she is still friends with him, sorry, don't think so. I say you may want to start the process of getting rid of her. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 How long have you been together? Do you think she'd be willing to cut this guy out? I mean if she is willing to not text him / respond to his texts but just still say hello or whatever in public, I think it could be all right. If she refuses to cut him out though, you have your answer. OTOH, given how much this bothers you though (totally understandable!!), not sure you'd be able to put it behind you, if you haven't been together long I say cut your losses. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gtomba Posted May 8, 2012 Author Share Posted May 8, 2012 Thanks for all the responses and support!!! I am going to talk to her tonight. I need to get a better understanding from her before cutting my losses. I'll reply back here with what happened and my decision in case anyone is interested. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 Thanks for all the responses and support!!! I am going to talk to her tonight. I need to get a better understanding from her before cutting my losses. I'll reply back here with what happened and my decision in case anyone is interested. Sounds fair Yes, let us know! Her reaction will be very telling, I'm sure! Good or bad. Good luck! (and good job not just burying your head in the sand on this) Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts