HoplessRomance Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 Me and my guy have been dating for a little over 6 months now and things are going pretty well. To each other, we are of course, dating. When he introduces me to his family and friends, he tells them im his "girl". He's allowed me to become close with his 3 children and we decided to take things slow considering that fact. I did something I know I should never do, I went through his phone due to my intution bothering me. To my surprise I found out that he is still sleeping with his ex occassionally. Now, he has never outwardly claimed that I am the only one he is sleeping with, nor are we technically "together" but I feel some kind of way. Or should I not? Am I fool to think he will stop if we are "offically" together. Should I end it or is it too soon to see how devoted he really is to me? I am so confused and the knowledge I have is eating away at me. Should I confront him with this info, of so, how should I go about it? or should I just keep quiet and do the same as him and seek outside "interests"... Please...help... Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 Go, don't be too upset about going through his phone tbh. That is an issue in itself, but it's not that big of a deal when you take into account what you discovered. Is your relationship with him a rebound ? PS: I really hope you didn't have sex with him without a condom, if you did ... get tested. Link to post Share on other sites
GardenDiva Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 Well my first question is are you even having sex with him? I can't tell from your post. Secondly, I would ask what made you go through his phone? And thirdly, how can you be absolutely sure from what you saw that he is indeed still sleeping with the ex? Just not enough info here to make a determination in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HoplessRomance Posted May 8, 2012 Author Share Posted May 8, 2012 Go, don't be too upset about going through his phone tbh. That is an issue in itself, but it's not that big of a deal when you take into account what you discovered. Is your relationship with him a rebound ? PS: I really hope you didn't have sex with him without a condom, if you did ... get tested. before I met him i had ended a relationship 6 months prior. my ex and I werent even together a year...so it didnt feel like a rebound. Link to post Share on other sites
GardenDiva Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 before I met him i had ended a relationship 6 months prior. my ex and I werent even together a year...so it didnt feel like a rebound. How long had it been since HE ended the relationship with his ex though? Link to post Share on other sites
Author HoplessRomance Posted May 8, 2012 Author Share Posted May 8, 2012 Well my first question is are you even having sex with him? I can't tell from your post. Secondly, I would ask what made you go through his phone? And thirdly, how can you be absolutely sure from what you saw that he is indeed still sleeping with the ex? Just not enough info here to make a determination in my opinion. Yes, I am having sex with him. I just had a feeling that things were too good to be true, unaccounted time...really just an overall feeling. I am sure because she reminesced about the last time they did it, where they did it, etc. I re-read, and also saw fb messages too just to make sure i wasnt seeing wrong. She does appear to be the aggressor, but then again he has send "come hither" texts to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HoplessRomance Posted May 8, 2012 Author Share Posted May 8, 2012 How long had it been since HE ended the relationship with his ex though? about the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
GardenDiva Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 Yes, I am having sex with him. I just had a feeling that things were too good to be true, unaccounted time...really just an overall feeling. I am sure because she reminesced about the last time they did it, where they did it, etc. I re-read, and also saw fb messages too just to make sure i wasnt seeing wrong. She does appear to be the aggressor, but then again he has send "come hither" texts to her. Not understanding the "too good to be true" comment combined with the "unaccounted time" comment. Doesn't make sense to me. How can it be too good to be true and you're feeling at the same time that there's unaccounted time? Also, when you saw these text messages with the ex reminiscing, how long ago were they and are you absolutely SURE that HE wrote HER as well? Because if not, you might be making yourself look really bad if you bring this up with him. Are you sure you saw HIS texts to her? I wouldn't say a darn thing to him unless you're absolutely sure about what you're talking about. It just seems weird that you say everything was too good to be true yet you're questioning him. So many people sabotage relationships over nothing but their own paranoia. Not saying YOU'RE doing that, but want to make sure that you aren't one of those people since you did ask for advice on here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HoplessRomance Posted May 8, 2012 Author Share Posted May 8, 2012 Not understanding the "too good to be true" comment combined with the "unaccounted time" comment. Doesn't make sense to me. How can it be too good to be true and you're feeling at the same time that there's unaccounted time? Also, when you saw these text messages with the ex reminiscing, how long ago were they and are you absolutely SURE that HE wrote HER as well? Because if not, you might be making yourself look really bad if you bring this up with him. Are you sure you saw HIS texts to her? I wouldn't say a darn thing to him unless you're absolutely sure about what you're talking about. It just seems weird that you say everything was too good to be true yet you're questioning him. So many people sabotage relationships over nothing but their own paranoia. Not saying YOU'RE doing that, but want to make sure that you aren't one of those people since you did ask for advice on here. The text messages were not old at all...no more than 2 weeks. I know the formatting of his text messages and she has a certain signature, so there was no confusing that. our relationship isnt perfect...i just have a hard time believing im the only one a guy a seeing, thats what i mean by too good to be true. Link to post Share on other sites
GardenDiva Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 The text messages were not old at all...no more than 2 weeks. I know the formatting of his text messages and she has a certain signature, so there was no confusing that. our relationship isnt perfect...i just have a hard time believing im the only one a guy a seeing, thats what i mean by too good to be true. Sorry, what does this mean in bold? You find it hard to believe that he's only seeing you? Is he divorced? There's a puzzle to this piece that is missing here. I still can't answer what you ask. What did you mean he has unaccounted for time? Have you not established exclusivity by now? Something's really off here. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 before I met him i had ended a relationship 6 months prior. my ex and I werent even together a year...so it didnt feel like a rebound. Well, that is certainly a rebound but my question was about his relationship. I mean, 3 kids ... they must have been together for a while. What was their relationship like ? Also, she may seem like she was the agressor, but it takes 2 to tango. Link to post Share on other sites
GardenDiva Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 Well, that is certainly a rebound but my question was about his relationship. I mean, 3 kids ... they must have been together for a while. What was their relationship like ? I knew what you meant, Radu. I asked her that and she said it was the same for him...a year. Or actually less than a year! Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 Bottom line is, do you feel you are worth this ? 6 months together, no real relationship [FWB relationship], hiding around to see his ex for sex, and you feeling that you can't say anything against because it is not official. Are you worth more, or is this what you are worth ? PS: Golden ... i suspect a language barrier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HoplessRomance Posted May 8, 2012 Author Share Posted May 8, 2012 Sorry, what does this mean in bold? You find it hard to believe that he's only seeing you? Is he divorced? There's a puzzle to this piece that is missing here. I still can't answer what you ask. What did you mean he has unaccounted for time? Have you not established exclusivity by now? Something's really off here. I'm saying I just don't believe that I'm the only girl he saying there's tons of women and he's not attached to me no he's not that far as far as time I mean he says he's going someplace but I don't believe that's where he's going.. I believe her will go to see her. like I said I don't believe this is frequent just occasional. no we have not established exclusivity with each other we want to take things slow Link to post Share on other sites
GardenDiva Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 Radu, who is Golden? I suspect a language barrier too. Hopeless, I'm sorry but I don't understand your last post. It sounds like you need to just talk to the guy to flat out see where you stand. But it sounds like you already know. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 I'm saying I just don't believe that I'm the only girl he saying there's tons of women and he's not attached to me no he's not that far as far as time I mean he says he's going someplace but I don't believe that's where he's going.. I believe her will go to see her. like I said I don't believe this is frequent just occasional. no we have not established exclusivity with each other we want to take things slow Well then, it's a Friends with Benefits, and you shouldn't be bothered by the fact that he is having sex with another woman. PS: I meant Garden, wrote Golden. Link to post Share on other sites
GardenDiva Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 Well then, it's a Friends with Benefits, and you shouldn't be bothered by the fact that he is having sex with another woman. PS: I meant Garden, wrote Golden. I thought you were referring to me. But yeah, Radu is right here Hopeless..I mean if he's telling you there's "tons of women" that might be a clue. Or did I misunderstand? Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 no we have not established exclusivity with each other we want to take things slow I am not sure how this is related?? You can be slow and exclusive. I personally think he's just not that into you. He wants to keep his options open and moreover, he isn't over his ex'. You are like a backup plan. If you are fine with that, than stay, if not, than move on. P.S. 6 months is a long time to date and not know where you guys stand IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 He knows perfectly well where you stand. where he wants you to. You're the one who's unclear here, so let's try to straighten it out. You are his 'bit on the side'. I am not sure if his ex knows about you, but if she doesn't - he has it made, doesn't he...? Tell you what: when you're next getting undressed, just ask him straight out - "Well, it's been 6 months now - met all your family, your kids like me- I guess we can consider ourselves pretty much exclusive and together, yeah? So I guess we're BF and GF... which is cool, right?" And wait. Silently. His input will speak volumes. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 Run away. First of all, 6 mos is too long to just date and not be exclusive, if you are looking for exclusivity. I agree with PX 100%, you can take things slowly and still agree not to have sex with others!! Second of all, unresolved issues with the ex (clearly). Biggest red flag ever. Don't ever bother with someone who still has an ex orbitting around. I LOVE Tara's idea. Perfect. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
shayla Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 If you have not had the talk, the one that he initiates asking you to be his one and only....then please assume that you are not his one and only. I don't find that men don't assume that no matter how long you have been seeing each other....you can have kids together, and catch him in the act, and his reason will be, "Well, we were never exclusive!!!!" Tara's idea was dead on, I'd ask him in a nonchalant (mmm hmm) way and not say a word, let it hang in the air. You will get your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts